# Ho, what have we here? Why, it's another Batch of Autism!

# Chapter Fourteen: So Much for Pathos

Pyx sat in her dark little cell, feeling lower than a bow-legged caterpillar. There was little to do in here except stare at the walls, so that is what she did. Then, suddenly:

[i]Kill them, Pyx![/i]

She sat bolt upright. This was the first time the voice had spoken since that night in the woods, the night she couldn't remember. The voice that sounded like Mommy's sometimes, and sometimes like somepony different.

"Why do you keep saying that?" she asked aloud. "Who are you? Who exactly do you want me to kill anyway, desu?"

[i]All of them, Pyx! They've all betrayed you! Kill them all![/i]

"That...that's not true!"

[i]Oh really? Name one pony who hasn't betrayed you.[/i]

Pyx thought about it for a second.

"I don't think anypony has betrayed me, actually."

[i]Oh come on. If nopony had betrayed you, why are you sitting in this dungeon?[/i]

"I'm not really sure desu, but I assume it's for my own good."

[i]What could possibly have led you to that conclusion?[/i]

"Well, that's what Mommy always says when she locks me in the basement, so I assume this must be something similar. Nipah."

[i]You see? That just proves that Mommy betrayed you![/i]

"M-mommy didn't betray me!"

[i]Oh come on! She did the exact opposite of not betray you![/i]

"You mean, betray me?"

[i]Yes, that.[/i]

"Yeah, well, I guess she did kind of betray me now that I think about it. I'll give you that one, desu. What about my friends, though?"

[i]What friends? You don't have any friends! They all hate you![/i]

"Th-that's not true at all desu! I have lots and lots of friends!"

[i]They aren't really your friends, though. They all laugh at you![/i]

"That's not true! Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, they made me a full-fledged member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders! They gave me a cape and everything! Tutturu~~!"

[i]Yes, but they all totally laugh at you behind your back. They think your glasses look stupid and your racing stripe looks stupid and your leopard print vest looks stupid and your headband looks stupid and your green mane looks stupid. I heard them all talking about it.[/i]

"They wouldn't say that!"

[i]Yes they would, I totally heard them.[/i]

"Nuh-uh!"

[i]Yeah-huh! Sweetie Belle thinks you're a lame Mary Sue OC, and I'm pretty sure I heard Scootaloo call you Poochie a couple of times. And Apple Bloom steals pencils out of your desk when you're not looking.[/i]

"Why would they give me a cape if they hated me that much?"

[i]Because they felt sorry for you, probably. Also, they were originally going to give that cape to Twist, they just didn't because she sucks even worse than you do![/i]

Pyx thought about it.

"Yeah, she does kind of suck I guess..."

[i]See? There you have it. Now, stop arguing with me and kill them all, Pyx![/i]

"I can't help but feel like you're trying to pressure me into this desu..."

[i]Oh, come on, Pyx! Don't you remember that night in the woods? Remember how much fun we had together?[/i]

A veil inside Pyx's mind was suddenly lifted, and a flood of memories assaulted her. She remembered Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and how angry she'd been at them for lying to her, and ditching her in the woods, and making her eat bugs and pine cones and for making her stick her head into a hive of bees.

[i]Yes, Pyx, that's it! Remember! Do you remember how they betrayed you, and how cruel they were to you?[/i]

"Y-yes, I remember desu..."

[i]And do you remember what we did to them? Do you remember how good it felt to take our revenge?[/i]

"Yeah..."

[i]Remember how we hit them with rocks, and stabbed them over and over again? Remember how we dumped them in the river, and then planted all the evidence in that Magnet guy's cave so he'd get blamed for it? Remember how annoying that guy was? Remember how we made fun of his stupid mustache and then ran away? Remember how we laughed and laughed?[/i]

"Yeah, that was pretty cool desu..."

[i]And just think, Pyx, every day can be like that from now on, if you want![/i]

"Yeah, that does sound pretty fun...but what about Mommy? And my friends? And Miss Cheerilee, and Spike-onii-chan, and Owlowiscious, and Scarecrow and Tin Man and all of my other pals desu?"

[i]Oh, come on, Pyx! Weren't you listening? They all betrayed you![/i]

"That still doesn't quite sound right..."

[i]That's because you're overthinking it. And anyway, look around you, Pyx.[/i]

Pyx looked around her.

[i]See how you're in a dungeon?[/i]

Pyx saw how she was in a dungeon.

[i]You think 'Mommy Twilight' and 'Spike-onii-chan' and the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders' are going to come rescue you?[/i]

Pyx had to admit that she did not think they would.

[i]Oh, then it sounds like I'm the only friend you have left then, doesn't it?[/i]

Pyx could not dispute the logic of this.

"W-well, what should I do desu?"

[i]When the time comes, just let me take control. That's all you have to do.[/i]

Pyx thought about it. She didn't really see as how she had any better options at the moment.

"How will I know when it's time?"

[i]Oh, don't you worry, Pyx. You'll know when it's time![/i]

"Um.........okay. When the time comes, I'll let you take over. Nipah~~!"

[i]Excellent![/i]

The voice began to laugh. It wasn't a particularly nice laugh, but it [i]was[/i] infectious. Pyx began to laugh too.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA~~!"

- - -

"So, uh, how's she doing?"

"Well, she was cackling maniacally in there a little while ago. That has to be a good sign, doesn't it?"

Evening Musk, Bastion Yorsets and Night Soil were standing around Musk's office, gazing into an arcane crystal ball that sat on his desk. The image in the crystal showed Pyx, sitting alone in her dungeon, conversing with some invisible presence.

"I don't know," said Musk, frowning. "Are you absolutely [i]sure[/i] that you grabbed the right filly?"

He turned to Yorsets, who shrugged.

"This is the one that Soup Du Jour pointed out," he said. "The one that Twilight Sparkle adopted."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"Look at her!" cried Musk. "She looks nothing like our Queen!"

"Does so!" said Yorsets defensively.

"Oh, come on man! Do you remember Her Majesty Nightmare Moon ever having a racing stripe in her hair?"

"You can't prove that she didn't!"

"I can [i]easily[/i] prove that she didn't!"

"Yeah, well...all it means is that she can go even faster now."

"She [i]does[/i] look like she could go pretty fast..." mused Night Soil.

"You're darn tootin'!" agreed Bastion Yorsets.

"Oh, shut up, both of you!" snapped Evening Musk. He sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose it's no matter. You're absolutely certain that our Queen's personality is in there somewhere?"

"Oh, absolutely my Lord!" Yorsets assured him. "I've researched the matter thoroughly. Once we complete the ceremony, the Queen shall awaken, and the other personality, this...Pyx Trebuchet...will be utterly subsumed."

Evening Musk stroked his chin.

"Well, I suppose we won't know unless we try," he said finally. "All right, let's get this over with. Yorsets, you go and reserve a spell chamber for the afternoon. Night Soil, you summon the Princesses. I want them to have a front row seat for this. I will go and attend to..."

He glanced at the filly in the crystal ball. She now appeared to be dancing around in her cell, saying "nipah" and "tutturu" over and over again. He sighed.

"I will go and attend to Our Queen."

- - -

A few hours later, Pyx sat on a small pedestal in the center of a windowless domed chamber. An intricate hexagram pattern had been painted on the floor around her. On the opposite side of the room was a gallery, in which the Princesses Celestia and Luna were seated. Bastion Yorsets was putting the finishing touches on the outer rim of the hexagram, while Evening Musk stood near the pedestal, dressed in a ceremonial robe and practicing incantations under his breath. Night Soil stood off to the side, observing.

"So...er...you say this spell will help us reveal Pyx's true nature?" asked Celestia.

"Oh yes, my Princess!" Evening Musk assured her, smiling. "If there is any evil in this child, the spell will cause it to reveal itself immediately!"

Celestia studied the Ponish runes on the floor skeptically.

"I can't say I'm familiar with this spell," she admitted. She turned to Luna. "Are you, my Sister?"

Luna frowned.

"I have never seen it's like, Sister," she said. "Though something about it seems vaguely familiar..."

"Oh, your Majesties wouldn't recognize it; I wrote it myself!" said Bastion Yorsets hurriedly. "It's a custom spell, designed entirely for this purpose!"

Celestia frowned slightly, then shrugged.

"Well, you've proven yourself an adept spellcrafter, Bastion," she said. "I have nothing but faith in you."

Bastion Yorsets smiled obsequiously.

"Your Highness flatters me," he said. "Now then! Let us commence!"

Pyx sat on the pedestal, watching as Evening Musk chanted the incantations and conducted the ritual. The lines of the hexagram began to glow, and she felt a light buzzing sensation in the back of her skull.

[i]Soon![/i] the voice assured her.

She closed her eyes and let the power flow through her body.

"Noomy noomy!" cried Evening Musk, flailing his front hooves theatrically. "Roomy loomy noomy nammy noomy!"

The hexagram on the floor pulsed with a strange light, and then the spellform levitated off the ground, slowly revolving around the pedestal. Meanwhile, as the attentions of the two Princesses were focused on the spellform, Bastion Yorsets began quietly chanting a spell of his own.

Pyx could feel her body levitating off of the pedestal. She felt the same way she'd felt back at the ruined castle, when she'd stepped onto the dais. A strong power was running through her body like an electrical current, a power that felt as though it were her own and yet not her own.

[i]SOON![/i] whispered the voice again. It sounded...hungry. Pyx began to feel a sense of panic welling up inside of her. She felt like she was swimming against the current of a powerful river, fighting to keep her head above water. Somehow, she understood that if she allowed herself to be sucked down below the surface, she would lose herself forever. She struggled, trying to speak, trying to regain control of her own movements, but found that she could not.

"Bippity boppity," continued Evening Musk, chanting and waving his hooves. "Flibbidy bibbidy...zippity zoppity...zoopity boopity..."

Musk's horn now glowed with an eerie purple light, which he seemed to be channeling from some unseen source. It flowed out from his body and fed the spellform, which had now taken on the same color.

As the spellform grew, Pyx could feel the voice inside herself growing stronger. She felt as if some alien presence were taking hold of her body. She struggled against it, but to her dismay found that she was growing weaker and weaker. She watched Evening Musk, chanting his infernal spell, and through some instinct knew that it was nearly complete. If he uttered the final words, she would be gone forever, and the voice would assume complete control. An instinct to survive took hold, and she put every last ounce of strength she had into moving her tongue.

"And now, O Queen," proclaimed Musk. "Hear these words and come forth!"

"Wait, what Queen?" interjected Celestia, alarmed.

Luna reacted more quickly, realizing suddenly that she knew this spell. It was something she remembered from long ago, something she had tried to forget. She quickly summoned a blast of energy, aiming it at the center of Musk's spellform, but discovered to her horror that something was blocking her power.

"Sister!" she called out. "You must stop this!"

Celestia had not yet fully grasped the situation, but the panic in her sister's voice stirred her to action. However, she discovered that her magic was blocked as well. Worse still, her body was paralyzed, and it was all she could do even to move her head. She saw Bastion standing off in the corner, a sly smile on his face, and realized too late what he had done.

"Bastion!" she cried. "How could you!"

Bastion Yorsets bowed mockingly.

"I am sorry, my Princess," he said. "But my loyalty is to the Queen!"

Musk had wheeled around to face the Princesses. He reared up on his hind legs, his forelegs extended toward the heavens, a triumphant smile on his face.

"Come forth, O Queen!" he cried. "With these sacred words, I bid thee to enter this world!!"

The spellform pulsed with a dazzling purple light. Pyx cried out, as if in pain. She gritted her teeth, and once again tried to gain control of her voice. If she could just force out one single word...

Evening Musk threw back his head and spoke the sacred incantation in a booming voice:

"KLAATU...BARADA..."

"NIPAAAAAAAH~~!" screamed Pyx suddenly.

There was a violent jolt. It shook everything in the room, including Evening Musk, who was thrown suddenly off balance and fell to the floor. A bright green light suddenly pulsed out of Pyx's body and down through the spellform. The purple light reacted, and suddenly the spell broke apart, the purple and green energies swirling violently about each other as if locked in mortal combat.

All of a sudden, there was a bright, blinding flash; an explosion which seemed to emanate from the center of the room. When it had dissipated, the filly was gone, and in her place was a pulsating ball of light, crackling with green and purple lightning.

The ball bounced rapidly around the room until it was nothing but a blur, and then suddenly it returned to the center. There came a great rending, a dreadful force which knocked all of the ponies in the room to the floor, destroying the pedestal and sending the chairs of the gallery and the Princesses in them flying.

When the blast had subsided, the room was eerily still. The two Princesses, still more or less immobilized but able to open their eyes at least, gazed in horror upon the thing that this foul magic had wrought.

In the center of the room, where the pedestal had been, stood a full-grown alicorn mare. Her coat was as black as coal, and her turquoise reptokitty eyes glowed with a malevolent power. Her mane was a vibrant shade of green, writhing about her head like serpents. A turquoise and purple racing stripe ran down the length of it, indicating that not only could she go really really fast, but also that she was really really evil. Celestia's stomach dropped to the ground. She realized that she knew this evil.

The alicorn grinned, a wide, manic jack-o-lantern grin.

[b][i]"BOO-YAAAAAAAH!!!"[/b][/i] she cried. [b][i]"BLACK SNOOTY'S BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!"[/b][/i]

# Chapter Fifteen: The Return of Black Snooty

Celestia stared coldly through the bars of her cell at the smug faces of her captors. Like her sister in the cell next to hers, she was shackled at the hooves, her horn capped with a powerful magic sealing ring.

Evening Musk watched her from the other side of the bars, a triumphant smile plastered across his face. Bastion Yorsets stood next to him. Both unicorns were now clad in the ceremonial robes of the Order of the New Moon.

"Are you comfortable, Celestia?" asked Musk in a mocking tone. "The shackles aren't too tight, are they?"

Celestia ignored him, and turned her attention to the other unicorn.

"Bastion Yorsets," she said. "How could you do this?"

Yorsets looked down, avoiding her gaze.

"I might have expected this from Angsty McFuckpants over there," she continued, tossing her head disdainfully at Musk. "He was always a bit of a wanker. But not you, Bastion. I always assumed you had more class than this."

Yorsets cleared his throat, but made no answer. Celestia continued to stare him down.

"I still remember the first day you came to my school for gifted unicorns," she went on. "And even though you asked to be called by that incredibly stupid name, I could still sense greatness in you. Today was the first time you've ever disappointed me."

She shook her head sadly.

"Look at you," she said. "The youngest tenured professor in the history of the academy. If you'd kept your nose to the grindstone, you'd have been head of the school a decade from now."

"Hey! How come he has tenure?!" Musk demanded suddenly. He turned accusingly to Bastion. "When did you get tenure?"

Bastion shrugged.

"I've had it for awhile now," he said.

Musk turned his angry gaze back on Celestia.

"Why does he have tenure?" he demanded again. "How come I don't have tenure? I've been here longer than he has!"

"You could have had tenure if you'd wanted it," replied Celestia. "You wanted that stupid broom closet for an office instead."

"Broom closet? You told me that room was Star Swirl the Bearded's observatory!"

"No, I told you it was the broom closet," said Celestia. "That stuff about Star Swirl the Bearded is just a stupid rumor the older students tell the first-years; only you would be dumb enough to still believe it. And in any case, you can forget about tenure [i]and[/i] your broom closet now! When this silly little farce of yours has played itself out, you'll be lucky if you can get a job teaching beginning levitation at a Detrot public school!"

Musk snorted angrily. Yorsets shrugged.

"Well, I've got tenure, so I'm safe either way," he muttered. Musk glared at him.

"The two of you have no idea what you've unleashed!" came Princess Luna's voice from the next cell over.

Musk laughed haughtily.

"You, of all ponies, should know exactly what I've unleashed!" he said. "I've unleashed a power that you could have wielded yourself, if you'd had the courage! The power of Nightmare Moon!"

"Nightmare Moon?" she scoffed. "You honestly think that...[i]thing[/i] you conjured up is Nightmare Moon? The two of you are not only fools, but blind fools!"

Now it was Luna's turn to laugh haughtily. Celestia joined in with a mirthless chuckle.

"Mark my words, Evening Musk, Bastion Yorsets," said Luna gravely. "The thing you have unleashed will be the death of you both."

- - -

The alicorn paced up and down the meeting hall at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, flexing her wings. She felt...strange. She was herself, and yet not herself. She could feel terrible power coursing through her, power the likes of which she'd never even imagined, along with an insatiable thirst for chaos and destruction.

She heard a door open behind her, and turned. It was that unicorn, Bastion Yorsets. The cruel one, who had locked her in a cage. The one to whom Mommy had betrayed her. Wait, was that how it had happened? And who exactly was "Mommy" anyway? She was finding it hard to think. The other unicorn, Evening Musk, emerged behind him. Both of them bowed obsequiously.

"What are your orders, my Queen?" asked Musk.

The alicorn blinked.

"My...orders?" she asked.

"Yes, O Queen!" cried Bastion Yorsets, prostrating himself on the ground before her. Musk, annoyed at having been one-upped, quickly did the same. "What terrible vengeance do you seek to unleash upon the world that has shunned you?"

"Vengeance?"

The alicorn shut her eyes. Everything in her mind was blurry. Discordant emotions and memories were swirling around inside her, clashing and fighting for her attention.

"Yes, O Queen!" cried Yorsets. "What are your orders? Simply speak and it shall be done!"

The alicorn looked confused. Her brow wrinkled in concentration, as if there were something she was trying to remember. Yorsets and Musk looked at each other uneasily.

"Er..." began Musk. "I don't mean to give offense, O my Queen, but...do you mind if we stop groveling now? It's a bit uncomfortable."

The alicorn blinked, as if she'd forgotten they were even in the room.

"What?" she said. "Yes, fine; I don't care. I never told you to grovel in the first place."

The two unicorns breathed a sigh of relief and rose to their hooves.

"Now then, O Queen," said Musk, shaking the dust from his robes. "If I might make a suggestion, perhaps you'd like to begin by lowering the sun and raising the moon?"

The alicorn glanced out the window.

"It's the middle of the afternoon," she said. "Why would I want to do that?"

The two unicorns glanced uneasily at each other again.

"Well, O Queen," began Yorsets. "We had assumed that you would wish to...continue your holy vengeance against your sister."

"My sister? Vengeance?"

"Yes, O Queen," said Musk. "Do you not wish to banish the sun and raise the moon forever, bathing all of Equestria in a great and terrible night?"

The alicorn raised an eyebrow. Her mind was still in a fog, and these two were beginning to feel like a pair of mosquitoes buzzing around her head. How she wished she could swat them!

"Why would I want to do that?" she snapped.

"Er...because you are angry, O Queen?" said Yorsets uneasily.

"And why am I angry?"

"Because...for too long the ponies have relished and played in the day that your elder sister brings forth, yet they sleep through and shun your beautiful night?"

"And what kind of a silly thing is that to be angry about?"

The two unicorns exchanged helpless looks. Yorsets shrugged.

"Well, O Queen, I just think that if you were to raise the moon, it would show all of Equestria that their true Queen has returned..."

The alicorn took a deep breath. She gathered the powers within her, ordering her mind to be quiet. The fog began to lift, and when she opened her eyes, she saw more clearly. She regarded the two sniveling worms before her with contempt.

"I don't know what you two are jabbering on about," she snapped, "But I will do no such thing. Raise the moon? Banish the sun? Create eternal night? That would cause freezing temperatures and play havoc with the tides! Why would I ever want to do something like that? That's a stupid idea. You're stupid."

The two unicorns instantly threw themselves to the floor and began groveling again.

"Forgive us, O Queen!" cried Yorsets.

"We were impertinent!" cried Musk.

The alicorn rolled her eyes.

"And stop that groveling! It's annoying."

The two of them scrambled back to their hooves.

"There, that's better."

An uncomfortable silence descended over the hall.

"So..." began Musk.

"So?" snapped the alicorn.

"Well," he continued, stepping forward on trembling hooves. "We've successfully imprisoned both Princesses in the dungeon beneath the school..."

"Yes? And?"

The alicorn glared at him.

"...and, well..." he stammered. "...well, you see..."

"Out with it, man!"

"Well, we've imprisoned Celestia and Luna."

"Yes, I know. You just told me."

"...and, they're the Princesses."

"I know this too."

"...and, well, it's a treasonable offense. You know, imprisoning the Princesses. They...uh...tend to frown on that."

"And?"

"...and so, we've committed treason in your name, O Queen."

"So? Did I tell you to imprison the Princesses?"

"Er, no my Queen, we had simply assumed..."

The alicorn took a deep breath. These two were incredibly irritating.

"What is your name, worm?" she demanded.

"Er, my name? It is Evening Musk, O Queen."

"Well then, Evening Musk, do you know what happens when you assume?"

"Er...no, my Queen. I regret that I do not."

"When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Do you understand?"

Musk looked helplessly at Yorsets, who could only shrug again.

"Regrettably, O my Queen, I'm afraid I do not," said Musk.

The alicorn leered at him, a manic grin spread across her face. Musk shrank back involuntarily.

"When you assume," she hissed. "You make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. Do. You. Understand?"

Musk was now cowering against the wall.

"I...I believe I do understand, O Queen."

Suddenly, the alicorn threw back her head and began to cackle insanely.

"Excellent!" she cried, still cackling. "Then we understand each other?"

Musk and Yorsets exchanged a terrified glance.

"Absolutely!" cried Musk.

"There can be no question!" cried Yorsets.

"Good," said the alicorn.

She crossed to the other side of the hall, and stood gazing out of the window. Her little [i]bon mot[/i] had invigorated her, and her mood had improved considerably. She turned to face the two sniveling worms again.

"So," she began. "If I understand it correctly, you have imprisoned the two Princesses in my name."

"Yes, O my Queen!" cried Musk.

"It is as you say!" cried Yorsets.

"And in what name did you imprison her?"

They exchanged another glance.

"Why, in your name, of course!" said Musk.

"The one true Queen of Equestria!" said Yorsets.

"The Great and Terrible Nightmare Moon!" finished Musk.

The alicorn waved a hoof disdainfully.

"Nightmare Moon, Nightmare Moon," she said. "How tired I am of hearing that name! If I hear one more pony say Nightmare Moon I will snap his neck, and order him dressed in petticoats and hung from the battlements in a totally degrading pose! My name is Black Snooty! Do you hear me? BLACK SNOOTY!!"

She threw back her head and cackled maniacally, black lightning crackling around her horn. The two unicorns immediately threw themselves to the ground and began to grovel.

"Stop that!" she snapped. "Stop that groveling! You were warned about that!"

"We're sorry, O Queen!" they cried, rising to their hooves.

"That's better," she said. "Now then. Ready my chariot! I think it's time that the ponies of Ponyville heard the word of their new Queen!"

"Er...Ponyville, O Queen?" asked Yorsets tentatively.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather make your first proclamation in Canterlot? It [i]is[/i] the capital after all..."

"SILENCE!!" she thundered. "Who is the evil queen here, me or you?"

"You are, of course, Your Majesty!"

"Then do as I command! Ready my chariot! We are going...TO PONYVILLE!!"

- - -

The citizens of Ponyville stood gathered in the town square, watching uneasily as the coal-black alicorn stood at the podium, ranting and raving and making bizarre demands. She was surrounded on all sides by her retinue, a group of ponies clad in strange black robes.

Scootaloo galloped through the crowd, weaving around the adult ponies, until she found her friends at the front near the stage.

"Hey, girls!" she said.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle glanced at her.

"Oh, hi Scootaloo!" said Sweetie Belle.

"What's going on?"

"Pyx turned into some kinda alicorn," explained Apple Bloom. "And she threw the Princesses in jail, and now she's takin' over Equestria!"

"Cool!" exclaimed Scootaloo.

The three of them leaned forward to hear what was going on.

"...and from this day forward, anypony who forces anypony else to eat a pine cone shall suffer a wrath most terrible, and she will be violated over and over with pineapples and coconuts and other assorted tropical fruits, and she shall be cast thence into the darkness, where there shall weeping and gnashing of teeth!!"

Pyx, or Black Snooty as we must now call her, slammed her hoof against the podium for emphasis. She glared out at her confused subjects, a manic expression in her eye.

"...and henceforth, this day, the day of my ascension, shall be known as a day of celebration! Every year, on this date, you will all don silly hats, and render sacrifices unto me..."

"Uh..." whispered Sweetie Belle. "Is it just me, or does Pyx sound a little crazy?"

"I think it's just her time of the month," whispered Apple Bloom. "She is an adult now, after all."

"Wait, is she an adult?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"Well, I assumed so," said Apple Bloom, a puzzled expression on her face. "I mean, look at her!"

"Yeah, but she doesn't even have her cutie mark yet!" said Sweetie Belle. "Have you ever heard of somepony becoming an adult overnight without even getting her cutie mark first?"

"Oh yeah, I guess that doesn't make much sense..." mused Apple Bloom.

"Oi! Scootaloo!"

An unfamiliar, heavily accented voice suddenly rang out from somewhere behind them. The three fillies turned around. A stallion and mare were slowly pushing their way through the crowd. Scootaloo's face lit up when she saw them.

The stallion, a thickly-built earth pony with a brown coat and dark purple mane, stepped forward and gave the little filly a hug.

"How are yeh, Scootaloo? How's moi favorite daughta?" he asked.

"Uh, I'm Sweetie Belle," said Sweetie Belle, pulling herself out from under the stallion's powerful foreleg. "Scootaloo's over there!"

"Oh, roight," said the stallion, looking at where she pointed. "Sorry about that, Scoot! Boy, yer shootin' up like a weed! I barely recognized yeh!"

"That's okay, Dad!" said Scootaloo, running up and hugging the stallion.

The mare, a lanky, peach-colored pegasus with a blond mane, stepped up and hugged Scootaloo as well.

"We're Scootaloo's parents," she explained to the other two fillies. "My name is Mane Allgood, and this is my husband Snap Shutter. We've just returned from an expedition in the Forbidden Jungle."

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged a confused look.

"Cool!" said Scootaloo enthusiastically. "So, uh, are you guys home for good now?"

Snap Shutter reached down and rumpled her mane.

"Nah," he said. "We jes came back to get some supplies and take care of some business in town. We gotta head back out tomorrah!"

"Oh." Scootaloo's face fell.

"So anyway," he said. "How's the old house holdin' up? You didn't burn it down or anything did yeh, yeh little rapscallion?"

Scootaloo's gaze dropped to the ground.

"Uh, the bank foreclosed on it, actually," she said. "I live in a cardboard box in the park now."

"Oh, crikey!" exclaimed Snap. "Sorry about that, Scoot! Guess we forgot to make a couple of payments, eh?"

"I [i]told[/i] you to mail those checks!" said Mane. The two of them laughed.

"So, eh, how's your cardboard box holdin' up then, sweetheart?" asked Snap Shutter.

"Well, actually, it has a hole in the roof..."

"Oh. Well, you can patch that roight up with some Flex Seal!"

"Maybe...you could show me how to do it...?" asked Scoot hopefully.

"Sure, squirt," said Snap Shutter, ruffling her mane again. "We can prolly take care o'that as soon as we......ay, who's that kooky sheila up there, anyway?"

He pointed to the stage, where the alicorn continued to rant and rave.

"That's our friend Pyx," explained Sweetie Belle. "Only she's calling herself Black Snooty now. I guess she's the new Queen of Equestria or something."

They all paused for a moment, listening to Black Snooty's speech:

"...and for all of these reasons, from this day forward, tacos shall be illegal!" she cried. "And, in addition to these new laws, every third Saturday of the month shall be a day of backbreaking labor for all of Equestria! You shall construct unto me a statue in mine likeness, that shall be forty thousand cubits high, and it shall be covered with gold, and bejeweled..."

Snap Shutter and Mane Allgood exchanged a worried look.

"Crikey! Your friend seems a little bunta, Scoot," said Snap. "I'm thinkin' maybe we should cut our visit short."

He looked to his wife for confirmation, who nodded quickly. Scootaloo's face fell again.

"Don't worry, dear," said Mane. "We'll be back in...eh..."

She trailed off.

"...we'll be back as soon as we can, love," finished Snap.

"Right," agreed Mane.

Snap gave a light nod, and the two of them began to hurriedly make their way back through the crowd.

"If yeh need anythin', jes talk to yer aunts!" called Snap over his shoulder.

"Wait!" called out Scootaloo. "I don't remember where they live! Can you give me their address at least?"

"Sorry love, can't hear yeh! Best of luck to yeh though! And don't forget to patch up that hole with some Flex Seal!"

The two of them disappeared into the crowd. Scoot stood staring at the empty space where they had been for a few seconds. Then, she turned to her friends, puffing her chest out proudly.

"See?" she said, in a rather smug tone. "I [i]told[/i] you I had parents!"

# Chapter Sixteen: Look on my Works, ye Mighty

[i]*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*[/i]

Apple Bloom banged her hoof against the table.

"This meetin' of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is now called to order!" she said. "Sweetie Belle, any old business?"

"We still don't have our cutie marks," said Sweetie Belle.

"Noted. Scootaloo, any new business?"

"Pyx is the Queen of Equestria now, so we need to find a new fourth member."

"Noted. Alright, let's deal with the old business first. What can we do to earn our cutie marks that we haven't tried yet?"

Sweetie Belle skimmed over the list she had in front of her.

"Uh, it looks like the only things we haven't tried are lion taming and blood spatter analysis."

Apple Bloom frowned.

"Hmm, well, maybe we should deal with the new business first then," she said. "Okay, who should we nominate to be our new fourth member now that Pyx has ascended to godhood and become Queen of all Equestria?"

Sweetie Belle took a sip from her juice box and swallowed.

"I nominate anypony but Twist." she said.

"Second," said Scootaloo.

"Third," said Apple Bloom. "Motion passes with a unanimous vote. Alright then, so it won't be Twist. Who [i]should[/i] it be? I think we should consider Lemon Pledge. She did a real good job playin' Chimney Sweep #4 in that play we did."

"No way, Lemon Pledge sucks!" objected Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement.

"Okay," said Apple Bloom. "Who do [i]you[/i] think we should pick?"

"Do we even need a new fourth member?" asked Scootaloo.

"Yeah, I mean, even though she's Queen of Equestria and stuff, Pyx hasn't technically resigned yet," added Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom thought about this for a moment.

"Hmm," she said. "Even though she's a grown-up alicorn now, she still doesn't have a cutie mark. Don't you girls think that's kinda weird?"

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at each other, and then nodded.

"It really is pretty weird, actually," remarked Sweetie Belle. "I've never heard of a blank-flank adult before."

"It is weird," agreed Scootaloo. "You'd think if she became Queen of Equestria, she'd at least have gotten a cutie mark for it."

"Maybe she's not very good at rulin' Equestria?" Apple Bloom suggested.

"Actually, I don't think she [i]is[/i] very good at it," said Sweetie Belle. "She made all those dumb laws about tacos and public broadcasting that everypony hates. Plus, I heard my dad talking to my mom about how Pyx was running the economy into the ground."

Scootaloo nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, I heard that too," she said. "Rainbow Dash was saying that her social welfare program is just a huge giveaway to smelly foreigners, and if she doesn't bring interest rates down she's going to drive us right into a recession!"

"Yeah, Rarity said that too," said Sweetie Belle.

"Wait, you're allowed to talk to Rainbow Dash again?" asked Apple Bloom. "I thought she had a court order."

"No, Pyx overruled it," said Scootaloo.

"Oh. Well that was nice of her."

"Yeah, it was," confirmed Scoot. "But other than that, I don't think Pyx is doing a very good job. At least, I think everypony liked it a lot better when Celestia and Luna were in charge. When I was at Sugar Cube Corner the other day, I heard some ponies talking about staging a bloody coup! Pinkie Pie even said that Pyx should be...uh, wait, what did she say again? Oh yeah: she said that Pyx should be 'publicly drawn and quartered!'"

"That's awful!" exclaimed Apple Bloom. "We can't let that happen to our friend!"

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo nodded in confirmation. A gloomy mood settled over the clubhouse.

"Hey!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle all of a sudden. "Maybe [i]we[/i] could help her!"

"Yeah, that's a good idea!" said Scootaloo. "If the three of us and Poochie put our heads together, we could probably figure out how to govern Equestria!"

"We might even get our cutie marks for it!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle.

"Yeah, but how do we get in to see her?" asked Apple Bloom. "Applejack was tryin' to get an appointment to make a petition, and she said Pyx is booked solid for the next six months!"

Scootaloo blew a raspberry and waved both hooves dismissively.

"Oh, come on Apple Bloom!" she scoffed. "We don't need no stinkin' appointment! We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders! All we gotta do is sneak inside the castle somehow!"

"Hey, you're right!" said Apple Bloom. "There ain't nothin' we can't do if we put our minds to it!"

"Yeah!" said the other two in unison.

"Let's go on Friday," suggested Sweetie Belle. "That way we can make it a sleepover, and we won't have to wake up early for Pyx's forced labor program on Saturday!"

The others agreed that this was a fine idea.

"So it's unanimous," said Apple Bloom. "We infiltrate Canterlot Castle, and help Pyx rule Equestria!"

She banged her hoof against the table and made it official.

- - -

In the Great Hall of Canterlot Castle, Black Snooty sat on her throne, a goblet of wine levitated before her. She swirled the liquid around in her mouth, grimacing slightly. At the foot of her throne, a pegasus, wearing the black robes of the Order of the New Moon, stood holding his breath.

"Er...is the wine to your satisfaction, My Queen?" he asked finally.

Black Snooty glared down at him in irritation. Then, she spat.

"This is awful!" she proclaimed. "You must have done something to it!"

The pegasus immediately fell prostrate on the floor, groveling.

"N-no, my Queen, never!" he cried. "I-it's Pone's Farm, j-just like you asked for!"

Black Snooty raised a disgusted eyebrow. She hated it when these knaves groveled like this, but she'd given up trying to correct the behavior. She took another sip from the glass. Perhaps there was something about it she'd missed?

She spat. No, she'd been right the first time; this stuff was just awful. Why had she wanted to try it? Somepony she'd known, somepony from that murky and distant past she couldn't quite remember, had guzzled this swill by the gallon. Who was that pony? Why did the name Pone's Farm fill her with such happy nostalgia? Every time she tried to remember certain things, she felt as though her mind might split in two, and it provoked her temper.

"I don't believe you!" she snapped at her underling.

"P-please forgive me, y-your M-majesty," the pegasus stammered. "I swear that this is only the finest--GAAAK!!"

He was cut off in mid-sentence as Black Snooty levitated him into the air and snapped his neck. She tossed his lifeless corpse into the corner, on top of a large pile of black-robed pony corpses.

"Musk!" she barked.

Evening Musk, also clad in the black robe of his order, stepped forward, trembling slightly.

"Yes, O Queen?"

"I think this knave is trying to poison me. Here, taste this!"

She passed him the cup. Musk took a sip and grimaced. Black Snooty watched him carefully.

"Well?" she demanded.

Musk made a face.

"Well...it tastes like gnat's piss, your Majesty, but I don't think it's poisoned."

Black Snooty breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, good," she said. "For a second I thought somepony was trying to poison me. Where is my cup-bearer? I owe him an apology."

Musk glanced uneasily at the pile of corpses.

"Eh...well, you...er...already chastised him, O Queen."

Black Snooty blinked, then looked towards the pile of bodies. By Jove, he was right: there was her cup-bearer, right at the top.

"Oh, nerts!" she cried. "I always do that! Me and my temper!"

She laughed. Musk chuckled nervously.

"Anyway," continued Black Snooty. "It seems I'm in need of a new cup-bearer. See if you can find somepony."

Musk's horn glittered, and he floated a scroll out from a pocket of his robe. He scanned quickly down the list.

"Eh, well, that may actually be a problem, O Queen..."

Black Snooty frowned.

"I don't like problems," she said. "Problems and I tend to clash. What exactly is this problem?"

Musk glanced uneasily at the pile of corpses again.

"Well, O Queen, it's just that...the Order of the New Moon is...running a bit low on members of late."

"Oh, is that all?" Black Snooty breathed a sigh of relief. For a second she'd been worried that the problem might have had something to do with a zombie uprising. "Just recruit some new ones, then."

"Well, that...may be easier said than done...O Queen."

"Why?"

"Well...it's just that..."

The Queen snorted contemptuously.

"Come on, out with it man!"

"Well, it's just that recruitment in the Order has been...down lately. It seems that word of your...eh...temperament...is discouraging ponies from signing up. We've also suffered...a bit of, er, attrition in the, er, present ranks."

Black Snooty pouted.

"Oh, pooh!" she said. "What a bunch of babies. Well, I suppose it can't be helped. Maybe add some incentives or something; see if you can't make membership a bit more attractive."

"Er...does your Majesty have any suggestions?"

"Oh, I don't know; use your imagination. Give everypony who signs up a Plot Topic gift card or something."

"Uh, well, that...may be a problem, O Queen. I've received word that the treasury is, er, running a bit low of late..."

Black Snooty leaned forward, outraged.

"What?!? Why wasn't I told of this?!? Where is my Finance Minister?!"

"Er, I'll summon him at once, Your Majesty!" cried Musk. "Yorsets! Yorsets, get in here immediately! The Queen demands a word!"

He began frantically tugging on a bell cable near the throne. A short time later, Bastion Yorsets galloped rapidly into the Hall.

"Um, your Majesty has summoned me?" he asked timidly.

"What is the meaning of this?!?" demanded Black Snooty.

Yorsets glanced uncomfortably at Musk, and then back at the Queen, and then back at Musk again. Musk shrugged helplessly.

"Um...the meaning of what, your Majesty?"

Black Snooty furrowed her brow.

"I...don't remember. Musk!" she turned her blazing reptokitty eyes on her cowering minister. "What is the thing of which I need to know the meaning?"

"Er...the treasury, O Queen?"

"Right. The treasury." She returned her attention to Bastion Yorsets. "Yorsets! Musk informs me that the treasury is running low. I demand an explanation!"

Yorsets began fumbling with the hem of his robe.

"Well, your Highness, it's because you've spent nearly all of the money that was in it..."

"What do you mean?!?" she demanded. "At the beginning of my reign, you told me we had millions of bits in there!"

"Well, er, we did, Majesty, but well, you see, there have been expenses..."

"What expenses?"

"Well, you remember that forty-thousand-cubit tall statue you commissioned of yourself, the one made of solid gold and encrusted with jewels? That ate through quite a bit of it. Then, there was that rather large sum you gave over to that Zebrican prince who sent you that letter; we're still waiting to hear back from him. And then there is your Majesty's corpse-disposal budget, which is unusually high compared to previous administrations..."

Black Snooty waved an impatient hoof.

"Enough!" she cried petulantly. "Just tell me how much is left!"

"Er, in the treasury, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Well..." he fumbled about in his robe for his accounting book, and scanned the figures. "Er, I'd say...about four."

"Four?"

"Yes, four."

"Four what? Four million?"

"Eh, no."

"Four [i]thousand?[/i]"

"Um, no, Majesty. Four. Four bits." He squinted at the ledger. "Oh, wait; never mind. With that jug of Pone's Farm you just purchased, we're actually in the red now. The amount in the treasury is negative five bits."

"Absurd!" she cried. "I demand to know the meaning of this!!"

Yorsets shrugged helplessly.

"Well, Majesty, I'm afraid the meaning of it is that Equestria is insolvent."

"What does that mean?!?"

"It means we have no money."

"Why?!?"

"Because you spent all of it."

"Then just put some more in there!"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that."

Black Snooty howled with rage. The two unicorns cowered before her. She drummed her hooves angrily against the marble floor and glowered at the stained-glass windows that lined the Hall. The images of Celestia and Luna seemed to be mocking her. How did they manage to make this job look so easy? For that matter, why had she even wanted this job in the first place?

"I thought you said you were a professor or something!" she exploded suddenly. "You said you had tenure!"

"Er, well, yes, I do," stammered Yorsets. "But, as I've told you repeatedly, my area of expertise is ancient Equestrian sorcery, I'm not an economist--GAAAAAAK!"

Yorsets cried out suddenly as the Queen levitated him into the air and snapped his neck. Musk winced and looked away.

"Oh, pooh!" cried Black Snooty as she tossed the limp corpse onto the pile. "Now, on top of everything else, I need a new Finance Minister! Musk! See if you can find somepony who wants the job!"

"Er, I will do so immediately, O Queen!" stammered Musk. He cleared his throat. "Um, there is, however, a somewhat more urgent matter that requires your attention..."

Black Snooty groaned. Why were there so many urgent matters? Why did all of them require her attention? Ruling Equestria with an iron hoof was proving to be such a tedious chore. Sometimes, she wished she could give all of this up, and become a simple foal, romping around freely in the schoolyard...

"Oh, very well," she said resignedly. "What is it this time? Another wretched peasant petition?"

"Oh, nothing like that, Majesty!" he assured her. "In fact, I think this might actually please you. You see, the guards intercepted an intruder in the castle earlier today."

"An intruder?" the Queen's ears pricked up. Torturing the various dissidents and assassins who tried to infiltrate her fortress of solitude always did tend to cheer her up.

"She says she knows you," continued Musk. "In fact, she's been demanding an audience with you all afternoon."

He had Black Snooty's full attention now.

"Send her in!" she commanded.

Musk bowed.

"As my Queen commands," he said. He turned around and barked at the guard by the door. "Go and retrieve the prisoner! The Queen wishes to interrogate her!"

The guard saluted, and ran off to carry out the order. A short time later, a pair of soldiers entered the room, escorting a purple unicorn who was weaving unsteadily between them.

"Ged yer hooves off me!" she mumbled, swatting at one of the soldiers.

She listed unsteadily to the side, stumbling into him. She looked up at him, rubbing her head against his withers.

"Mmm, yer kinda cute," she mumbled with a grin. "Mebbe some dime you an me can mrrmbmbllemrmph..."

She trailed off, and listed to the other side.

Black Snooty sat up alertly in her throne.

"I know this unicorn!" she cried.

She felt a sharp pain in her forehead, and she winced. Disjointed images flitted across her eyelids: memories of a different time and place, when she had been somepony else. Yes, she had known this unicorn; Twilight Sparkle was her name. However, it was more than that. She'd been close to this pony, she'd even called her...she'd called her...

"Oh, *hic*, loogy here!" slurred the unicorn, snapping Black Snooty out of her thoughts and back into the present. "Loogat lil' miss, *hic*, lil' miss high and mighty!"

Twilight Sparkle stumbled forward, nearly tripped over her own front hooves, steadied herself, and pointed an accusing foreleg at Black Snooty.

"You thing yer preddy great, don'tcha?" she demanded. "Loogat you. Loogat lil' miss fanzy-pands, *hic*, lil' miss high an' mighty! Lil miss fanzy-pands, too, *hic*, too busy rulin' Equedsdria to givver mudder a call!!"

She stumbled forward again, lost her balance, and fell face first into Black Snooty's chest. When she looked up again, she was crying.

"Ah'm sarry!!" she mumbled. She rose unsteadily to her hooves again, and then threw her front legs around Black Snooty in an awkward embrace.

"AH'M SAAAAAARRRY!!!!" she wailed, sobbing. "Bud...bud we had sum good dimes, didn'we? Sure, I...I wuznd always a grade mudder, bud...bud...bud we hadsum good times....right...Pyx? An...an even if you [i]are[/i] Nighdmare Moom, I still...I'm still yer mudder Pyx..."

Twilight buried her face in Black Snooty's chest fluff and blew her nose in it.

"Hey," she said, back on all fours again but still stumbling. "Are you...are you gunna dring dat?"

She pointed to the open bottle of Pone's Farm that was still sitting next to the throne.

"Er, no. You go right ahead," said Black Snooty, who was now busy dabbing at her chest fluff with a handkerchief.

"Thangs," said Twilight. Without further comment, she levitated the bottle to her lips and chugged its contents in a few long gulps. When she was finished, she looked up at Black Snooty again, tears running down her cheeks.

"I...I was a good mudder, wuzzind I...?" she mumbled. And with that, she collapsed onto the floor and immediately began snoring.

For several seconds, nopony spoke. Finally, Evening Musk cleared his throat.

"Er, what...would you like done with her, Highness?"

Black Snooty was watching the unicorn slumber with an odd expression on her face. When Musk spoke, she started and looked up, as if she'd forgotten he was there.

"What?" she said. "Oh, I don't know. Nothing I guess. Let her go."

Musk raised an eyebrow.

"Highness?"

"What?" snapped Black Snooty, clearly annoyed. "She hasn't done anything wrong. Scrape her off the floor, put her in a wheelbarrow or something and have one of the guards escort her home."

Musk looked uncomfortable.

"Er, forgive my impertinence, O Queen, but...are you certain that's a good idea?"

"Why would it not be?" she snapped.

"Well, it's just that, she [i]is[/i] the bearer of the Element of Magic, Highness."

"The Whoozit of Whatsit now?"

Musk sighed.

"Highness, were you even paying attention during the orientation slideshow I presented when you began your reign?"

"Of course I wasn't! Have you ever sat and listened to one of your own slideshows? I'm surprised you didn't end up putting yourself to sleep!"

Musk sighed heavily, and cleared his throat.

"Your Majesty, the Elements of Harmony are a set of very powerful magic talismans. During your Majesty's battle against your royal sister one thousand years ago, she used them to banish you to the moon. Upon your Majesty's return, they were again used to thwart your ambitions, this time wielded by the very unicorn who lies prostrate on the ground before you.

"Twilight Sparkle and her friends are each a Bearer of an Element of Harmony. Twilight's is Magic; the others are Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Laughter and Generosity. When the six Elements are used together, they have the power to topple your reign yet again. This odious mare is a grave threat to you, Majesty, and I would beseech you to--"

Black Snooty groaned aloud.

"Great googly-moogly, but you are an absolute [i]bore[/i] to listen to!" she cried. "Fine; if it's that big a deal then just...oh, I don't know, throw her in the dungeon or something!"

"Highness, I really would advise you to just kill--"

[b]"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!"[/b] she thundered. The outburst took Musk completely by surprise, and he tumbled backward head over hooves.

Black Snooty calmed herself and sat down.

"You will not harm her," she said. "If these Elements of Whatever are really that big a deal to you, then you may imprison her in the dungeon to prevent her from using them. However, you will not lay a hoof on her without my permission, on penalty of death. Is that understood, knave?"

Musk swallowed.

"Yes, your Majesty."

"Good. Now leave me."

Musk bowed and trotted out of the room, silently thankful that he finally had an excuse to leave. One of the guards left and came back with a cart, and they busied themselves with transporting the unconscious Twilight Sparkle to the dungeon.

Black Snooty watched the slumbering drunken unicorn until she'd been carried out of sight, an odd, contemplative expression on her face.

[i]Pyx?[/i] she thought to herself. [i]Was that what she called me? Why do I feel as if I know that name?[/i]

# Chapter Seventeen: Apple Dumpling Surprise

Soup Du Jour was dreaming again. It was an old dream, a dream he'd had many times since he was a foal.

The kingdom of his dreams was a restaurant, the fanciest restaurant Equestria had ever seen. A restaurant so fancy that reservations had to be made centuries in advance. Ponies made reservations not for themselves, nor even for their children, but for their children's children's children. Only the fanciest and most noble families in Equestria were even considered for such an honor.

The menu at this restaurant was so fancy that the names of the dishes could not be uttered in any mortal tongue. The name of the restaurant was so fancy that only those chosen could hear it and comprehend. Its food was so fancy that it could not even be consumed, for to do so would be like tearing asunder that which God himself hath wrought.

And in his dream, Soup Du Jour was a waiter at this restaurant. Only he was not just any waiter. He was the Head Waiter.

But alas, every time he stood in the dining hall of this Most Fanciest of Restaurants, before he could even take one single customer's order, or even their drink order, Soup Du Jour would awaken. He would find himself alone, in his bed, in a world where he could never be a waiter, let alone the Head Waiter of a restaurant so fancy it could only exist in the Realm of Pure Form. And in those moments, Soup Du Jour would weep.

Even after the ascension of Black Snooty, Soup Du Jour still had this dream from time to time. However, when he awoke, he no longer had reason to weep. For he had, thanks to his great and glorious Queen, come as close to achieving his dream as anypony might hope while still entombed in his mortal coil.

The alarm bell beside his bed rang, and Soup Du Jour calmly switched it off. He rose, dressing himself in his waiterly tuxedo as he'd done every day for as long as he could remember. He stood before the mirror, waxing his pencil mustache, oiling his mane into place, and practing the eloquent jargon of his trade:

"Would Sir prefer soup or salad with his [i]entree?"[/i]

"Is the [i]creme brulee[/i] to Madame's satisfaction?"

"If I might make a suggestion, the [i]hay a l'orange[/i] is exceptional tonight."

For most of his life, this morning ritual had been a sad farce: the tragic pantomime of a lonely poner, pining away for a life that could never be. However, since the Great and Glorious Queen Black Snooty had so graciously seen fit to secure him a table-waiting position at Le Brasserie de Le Coq Gigantesque in Canterlot, this tragic ritual had become a joyous one.

And so, as he made the final adjustments to his bow-tie, ready to set off for yet another wonderful day of waiting tables at a chic Canterlot brasserie, he spoke the last words of his ritual, the words that he had added but recently:

"Black Snooty is love," he whispered. "Black Snooty is life."

- - -

"This is today's delivery?"

"Eeyup."

The manager walked around to the back of the cart and gave the load of apples a cursory glance.

"Alright, looks good. Go ahead and unload."

The manager trotted back into the restaurant, and the big beefy red earth pony who was pulling the cart began to undo his harness.

"Quick!" whispered a small voice from the back of the apple cart. "Now's our chance!"

While the cart pony was still fussing with his harness, three fillies slipped quietly out from behind the barrels of apples in the back. One by one, they dropped to the cobbled pavement of the alley and scrambled quickly behind some stacked wooden crates.

"Where do we go from here?" whispered Sweetie Belle.

"Shh," hissed Apple Bloom. "Just sit tight for a minute."

"My butt's numb," muttered Scootaloo.

"Well, it won't get any less numb if you keep complainin' about it!" Apple Bloom admonished. "Now be quiet! If my brother catches us, he'll make us go back to Ponyville with him!"

The fillies stayed hidden behind the crates, while Big Macintosh unloaded the barrels of apples one by one and rolled them through the service entrance of the restaurant. When about a third of the barrels had been stowed away in the kitchen, he raised the back hatch of the cart and redid his harness. When the last clippity-clop of his hoofsies had faded off into the distance, the three fillies emerged from their hiding place.

"Well, we did it girls!" said Apple Bloom proudly. "We made it to Canterlot!"

"Yeah, but what now?" asked Scootaloo. "How are we supposed to find Pyx in a huge city like this?"

They looked around them, taking in for the first time the towering stone walls and parapets and spires rising up all around them.

"Well, let's try and figure it out," suggested Sweetie Belle. "Where are we right now?"

"Hmm, let's see..." Apple Bloom thought about it. "It's Friday, and Big Mac always delivers to the same restaurant on Fridays. Lemme see, what was that place called again...?"

"Le Coq Gigantesque?" suggested Scootaloo.

"Yeah, that's it!" cried Apple Bloom. "How'd you know?"

"It's painted on the wall next to the service door," said Scoot, pointing.

"Hey, I think I've heard of this place!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle.

"You have?"

"Yeah! Rarity is always talking about it. I guess she always comes here whenever she's in Canterlot."

"Rarity likes Le Coq?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Oh, yeah," Sweetie Belle assured them. "She raves about Le Coq. Like, to the point where she won't shut up about it. It's always 'Le Coq this' and 'Le Coq that,' and 'oh, Sweetie Belle, you simply [i]must[/i] try Le Coq when you get older!' If you listened to my sister, you'd think Le Coq was the tastiest thing in all Equestria!"

"Hmmm..." Apple Bloom stroked her chin thoughtfully, staring at Le Coq. "You know what? I'll bet this would be the perfect place to search for Pyx!"

"It would?" asked Scootaloo.

"Sure! I mean, think about it: Pyx is a Queen now, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And Queens like fancy stuff, right?"

"Hey, you're right..."

"So that means..."

"That means that if we just hide out at this restaurant, sooner or later Pyx will show up to eat here!"

"Then, when she shows up..." began Sweetie Belle.

"...we can hide in one of the dishes and wait for them to serve us to her!" finished Apple Bloom.

"This isn't even [i]close[/i] to being the dumbest idea we've ever had!" said Scootaloo excitedly.

The three of them each raised a hoof.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ENTREES!" they exclaimed in unison.

- - -

"And you say this restaurant is the best?" Black Snooty asked.

"Oh, absolutely, my Queen!" Evening Musk assured her. "I dine here all the time; or whenever I can get a table at least! It's the most chic and exclusive restaurant in all Canterlot!"

Black Snooty was skeptical, but she had to admit she was also intrigued. Besides, it had been ages since she'd had a night out. It might do her some good to get out of the castle.

"Well, here we are, your Majesty!" said Musk.

They drew up in front of an opulent structure, the words "Le Coq Gigantesque" glowing above the entrance in elegant neon letters. A velvet rope blocked off the entrance, with a rather haughty-looking unicorn standing guard next to it. A line of elegant ponies was stretched around the block.

Black Snooty and Evening Musk made their way to the front, much to the annoyance of the ponies standing in line.

"Good evening," said the unicorn at the velvet rope. "Do Monsieur and Madame have a reservation?"

"Er, I'm afraid we don't, actually..." said Black Snooty.

"This is the Queen of Equestria, you dolt!" hissed Evening Musk.

The Maitre D frowned, looking at the two of them with a haughty expression.

"Yes, I can see," he said. "And we are pleased to welcome Her Majesty to our humble establishment. However, I regret to inform you that we are booked solid, and without a reservation..."

"I say!" exclaimed an unfamiliar voice. "Does Her Majesty Black Snooty enjoy Le Coq as well?"

Snooty and Musk turned to see an elegant pair of unicorns approaching them, also cutting past the entire line. Both of them had glimmering white coats; the stallion was blue-maned and wore a tuxedo and monocle, and his wife was lithe and beautiful, and had a long, elegant pink mane.

"Oh, I beg your pardon," said the stallion. "We haven't been properly introduced. My name is Fancy Pants, and this is my wife, Fleur De Lis."

"Charmed," said the mare, bowing gracefully. Musk and Snooty returned the gesture.

"Do the two of you dine here often?" inquired Musk.

"Oh, we simply [i]adore[/i] Le Coq!" exclaimed Fleur De Lis. "In fact my husband just [i]loves[/i] it! All night and all day, he just [i]raves[/i] about Le Coq!"

"You're one to talk, my dear," chortled Fancy Pants. He turned to them, smiling. "Why, my Fleur De Lis is so fond of Le Coq it's all I can do to pry her away from it. Every single night, she's just [i]begging[/i] for Le Coq!"

"I think it's safe to say that both of us are just [i]tremendous[/i] fans of Le Coq!" said Fleur De Lis. "Why, the only thing that brings me greater pleasure than Le Coq is jabbing commoners with a stick!"

"Well, I certainly hope you use a [i]long[/i] stick," said Fancy Pants jovially. "I'd hate to think you might accidentally touch one of the commoners you were jabbing! You might end up catching some peasant illness that would keep you away from Le Coq for a week!"

They both laughed in an exaggerated, posh manner. Evening Musk and Black Snooty laughed too.

"Incidentally," said Black Snooty. "Do the two of you have a table reserved?"

"But of [i]course[/i] we do. We would [i]never[/i] attempt to dine here without a reserva--GAAAAAAK!"

Fancy Pants was suddenly levitated into the air, and his neck was snapped.

"I [i]say,[/i] that was quite rude of you, your Majes--GAAAAAAAK!" cried Fleur De Lis, as the same thing happened to her.

Black Snooty tossed the two corpses into a passing apple cart. The beefy red cart pony gave her a dirty look but said nothing. She smiled pleasantly at the Maitre D, who bowed.

"If Madame and Monsieur would like to follow me," he said. "It appears that a table has just opened up."

- - -

Black Snooty appraised her surroundings. It seemed that Evening Musk had been right; this place really was quite fancy. It might have even been the fanciest bistro in all of Canterlot.

"This place really is quite fancy," she remarked.

"Oh, absolutely my Queen," agreed Musk. "It's the fanciest bistro in all of Canterlot!"

"I thought it was a brasserie?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Actually, I'm not sure."

They both laughed in an exaggerated, posh manner.

"Ah, your Majesty!" exclaimed a voice. "We are humbled that you would grace us with your presence at Le Coq Gigantesque! And, if you will permit me to be so bold, I wish to extend my eternal gratitude to your Majesty for recommending me for my current position!"

Black Snooty turned to face the waiter, a confused expression on her face.

"That's Soup Du Jour," whispered Evening Musk. "He's a member of the Order; your Majesty graciously allowed him to become a waiter at this restaurant."

"Ah, yes, of course," said Black Snooty. "Soup Du Jour."

The waiter bowed deeply.

"I am flattered that your Majesty would remember a lowly waiter such as I!"

Another waiter approached, wheeling a cart laden with covered dishes.

"Ah, thank you Pierre!" said Soup Du Jour. "And now, your Majesty, may I present your entree for this evening: sweet apple dumpling surprise!"

He placed a covered dish in front of her. However, before he was able to lift the lid, a commotion at a nearby table drew their attention.

"I say! Waiter!" a pony called out.

Soup Du Jour glanced over his shoulder, and then bowed to Snooty and Musk.

"If your Majesty will excuse me for just one moment." He turned his attention to the next table. "What seems to be the trouble, Monsieur?"

"Waiter," said the pony at the next table. "There's a filly in my soup!"

Sure enough, there was a little orange pegasus filly sitting in his bowl of soup.

"Hey, I've got a filly in my soup too!" another diner called out. And sure enough, there was a little white unicorn filly in his bowl.

Watching the curious spectacle out of the corner of her eye, Black Snooty levitated the cover off of the dish in front of her. On the plate, sitting on a bed of lettuce and garnished with carrots and sprouts, was a little yellow earth pony filly with a bright red mane. As soon as the cover was off, the filly spat out the apple that was in her mouth and waved to her.

"Hi, Pyx!" cried Apple Bloom.

However, before Snooty could respond, the table was seized in a magical aura and overturned. The filly cried out in surprise, tumbling head over hooves into the air.

"ASSASSIN!!" screamed Evening Musk at the top of his lungs. "EVERYPONY GET DOWN!!!"

- - -

"I still don't see why you had to spoil our dinner like that," remarked Black Snooty, tapping her hooves in annoyance.

They were back in the Great Hall of Canterlot Castle. Although the incident had forced them to shut down for the evening, Le Coq Gigantesque had been kind enough to provide them with some complimentary take-out platters. While Black Snooty had to admit that the food was quite delicious, eating it in here just wasn't the same.

Evening Musk bowed obsequiously.

"I apologize profusely, your Majesty," he said for probably the thousandth time that evening. "But your safety is paramount."

Black Snooty grunted, and took another bite of her souffle. If this food weren't so fancy and delicious, she probably would have snapped Evening Musk's neck by now. The food, however, really was quite fancy and delicious.

"So," she said between bites. "What did you do with those three fillies, anyway?"

Musk sighed.

"I did as your Majesty commanded," he said, unable to conceal the disappointment in his voice.

"You put them in the dungeon?"

"Yes, your Majesty."

"In the same cell as the other one?"

"Yes, your Majesty. They are in the same cell as Twilight Sparkle. Though I still don't understand why--"

"So they can keep each other company, of course. I'm not a monster."

"Yes, but I don't understand--"

"Then it's a good thing I don't pay you to understand. In fact, I don't think I'm paying you at all, am I?"

"Er, no, you're not. At least, not since the treasury ran out."

"Well, good. Then you have nothing to complain about."

"That's not exactly...well; never mind. It's just that, well, those fillies tried to assassinate you, my Queen--"

"Oh, give me a break! They were children!"

"They could be pygmy assassins [i]disguised[/i] as children!"

"I highly doubt that."

"But it's possible! If you would only let me torture them--"

"No! No torture."

"Please? Just a little bit of torture?"

"No, not even a little."

"Oh, pooh!"

"Oh, pooh yourself, Musk!"

The Queen finished her souffle and moved on to the plum pudding. She watched Musk out of the corner of her eye. He was still pouting, and it irritated her.

"What are you sulking about now?" she demanded.

Musk opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to think better of it. Black Snooty frowned.

"Speak your mind, knave!" she commanded.

"Well, it's just that..." began Musk, unsure of how to proceed. "It's just that, some other members of the Order have been...talking, my Queen."

Black Snooty raised an eyebrow.

"Talking?"

"Yes."

"And what have they been talking about?"

Musk hesitated.

"They say that you have gone insane," he said. "That your methods are...unsound."

"And are my methods unsound?"

Musk took a deep breath.

"I don't see any method at all, your Majesty," he said finally. "In the past, the Great Queen Nightmare Moon was a terrible and beautiful ruler! You were a ruler to be feared!"

"And am I not feared?"

Musk swallowed.

"Well, er, yes, of course you are," he stammered. "It's just that these recent acts of mercy of yours are sending a bit of a mixed message..."

Black Snooty floated a fork over to Musk's plate and stole one of his potatoes.

"I don't need to explain my actions to you, or to that silly Order of yours," she said nonchalantly. "Last I checked, it was I who was Queen of Equestria. And I keep telling you, I have no idea who this Nightmare Moon is that everypony keeps bringing up."

She put the potato in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

"In any case, those prisoners are not to be harmed. The three fillies, and the other one, the one with that...thing. The Element of Whatever."

"The Element of Magic, my Queen."

"Yes, that. You are to leave them alone. If you want to torture somepony, we have plenty of other prisoners for you to choose from."

Musk sighed.

"Yes, but it's not the [i]same,[/i]" he complained.

"Well, I'm afraid that's just the way it is," said Black Snooty. "And I don't want to hear another word about it."

"Yes, my Queen," said Musk resignedly.

"Now then, let's move on to more important matters. Have you found me a new Finance Minister yet?"

"Ah yes," said Musk, brightening somewhat. "That is being handled as we speak."

- - -

Soup Du Jour stood before the mirror in his bedroom, staring glumly at his reflection. He could barely look himself in the eye.

"Doggy bags," he muttered. "We had to send them away with doggy bags!"

The scene at the restaurant had been bad enough, but to have disgraced himself in front of the Great Queen Black Snooty in such a way...

"I don't even deserve to wear this!" he cried in anguish, yanking off his bow tie and tossing it to the floor.

Suddenly, there came a knock at the door.

"Yes?" he said glumly as he pulled open the door. When he saw who it was, he straightened up.

"I come with a message from Her Majesty Black Snooty," said Night Soil.

Soup Du Jour hung his head in shame.

"I know that I have failed her!" he cried. "I am ready to accept whatever punishment she sees fit!"

Night Soil looked somewhat taken aback.

"Er, it's actually good news," he said.

Soup Du Jour looked up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"So...her Majesty is not...displeased with me?"

"No, I don't think so."

Soup breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"That is wonderful news!" he cried. "So...does this mean I'm not going to be......fired?"

"What? Fired? No; nothing of the sort."

Soup breathed an even deeper sigh of relief.

"In fact," continued Night Soil, "You're actually getting a promotion."

"A promotion?"

Soup Du Jour's eyes lit up. It was almost too good to be true!

"What...position does her gracious Majesty have in mind?" he asked hesitantly. "Maitre D? Wine Steward? Perhaps even......Head Waiter...?"

Night Soil laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, no!" he said. "You have to think bigger, man! You're going all the way to the top!"

Soup Du Jour's eyes widened.

"You can't possibly mean," he whispered. "Assistant...Manager...?"

Night Soil smiled broadly and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Soup Du Jour," he said. "As of this moment, you are her Majesty's new Finance Minister."

All the elation drained out of Soup in an instant.

"...what?"

"Oh yes," said Night Soil. "You're on easy street from here on out! You'll never have to go back to that smelly old restaurant again!"

Soup Du Jour fell to his knees. Of all the cruel twists of fate, he could not have seen this one coming. His eyes filled with tears.

Night Soil laughed heartily.

"Speechless, eh? Well, don't worry; you've earned it my friend. Don't think we've forgotten about all the hard work you've been putting in for the Order! The Queen takes care of her loyal servants! No more waitering for you; no siree! You're on the gravy train now, bucko!"

He turned to go.

"Just be at the castle at 9 AM sharp!" he called out.

The door swung shut behind him. Soup du Jour barely heard it close.

"No," he whispered. "NO!"

He pounded his hooves into the floor, over and over and over.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

# Chapter Eighteen: Decline...

The days passed, and by high summer Black Snooty was mired in a deep malaise. At Evening Musk's suggestion, she had tried taking a greater role in the day to day governance of Equestria. However, no matter how many dissidents she tortured or how many rebellions she put down or how much terror she unleashed on the populace, nothing seemed to make her happy.

One afternoon, she sat glumly in her throne, hearing the latest petitions from her subjects.

"...and that's my petition, yer Highness."

Black Snooty sighed heavily.

"Very well," she said.

Applejack blinked.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You can have a new plow for your farm."

"Well yah-hoo!" cried Applejack, smiling brightly. "I thank'ya kindly, yer Highness!"

"Yes, yes, think nothing of it," said the Queen absently. "Next petition, please."

A pair of frumpy, middle-aged unicorns, a mare and a stallion, stepped forward timidly.

"Uh, beggin' your pardon, your Majesty," began the stallion. "It sure is an honor to be in your presence, don'tcha know."

"Yes, yes," said Black Snooty morosely. "What is your petition?"

"Well, actually," began the stallion. "We were kinda wondrin' if...if...."

"...if we could please have our daughter back," finished his wife politely.

Black Snooty frowned.

"Your daughter?"

"Um, yes your Majesty. You've had our little Sweetie Belle down there in your dungeon for a few weeks now don'tcha know, and we were kinda wondrin' if maybe she's learned her lesson yet?"

Black Snooty felt her heart seize in her chest. She'd completely forgotten about the three fillies she'd locked in the dungeon.

"Er..." she began.

"Actually," chimed in Applejack. "I was gonna ask about that too. Uh, ya see, my lil' sister's down there in yer dungeon too, and, uh......"

The queen sighed.

"Too late, Applejack," she said. "You already asked for a plow."

"Oh," said Applejack. "Well, ya see yer Majesty, it's just that it's gettin' to be harvest season pretty soon, and we could shore use all the help we can get--"

"Sorry, Applejack, you'll have to come back next week," said the Queen. "Go talk to Night Soil at the front desk, he'll tell you where to pick up your plow."

A pair of guards moved in on either side of Applejack, and began to nudge her towards the door.

"Oh," she said again. "Well, uh, I thank ya kindly fer that plow, then, yer majesty. And uh, ya know, if ya get around to lettin' my sister outta the dungeon, I shore would appreciate it..."

"Yes yes, I heard you, come back next week," said Black Snooty.

The guards pushed Applejack out of the Hall, and the door swung shut behind her.

"Um, what about us then?" came a timid voice.

Black Snooty looked down in surprise; she'd almost forgotten about the two unicorns.

"Oh, er...what was your question again?"

"Um, our little Sweetie Belle, your Majesty. We were wondrin' if you could let her out of your little ol' dungeon there."

"Oh, right. Well, eh...I'd have to speak with my Minister about that..."

"Your Minister?" the mare looked confused. "Aren't you the Queen of Equestria then, your Majesty?"

"Well, yes, I am..."

"Then, well, wouldn't it be your decision who goes into the dungeon and who gets out?" asked the stallion.

"...er...well...I really don't keep very close track of that stuff, to be honest," Black Snooty admitted. "It's mostly Evening Musk who handles all of that. I can...eh...look into it probably..."

She trailed off, looking away uncomfortably. There was a rather longish pause.

"So, eh, do you maybe have a time frame you could give us, your Majesty?" asked the stallion.

"Right," agreed his wife quickly. "It's just that, she really is a sweet little filly, and I'm sure she wasn't really tryin' to assasinate'cha or anything, don'tcha know..."

Black Snooty cleared her throat.

"Um, yes. Come back next week; I should have an answer for you then."

She clapped her hooves quickly.

"Anyway, that's all the petitions we have time for today!" she called out. "The rest of you, come back next week!"

There was a general grumbling from the assembled ponies, and gradually the Hall began to empty. The two middle-aged unicorns glanced uncomfortably at each other, bowed, and left along with the rest of them.

The huge doors swung shut with a dull, monotonous boom, and Evening Musk emerged from the shadows.

"Well, your Majesty," he said pleasantly. "How did the day's petitions go?"

Black Snooty gave him a sour look.

"Did you know we still have three fillies locked away in the dungeon?" she asked.

Musk looked taken aback.

"Well, yes, I knew..."

"And is there any possibility of letting them out?"

"Let them out? But...they haven't quite learned their lesson yet..."

"I see. And what lesson were they supposed to have learned?"

"Why...not to assassinate you, of course!"

"Ah. Yes. Of course. It had slipped my mind."

The alicorn queen plodded glumly down the length of the Hall. Evening Musk trotted to catch up to her.

"Er, if your Majesty will forgive my impertinence," he said. "But it feels like you haven't quite been yourself lately?"

"Not myself?"

Black Snooty regarded him with a tired expression. What [i]was[/i] wrong with her? She found she could barely even summon the energy to verbally abuse her Minister anymore.

Musk looked away, frowning. Then, he suddenly remembered something, and his face lit up.

"Ah! I know what would cheer your Majesty up! A hanging!"

"A hanging?"

"Yes! A good old-fashioned public hanging! You always used to [i]love[/i] those!"

Black Snooty sighed heavily.

"Are we at least hanging somepony who deserves it this time?"

Musk's horn lit up, and he pulled a ledger book from a pocket in his robe.

"Er, let me see," he said, flipping through the pages. "Ah, yes. The prisoner is someone we've had in our dungeon for...some time now."

Snooty felt a small twinge of anxiety.

"You...don't say? Who is it?"

"Oh, a vile criminal, absolutely vile!" Musk assured her.

"And exactly what crime did this vile criminal commit?"

Musk squinted at the page.

"Hmm, ah yes. Here we are. It appears as if the prisoner assaulted two fillies earlier this year. It seems that he....hmm.....what? Oh, my, this is quite dreadful!"

Musk continued to read the ledger page, mumbling to himself.

"....he did [i]what?!?[/i]" he exclaimed. "With a [i]pineapple?!?[/i]"

He began to look a little green around the gills, and quickly slipped the ledger back into his robe.

"Er, well," he said quickly. "I'll spare your Majesty the lurid details. Suffice it to say that this scoundrel deserves absolutely no clemency. The prisoner's name is Magnet. Steven Magnet."

"Hmm," said Black Snooty. She felt the anxious knot in her stomach loosen. What had she been afraid of, exactly?

"It appears they have the gallows all ready to go, your Majesty," Musk went on. "They're leading the prisoner there as we speak. Would you...like to attend?"

Black Snooty sighed heavily.

"Lead the way," she said.

- - -

The prisoner was a large sea serpent, so tall that a special gallows had been constructed solely for this occasion. It stood in the courtyard, nearly half as tall as the nearest tower. On the platform stood the condemned, the rope fastened about his neck.

"Oh please, please! I swear I didn't do it, oh please your Majesty, have mercy on me~~~!"

As Black Snooty made her way onto the observation platform that stood opposite the gallows, Steven Magnet was in the process of making an extremely loud and flamboyant plea for his life.

"Wow, that guy is [i]really[/i] annoying!" she said aloud.

"Yes, he certainly is," agreed Evening Musk.

Musk nodded to the masked executioner, who took up a position next to the lever that would release the trapdoor. Then, he made his way to the podium and spoke in a booming voice:

"Steven Magnet! You have been accused of the murders of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and were found guilty in a court of law! In the name of her Majesty Black Snooty, nee Nightmare Moon, Queen of All Equestria and Some of the Lands Beyond Probably, the court has sentenced you to hang from the neck until dead! Do you have any last words!"

"Oooooh~~~!" cried Steven Magnet, weeping hysterically. "My mustache!! Won't somepony [i]please[/i] comb my mustache~~! I can't [i]bear[/i] to die with my mustache in such a frightful state~~~~!!!"

Musk rolled his eyes.

"Will somepony please comb the prisoner's mustache?" he asked.

One of the unicorn jailers stepped forward, levitating a large comb. When the deed was done, Musk stepped back from the podium.

"Would your Majesty like to do the honors?" he whispered.

Black Snooty stepped forward.

"Steven Magnet!" she boomed, in the most royal voice she could muster. "I now command that you.....that you be........"

She trailed off. An uncomfortable silence descended on the assembled crowd. She stood on the podium, staring into the tear-filled eyes of the sea serpent. She sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, everypony," she boomed. "But...I'm just not in the mood for this today!"

She sighed heavily again.

"The prisoner is free to go," she proclaimed.

Steven Magnet let out an ecstatic cry. Meanwhile, a discontented murmur ran through the crowd.

"Your Majesty!" hissed Evening Musk. "What in Equestria are you doing?!?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago!" she snapped. "We've had more than enough public executions in this country! Why can't we do something fun for a change?"

"Fun?!" demanded Musk incredulously.

"Yes, fun. You know, like a pinata party, or a sleepover!"

"A...a [i]sleepover?!?[/i]"

"Yes! A huge sleepover at the castle, for everypony in Equestria! We could give each other makeovers, and tell ghost stories..."

She began to walk away from the podium, already getting excited about the prospect of a national sleepover. Evening Musk trotted quickly after her.

"Your Highness!" he cried. "I fear that you do not comprehend the gravity of what you have just done!"

She shot him an irritated glance.

"What do you mean?" she demanded.

"Your Majesty, Diamond Tiara's father is one of the highest-ranking members in the Order of the New Moon! This...this [i]verdict[/i] of yours is a grievous insult to one of your most loyal supporters! A supporter with powerful friends! Filthy Rich...he needs to see [i]justice[/i] done!"

Black Snooty sighed.

"Very well," she said.

She ascended the podium once more. The guards had removed the noose from Steven Magnet's neck, but he was still standing on the gallows.

"Steven Magnet!" cried the Queen.

Once again, silence fell over the courtyard. The prisoner looked fearfully towards her.

"Steven Magnet," the Queen began again. "Your life has been spared. But I cannot allow you to walk away unpunished. For you have committed foal murder, one of the most heinous of crimes! And for that, I sentence you to...I sentence you...to..."

Several seconds of awkward silence ensued as Black Snooty tried to think up an appropriate sentence. Her mind raced. Then, all of a sudden, it came to her.

"Guards!" she cried. "Shave off his stupid mustache!"

There was a loud, effeminate shriek, followed by a boom as the sea serpent fainted, destroying the gallows with his ponderous bulk.

- - -

"Oh, this is not good, this is NOT good!!"

Evening Musk paced back and forth, his muttering voice echoing forlornly in the empty Hall.

"There's nothing to be done about it now," he muttered. "I'll have to smooth things over with him somehow! Perhaps if I offered him the Chancellorship..."

Black Snooty sat on her throne, watching him with an irritated expression.

"Oh, what's eating you now, Musk?" she demanded.

Musk glared at her.

"Your Majesty," he began, struggling to keep his voice calm. "I don't think you fully understand what you have done."

"What do you mean? Is this about the National Sleepover? I mean, I suppose with our finances in such a state it will be hard to supply Mountain Dew and nachos for the entire population of Equestria, but surely the Bank of Griffonstone will give us another loan--"

"Oh, will you forget about that silly sleepover!" cried Musk in exasperation. "This is [i]serious!![/i]"

Black Snooty's eyes narrowed.

"Are you suggesting," she said coldly, "That the National Sleepover is not a serious matter?"

Musk simply stared at her.

"Your Majesty," he began. "Perhaps I didn't make this clear earlier. As you may have noticed, the political situation in Equestria is rather tumultuous at present, and--"

"Oh, is this going to be another of your tedious political lectures?" groaned Snooty.

"Yes!" snapped Musk. "And for once, you're going to listen to it! Your entire reign hangs in the balance, my Queen!"

"My reign?" asked Snooty. She frowned. "Are...ponies not...happy with me as their Queen?"

"Happy?!? You're asking if they're not [i]happy?!?[/i] No, they're not bloody well happy! Haven't you wondered what all of those rebellions and assassination plots have been about?"

"Oh yes, I was starting to wonder about that..."

Musk buried his head in his hooves. He took a deep breath.

"Your Majesty, let me explain the current situation to you. Equestria is financially insolvent. We no longer have any coin left to pay our expenses. Basic public services that ponies take for granted are no longer able to be funded. The citizens were already in an uproar over your various new laws and forced labor programs, and now they are perfectly livid.

"Naturally, I had planned for such contingencies when we took over, and I could have easily handled it if it was just the commoners we had to worry about. However, with all of your Majesty's summary executions, we've had great difficulty filling cabinet positions! Nopony wants to work for you anymore! Even the Order has begun to turn against you!

"And the largest and most powerful faction within the Order, the one that is most dissatisfied with your rule, is the faction headed by Filthy Rich! We need his support now more than ever, and you just slapped him in the face!!"

"I did?" Black Snooty frowned. "I don't remember slapping him in the face."

She furrowed her brow, trying to remember.

"Now let's see, who did I slap today...?"

Evening Musk groaned and raked his hooves through his mane in frustration.

"You didn't [i]literally[/i] slap him, although you may just as well have!"

Black Snooty raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"I'm...afraid I don't follow you."

Musk groaned again.

"Steven Magnet murdered his daughter!" he cried. "And you set him free!! That sea serpent was one of the most notorious foal murderers in Equestria, and you let him off with...having his mustache shaved! Meanwhile, just this morning, you executed your Secretary of the Interior because he brought you the wrong kind of biscuit for breakfast! And serving you breakfast wasn't even supposed to be his job!"

"Well, whose job is it then?"

"It was the job of the last pony you summarily executed!!"

"Oh, right. That makes sense."

"Your Majesty, don't you understand?" cried Musk in exasperation. "Your rule is hanging by a thread! If we don't placate Filthy Rich somehow, he's going to lead a revolt!"

Black Snooty clenched her eyes shut. She was getting a migraine, and her Minister's shrill voice was making it worse.

"Oh, just send him a muffin basket or something!" she cried.

Musk was incredulous.

"A muffin basket? A MUFFIN BASKET?!?" he stomped his hoof angrily. "We don't even have money in the treasury for a muffin basket!!"

Black Snooty rubbed her fetlocks against her temples.

"Oh, will you please just give it a rest?!?" she snapped finally. "I'm so tired."

However, instead of groveling as she'd expected him to, the robed unicorn turned and glared at her defiantly.

"Give it a rest?" he demanded incredulously. "Give it a [i]rest?!?[/i]"

"Yes!" she cried. "It's your job to deal with all of this silly minutia, so just deal with it!"

Evening Musk threw back the hood of his robe and stomped angrily towards his Queen.

"Now you listen to me, 'Black Snooty!'" he snarled angrily. "Do you have any idea what I've suffered for you? The sacrifices I've made over the years? The throats I've had to cut? The pacts I've had to make? The indignities I've suffered?!?"

"What in Equestria are you blathering about?" cried Black Snooty, rather alarmed by this sudden outburst.

"What am I blathering about? What am I blathering about?!? I'll tell you what I'm blathering about!!!

"I [i]founded[/i] the Order of the New Moon! This intricate web of spies and deception and intrigue, running beneath the underbelly of Canterlot, I orchestrated the whole thing! I sacrificed! I bled!! And do you know why? [i]It was all for you!!![/i] To restore the rightful Queen of Equestria to her throne!!"

He spat.

"All for the glorious return of Nightmare Moon!" he snarled bitterly.

"I keep telling you, I'm NOT Nightmare Moon!" cried Black Snooty.

"Oh, I know that all too well! The [i]real[/i] Nightmare Moon knew how to rule a kingdom! She would have put down any dissent in the ranks of her court, and ruled with an iron hoof!

"She would never have tolerated rebellious mutterings among her supporters! If Filthy Rich had risen against her, she would have squashed him like an insect, not sent him a muffin basket!

"The [i]real[/i] Nightmare Moon would never have allowed herself to be swayed by feelings of pity or remorse or compassion! The [i]real[/i] Nightmare Moon would have hanged that stupid Magnet guy! The [i]real[/i] Nightmare Moon would have killed Twilight Spar--GAAAAAAAAAAAK!!"

Evening Musk's neck snapped. The crack reverberated mournfully off the marble walls of the chamber. Black Snooty tossed his lifeless corpse onto the pile in the corner. She plopped down onto her throne and tapped her hooves against the floor, listening to the echo. She stared out into the emptiness of the Great Hall and sighed.

Now, she was truly alone.