# Me being me, minus the asshole Fedora wants me to go talk to some girls, so he can see how I operate. I tell him to pick out any set of girls that he wants, and I'd open them. He chooses a two set of girls who were with a guy at the bar behind us: Me: Hi, how are you guys doing tonight? (With my usual grin. No stupid fucking pick-up lines) ![](https://i.imgur.com/QfigvMs.jpg) Girls: Good. Me: Oh really, you look bored, just leaning against the bar. You should go out and get a few guys. They're everywhere. Girls: (I was too drunk to remember what they said.) Me: Don't hit on me though, I'm just trying to have fun with my friends and talk to people. Besides, you guys are waaaaaay to cool for me, I can tell by the way you're leaning against the bar. (I do my stupid impressions of them.) Girls: (they start laughing their asses off at my impersonations) Me.: You guys are rude, you didn't even introduce yourselves or your guy friend. Girls: No we're not! My name is (both of them). Me: (I introduce myself to the guy first, and then I lean into one of the girls ear and say...) Your boyfriend isn't going to beat me up for talking to you guys, is he? Girl 1: No, he's just a friend, he's just a friend. Girl 2: (gets curious as to what I whispered and hits me on my arm to get my attention.) Me: (I look at Girl 2, and then I turn around to get Fedora.) This is my friend Fedora. (they introduce themselves. I turn to Girl 2) Can you dance? Before she answers, I do one of my idiot dances and I say "I bet this is how you dance." Girls: (they both start to laugh their asses off. and I proceed to do more dances.) Me: (I notice that Fedora has left) I gotta find my friend. (I position myself like I could leave at any moment). Girl 2: (hits me to get my attention) Me: (i just look at her) You're mean, why'd you hit me? (I then notice some lip gloss on the bar behind them and I grab it.) Does this belong to one of you? Girls: No, it's yours. You keep it. Me: This is chick lip gloss, it has to be yours, are you implying that I'm a woman? Girls: Yes! Me: OOOOO, I know, I know, lets take a picture with it (using my camera phone), it'll be like a sales pitch. Fedora returns. We get into position with the lipgloss in my hand. Fedora: (takes picture number one.) Me: Let me take a picture with her(Girl 2), it'll come out better. Girl 1, take our picture. Girl 1: (takes picture.) Me: (I look at the pic) This is horrible, you're a horrible picture taker (with a grin on my face.) Girls: No, it's your camera phone! Me: Don't try to blame it on the camera. (I notice that Fedora has disappeared again). Take this Chapstick, I gotta go. Girls: No, no, it's yours! Me: Fine (and I set the Chapstick on top of Girl 2's head) Girl 2: (throws the Chapstick at me as I'm walking away to get my attention) I turn around, and start looking on the floor, but not at them. I then walk past them. But just as I'm past them, I lean back and ask them if they seen my friend... Girls: No (they then initiate the fluff talk) blah blah blah. Girl 1: What's your major? Me: I build smurf villages. (I then go into a whole routine about it.) Girl 2: (starts to compete with Girl 1 over me) You're cute. Me: Have you seen my friend? I really gotta get going. You know what, you two seem like fun girls, I appreciate you not hitting on me, we should hang out some time. Girl 1: Sure (She had positioned herself to completely shut out Girl 2 from the convo.) We exchange numbers. Me: Oh, there's my friend. I'll cya later. Girls: (Girl 1 has that puppy dog look. For some reason, I don't try to kiss her) Bye! Girl 1: Call me! References: https://bit.ly/3EllEXg https://bit.ly/3Clv6Jp https://bit.ly/3GkpQIB https://bit.ly/3vLSE7E https://bit.ly/3biQGCh https://bit.ly/3Gr5v44 https://bit.ly/2Zq2pfF https://bit.ly/3ChSjw6 https://bit.ly/3nslGpj https://bit.ly/3nyGtrl https://bit.ly/2Zq2gc7 https://bit.ly/2XMsLrT https://bit.ly/3nu5rbp https://bit.ly/3jFt0N7 https://bit.ly/3pDQ5DD https://bit.ly/3mhD3Ke https://bit.ly/3nu5ofJ https://bit.ly/312GoEK https://bit.ly/3b8RoCi https://bit.ly/3mfXpn6 https://bit.ly/3ChSjMC https://bit.ly/2ZpecLb https://bit.ly/3CvEudL https://bit.ly/3pDQ1nn https://bit.ly/3ntRUQT https://bit.ly/3vNl80M https://bit.ly/3mb4aGB https://bit.ly/3mfb9ya https://bit.ly/3CkKFBg https://bit.ly/3pAOv5C https://bit.ly/3nBfzPI https://bit.ly/3pFtnLl