# last message response

# 1. ThoughtsFlow
> No thoughts, only some heavy feelings.

though i didn't meant to make you feel this way.
There is a dark side of me, that is unsure of everything and insecure and childish, etc...
that messes up everything, with it i just never feel like a normal human.
It's a self-defence mechanism that got(or was from the beginning) crippled, so instead of actual defence it makes me behave hostile and overthink things much instead of finding the Truth and exploring the outer world...

(it's okay, i understand that it wasn't in your intention to make me feel in this way, i just panicked that i don't know what to say and i started to feel numb and i was embarassed of myself. I seriously felt really unable to say anything and i got overhelmed of my own feelings.)

The second part of this mechanism is somewhat like insecurity or self-hatred or wahtever it's called:
- here, in my mind plays the axiom that i'm from the start is not worthy, low, shitty etc... person, even not person.
given this axiom, my self perception prism makes every mistake, awkward, embaressing, non-standard situations, words, feelings, in the end the whole outer world being percepted as hostile.
And me, being just some shit in the way, that everybody hates, because it is not attractive, it doesn't talk too much, and it doesn't smell well...

Finally that makes my behaviour awkward and in the end leading to the state, where no-one can accept me, or percieve me like at least normal usual human being.
Because i cant even accept myself.

- Every mistake made is a falling world for me...
- Every piece of happiness that happens in my life is just actually a joke, some bait to make me feel more exalted just so in a few moments the failure feel even more painful. It's like: something gives me wings, rises me up in the sky high, just so when i fall, i fall from higher height

- that is why my subconscious constantly is in a state of seeking some trick that is being played on me. Even now when i writing this, i already have thoughts, like "maybe i'm writing shit", "maybe she doesn't give a shit anymore", "maybe i offended her in such way, it will be nothing like it was", "maybe she won't feel like that to me anymore, etc.."

(Please don't think that i don't care about the things wrote and you keep writting to me. I care about you all the time, as i cared ealier; i care now and i will keep caring in the same way. You didn't offend me, it's not the right word to use in such situation, i just got really confused. We had a lot of conversations containing many topics with explainations about our behaviour and emotions, and this is another one like that, and what im trying to say; i'm really glad that you write all of these things to me, because as i said it helps me with understanding you and your opinions, thoughts etc, and it solves missunderstandings. And so, i will answer for everything and explain myself too, because i dont want you to overthink my actions and i want you to understand me better also. Communication is key to build strong relation, and from this we need to draw conclusions. So no, it doesn't change my feelings, even if at some point i feel sometimes hurt - my own feelings to you are all the time the same, i love you, that's true.)

- so in the end i will become dependant, and you will feel less to me, and in the end i will end up nobody to you, but i will bound to you so much so i will suffer, but you won't care anymore.
That is the reason i keep the distance. Because i feel, like it's not for me. Look at me - nobody

, constantly complaining, instead of being a man and just keep doing.
And i take your time for watching some stupid shows, even you saying you like it, but it's your time, maybe you want spend it somewhere else,
and i see that last time.
I actually not very much into that stupid shit

(I'm not going lie to you - i don't like that you keep distance. I understand you and the point of it, as you explained of course, it's actually understandable, but i don't feel right with it.
As i said already, i don't want to hurt you in any way, and i didn't have even for a moment such a thought of doing it. I want to give you the best of me, and be someone for you who you can fully trust, without keeping any distance.
Yet as i said, i understand you. So i'm not forcing you into anything and i don't want you to feel any pressure. I hope that with time you will be more sure about me and my intentions and maybe that distance will be smaller.)
(I like to spend time with you and watch shows, i told you. And it wasn't a lie.
I'm not really sure what are you mean by last time tho.. especially when you were quiet for some days, so we were not talking. But there were two situations for which i think you may talking (im not sure in 100% tho), one when you asked me if i want to join you and watch something with you (it was when you answered after 3 days) and second when discord didn't work. I have pretty good memory i think.
So i will explain;
First situation i was a bit angry on you (because you dissapeared without a word and i was really scared and worried about you), and i felt really weird because you seemed like you don't want to talk with me truly at that moment. It pushed away me a bit, and i just went to sleep.
Secondly, i was actually doing something so i didn't read the message too fast, so well, when i read that; discord didn't work, and then it happen that you were sleeping and i was waiting unnecessary.
But i asked you if you want to watch something next day, you said no (or something like "idk), so i said i think, that maybe different day and it ended in this way, and you said nothing.
And i think it's all the situations, because besides that we were watching shows normally.
Stanislav, if i would not like some shows i would tell you. Or if i would not like that kind of way of spending time together, i would tell you either.
I really appreciate every moment with you, it makes me happy.
So yes - i like watching shows with you.
I'm just not the best at finding them by myself, or any movies etc, so i mostly count on you in this case-
No matter what would we do, im just happy that i can spend time with you. In any way. )
(And please don't call yourself "nobody", i hate it and it truly makes me upset. Because you are not "nobody". You are somebody. Somebody important and great. The best person who happen to be in my life.)

(though, in some sense that gives somewhat erudition in a sense of understanding a jokes, human interaction, etc.. when you are not that much socialized - that is the least you can do to compensate a real human interaction, just so you at least won't get crazy alone)

It is just a coping mechanism and mostly the only one thing that somehow can keep me distracted, since i don't do much sports, etc.. (though sports are important, very).
I honestly respect your time, i honestly want you to do the way so you are happy. It really became for me the like an important thing.
I just feel it.
Though here comes another dark side, that i just can't let you do it, because it threatens my own insecurity and my position in life.
like those people thinking and changing their lifes in their 18, 19, 20. I don't know what the fuck i've been doing all this time, that nothing still didn't worked oout for me to become at least some average gear in the social system.
So, the dark side feels thretened, so it acts either hostile to outer or to inner.
Outer: take as much your time on some stupid shit, acting weird, etc..
Inner: mostly the same, but acting weird, just to hurt myself in the end, making me feel unworthy, bad , stupid, and miserable and isolated from the outer world. Either to be in the victim position, so somebody/something(maybe divine) will come to the rescue, or whateber the fucking psychology plays here.
I don't fucking know, all i read is that subconscious maybe very stupid, though it is very powerful. So you need to really dive into and dig those patterns out so you can understand what the fuck is going on in your head and why you act the way you do....

- i like you. i really do. I really feel more like like you understand me the most, and the best. With other (even including some my close relatives) i don't feel that much resonance...
- I don't say that i love you. For a few reasons.
1. I may don't know what actually means to love somebody.
(It's okay. I didn't know also exactly. I may not even know fully in 100% even yet. I'm not angry on you, or dissapointed. I hope you will start to understand that, just by yourself.
And well, i think everyone may see love in different ways, it's pretty individual i guess.
But as for me, since i told you that i love you, i may tell you what it means for me.
If i could, i would take all of the pain from you, and cover you from every shit which is happening around you. I would do anything to make you feel better. I want to be for you in any times; in good one and bad one. I want to help you with anything what would you need. I just feel that you are that one person with which i want to go through this wild life. I want to learn you about some things, and at the same time i want to learn some things from you.
Everytime when you don't feel well, i start to feel not the best also; because i can't do too much to help you, and i just feel disturbed that you feel pain. You mean so much too me, and your being is something seriously important to me. It's to the point that i can't imagine now that all of the sudden you would dissapear from my life. It makes me feel sick.
I talk about loving you a lot, but it's just one of the possible ways to me as for now to express that. Because if we will be together for real, in the same place and in the same time i would show that in many other ways.
I would love to go with you for a walk, go to the cinema and watch some movies together, go on shopping, eat breakfast together, learn how to cook cool healthy food, listen music, see each others interests and hobby in real life. I would like to hug you, i would like to hold your hand, i would like to kiss you, just travel somewhere, i would like to look into your pretty eyes face to face, do some sport, watch sky, or just simply lie on the bed even without any talking or with. Just spend my time with you and life. I want to build with you good relationship. I want you to feel well, i want to go with you through every ups and downs. And many other things..
I feel special bound with you. I feel comfortable to talk about anything with you, i feel comfortable to tell you about my problems.. especially about these which i had never talk about before.
I trust you.
You are precious to me, and something really special and unique in this life..)

2. I don't want those to be just empty words you know. I'm more into proving you that with some actions... I mean, i had much situations in my life when i promised something and couldn't done even some simple things. That feeling of "my word" just being a piece of fragile paper that can be tear down, or set up on fire so easily - that feelling is grounded withing me, so i am myself unsure of my words etc... What are we talking, when i even walinkg into a store and may spend (not that much as some time ago) some time being just fucking usure what to buy, and then just leave the store with empty hands. WTf.
(you says that you rather prove such a thing with action than words. It's something significant, because i think in the same way, like i want my words (especially when i tell you that i love you) to be seen by my actions. I don't want any of my words to be empty.

(To the shopping part - well, that's surely weird but i would be a liar if i would say that i didn't do sometimes the same thing.
Because i did, and not really long time ago, so you are not alone with it- )

3. I don't wanna to lie to you and give false hopes. You have that picture when the boy tells "i love you" and that means nothing in the end, because the next moment he fucks some lady in somebody's porch.
And my approach, i consider, actually is not bad thing, because i see how you being to me, i see your attitude, and i want to try this out, because i feel like we can truly build something durable together with you, not some yet another one house of cards...
But we need to build.
(to the 3 and 5;That's actually.. nice. That you dont want to gives me false hopes and lie to me.
And i said the same above, i want to build it with you. So well, we already doing it. We trying to know each others more and more, understand us, explain our behaviour, supporting each others while we dealing with many shit etc.. through internet, but yes. Which is not the easiest way, but it means a lot as you said. The whole thing about it.
And i can't wait till the moment when we will finally meet in person.
And i sincerely wish you the best, that you will get better with yourself.. i accept you, and i want to support you through this all proccess.)

4. I don't wanna hurry.
(Understandable, its okay. You don't have to hurry.)

5. As you see, that shit we are going through, my shit, your shit, that what gives true meaning and reinforces our relationships.
Yes, i told you about the words, etc... because that is the only one way we can currently interact.. So i want to keep this and last until we meet in real life, so we can go forward and build up from that moment on top of what we have.
I don't wanna you to suffer, but that is me , that is myself, and i'm the way i am. I can't accept myself either, that is why most of the time i keep destroying myself most of the time, at least menatally now. Because much of my bad habbits are in the past, though i have much to deal with still.
6. I'm also actually scared of this and scared of being stupid being too emotionally and mentally involved in this, ...
7. Actually we all have false standards about what things are in fact. Like "love" is somehow just happens in all those movies, but that is obviously is not the reality most of the time. In more ancient times what "love" was? Just two parents from different families got in more close relationships and decided to marry their kids and that was it. And (not in all cases ofc) they may develop relationship and bounds between each other. It's like what i said: building the house of love (no perverted meaning here, just a metaphor for an abstract construct of what Love is)...
8. Our relationship is more cool because we are communicating and like each other, and want to meet and see how the things will go from there..

(i agree =)) )

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2. Emotions

> And even when i got something, i knew it would be not the best idea to write anything under negative emotions,

i understand you very well, and it is very strong to overcome that desire to act under emotions.
(exactly, so i was quiet because of this also. i would hate myself if i would say something dumb to you under negative emotions, especially since i would not truly think in that way)

I myself, as an very emotionally imballanced person, can see the very big gap in mental state between the point on emotions and when you are sober.

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3. Dealing with everything alone

> Everyone always think that i prefer to deal with anything alone, but in reality i would really have to someone with me, so i will not lose any my last wants to do anything.

- (that is actually kind of my style too. But not completely, because the only i do is close in myself and preventing others to help me.)

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i figured it out, but i would rather you to not close from me
and not dissapear please
or in really low state as we talked about it if you would like to stay alone, just tell me before
because im losing my mind when you are quiet all of the sudden, im really worried about you
i dont want anything bad happen to you

- i suppose here, you are talking that every stuff that happens you are handling by yourself not letting others to help
- by "having someone with me" you mean me?

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yep, actually yes
i would like to have you with me, i really wouldnt mind

- by "so i will not lose any my last wants..." - you mean that you may get overwhelmed and lose the last wants to do anything, because it's too much?
- ---------
something like that
and when i get into that, its hard for me to get out of it

> Because i had that tendencion to dissapear and just only push myself into more big depressive hole.

- that is actually my style also...
------
so we are similar with it
i dont like it
i will try to help you somehow to not do it too often, its really shitty thing
since i know it by myself
so i want to know, if its okay for me to write to you when you dissapear, and somehow try to distract you from these negative feelings

> think you may have the same tendencion,

you can be sure - i have

> or i may be wrong also

not you may not be, you are not wrong

> I just feel at some point stupid and embarassed of myself.

that is what i feel most of the time as well

> i feel awkward that you again talk about any games, which you think i guess, i play in.

- that is not actually me to the end.. This is more my dark side of insecurity, which i disclosed at the beginning. And i don't know the completely right way to deal with it right now, other that try to fight it and just disclose and explain the things in these long-read messages, so you can at least understand what kind of monster we are dealing with here........

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i see.. but as i said, believe me please, i dont play in any games
im not that kind of person
all i want is to make you feel happy and better

> that's your real thought about me?

- more like , that is a real though about me. My insecurity and childish side can't just believe this... Because i almost always felt like and outcast/outsider more or less, even if it wasn't actually the true....
- that is my inner side, inner daemon talking to me: "who the fuck needs you", "you are just a puppet", "that can't be true", "you are being played", "there will definitely be some trick played on you the moment when you let yourself to express freely", etc...
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> It doesn't feel to me right, and i feel bad because it's like accusing me.
- overthinking,

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4.
> i feel like i dont mean too much for you

- you mean a lot. and i appreciate and grateful for everything you make to support me and help me with, and for paying attention to me..

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oh so lovely ❤️
But the same goes for you, i appreciate everything what you do for me, and your support
it means a lot to me

> You telling me that im not too much engaged, or not interesting in communicating with you.

- because it looks like that to me for some reason. Like you become less writing, you don't wanna talk much (in sense you not writing much). You asking one two questions, i answer and asking something back and you give like one-sentence more-or-less dry response and that write nothing.
- --------
im so sorry for that, it must felt not too nice for you.
but it didnt mean that im not interested in you.

i will fix that, and put more effort into communication, talk more etc
but my interest to you never changed, im all the time in the same way interest in you and into communicating with you

------

I mean it just seems to me that you were more engaged and wrote much things even in some case where there were no questions even. Or even random.
It looked like you want more to communicate and share and etc...
But it more seems , like you are either mad at me, or just don't feel the way you felt to me, or whatever...

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im not mad at you :(( also, my feelings towards you didnt change, i love you really much all the time in the same way.
i didnt want you ever to feel in this way, im so sorry my dear.

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You saying that you like to spend time with me, but at same time you acting like you are not into that and you go to sleep early and i don't know is that just you being tired or you being tired of me or what.

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what do you mean by "acting like you are not into that?
i really like to spend time with you, it makes me happy a lot, the same thought even that you are in my life makes me smile.
to the sleep part;
Well yes.. im going often to sleep early but its because im getting tired really fast.. i dont like it. Maybe i have health problem, im unsûre.
But it have nothing to do with oûr watching shows time. what i mean - when i tell you that im sleepy, i jûst really feel like that. Not because i get bored or something. If the shovv would be boring - i would tell you.
im not tired of yoû,
i am never tired of you and i will never be
you are precious to me

------

I know and i will understand you may not want to spend time on watching some stupid shit, but you can spell it.
More than that, i egage you to tell things you don't like or don't have time for.

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i want, i want to spend time with you like that, and in every other way
and there is no "dont have time for" if its aboût you
sometimes of course, i may be bûsy with something or you know, i may have sometimes something really importamt to do next day
and thats why for example i have to go sleep ealier
but im telling you in such sitûation
and what im trying to say - no matter how i will always try do everything to have time to spend with yoû.
You are important. Okay?
if i would be able i would even today teleport myself to yoûr place just to be with you. Or just take you from there for some days somewhere else.
but its not that easy and not so possible even as for now.

- and here goes that message also: suddenly you wrote in the morning that you want to disappear etc..
That honestly fucked up my day for real...

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im so sorry.. i didnt want to.. i should thought twice before sending that message.. i just may say something dumb like that sometimes, but i will try no to do that again..
even when i had that thought for a second, i just understood that would be dumb of me and to be honest i dont want to leave you alone.
im sorry again.

- i truly respect your rights and your wants to deal with your life, study, travel, etc.. whatever you plan/want/must do, instead of spending time on me.
Because that just "maaaaayyyybee" just maaaaybbbeee a little bit more fucking important than just load your brain with watching /reading some stupid dumb crap jokes till 3-AM..

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dont say thing like that, it made me now sad as hell.
spending time on you is something which i love to do.
You are part of my life.
The GOOD part of my life.
Which i dont want to lose. And more specificly - i dont want to lose you.

So you know? i can even even
load my brain with these things more than till 3AM,
till im doing all of this with you, im the happiest person ever.

- of course the fuck it is important.
More important than even me. Because it's your life.
And i'm just some insecure infant child which is which you see as a bunch of pixels on your screen...

so i totally understand that.
and i totally accept that.
and i totally respect that.

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no, its not more important than you. of course it is important, but there is no more or any less.
you are important to me the same as the things above.
And as i said - YOU ARE PART OF MY LIFE.
and you, makes it better.
everyday i wake up and my first thought is about you
and im really grateful that i met you.

well, im bunch of pixels to you too as for now.. but one day it can change, so lets do everything to make this moment real.

i love that guy which i see on my screen

you are so damn much important for me, remember that.

- and it's a bit of a sudden, looking like you just wanted to revenge me on that my case of disappearing or you just really like have an urge to just disappear and get busy with your own life, without me being involved...

i didnt want to do any revenge on you
and if its about my yesterday disspearance;
i have/had that urge for dissapearing by myself, but im trying to do my best not to do that anymore
i dissapeard yesterday, but i didnt mean for doing such a thing as a revenge or anything like that i just felt like something broke inside me.. and i felt like a fucking kid and i just hide myself in the bed and i acted like im not part of anything on that moment. i just panicked with my own behaviour
im so sorry, i feel bad with it

But if its about in general; dissapearing without you being involved in my life;
no,i dont have any urge like that
and i didnt want to make any revenge on you ever

I want you to be involved in my life, all the time

----
.

> And it also makes me feel upset, I dont know anymore how im suppose to act towards you.

just act like you want truly to act. express yourself completely.
it seems that something like that i asked you once to do - to tell me more, to express more, etc...

you really don't need to configure much here.
just act open and that's all, everything other we'll figure out.

AND THIS OF COURSE tottally involved my personal attitude towards you.
I have to deal with my shit.

SO i don't make you feel awkward, of disappointed, or hurt or whatever leads to you feeling bad.

I AM AND I WILL WORK ON THAT 

❤️

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> Im trying to express love; you feel weird with it, and it stranges you out.

- i feel weird just by myself. Because i trully don't know much on how to respond and act. So i mostly just send you hearts.

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just act as you feel, be yourself

- i want that feeling to really come from my heart, not just making it suit your wants and be empty words

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I understand it, and actually appreciate your honesty

- i'm ready to meet and spend time and try to build our life and relationships together with you. To show you myself, to try polish each others peaky blinders, to we fit and suit more each other, be more conhruent, coherent, in harmony and whatever the fuck word can describe leaving in most best way to for developing and not suffering in vein.

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im truly happy that you are, it means a lot to me

- though we have a distance keeping us from that. and my inability to provide for us. in the way. And also this external factors of world's cryssis... And also internal daemons, which are keeping me from being, at least more like normal adult human being man....

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..and thats really sad, that we have that distance etc.
But i believe that all will change for better, and finally we will be able to be together in person and oficially able to build our life in this way.
i really want that, and i wish we will not have to wait too long for our first meeting 🫂

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> I feel at some point like a burden.
- you are not. you are more like my cure. Because i really feel more calm and better when you write me whatever you write me (not bad things of course).
❤️ im happy to hear that

> i dont judge you and i dont blame you for anything..
- thank you, that means much. Because i do judge me and blame me for anything...

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> And in some way it looks like you dont feel any love towards me sometimes, but then why you told me that you love me?

- well that's an interesting twist. Because if we track the history of our conversation i always withhold from telling you that. Also i didn't told in any point in time that "I DON'T" - I DIDN'T TOLD NEITHER. NEITHER OF BOTH

You said once that you do love me, im not schizophrenic. And i have really good memory.
15.10 🤨🤌 someone track the history not fully well hmmmmmmmmmmm

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> Can you be honest with me what do you feel and think about it all?

- yes, sure. As i said earlier i won't tell you anything in that kind of way, giving the reasons i provided .
❤️
- but i can assure that you are dear to me. And i want to make you happy. I want you to feel good and secure
❤️
- i developed a bond with you, so it means something...
❤️
- i just want to be a more real man for you, not just in words..
❤️
- but because of all those 1k times spelled odds of myself, i can't even figure much myself to just put myself on the rails and start moving and doing instead of complaining and be sorry for myself...
- sometimes (well much time) i feel like i'm unworthy and you are more strong than me. And why the fuck you need that infant in your life ? what if i never get myself anywhere in this life? why do you need to waste it on me?
when most of the time it even may feel that way that i don't feel and care about myself much either...

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you are not unworthy
i dont waste anything on you
i care about you
i want to be your support, no matter what
i belive, and i know in fact, that you will get better and you will achive a lot.
any time which i spend with you is not a waste, and will not be
you are the one and only person which i want to have by my side, i dont see anyone else here, and not even think about finding someone else
you are indispensable
and im not going to leave you suffer alone, and i will not let you to stay in bad state forever.
I did not give up on you, i dont give up and i will not.

THAT IS WWHY I ACT WEIRD!!!
- BECAUSE insecure
- BECAUSE childish
- BECAUSE unworthy
- BECAUSE of the crippled twisted EGO
- BECAUSE of schesophrenic thoughts (they really are so. Because if two thoughts are in conflic for a long time - it's schisophrenia and it drains much energy and you become stupid...)
- BECAUSE i don't think i achieve anything. (yes there are people living with parents in 30, 35, etc.., but that doesn't mean i must wait to that age to feel myself uncomfortable - i wasted much time. And for some reason it feeels like i wased too much, so i have no chance to achieve at least what an average person would achieve)
- I CONSIDER myself more stupid, more awkward, more uncapable, more of a bad , etc...

LIST IS NOT COMPLETE

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> I have never been with anyone before

- that is actually very cool. There is not much girls, that are pure, pristine. It's very rare...

> im just doing it in the way i just think it's okay.

- keep it up. it's okay. it's good. all is fine. all is best way already

> like with that marriage question.

- this was stupid from my side. I could have just respond to that question and nobody would die from that.
But my fucked up messy mind felt insecure and awkward (well, nothing new here) at that moment for whatever the fuck reason...

> I'm not retarded, we didnt meet yet
- haha, very glad to hear that

> So I was only kidding..
- yeeeaa, maybe i just felt like you've just got pretty excited and carried away so, like throwing that question by chance, hoping i will take it seriously and respond, or at least joke back..
I mean , well, i didn't want maybe to make you feel to engaged with that kind of stuff that really felt not very close...

> You said we theoretically together, so i just wanted us to get closer to each other more

- it's more like "we're together on a distance" :female-astronaut: (hmm here seems are emojis allowed, idk how to put them though)

> Like, just talk more about daily acitivities or anything

yea, i would like to hear about your daily activiites

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and i would like to hear about yours 🤝🏻

> Even if it prolly sound weird.
I really would like to meet you.. because it would be so much better of course, and its the goal, right?

- :D that is really much better. For real . I would like also to meet you. Right it's the goal..
❤️

> i don't want to talk only about myself you know

- but that leads to that you are not talking about yourself almost nothing.
and i usually have nothing much to talk about by myself..
And i have a perception/and planted in my head that girls like to blabber much about something, so i would like to listen, but you seem to become not much into that.

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Well yeah- i was never too much talkative person
i was mostly listening what other people are saying
BUT
im changing, okay?
im getting more confidence etc
maybe not really fast, but im getting more and more into talks,
and believe me at some point soon i will be hard to shut up.
i already changed into that a bit, but still english makes a small barier for me to say every word which i mean like in polish

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And i would like to listen more about yourself, not about other people you have seen or whatever.
But it seems i'm wrong to take it like that.
Because, well, the other people's stories is like also part of your personal story, so maybe i have to see it that way. That everything you tell me, is in some way is related to you.

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exactly.. and you know, i pretty like to sometimes talk about stories about other people.
but its okay, i will try to tell you more about myself
about my life, my habits, likes etc.
so you will get better portrait of my persona.

> i'm curious in anything you do, even if it is not "too interesting" in your opinion.

- i may say the same thing and i could not been accused in lie

> Because maybe I am the problem

- you are not. me are

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you are not the problem, dont say that

> I know that im not perfect, and i may have some bad habits or anything else.

- neither am i as 10x as that

> I know that talking about future together is maybe weird etc

- it maybe was a bit weird for me at the beginning, because, well , it was unexpected...

> maybe think about something more nicer.

- that is always good way to think..

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> I really feel lost now, i don't know how to act, and i don't know what i can talk about, and what to do, to not scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable.

- please don't try anything to figure out here. Just be yourself. Act as true as you want towards me.
- i need my shit get fixed a lot. so i will get to work with that. i will try meditate, do other practises to figure myself out, at least to that level we can communicate normally, not like me being some fucked up idiot

i hope that everything will help you, because mostly i want you to feel good with yourself, and finally accept yourself..

> I just wanted you to feel loved, that's all.

- that is very warming feeling to see that you truly want me to be loved.
I really grateful for that. Just love me and never let me out of your hands ::::(
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i love you, and i dont think about option of letting you go 🫀

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i will try my best for you

thank you🫂

and i hope someday you will feel the happiest person in the world either with my help or without. Just like that ::::::)))

i hope that both of us will get to the point where we will be the happiest persons ever, you and me.
Together.

im sorry again, that i made you feel bad
i didnt want that
i will try my best, and put more effort into our relationship
if is there still something which you dont understand from my side, or you want to know answer for different questions just ask me, like if there is something more for which you overthink or you unsure of.
i will answer for everything and make it all clear.

but as for now i think i answered for everything

i wish you good day, i love you with my whole heart ❤️