Customised Microscripts

In the context of Resources for Customising Intentional Relationships, customised microscripts are an example of the meta-communication practice of re-purposing words as a short-hand for specific concepts.

These microscripts can emerge when trying to articulate a concept that doesn’t have a readily available term by re-purposing existing words or phrases as a short-hand. Sometimes these emerge the space between specific people and may be kept for that context, others have broader relevance.

One way that microscripts can be used is for quickly and discreetly conveying that all involved know the pattern of a given interaction and can acknowledge that patten without going through the details of the interactions. Another use for microscripts is to indicate that a conversation is veering into an area that may be upsetting, without needing to explain the reasons for being upset itself. Another is as a way to articulate a concept that doesn't have a readily available term.

*This following are examples that I've adopted or developed - some of these microscripts are idiosyncratic to specific relationships others are used more broadly.

Swith tracking

Switch tracking is a concept that describes the act of unintentionally responding to an issue that has been raised by raising a different issue. By recognising when this is happening and having a way to name it, we can more easily find ways to communicate about both the original issue raised as well as the additional issue that was raised in connection to it. For examples of this concept and a discussion of stratergies to navigate when this pattern emerges within a relationship, see Communication Hacks: Remastered

Bandwidth expectations

The notion of 'bandwidth expectations' is an example of a customised microscript used to articulate idiosyncratic boundaries when it comes to negotiating Expectation Agreements.

For instance, in terms of one-to-one communications between people, I use bandwidth to describe my capacity to maintain an amplitude of interaction-energy over a unit of time. In this context, the amplitude of interaction-energy can be considered in terms of the frequency, intensity, and type of interactions expected within a given unit of time.

• The type of interaction varies depending the medium of communication, the forms of intimacy involved, the relationship structure the interaction is part of, etc.
• The frequency of interactions indicates how often an interaction-type is expected within a given interval of time, intensity indicates the expected energy outcome of a given interaction-type, and can be understood as a product of the energy-gained (e.g., from the sense of connection) and energy-expended (e.g., from the type of interaction) during the interaction. The intensity of a given interaction is proportional to the square of the amplitude of energy field of that type of interaction.

Barycentre

This microscript draws a very loose metaphor with the notion of the type of barycentre.

‘Barycentre’ is from the Ancient Greek βαρύς heavy + κέντρον centre, is the centre of mass of two or more bodies that are orbiting each other, which is the point around which they both orbit. In the case of two bodies with the same mass, each can from a eccentric elliptic orbit that shares a common barycentre, external to both bodies.

I use the term barycentre to indicates relationships that cultivate a shared space that each person holds for the other person in their own life. The type of shared space can differ depending on the levels of intimacy, bandwidth, and entanglement.

In a case where the Structural Dynamics of a relationship can be described as COMETS, this barycentre might be experienced by each person as a space created by them for the other person (and vice versa): with each person crossing the other’s orbit to create short-periods of intense contact (following which, from the perspective of each, the comet is perceived to then continue on their more extended orbit with minimal contact expected between visits). This is likely to take place outside of the normal routines of either person (with each making space in their usually full routines to spend time with the other person (their comet) whose ellipsis has bought them close enough to be visible for a short time (or vice versa). This type of relationship might operate with low-bandwidth and low-entanglement dynamic regardless of the degree of intimacy in various forms (which could be very high).

Whereas, in relationships where a higher level of bandwidth has been incorporated, the barycentre could be felt as existing as a shared-space between both people – created when both people commit to including the other within their otherwise separate regular routines – an example might be a high-intimacy, high-bandwidth, and low-entanglement dynamic. In this sense, it would be the type of barycentre where "Two bodies with the same mass orbiting a common barycentre, external to both bodies, with eccentric elliptic orbits".

Connectedness

Connectedness for me is the sense of shared understanding that exists beyond the moment of a specific connection itself. For me these specific moments of connection typically emerge from a conversation that created shared insights. I can get great insights by constructively critiquing those of another, or vice versa. However, generating new shared insights requires genuine conversation (whether written, verbal, or visual) where a shared creative process builds intimacy by leading to a better understanding of each other and, in some case, shared projects. Other elements of relationships – especially, for me, those moments of vulnerability – can catalyse a strong sense of connectedness by making individual conversations even more intense, with repeated such moments contributing to a accumulated sense of connection that can build over time. I've found that this sense of connectedness tends to form the foundation my long-term relationships.

Fax-machines

Used to signal that the current conversation may/did uncover ‘old technology’ that, although successfully stored away, can be restarted by unintentionally touching on old 'buttons' (sensitive topics) – i.e., that ‘something in the present conversation (could) upset me due to things that have nothing to do with the present situation or people’. The term developed as a way of explaining to someone who happened to hit those dusty buttons that my sudden withdrawal from them is an old defense mechanism and does not reflect anything about them (they did nothing wrong, I still trust them, etc.,). I now use it as a short-hand form of communication to be used to explain my over-reactions and to request a change of subject (with those who know my use of the term).

Next Steps

• Return to the Overview of Resources for Customising Intentional Relationships
• Return to the List of Contents for Resources for Customising Intentional Relationships

Attribution & Contact

See attribution notes and contact details

CC BY-NC-SA