changed 3 years ago  
Published Linked with GitHub

What is Nonviolent Communication?

NVC is based on the assumption that all human beings have capacity for compassion and empathy and that people only resort to violence or behavior harmful to others when they do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs.

Thoughts

  • Not about being "nice", about being clear
  • NOT ABOUT OTHERS; ABOUT OURSELVES
  • Empathetical listening and honest expressing (which requires self-knowledge and self-compassion)
  • WE CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS, we can only be responsible for our own responses

Basics

  • Observation: the facts
  • Feelings: not opinions, criticism or moral judgments
  • Needs: Do you have any unfulfilled needs?
  • Request: not demands

The Daycare Bag

Violent communication?

  • Moralistic judgments
  • Demands that implicitly or explicitly threaten listeners with blame or punishment if they fail to comply
  • Denial of responsibility via language that obscures awareness of personal responsibility
  • Making comparisons between people
  • A premise of deserving, that certain actions merit reward while others merit punishment

Why NOT use it?

  • This is not how we talk
  • Might make people uncomfortable
  • Differently abled folk may have trouble speaking and interpreting this style of speaking
  • You are allowed to say no
  • Other people are not obligated to meet your needs
  • "I feel disrespected when you don't check in with me every 15 minutes."
  • Criticism of tone can be used to derail a conversation
  • Decide upon the solution together, if possible

In the end

  • Genuine interest in the feelings and needs that are driving each other's actions are more important than the structured NVC way
  • You can use the same four steps yourself to get clarity about your own needs and choose action intelligently

At Work

  • Hear the need behind the NO, the criticism and the complaint
  • Requests vs. demands: how you treated people when they didn't do what you wanted
  • Assume that you have something to learn

Examples

  • "You're always distracted at meetings"
  • "This product is horrible"
  • "We need you to deliver this faster"

More

Select a repo