Resources on Relationship Elements & Related Concepts

To complement an exploration of relationship elements, the following is a sample of other approaches to examining various relationship elements and related concepts. Far from exhaustive, this list is intended to illustrate that existing resources are also available in a range of different formats. Also see my various influences.

Love as a non-exclusive practice

• On the potential for the concept of multi-love to change the world, Playing Monogamy, by Simon(e) van Saarloos (a 2019 English translation of Het monogame drama (2015)).
• Relationship hierarchies: Defending queer friendships, community and being single, article by Iris Lee (Archer, 2018)
• All about Love - book, by bell hooks (2000)
• What Love Is And What It Could Be (2017) book, and Labels Of Love podcast, by Carrie Jenkins.
• Relationship Anarchy - Occupy Intimacy! - monograph, by Juan Carlos Pérez Cortés (2022), available in Spanish, Catalan, and English.
• Forget romantic love. Let’s celebrate (and practice) a different kind of love instead - article by OluTimehin Adegbeye (The Corrospondent, 2020)

"When we choose love, we choose to practice curiosity, care for ourselves and others, the responsible use of our power for collective benefit, and undiscriminating respect."

• Commitment as a non-exclusive practice article by Jenny Wilson (2019)
• Commitment as a non-exclusive practice video by Conner & Brittany (2020)

Navigating external constraints on relationship dynamics

• On how the sociopolitical use of exclusivity as a proxy for relationship 'seriousness' causes harm - an article on Canadian border control during the pandemic, by Eve Rickett and Carrie Jenkins (2020)
• Slow Relating, by Meg-John Barker (2020)

Consent culture

• Consent Wizardary education resources and workshops, including the Yes to No Spectrum Mini Workbook ZINE
• Consent Poster by Tikva Wolf (2020)
• Everyday Consent a vlog by Jessi Librande.
• Collection of recorded classed on consent practices from 'an integrative, somatic, anti-binary, trauma-informed, abolitionist, pro-SW approach to consent education' by Mia Schachter at Consent.Wizadry
• Consent at an Orgy, a poem by Hal Simons (2019) - starting ~6min into the live-recorded set.
• also see the conversational tools below.

Limits, boundaries, agreements, & rules

• Tips on How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Friendships and Relationships from a Clinical Psychologist by Dr Han Ren
• Boundaries & Consent - a digital workbook by Mia Schachter at Consent.Wizadry
• Multiamory Episodes on boundaries 178 (2018) and rules vs. agreements 227 (2019)
• Anti-rule boundary club by Alicia Bunyan-Sampson on the Polyamorous Black Girl blog (2019)
• Empowered Boundaries: Expectations, Rules & Agreements by Nancy Shanteau (2020)
• Morgan Thorne on Limits & Boundaries in BDSM
• Communicating boundaries in the context of Neurodivergent Dating in Polyamory - by Lucas Weeks (2020).
• How Boundaries Increase Our Empathy & Compassion, 2018 by Brené Brown

Compersion

• What is compersion? by Marie I. Thouin
• Multiamory podcast episode 285 (2020) with Marie Thouin interviewed about qualitative research on how this concept is being used in the context of intimate relationships (including a discussions of the state and trait based elements of compersion experiences, and of various contributing factors at the individual relational, and/or social scale, and of when it can be co-experienced with jealousy).

Support structures

• Support as a relationship tool, by Conner & Brittany (2018),
• Ways to Request Support, by Autumn Elizabeth (2019)
• Routes of Safety Model, an article Gabrielle Smith (2020) based on an instagram post by Jake Ernst (2020)

Relationship transitions

• Relationship fluidity on Poly Musings (2019)
• Relationship transitions with Conner & Brittany (2020)
• Kathy Labriola on Navigating Polyamory Breakups- on Sex Out Loud March 2020

Describing relationships

• A reflection on the limits & possibilities of relationship descriptions used by social networking sites, by Craig Ambrose (2007)
• The joy of polyamory, by Anne Hunter (Archer 2014), highlights the value of finding terms for articulating ways of relating outside monogamy norms and how much visibility of these options matter.
• An argument for the value of identity markers by Alli Kirkham, (2016) (made in terms of individual identities but, extrapolating, could also apply to arguments for having terms for describing specific relationship dynamics - especially when those whose relationships aren't recognised by their broader communities).
• On coming-out as polyamorous - Polyamory and the mirror on the wall Paul Dalgarno (Archer 2020)

What next?

• Explore ways to practice being intentional within all different types of relationships
  • Customising Intentional Approaches to All Relationships
  • Friendships are Relationships
  • Relationships at work
  • Four Pre-emptive Discussions for Intentional Collaborations
• Return to Overview: Resources for Customising Intentional Relationships

Attribution & Contact

See attribution notes and contact details