# Identity Markers as Context

When an appreciation of a specific marginalised experince is relevant to a given discussion, I've found that sharing respective identity markers can help facilitate a more nuanced understanding of respective boundaries and expectations.

Given the ambiguity of many terms used to mark identities, describing the specifics of [identity markers](https://hackmd.io/@IntentionalRelationships/identity_markers) tend to be more useful than relying any one set of terms. Once a shared-understanding of a concept is demonstrated, I can use agreed-upon terms (as short-hand) with more confidence.

As an example, I've listed some terms I use most frequently for my identity-makers along with a description of my use of that term below. In addition to providing an example of process, these may also help to contextualise the perspective I bring to the public resource curation and research projects I contribute to.

However, before turning to these examples, it is important to highlight that I have many other characteristic traits that I've never needed to defend with identity-markers. This is because many of my characteristics are covered by [default categories](http://dictionary.sensagent.com/invisible%20knapsack/en-en/) or are traits of an [overrepresented-majority](https://www.selfdefined.app/definitions/overrepresented-majority/). As such, while I have not identified with these traits, they contribute to the [privilages](https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/the-privileged-oppressed/) I've accumulated. To account for this, it is important for me to continually interrogate how I fit into default categories and my resulting privileges. For me, these privileged characteristics include, but are not limited to:
- being a settler living on unceded Aboriginal lands - [see more](/@Teq/BJ-WElpWD).
- having light-coloured skin & being treated as part of the White majority
- speaking English as my first-language in an international context where I've not needed to learn additional languages
- appearing to fit various idealised aesthetic and ableist norms (e.g., slim, coordinated, hearing, etc.,)
- experiencing sexual and romantic attraction (albeit queerly) and therefore benefiting from [amatonormativity](http://wiki.asexuality.org/Lexicon) assumptions.
- having the financial and social benefits of a tertiary education, and the associated above-average earning potential
- having an established and reliable social-support network

Intersecting with these privilages, are the various atypical traits that I have had to defend. I have developed a range of identity markers to help me communicate how these atypical experiences are valid (despite what the majority may think). These include:

### Agender experiences
I adopted the term [agender](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/agender) because it helps me articulate that I have never experienced any 'sense of gender'. That is, in addition to not fitting into the [gender binary](https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender_binary) (a form of [non-binary](https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary) experience) I also don’t experience being something between male/female, or an experience of gender not yet described; my experience is better described as [genderless](https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Agender) and related synonyms. Whether related to this, or in addition to it, the [sex I was assigned](https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Sexes) at birth has minimal impact on my identity as I also lack most of the experiences statistically typical for both [AFAB and AMAB](/@Teq/HkI1Drsp8#A) people. As such, when people make assumptions of me based on binary-gendered expectations of either sex or gender it can initiate varying degrees of body dysphoria and/or derealisation experiences. To reduce these assumptions, I request [they/them/their/themself](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/singular-nonbinary-they) pronouns. However, I will respond to any pronouns because my need to avoid being conspicuous can sometimes outweigh my discomfit at being gendered (having had the good fortune of being in spaces where my experiences of being agender are respected and having strangers 'read' my supposed gender as either male or female in different contexts such that it often averages out in a way that doesn't align with any specific gender). This doesn't give anyone a pass for ignoring my requests at an individual level, but it is a strategy that helps me navigate the difficulties of being agender in a system structured around binary notions of gender.

### Childfree
Childfree is an identity marker that reflects that I have no intention of having or raising children. Note that I don’t use the term ‘[childless](https://theconversation.com/child-free-why-women-who-choose-not-to-have-kids-are-given-such-a-hard-time-58068)’, as that term conflates being childfree with the numerous people (of all genders) who want to have children and can’t (which is an erasure of both their frustrations and my choice not to parent). It is also important to clarify that my disinterest in parenting is not because I 'hate children' (as some assume). While my patience with the sensory-overwhelm I can experience with some common childhood behaviour is low, my memories of childhood also mean that [I have a lot of empathy for kids as people and care about their wellbeing](https://www.dontgetanyideas.com/comic/20200403), value the viewpoints they can offer, and tend to enjoy interacting with those I get a chance to know as a person with distinct interests and concerns.

### Disabled
I describe myself as [disabled](https://www.afdo.org.au/social-model-of-disability/) to emphasise that my experiences are within a society that, being structured on an expectation that everyone has the same set of abilities, does not provide genuine access to public resources for those who vary from this norm, including me. In addition, regardless of societal structure, I experience chronic pain. The specifics of my disabilities are usually not important; I have strategies such that most won't see what my variance costs me. However, there are situations when it can be useful for others to know more details, so: I experience almost-constant headaches, am photophobic (i.e., I avoid certain light sources due to the acute pain-spikes in my headaches they can spark), frequently experience migraines, and have several neuroatypical traits that make it difficult to process information in ways that ‘normal’ people take for granted. Additional details are available for those who need to know my [accessibility needs](https://hackmd.io/@Teq/accessibility-needs).

### Neuroatypical
Given the range of possibilities in our neurodiverse populations, generalising assumptions are always oversimplifications. In addition to this, the range of outlier traits I have mean that generalising assumptions can often make me feel explicitly excluded and misunderstood.

Areas where I am apparently atypical include the ways in which I can think without any sensory-like mental phenomena, my strong preferences for particular ways of carrying out certain tasks, my various sensory sensitivities (such as to certain colours, sounds, tastes, and textures), the difficulties I experience with tasks that require rapid processing of sequential information (spelling and arithmetic). There are others.

At the same time, I have apparently developed enough adaptive behaviours and these often [mask](https://themighty.com/2018/12/neurodiverse-sensory-processing-disorder-mask/) many of my neurodivergent behaviours. In addition, I have found my outlier traits less obvious within communities that embody the [neuroqueer concept](https://neuroqueer.blogspot.com/2015/05/neuroqueer-introduction-by-nick-walker.html) – affirming the [value of neurodivergence](https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/03/neurodiversity-101/) by approaching neuroatypical behaviours in ways that are inspired by Queer Theory and queer activism. That is, by rejecting cultural conditioning toward conformity and compliance with dominant norms and reclaiming the capacity to fully expression of our uniquely weird personal potentials and inclinations. In these spaces, I can be more myself; rejecting the learned behaviours that mask my atypical traits.

Whether I am masking or not, I really appreciate direct communication: I say what I mean, without subtext and with a willingness to clarify as required, and hope others will do the same with me. The only exceptions are during established dynamics that incorporate previously clarified subtleties of communication that have been explicitly consented to in advance (such as in within interactions that include sarcasm, affectionate teasing, and so on). Either way, with those fluent in subtext or non-verbal subtitles, I tend to ask for explicit clarification as required.

### Pansexual & Panromantic +
Though I tend to self-describe as queer, when the context is specific to sexuality or romantic attraction I sometimes describe myself as [pansexual](https://www.selfdefined.app/definitions/pansexual/) and [panromantic](http://sjwiki.org/wiki/Pansexuality) to emphasise that I’ve found myself attracted to people in oddly specific yet unpredictable ways that are 'outside the norm' – i.e., my 'sexual' and/or 'romantic' interest in people seems to emerge in response to an unknown range of specific characteristics that have nothing to do with gender identities or specific physical characteristics. However, I find these terms to be limited as they rely on amatonormative expectations.

### Queer
For me queer is an identity marker that covers multiple aspects of the ways my being in the world is at odds with societal norms around sexuality and gender. Also see: pansexual/panromantic and agender notes.

### Relationship Co-designer
I approach the world in ways by taking an [intentional approach to co-creating relationships](/vbm_M2anSiWsDhJkVY6BgQ)
This has allowed me to cultivate multiple relationship that are each co-designed in ways that customise which [relationship elements](/SEkACCZFRkmQ6xDeuqmiIA) we include.

### Solo
I say I function ‘solo’ to indicate that a part of my identity is linked to interacting in the world as an 'unit of one' - i.e., as someone with many interdependent connections yet without being beholden exclusively to any one person or broader unit (I am not part of a 'couple', 'nesting partnership', or any other exclusive or fidelity agreements). While this means at a superficial glance I can appear 'single' and 'commitmentless', this has rarely been the case; I form deep connections to those people with whom I *co-design relationships* and I take on responsibilities associated with agreed upon commitments with these people.

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###### tags: `meta-communication` `personal-examples` `intentional-relationships` `key-concepts`

Date first created: 2020
Version: 2.2 (2021)
Created for: An example of articulating identity makers for the [Resources for Customising Intentional Relationships](/-ssFXv7ATqO1zs2CcL7WOg) project.
Attribution: created by [E. T. Smith](https://hackmd.io/@Teq/Bio) on unceded lands of the [Wurundjeri people](https://www.wurundjeri.com.au/).
<a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/"><img alt="Creative Commons License" style="border-width:0" src="https://i.creativecommons.org/l/by-nc-sa/4.0/88x31.png" /></a> [CC BY-NC-SA](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/)

{%hackmd /cY0_TrDIQnymmvCMAFb6Ng %}