---
title: THE CLEANUP
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## RYAN:
And…we’re back.

---

## JULIE:
Welcome friends old and new to TLC Toy Cleaning Committee.

---

## RYAN:
The hands down funnest committee.

---

## JULIE:
You get to leave the house.

---

After dark.

---

## RYAN:
And you don’t have to do any fundraising.

---

## JULIE:
At least not while you’re cleaning.

---

## RYAN:
I’m Ryan—Ryder’s dad.

---

## JULIE:
I’m Julie—Jacob’s mom.

---

## RYAN:
And this is what? Our fifth year—

---

## JULIE:
Sixth.

---

Non-consecutive—

---

## RYAN:
—Since we co-founded The Learning Co-Op.

---

Our older kids grew up here.

---

## JULIE:
They’re still nostalgic—

---

## RYAN:
For that TLC magic.

---

## JULIE:
So let’s make it sparkle.

---

Grab some gloves.

---

## RYAN:
Enjoy an IPA.

---

Stole it from work.

---

## JULIE:
And cheers to the ’21-22 school year.

---

It’s…a relief to be back in the building.

---

## RYAN:
Let the cleanup begin.

---

## LOGAN:
Here try this one.

---

## NICOLE:
Perfect.

---

I’m Nicole.

---

## LOGAN:
Logan—Liesel’s dad.

---

## NICOLE:
My son is Eli.

---

Plus I have a baby at home, baby Emma.

---

## LOGAN:
I’m eying that massive dollhouse.

---

Do we need to clean all of it.

---

Even the—

---

## JULIE:
Yes.

---

## NICOLE:
How d’you even play with this? Just arrange stuff? Gimme a blanket fort.

---

## LOGAN:
We did a lot of blanket forts.

---

## NICOLE:
I still haven’t crawled out of mine.

---

Of course we’ll need those blankets back for fall.

---

Though tomorrow it’s supposed to warm up.

---

## LOGAN:
Stop.

---

## NICOLE:
What?

---

## LOGAN:
Nicole.

---

You’re the only vaguely promising conversation partner in this room.

---

## NICOLE:
Vaguely? Gee thanks.

---

## LOGAN:
Three hour shifts times 33 Sundays makes 99 hours of sanitizing.

---

Let’s not torture each other with mind-numbing weather chat.

---

## NICOLE:
What would you rather discuss?

---

## LOGAN:
Real stuff.

---

Substantive stuff.

---

## NICOLE:
After you.

---

## LOGAN:
Okay.

---

Well I used to work in building operations at a big downtown hotel.

---

Then the shutdown happened.

---

Got laid off.

---

Now I dabble in home repair, at which I’m moderately competent, and for which I undercharge out of guilt.

---

My soon-to-be-ex-wife is an ER doc.

---

So I have Liesel mornings, plus three or four nights a week.

---

So I’m full time parenting.

---

## NICOLE:
Sorry.

---

No.

---

Like I’m sure you’re awesome dad, but what you’re describing is not full time parenting.

---

I nurse five times a day, down from twelve.

---

I haven’t slept a full night in my bed or spent more than three hours apart from my baby since she was born.

---

This is my first time leaving the house after 6pm since March of last year.

---

## LOGAN:
And you came here?!

---

## NICOLE:
There’s nowhere else! Not for us, at least.

---

Not yet.

---

Driving here I experienced pure, unadulterated elation.

---

Boarding a jet to Europe at the end of a heist movie—that’s how it felt to be driving my banged-up Subaru full of Cheerio dust to this dilapidated church to clean doll furniture.

---

This is my first time leaving my husband with both children—ever.

---

## LOGAN:
Seriously? What the hell is wrong with him?

---

## NICOLE:
And Eli…after five days of school, he's become a new kid.

---

The crying jags stopped.

---

He sleeps with his shoes on.

---

He hasn’t seen kids his age since the shutdown, which is thrilling.

---

## LOGAN:
And you get to do this, equally thrilling thing.

---

## NICOLE:
Beats sitting home looking at disaster photos.

---

Fires, mudslides, hurricanes.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

I can’t watch the news anymore.

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah.

---

No.

---

I’m a claims adjuster.

---

I’m describing my actual job.

---

Haggling with disaster victims as they sift through the ashes for heirlooms. Except, turns out tasks requiring hours of mental focus don’t mesh with soothing a screaming infant.

---

And, since securing multiple daycare slots is like hitting the Powerball, mothering is now my full-time job.

---

## LOGAN:
What I should’ve said is co-parent.

---

I’m the one with the flexible—

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, dude.

---

I get it.

---

And, I’m sorry about—

---

## LOGAN:
My divorce? Yeah, well, it’s going around.

---

## NICOLE:
Must be something in the air.

---

## LOGAN:
Honestly, I’m just here to kill time till my ex leaves for work.

---

We parent in shifts to avoid each other.

---

## NICOLE:
How long can you keep that up?

---

## LOGAN:
I’ve adopted a “just for now” mindset.

---

## NICOLE:
That’s dangerous.

---

Cause when you make an unsustainable compromise two weeks of disruption become two years of survival mode.

---

I’m done with “for now.

---

” I’m ready for next.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

So what’s next for you?

---

## NICOLE:
Is it weird that I envy this mama triceratops? Where’s my Victorian clawfoot soaking tub?

---

## LOGAN:
I’ve got that exact tub at my cabin in Michigan.

---

Minus the dinosaurs.

---

I salvage antique fixtures from construction sites.

---

## NICOLE:
Of course you do.

---

## LOGAN:
Hinges.

---

Doorknobs.

---

Faucets.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh, great.

---

## LOGAN:
What?

---

## NICOLE:
My milk let-down.

---

For a second I felt so free until: biology.

---

## LOGAN:
D’you need a place to pump? I have a key to the office.

---

## NICOLE:
I didn’t bring the gear.

---

But it’s fine.

---

Achy breasts are a small price to pay for my first in-person adult conversation in months.

---

## LOGAN:
You’re married, though?

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, but for a long time our interactions haven’t exactly been…

---

## LOGAN:
What?

---

## NICOLE:
Substantive.

---

## JULIE:
There you are.

---

## NICOLE:
Julie, hi.

---

Sorry I’m late.

---

I had to park kind of far.

---

## JULIE:
Snack starts in four minutes so we need to start prepping.

---

Not on the counters.

---

Not on the counters.

---

## NICOLE:
Sorry.

---

## JULIE:
Hands please.

---

The other sink.

---

It’s just the health department—

---

## NICOLE:
Right.

---

## JULIE:
We can’t take any chances.

---

## NICOLE:
Got it, really it’s fine.

---

I got four boxes of woven wheat crackers.

---

They didn’t have the sea-salt so I had to get cracked pepper.

---

I hope that’s not a problem.

---

## JULIE:
We’ll see.

---

## NICOLE:
For the beans.

---

I just—I got the giant can.

---

## JULIE:
Perfect.

---

## NICOLE:
And the kids they really—?

---

## JULIE:
Love it.

---

It’s the perfect high protein finger food.

---

## NICOLE:
Cool.

---

So is there a can opener—?

---

## JULIE:
Twenty kids, four to a table.

---

We used to do five plates of crackers and serve them each a spoonful of chickpeas

---

but now we have to do individual servings so that’s twenty bowls—start with three crackers per bowl.

---

## NICOLE:
Okay—

---

## JULIE:
Gloves!

---

## NICOLE:
Right.

---

Sorry!

---

## JULIE:
It’s just that the teachers get a bathroom break when we bring out the snack.

---

They’re counting on us to take over at 10:05.

---

Right now it’s story time.

---

After that they line up for hand washing and proceed to their snack spots.

---

## NICOLE:
I peeked in when I got here.

---

It’s nice and peaceful in there.

---

## JULIE:
I wish I could be in there—I mean I am in there.

---

But, you know, as a kid.

---

## NICOLE:
Really?

---

## JULIE:
Adults catering to your every need.

---

Not a care in the world.

---

## NICOLE:
I guess.

---

But the lack of control.

---

The helplessness.

---

The constant confusion.

---

## JULIE:
Sure, but does that ever really go away?

---

## NICOLE:
I mean, some of it.

---

## JULIE:
Wow.

---

These are peppery.

---

## NICOLE:
They were the only—

---

## JULIE:
You know I may have some plain woven wheats in that cabinet behind you.

---

## NICOLE:
Would you like me to—?

---

## JULIE:
I just worry these are so strong.

---

## NICOLE:
My kid likes pepper.

---

## JULIE:
So do mine.

---

But not every preschooler has such a sophisticated palette.

---

## NICOLE:
Next time I’m assigned kiwis.

---

Two dozen kiwis.

---

## JULIE:
Uh huh.

---

## NICOLE:
I was thinking.

---

How will I know if they’re ripe?

---

## JULIE:
Story’s over.

---

Time to get out there.

---

## NICOLE:

---

## LOGAN:, hi.

---

## JULIE:
Go!

---

## LOGAN:
Well I snaked that toilet in the bathroom.

---

Found like four Shopkins down there.

---

## JULIE:
Did you tell the building it’s handled?

---

## LOGAN:
I texted them.

---

## JULIE:
The more we can fix ourselves.

---

## LOGAN:
You should’ve called this place DIY.

---

I bought you a mop.

---

By the way.

---

The old mop’s disgusting.

---

Putrid and moldy.

---

I threw it out.

---

## JULIE:
It wasn’t ours.

---

## LOGAN:
Good.

---

Well.

---

The church got an upgrade.

---

## JULIE:
What? Why are you looking at me like that?

---

## LOGAN:
Because you’ve got that fake, like, phony demeanor about you.

---

## JULIE:
How am I being fake right now?

---

## LOGAN:
Julie.

---

I’ve known you ten years.

---

I know when you’re being fake.

---

## JULIE:
I’m not being fake; I’m being pleasant.

---

## LOGAN:
Mike won’t return my calls.

---

Did you tell him he couldn’t be friends with me?

---

## JULIE:
I think everyone’s trying to stay neutral.

---

If it helps, Mike still likes you better.

---

## LOGAN:
But do you like me better? Cause if you guys broke up, I’d choose you over him, frankly.

---

Granted, he has mellowed out since his accident; of course maybe that was the painkillers.

---

Or the hot physical therapist.

---

## JULIE:
Actually, that’s called emotional growth.

---

Our marriage is stronger than ever.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

I thought that too, before you advised my wife to dump me.

---

## JULIE:
I made one innocent observation.

---

I didn’t know there was a whole…backstory.

---

## LOGAN:
Well what did you think was gonna happen?

---

## JULIE:
A discussion.

---

## LOGAN:
Cause you assume everyone’s like you.

---

## JULIE:
Like me how?

---

## LOGAN:
Rational.

---

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go shower at the gym, cause I’m not allowed in the apartment when Katie’s home.

---

Hope I don’t catch anything.

---

## JULIE:
Logan, I’m sorry things are weird with our families right now.

---

But please know how grateful I am for your help.

---

## LOGAN:
I’m here solely to give my child a bit of normalcy.

---

If there were any better options, believe me we’d avail ourselves.

---

Enjoy the mop.

---

## LOGAN:
Need a hand?

---

## NICOLE:
I can’t get this dang thing to refold.

---

## LOGAN:
You’ve gotta step on the brake first.

---

## NICOLE:
I tried that.

---

## LOGAN:
Oh, I see these just need to be tightened a little.

---

And, ah, here’s our problem, this one is missing a screw.

---

I bet I’ve got one that’ll fit.
Nope, nope, yup.

---

Alright.

---

Good as new.

---

And see this button, it’s kind of hidden, you have to know how to feel for it.

---

One hand up here, the other down here.

---

## NICOLE:
Why couldn’t I do that? I watched like three videos.

---

## LOGAN:
This scrap of fleece was caught in the hinge.

---

It’s clear now.

---

See.

---

Good as new.

---

## NICOLE:
My husband gave up.

---

He said it was toast.

---

## LOGAN:
What! No, this is a Cybex Priam.

---

The Bentley of strollers.

---

All-Wheel Suspension.

---

 Removable bumper bar.

---

 Lockable swivel wheels.

---

Rose gold frame.

---

## NICOLE:
I found it in the alley with a “free” sign.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s astounding what people discard.

---

Down at Galt Baby, you’re talking nine hundred, easy.

---

You have good taste, Nicole.

---

## NICOLE:
Only in strollers.

---

## LOGAN:
How was snack duty?

---

## NICOLE:
I bought the wrong crackers.

---

## LOGAN:
Don’t sweat it.

---

I was once told to bring jicama? But I didn’t realize it was supposed to be cut like a carrot stick.

---

I just brought three giant unpeeled jicama roots.

---

And Julie’s like, “What d’you expect me to do with these?”

---

## NICOLE:
“Snack starts in three minutes.”

---

## LOGAN:
I had to carve them with a dull pairing knife.

---

Mangled the whole job.

---

Snack time ended.

---

The kids didn’t have anything to scoop up their mushed avocados with lime.

---

They were just licking it off of the plates.

---

Goo everywhere.

---

Epic snack fail.

---

## NICOLE:
Julie’s a little intense.

---

## LOGAN:
No comment.

---

## NICOLE:
Sorry, I should’ve realized.

---

You’re friends.

---

God I have terrible social skills.

---

## LOGAN:
Me, Julie and Ryan were all in a pod together, along with our spouses and our seven combined kids.

---

We live on the same block so…

---

## NICOLE:
Man, I wish I’d been in a pod.

---

## LOGAN:
No you don’t.

---

## NICOLE:
Dinner parties, playdates, watching each other’s kids while you work.

---

## LOGAN:
That.

---

Is how it was billed to me

---

## RYAN:
We finally make it to the park.

---

The party’s over.

---

The cupcakes were gone.

---

Ryder had a ginormous meltdown.

---

And I’m like, “Well, maybe if you hadn’t thrown your shoes out of the stroller—”

---

## LOGAN:
Half of parenting’s just looking for shoes.

---

## RYAN:
And the other half is chanting, “Put on your shoes.

---

Put on your shoes.

---

Put on your flipping—

---

## LOGAN:
Why are you taking off your socks! It took forty minutes to put on those socks.

---

## RYAN:
We’ve bought every obscure brand of sensory sock for Ryder.

---

He can’t tolerate any of them.

---

His SPD is so severe.

---

The OT says he’d do better in a full day preschool.

---

And TLC can be so chaotic.

---

## LOGAN:
Tell me about it.

---

## RYAN:
Play-based was great for our older kids.

---

It’s just not a fit for Ryder.

---

We applied a couple of places.

---

Don’t tell Julie.

---

She’d make it about her.

---

## LOGAN:
So then make it about you.

---

Tell her you have to go back to work.

---

Which is true.

---

## RYAN:
So I shouldn’t confess how I’m dying to break out of this hell-loop of mandatory classroom rotations?

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah, I heard there was some drama between our kids on Friday.

---

## RYAN:
You mean when your kid started something with my kid?

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, that’s not how she said it went down.

---

## RYAN:
What went down was Ryder’s block tower, after Liesel came over and smashed it.

---

He’d spent all morning on that thing.

---

It was as tall as the art shelf.

---

He’s Louis Sullivan up on that chair—about to place the final block—Liesel saunters over, out of nowhere, and BAM! He leaps up into the air trying to catch the damn thing, falls, hits his head on a table.

---

The teacher goes running for an ice pack.

---

He’s crying.

---

Snot everywhere.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah, but he built it with her blocks.

---

## RYAN:
They're community blocks.

---

## LOGAN:
He took apart her finished thing.

---

She had a whole city going on.

---

It’s common courtesy if somebody’s using something you don’t just walk off with it.

---

## RYAN:
Could you maybe just get her to apologize? He’s pretty upset.

---

## LOGAN:
No.

---

You build your tower with my blocks.

---

I knock down your tower and take back my blocks.

---

Know what that’s called? Natural consequences.
But speaking of being upset—

---

## RYAN:
What?

---

## LOGAN:
Andrew is straight-up avoiding me.

---

## RYAN:
I don’t think he’s actively—

---

## LOGAN:
No.

---

Cause see now I have evidence.

---

## RYAN:
Evidence?

---

## LOGAN:
When he put an end to our long runs on Sunday.

---

He’s all, “I really prefer to go solo.

---

” Told me he’s working on his “race pace.

---

" Then this morning I caught him with Katie—he was clearly curtailing his cadence.

---

## RYAN:
Well maybe she’s more cordial company.

---

## LOGAN:
Ah ha! So you’re admitting he’s taking her side.

---

Which is bullshit cause we were friends first.

---

He and I were the original friends.

---

Before any of the rest of us knew each other.

---

He threw the party where I met Katie.

---

And if I hadn’t gotten together with Katie none of us would’ve ever met Julie, and she would’ve never met Mike.

---

So actually, if you think about it in order of friendship seniority.

---

It goes: Me and Andrew.

---

Julie and Katie.

---

Me and Mike.

---

You and Andrew.

---

You and Me.

---

Me and Katie.

---

Us and Julie.

---

Mike and Julie.

---

And you’re telling me Andrew’s picking Katie cause she’s “cordial!” We grew up like cousins.

---

And raising our kids the same, until—

---

## RYAN:
Hey, whatever caused all this tension predates your divorce.

---

## LOGAN:
Well whatever it is I sure wish he’d say it to my face.

---

## RYAN:
Do you though? Do you really?

---

## NICOLE:
(Sings.)
♪ Clean-up, clean-up. ♪

---

♪ Every-body every-where. ♪

---

♪ Clean-up, clean-up. ♪

---

## NICOLE & LOGAN:
♪ Everybody do their share. ♪

---

## NICOLE:
I used to take the train every day.

---

## LOGAN:
Yup.

---

Can’t say I miss it.

---

## NICOLE:
I do.

---

My life felt so full back then.

---

I had work friends and gym friends, and just like, regular friend-friends.

---

Slaying the whole working mama thing: pumping on my lunch break, strategic use of flex time.

---

And every weekend I’d take Eli to museums, concerts, the aquarium.

---

Concerts at the aquarium.

---

## LOGAN:
I wore Liesel in the Bjorn at Riot Fest when she was eight months old.

---

I got her those little baby earmuffs.

---

She’s been going to shows her whole life.

---

That might be the one thing I miss about the before-times.

---

## NICOLE:
For real? Cause I miss literally everything.

---

Kissing hello.

---

After work drinks at a crowded downtown bar.

---

6am spin class.

---

I miss all our friends who left the city and never came back.

---

But mostly, I miss who I got to be.

---

And, well.

---

There’s been a lot of conflict.

---

Especially once I stopped working.

---

## LOGAN:
What’s he do? Your husband?

---

## NICOLE:
Mortgage broker.

---

## LOGAN:
Ah.

---

## NICOLE:
His job is convincing people home’s a safe place for their money.

---

Mine taught me we’re one storm away from a reboot.

---

## LOGAN:
Reboots don’t have to be bad.

---

Case in point: I’m renovating a hundred year old lake-house my aunt passed down to me.

---

She’s alive, just couldn’t afford to own it.

---

And it was damaged—yes, in a storm.

---

A pipe burst, flooded the whole place.

---

Mold.

---

Broken windows.

---

Raccoons living in there.

---

I had to rip it all down to the studs.

---

Hauled out like eight dumpsters of debris.

---

And once it was standing empty, know what came into focus?

---

## NICOLE:
What?

---

## LOGAN:
My “next.”

---

Sitting on the front porch on a frosty morning with the steam wafting off of your coffee mug, watching the geese on the water.

---

Here’s that soaking tub.

---

I’m installing it this weekend.

---

First thing on my list.

---

## NICOLE:
No, no, no.

---

First thing on your list should be that branch.

---

## LOGAN:
What branch?

---

## NICOLE:
The one dangling over your power line.

---

See.

---

Like I always told my clients: never invest in the inside ’til you’ve mitigated risk on the outside.

---

Wind, water, ice.

---

It’s amazing what folks overlook.

---

Frayed wires.

---

Cracked foundations.

---

Improperly vented gas appliances.

---

Typically.

---

Our ruin.

---

Is in plain sight.

---

## RYAN:
We got a spot at Green Bean.

---

## JULIE:
Dammit.

---

This printer.

---

## RYAN:
A waitlist spot.

---

## JULIE:
There’s like ten jobs stuck in the queue—does nobody even—

---

## RYAN:
They called yesterday.

---

Full day preschool, meals included.

---

## JULIE:
I’m just gonna have to unplug it.

---

Ten, nine, eight, seven…

---

## RYAN:
Julie are you hearing me?

---

## JULIE:
Yeah.

---

I heard you.

---

Say you’re walking away from TLC.

---

Dumping me—weeks into the school year.

---

I thought we were partners, Ryan.

---

## RYAN:
I need full time work.

---

I can’t do it without full time daycare.

---

## JULIE:
We have eighty-six families depending on this school to exist until May.

---

## RYAN:
Then those people need to step the fuck up.

---

‘Cause I can’t work thousands of hours a year as an unpaid administrator so my four year-old can finger paint.

---

## JULIE:
Which is why I want to transition us into a real school.

---

With a capital campaign, and a building.

---

## RYAN:
And you, stretching yourself like Elastigirl, trying to bridge every gap in the tracks.

---

Come on, do you really wanna spend your life running this place? Who is it for?

---

## JULIE:
For the community.

---

To prove there’s a third path.

---

## RYAN:
Well, my family can’t afford it anymore.

---

Neither can yours by the way.

---

Our kids needs are changing.

---

I need to respond with what’s best for them now—Violet’s begging to join a travel soccer team.

---

I can’t be in two places at once.

---

## JULIE:
Fine.

---

You don’t have to volunteer.

---

Except, obviously, the gala.

---

## RYAN:
No gala.

---

## JULIE:
But you’re the charming one.

---

I can’t host that auction alone.

---

## RYAN:
Julie, I consider you family.

---

But if we’re gonna remain friends, I have to make a clean break from the co-op.

---

I tried boundaries, they just didn’t work.

---

## JULIE:
But you’re staying on the board, right? You can’t quit.

---

You’re treasurer.

---

## RYAN:
I need you to be treasurer.

---

## LOGAN:
Fuck no.

---

## RYAN:
Look.

---

I already set up the spreadsheets for fall semester tuition.

---

Just pay the bills, track donations, do a quick update at board meetings.

---

Second semester invoices get mailed in January.

---

Contract renewal letters go out in March.

---

## LOGAN:
So you’re saying it’s a hundred things.

---

On top of the maintenance, the snack duty, and the endless requests for yarn.

---

## RYAN:
If you hate it so much why are you still on the board?

---

## LOGAN:
I owed Julie a favor.

---

And, and, Liesel loves her friends.

---

After the year she just had, being back in the classroom.

---

It’s a gift.

---

## RYAN:
A gift from me: TLC co-founder.

---

So really—the least you could do—

---

## LOGAN:
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.

---

The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town.

---

## RYAN:
That’s how they torture bad parents in hell.

---

## LOGAN:
Are we good for Saturday?

---

## RYAN:
Dunno.

---

I’ll probably be bogged down doing treasurer stuff.

---

## LOGAN:
Come on.

---

## RYAN:
Maybe we should just take a breather.

---

Not like you’re counting on the income.

---

## LOGAN:
Fine.

---

Fuck you.

---

I’ll be treasurer.

---

## RYAN:
Great.

---

Here’s the login info.

---

## LOGAN:
Seriously? Our bank password is “ForgingFriendshipsABC.”

---

I wonder who erected that impenetrable bulwark.

---

## RYAN:
Be nice to her when I’m gone.

---

## LOGAN:
Is that another job you’re foisting onto me?

---

## RYAN:
No, that’s just manners.

---

## LOGAN:
Who’s gonna do the gala?

---

## RYAN:
Fuck if I know.

---

I asked Cindy, Kristen, the other Kristen.

---

The other Cindy.

---

## LOGAN:
Cause no one wants to go begging for donations.

---

Those women have jobs.

---

## RYAN:
I’m ecstatic to rejoin the ranks of the fully employed.

---

## LOGAN:
Wish I had the option, ‘cept my former boss won’t rehire me.

---

## RYAN:
We have a new buyer.

---

## LOGAN:
Well that’s something.

---

Vetted?

---

## RYAN:
A friend of a friend, with friends.

---

But it’s gonna mean more volume.

---

## LOGAN:
Okay.

---

I can do four outta seven for sure.

---

The rest we’ll see.

---

I may have to borrow your truck.

---

## NICOLE:
What’re you guys whispering about back here?

---

## RYAN:
Dad stuff.

---

## LOGAN:
Stroller repair.

---

## RYAN:
Splinter removal.

---

## LOGAN:
Paw Patrol.

---

## RYAN:
IPA?

---

## NICOLE:
Still nursing.

---

Maybe next time.

---

## LOGAN:
Sadly, there won’t be / a—

---

## RYAN:
Thanks.

---

For washing those napkins.

---

I know it wasn’t technically your week.

---

## NICOLE:
No problem.

---

Feels good to be making a contribution.

---

## RYAN:
Doesn’t it though? And speaking of contributions.

---

## LOGAN:
Ryan, no.

---

## RYAN:
We could really use some help planning this year’s Gala Auction.

---

## LOGAN:
Do not drag her into this—

---

## NICOLE:
What? Why not—

---

## LOGAN:
Because it’s—

---

## RYAN:
Easy.

---

Honest.

---

I’ve laid all the groundwork.

---

It’s really about, just, securing auction items—

---

## LOGAN:
Soliciting awkward favors—

---

## RYAN:
Coaxing parents—

---

## LOGAN:
The rich parents—

---

## RYAN:
—to package little luxuries.

---

Florida vacation rentals.

---

Backstage passes to Lolla.

---

## LOGAN:
Lay off, Ryan.

---

She doesn’t wanna do it.

---

## NICOLE:
I haven’t said that.

---

## RYAN:
Like there was this waterpark thing.

---

Private party at a brewery—that’s the brewery where I work, I’ll do that again.

---

Be a dead body on Chicago P.D.

---

## NICOLE:
For real?

---

## RYAN:
That surprisingly went for a lot.

---

Lemme tell you about the boot trick.

---

## LOGAN:
Don’t be a sucker, Nicole.

---

## RYAN:
At pick-up when everyone’s kneeling on the floor near the cubbies.

---

Grab the boots.

---

Her child’s boots.

---

Hand her the coat.

---

Put the boots on her kid, slowly, as you make the ask.

---

Her hands are full; she has to wait for you to finish.

---

You helped her.

---

Now she wants to help you.

---

Heuristic of reciprocity.

---

## LOGAN:
Mind games.

---

## NICOLE:
Well, it would give me a reason to introduce myself to other parents.

---

## RYAN:
It’s the ideal ice breaker.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s countless hours of work.

---

## NICOLE:
Well, I’ve gotta earn my keep, right? We only pay 50 percent tuition—

---

## RYAN:
There’s no fine print on the sliding scale.

---

We founded this school cause half our friends work in the service industry.

---

They couldn’t afford the fancy daycares—

---

## NICOLE:
Ohmygod, like Green Bean.

---

## RYAN:
For example.

---

## LOGAN:
Pfff.

---

## NICOLE:
That place costs more than my college.

---

## RYAN:
Well, thank you, for taking this on—Madame Co-chair.

---

## NICOLE:
Wow.

---

I’m co-chair! Who’s the other—

---

## RYAN:

---

## JULIE:.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh.

---

## RYAN:
And, of course, you’re excused from toy cleaning.

---

Instant promotion.

---

## NICOLE:
But I love cleaning toys.

---

Or at least—

---

## RYAN:
The social aspect?

---

## LOGAN:
Goodnight, Ryan.

---

## RYAN:
Keep those files safe.

---

## LOGAN:
No promises.

---

Way to cut and run, by the way.

---

Real classy.

---

## RYAN:
Hey.

---

Whenever you're in trouble, just yelp for help!”

---

## NICOLE:
Did he name his son after the Paw Patrol character?

---

## LOGAN:
Ryder? No.

---

It’s from Brideshead Revisited.

---

That’s Andrew’s favorite book.

---

## NICOLE:
What’s it about?

---

## LOGAN:
False friends.

---

## NICOLE:
Chrysanthemums, comets, and dragon eggs?

---

## LOGAN:
Hey.

---

Are you reading my super secret shopping list?

---

## NICOLE:
With burning curiosity.

---

## LOGAN:
A man’s gotta provide.

---

## NICOLE:
Relax, no judgment.

---

I just can’t believe I’m too old to even have heard of the club drugs.

---

Am I gonna have to just? Read about them? In The Atlantic? Like somebody’s mom?!

---

## LOGAN:
Come on.

---

No, it’s nothing like that.

---

It’s fireworks.

---

I bring ‘em back from Michigan; he sells ‘em.

---

Only the quality stuff.

---

## NICOLE:
That’s still illegal though.

---

## LOGAN:
Eh.

---

Wanna set some off?

---

## NICOLE:
Where?

---

## LOGAN:
I know how to get on the roof.

---

## LOGAN:
Hey.

---

## NICOLE:
I was hoping I’d catch you.

---

## LOGAN:
Are you the last one?

---

## NICOLE:
Our ranks are dwindling.

---

We started with what, nine toy cleaners, tonight we got four.

---

## LOGAN:
Soon it’ll just be us.

---

## NICOLE:
I wouldn’t object.

---

You’re the reason I keep showing up.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s not your commitment to cleanliness? Fidelity to the co-op?

---

## NICOLE:
Truthfully.

---

I’m not feeling real committed to much anything lately.

---

## LOGAN:
Ah.

---

Well, you wanna go somewhere and talk about it?

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, no.

---

I have like maybe twelve minutes.

---

## LOGAN:
Any way I can be of service?

---

## NICOLE:
Perhaps.

---

## NICOLE:
Just careful, my boobs are super tender.

---

## LOGAN:
Better?

---

## NICOLE:
Perfect.

---

## LOGAN:
You have a fantastic body.

---

## NICOLE:
And you’re a really good kisser.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah?

---

[phone rings]

---

## LOGAN:
Shit.

---

It’s Julie, one second.

---

’Sup?

---

## JULIE:
Are you still in the office?

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

## JULIE:
I was talking to Cindy on snack duty today.

---

She was saying she just, you know, she went back to work full time at her old firm—

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah, I already asked.

---

She’s not the kind of lawyer I need.

---

## JULIE:
Right.

---

Sorry.

---

I’m not recommending her.

---

She was saying something about being back at the top of the sliding scale.

---

We billed her full tuition, right?

---

## LOGAN:
I’d have to look that up.

---

But yeah, I mean whatever she says.

---

## JULIE:
Okay, it’s just.

---

On your spreadsheet they’re listed at 75%.

---

## LOGAN:
Could be a cut and paste error.

---

Are you in the doc now? Cause from here it looks like we’re billing them full.

---

And I don’t see you.

---

## JULIE:
Oh, shit.

---

Sorry.

---

I’m looking at 2019.

---

It’s been a long day.

---

I just found the current and—yup it’s up-to-date.

---

My bad.

---

Okay.

---

Well.

---

Thanks for handling all this.

---

You know I don’t like to get nosy with people’s financial situation.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

It’s a pretty intimate thing.

---

## JULIE:
Well, goodnight.

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, sorry about that.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s fine.

---

I should’ve realized you have work.

---

## LOGAN:
No, no, no.

---

It’s not that.

---

It’s just.

---

## NICOLE:
What?

---

## LOGAN:
First off, Nicole, please know I find you insanely attractive.

---

Since the day you walked in here I had an immediate crush on you.

---

## NICOLE:
You’re not trying to say something reasonable and mature?

---

## LOGAN:
No.

---

Trust me, I’m neither of those things.

---

I just don’t want, later, for you to be like, “Fuck, that fucking guy.”

---

## NICOLE:
You’re sweet, but don’t all hook ups carry a thirty-three percent risk of that?

---

## LOGAN:
It’s just.

---

I have this crazy shared custody schedule, zero reportable income.

---

I’m prepping to move off the grid.

---

My house is a glorified campground.

---

I don’t even have towels.

---

Not ones fit for a woman—just the unicorn kind with a rainbow mane of glitter yarn.

---

## NICOLE:
Calm down, dude.

---

I’m not asking for towels.

---

I just wanted to make out a little.

---

## LOGAN:
And?

---

## NICOLE:
It was hot.

---

And now I have to rush home to nurse the baby.
You really have a crush on me?

---

## LOGAN:
Massive.

---

I’d just hate to see you sucked into my bonkers lifestyle.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s a trade up from quiet desperation.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah, the thing is though, I’m not a good guy.

---

## NICOLE:
I feel like a good guy would say that.

---

## LOGAN:
Wouldn’t know cause I’m not one.

---

## NICOLE:
Prove it.

---

## LOGAN:
Okay.

---

## NICOLE:
To be continued?

---

## LOGAN:
You know where to find me.

---

## JULIE:
Did you cut this jicama yourself?

---

## NICOLE:
I used a mandolin.

---

## JULIE:
They’re the ideal shape for dipping.

---

Like adorable translucent French fries.

---

Nicole, you’ve become my star volunteer.

---

## NICOLE:
10:04.

---

Should we get out there?

---

## JULIE:
No rush.

---

We’re gonna let recess go longer because of the snow.

---

## NICOLE:
My kids were so excited.

---

I put Emma in her giant one piece snowsuit and brought her outside.

---

She just sat on a snow mound, squealing with glee.

---

‘Til Eli threw snow in her face and made her cry.
I really wanted my husband to take pictures.

---

I was doing the photobook for Emma’s first year and noticed: I’m not in a single picture with them both.

---

He wouldn’t even come outside.

---

Not even to see Eli’s snowman.

---

## JULIE:
Is he depressed?

---

## NICOLE:
Probably, but hell, so am I, and I still manage to zip up the snowsuits and wrestle on mittens.

---

Then I yesterday I went to the dentist, and I thought I’d perfectly timed it during nap.

---

But when I got home he was furious.

---

Emma refused to go down; screamed through his calls.

---

And I get it, because, that’s the whole reason I had to quit my job.

---

But also, the man has like zero interest in our children.

---

And they know it—they—
Also, I had this fantasy, with Eli in school part time, I’d slowly catch up on all the stuff I haven’t been able to do.

---

Get my driver’s license renewed, see a chiropractor about my weird shoulder pain, get my eyebrows done for the first time in two years.

---

But instead it’s just—relentless.

---

## JULIE:
I’ll take your kids tomorrow.

---

## NICOLE:
Really?

---

## JULIE:
Sure.

---

Jacob’s been begging for a playdate with Eli.

---

And check this out:

---

## NICOLE:
“My Favorite Thing, by Eli: My favorite thing is school at TLC.

---

My best friend is Jacob.

---

We love trains.

---

We love dinosaurs.

---

We love each other.”

---

## JULIE:
I met my own lifelong best friend in nursery school.

---

She lives in LA now.

---

But when my husband was in a car accident when our twins were ten weeks old she dropped everything, flew in, and took over my household for two months.

---

She cooked the meals, did the laundry, rocked the babies.

---

## NICOLE:
That’s a rare friend.

---

## JULIE:
I just wish she didn’t live so far away.

---

At this age friendship can be—

---

## NICOLE:
Not as simple as mutual fascination with the fauna of the cretaceous period?

---

## JULIE:
Precisely.

---

Anyway, my maternity leave was over.

---

Being there for Mike’s recovery meant taking unpaid leave, meaning we couldn’t afford daycare.

---

So I downshifted at work and started a neighborhood babysitting swap.

---

One afternoon Ryan brought Violet for a playdate.

---

She had one of those chalkboards with alphabet magnets, and the kids were playing school.

---

We turned to each other and asked, “How hard could it be?”

---

## LOGAN:
Bad judgement looks good on you.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh this? This is sleep.

---

I took a nap before I came here.

---

As for my judgement aren’t you the one who stands to benefit?

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, no scruples.

---

Let’s go.

---

## NICOLE:
Shhh.

---

There’s still like three people in there.

---

## LOGAN:
So we’ll be patient.

---

## NICOLE:
The baby is weaning.

---

## LOGAN:
Oh?

---

## NICOLE:
The past three nights she hasn’t asked for mommy milk.

---

Just wanted her pouches of lentils.

---

## LOGAN:
Wouldn’t be my first choice.

---

## NICOLE:
I’m considering a weekend away.

---

To kind of ease the transition to…nighttime independence.

---

## LOGAN:
Do you have a destination in mind?

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, actually.

---

I’ve been hearing good things about this place up north.

---

## LOGAN:
Oh yeah?

---

## NICOLE:
In the woods, on a lake.

---

With coffee and geese and a really nice bath.

---

## JULIE:
How did the night weaning go? Did you use those earplugs I got you?

---

## NICOLE:
I knew I’d give in.

---

I had to go off the grid.

---

## JULIE:
Do whatcha gotta do.

---

How’d your husband handle the kids?

---

## NICOLE:
He didn’t.

---

He dumped them on his sister.

---

It was supposed to be Daddy-Emma bonding time.

---

He’s completely disengaged.

---

Compared to some of the dads here who are so involved.

---

I deserve that—they deserve that.

---

## JULIE:
So where’d you go?

---

## NICOLE:
A friend offered their place.

---

## JULIE:
I have a friend is operations manager at a luxury hotel downtown; when I weaned the twins he got me a room and I slept for two days.

---

## NICOLE:
Is that the hotel where Logan used to work?

---

## JULIE:
Yeah, Andrew was his boss.
How’s your shoulder pain?

---

## NICOLE:
Better.

---

Now it’s just brain fog.

---

I can barely remember my name.

---

## JULIE:
I had a work Zoom today.

---

Someone goes, “‘Jacob’s mom’ makes a good point.” That’s what I had typed in the square.

---

## NICOLE:
You’re still working? I didn’t realize.

---

## JULIE:
Just for now.

---

’Til I can transition into a salaried position here.

---

I’m ready to get out of finance.

---

My previous boss—she was a really dishonest person and she kind of stabbed me in the back—I was pregnant at the time, and she used my pregnancy as an excuse to exclude me from an opportunity that I’d been chasing for a long time.

---

Plus we were friends, I’m still kind of reeling from that.

---

You think you know someone…
Meanwhile, my husband thinks I’m insane, running this place for free for six years.

---

But we’ve laid the groundwork: we have an alumni base; we have our reputation.

---

We’ll launch our capital campaign.

---

Buy our own building.

---

Expand into elementary.

---

And when I’m standing by the front door on a clear September morning greeting each child by name—when I have a title, and a professional staff, the respect of the parents.

---

That will prove it was totally worth it.

---

## NICOLE:
You called it.

---

Everyone’s stopped showing up.

---

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’re you doing with that bucket?

---

## LOGAN:
Preparing to clean all these toys by ourselves.

---

## NICOLE:
Can we not? Actually.

---

## LOGAN:
But isn’t it like a health department requirement?

---

## NICOLE:
Are you a health inspector?

---

## LOGAN:
Ummm…What’re you doing?

---

## NICOLE:
We’ve got green, yellow, blue.

---

And a whole.

---

Lotta.

---

Pink.

---

## LOGAN:
You’re gonna make such a big mess.

---

## NICOLE:
The kids get to do it.

---

Why not us? I’m thinking one foot pink and one green.

---

## LOGAN:
I guess that’s fine.

---

If you wanna be basic.

---

Me, I’m going with a two-tone color-block technique.

---

Left toes blue, right toes yellow.

---

Right heels blue, left heels yellow, and a bit of an ombre effect at the arch.

---

## NICOLE:
Wait.

---

Let me rescue my sweater.

---

## LOGAN:
You’re like a fecund, florescent Venus.

---

## NICOLE:
I get that a lot.

---

## LOGAN:
I’d like to frame you and mount you on my wall.

---

## NICOLE:
You don’t have walls.

---

## LOGAN:
Move in and I’ll build some.

---

## NICOLE:
Sorry.

---

For real?

---

## LOGAN:
It just makes logical sense.

---

## NICOLE:
But can we just leapfrog all of the…stages?

---

## LOGAN:
You’re moving out anyway right?

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, but—

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, I’m not asking for a commitment.

---

I’m offering an alternative.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s just the timing—

---

## LOGAN:
Is good.

---

I mean it’s not like your kids are in school yet.

---

## NICOLE:
Except this school.

---

Hello.

---

I’m involved.

---

Plus, I don’t wanna be dependent.

---

## LOGAN:
You’ll contribute.

---

I’ll contribute.

---

## NICOLE:
I don’t want to support you either.

---

## LOGAN:
I’m solvent.

---

And handy.

---

As I hope I’ve sufficiently demonstrated.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s a big transition for the kids.

---

## LOGAN:
To a childhood on the shores of a pristine woodland lake.

---

In the spring we’ll plant a garden.

---

In the summer we’ll fish.

---

In fall we’ll bake pies.

---

## NICOLE:
What I really need is to start working again.

---

## LOGAN:
We’ll convert that old tool shed into an office.

---

Go back whenever you’re ready.

---

I’ll handle the kids.

---

## NICOLE:
I used to feel so energized in the city, but now—all of it just seems so, optional.

---

## LOGAN:
The city will be here.

---

You’ll just be gaining warblers, and starlight, and trees.

---

## NICOLE:
Trees?

---

## LOGAN:
Which I will prune.

---

## NICOLE:
What kind of pies.

---

## LOGAN:
All of them: apple, blueberry, cherry.

---

## NICOLE:
Vented or latticed?

---

## LOGAN:
Vented.

---

Obviously.

---

The top crust is the whole point.

---

## NICOLE:
What a mess!

---

## LOGAN:
Fortunately for you.

---

I’m good with a mop.

---

INTERMISSION

---

[children singing]

---

## CHILDREN:
♪ “We’re going on a bear hunt.

---

We’re gonna catch a big one. ♪

---

## CHILDREN:
♪ What a beautiful day.

---

♪ We’re not scared… ♪

---

## CHILDREN:
♪ Uh oh, grass. ♪

---

♪ Long wavy grass. ♪

---

## CHILDREN:
♪ We can’t go over it. ♪

---

♪ We can’t go under it. ♪

---

♪ We have to go through it.” ♪

---

## JULIE:
Hey mama! I got us a couple of lavender lattes.

---

## NICOLE:
Aww.

---

Thank you.

---

## JULIE:
They have CBD oil.

---

It’s three dollars more, but I was just like—what the hell, it’s Valentine’s day.

---

## NICOLE:
And, I’m officially separated.

---

It was our first conversation in months.

---

## JULIE:
How are you feeling?

---

## NICOLE:
Relieved.

---

He’s not clamoring for custody, opposite, but he did agree to spend more time with the kids—starting with his sister’s wedding in March which also happens to be the weekend of our gala—meaning I’ll be kid free and I can totally focus.

---

I just hate that it’ll be on Zoom.

---

I was hoping they’d have the vax for littles by now.

---

## JULIE:
We’ll make it work.

---

Party of two.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s nice to have something to look forward to.

---

Thanks for this.

---

I feel chiller already.

---

## JULIE:
Well, I figured today might be a tough one.

---

## NICOLE:
Me too, but weirdly, I’m okay.

---

My son gave me a big construction paper heart.

---

## JULIE:
I know.

---

I helped him make it.

---

And the pasta bracelet.

---

## NICOLE:
Which I am proudly wearing right now—turquoise is my favorite.

---

## JULIE:
We weirdly ran out of pink paint.

---

## NICOLE:
Stupid supply chain issues—

---

## JULIE:
Are the mother of invention.

---

Year after year you’re churning out petal pink pasta bracelets.

---

Circumstances change.

---

Boom: a Pantone bridge of painted paccheri.
Why don’t you come over for a girls’ night after your kids are down.

---

We’ll order Thai food and watch Bad Moms.

---

## NICOLE:
Ooh.

---

I love Bad Moms. And, also.

---

I have some more news.

---

Girls’ night appropriate news.

---

Surprising, maybe—but also, happy.

---

I think.

---

## JULIE:
Sounds intriguing.

---

Oohh, also, you can finally meet Katie.

---

She’s making her chocolate cheese cake.

---

## NICOLE:
Liesel’s mom, Katie?

---

## JULIE:
Yeah.

---

It’s also her first Valentine’s since her separation.

---

She’s excited to meet you.

---

It’s crazy how much you're alike.

---

She got to know your kids at their last few playdates at my house.

---

She taught them to make those paper snowflakes.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh.

---

I didn’t realize.

---

## JULIE:
Don’t worry.

---

We’re all being careful, but I figured, our kids are all in the same classroom.

---

We can still wear masks if you want.

---

## NICOLE:
No, it’s true.

---

We share exposure.

---

## JULIE:
She’s having a rough time, for obvious reasons.

---

## NICOLE:
I’m sorry to hear that.

---

## JULIE:
She’s an ER doctor—which took her, you know, like twelve years to get to that point—not to mention having an unexpected baby during her residency.

---

## NICOLE:
Wow, so they weren’t even—?

---

## JULIE:
No.

---

But he was really into it.

---

He needed a purpose.

---

Or a project at least.

---

He's a project guy.

---

So she finaaaally becomes a full fledged doctor, and covid happens.

---

Her mentor dies on a ventilator, weeks before they ship the first shots.

---

She’s bereft.

---

Two months later, she and Logan split up.

---

## NICOLE:
What happened there, exactly?

---

## JULIE:
Well, I really shouldn’t get into it.

---

## NICOLE:
Did they just lose the spark or…?

---

## JULIE:
No.

---

No.

---

Opposite.

---

It’s clear they’re still…pining.

---

They may even still—well.

---

I shouldn’t speculate.

---

But, no.

---

It was a hundred percent about money.

---

You two should connect.

---

She’s been doing tons of research about financial settlements.

---

## NICOLE:
They don’t have one yet?

---

## JULIE:
(Lowering her voice.

---

)
Well.

---

It’s tricky.

---

She has the bulk of their reported income, but also, she has like two hundred grand in student debt.

---

Logan, on the other hand, has no official income since he got laid off.

---

His handyman stuff, plus, God knows what else, that’s for cash.

---

She has zero idea what he made last year.
But, their big asset: His aunt retired and gave them that lake house in Michigan—as a wedding present.

---

It’s marital property.

---

Which he denies.

---

He’s getting all the labor on the remodel in trade.

---

But the land alone is worth three times more than their condo, which he wants her to “buy him out” of, which is bullshit.
But she’s stuck—she can’t work without childcare.

---

She does three-twelve hour overnights a week so she can spend her afternoons and weekends with Liesel.

---

He sleeps over and stays until nap.

---

Then he has the audacity to argue for primary custody on the grounds she's at work too much.

---

How gross is that?

---

## NICOLE:
Well there must be more to it than that.

---

## JULIE:
Clearly.

---

Cause every time she tries to kick him out he just gives her those puppy dog eyes and it’s like she forgets he’s being actively shitty.
What’s your Thai food order again? Red curry tofu extra spicy?

---

## NICOLE:
About tonight.

---

I think I’m just gonna stay home.

---

Emma’s molars are coming in and she’s been super clingy at bedtime.

---

## JULIE:
No.

---

You can’t just dangle mysterious news and then bail.

---

Give her some teething tablets.

---

Let me book you a sitter.

---

My treat.

---

Solidarity plus cheesecake!

---

## LOGAN:
Happy Valentine’s Day.

---

## NICOLE:
What are these?

---

## LOGAN:
They’re snowshoes.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh.

---

Thank you?

---

## LOGAN:
I got Eli some too.

---

I was thinking you could bring the kids up for the President’s Day weekend.

---

We’ll explore the woods.

---

Emma can ride on my back.

---

Liesel’s been begging to make s’mores.

---

I can dust off the old guitar.

---

## NICOLE:
I wish you’d brought this up sooner.

---

Julie’s family invited us skating.

---

## LOGAN:
So you’re choosing a two hour ordeal at the skate ribbon, most of which will be wasted standing in the damn rental line, over three blissful days of family time?
(Silence.

---

)
You do realize she’s grooming you to be her new unpaid second in command.

---

## NICOLE:
Don’t make it sound so sinister.

---

## LOGAN:
All I’m saying is she’s very effective at plugging people into her own personal agenda.

---

I’ve seen her do it before.

---

Hell, she’s done it to me.

---

## NICOLE:
What d’you mean?

---

## LOGAN:
Does she ply you with unsolicited favors?

---

## NICOLE:
I wouldn’t call that plying.

---

I think it’s called friendship.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s a tactic called favor debt.

---

## NICOLE:
No.

---

If anything she acts like she’s in my debt.

---

## LOGAN:
That’s the tactic.

---

Making you feel like she can’t run the school without you?

---

## NICOLE:
Well she literally can’t.

---

I’ve been doing a ton.

---

And she’s super grateful.

---

## LOGAN:
Has she tried to get you on the board yet?

---

## NICOLE:
It’s come up.

---

And actually, I’m considering it.

---

## LOGAN:
She needs votes to move forward with her “official head of school” campaign.

---

## NICOLE:
She should be head of school; and it should be a paying position.

---

## LOGAN:
See that’s where it gets messy.

---

How do you know where the friendship ends and the transactional stuff begins? She’ll do anything to retain volunteers.

---

Like there's this psycho thing where she’ll like take photos of people with their kids,

---

and then later present them as gifts.

---

Do you think she’d keep being your friend if you weren’t so involved with TLC? It’s a friendship of proximity.

---

Do you really want to spend the next three years of your life portioning out fruit slices in exchange for cheap praise? I thought you were ready for next.

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah.

---

Except, I don’t quite know what next even looks like.

---

## LOGAN:
It looks like moving forward.

---

Blending our households.

---

Stabilizing our schedules.

---

I’ll sort out my custody stuff—

---

## NICOLE:
Wait, wait, wait.

---

Are you saying you want us to move in to help with optics in your custody negotiations?

---

## LOGAN:
No.

---

I want you to move in because I have never gotten along so well with another human being in my life.

---

It’s so easy with you, Nicole.

---

## NICOLE:
Or maybe it feels that way, since our relationship’s limited to sex and emotional connection.

---

Minus the stressors.

---

## LOGAN:
Except what are those things if not an antidote to life’s stressors? Have you been feeling better since we started seeing each other?

---

## NICOLE:
Obviously yes, Logan.

---

I do feel a million times better than I did in September.

---

But also it coincides with a lot of positive developments in my life, including leaving quarantine,

---

making friends, ending a loveless marriage, sleeping through the night,

---

bullet journaling, getting a therapist, and cardio-dance class on Zoom.

---

It’s not like, a hundred percent cause: your dick.

---

## LOGAN:
So you’re saying that’s more like eighty percent?

---

## NICOLE:
What ended your marriage, Logan?

---

## LOGAN:
Difference of opinion.

---

## NICOLE:
Did you have sex and emotional connection?

---

## LOGAN:
I mean…it was a fucked up dynamic.

---

## NICOLE:
But you had those things—

---

## LOGAN:
To an extent, sure.

---

## NICOLE:
What happens when we disagree?

---

## LOGAN:
Nicole, did I do something to upset you?

---

## NICOLE:
It’s almost springtime.

---

Do you have an actual plan?

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah.

---

Plant the garden, finish installing those solar panels.

---

Maybe do a little woodworking.

---

## NICOLE:
You’re describing a Sunday afternoon.

---

What’s your plan for settling your divorce.

---

Work.

---

Parenting.

---

Kindergarten.

---

All the big stuff in your very immediate future? You stay over three nights with your ex—

---

## LOGAN:
Babe, I’ve told you, that’s all just for now.

---

## NICOLE:
And what about work? Money? Income?

---

## LOGAN:
Don’t worry about me.

---

I’m enterprising.

---

## LOGAN:
Thanks for making the trip.

---

## RYAN:
I enjoy a solitary drive.

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, any time you guys wanna bring the kids up for the weekend.

---

## RYAN:
I know.

---

Everything’s just so busy with work since I’m back to full time.

---

## LOGAN:
How’s Ryder liking his new school?

---

## RYAN:
He loves it.

---

Routine’s really good for his sensory stuff.
Well, the house is really coming along.

---

Those wooden beams.

---

## LOGAN:
Original! All I did was expose them.

---

## RYAN:
And the kitchen is stunning.

---

## LOGAN:
Those tiles are all salvaged.

---

## RYAN:
Yeah, but that Viking range.

---

That can’t all be coming from this.

---

## NICOLE: (off)
Logan, do you have any tweezers?

---

Liesel got a big splinter in her…toe.

---

Hey.

---

## RYAN:
Hey.

---

## NICOLE:
You didn’t mention that Ryan was coming.

---

Are you staying for lunch?

---

## RYAN:
Nah, I’m just doing one final pickup.

---

## NICOLE:
Getting out of the explosives game?

---

## LOGAN:
He’s quitting to spend more time with his family.

---

## NICOLE:
Logan, she’s asking for you.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s good to see you, Ryan.

---

Bring the the kids next time.

---

I’ll make pie.

---

## NICOLE:
Hey, umm…could you maybe not…?

---

## RYAN:
I respect your privacy, if not your choices.

---

## NICOLE:
My choices are none of your business.

---

I just want what you already have.

---

My children’s father has been breaking their hearts in slow-motion.

---

Whereas, Logan, in one weekend, taught Eli to tie his shoe, zip his coat,

---

and flip a pancake—they even played CandyLand—for over an hour.

---

## RYAN:
I have an eight minute CandyLand limit.

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, it’s next level.

---

Is it messy? Of course.

---

But at least with him I can be authentic.

---

I don't have to pretend like I have it together.

---

And I am just really sick of pretending.

---

## RYAN:
Then stop.

---

Make that choice.

---

## JULIE:
“Hello TLC Community.

---

Welcome to our 2022 March Virtual Gala.

---

I’m Julie, Jacob’s mom, joined by my new cohost, Nicole, mother of Eli.”

---

## NICOLE:
“Delighted to be here.”

---

## JULIE:
“We’re gonna kick off tonight’s festivities with a video montage of our littles in action, shot and edited by Mya’s Grandma Sophie.

---

Then we’re going to move on to some TLC themed bingo.”

---

## NICOLE:
“Check your email for your randomized bingo card to play along at home for a chance to win fabulous prizes…”

---

## JULIE:
“Like these fleece blankets embroidered with The Learning Co-Op’s motto: ‘Forging Friendships through Collaborative Play.”

---

And of course, the auction, which we’re taking high tech this year.

---

Nicole, will you talk us through it?”

---

## NICOLE:
“Happily.

---

So everyone should’ve gotten a link with their tickets to the app where you’ll be able to bid in real time.

---

We’ll be highlighting items throughout the evening.”

---

I’ll have that all on my tablet by the way.

---

## JULIE:
And then we start the video.

---

Somehow.

---

## NICOLE:
Don’t worry, I have it in my dropbox.

---

## JULIE:
Awesome awesome.

---

Did your ex take the kids to that wedding?

---

## NICOLE:
They left this morning—back Monday.

---

## JULIE:
Wanna grab a kid-free dinner? We could try that new Italian place.

---

## NICOLE:
I kind of feel like a solo drive.

---

Ooh, do you wanna see Eli in his suit?
Wish I hadn’t altered the bridesmaid dress.

---

Check it out.

---

It’s a full on ballgown.

---

## JULIE:
♪ Cinderella dressed in yella went upstairs to kiss a fella… ♪

---

## NICOLE:
♪ Made a mistake and kissed a snake… ♪

---

## JULIE & NICOLE:
♪ How many doctors did it take? ♪

---

## JULIE:
Wear it tomorrow.

---

Let’s go full throttle Princess-core.

---

## NICOLE:
I’ll do it if you do it.

---

## JULIE:
Done.

---

Planning this auction with you has been a dream, Nicole.

---

## NICOLE:
Aww, thank you.

---

## JULIE:
And, I wanted to do a little something to reciprocate.

---

## NICOLE:
Ooh, a present.

---

## JULIE:
So, I hope you don’t mind.

---

But I took these candid photos of you and the kids on the playground.

---

## NICOLE:
Whoa, these look professional.

---

## JULIE:
Cause you’re so radiant.

---

I love this one of Emma on the slide; her precious baby cheeks.

---

And Eli on the swings.

---

Look he’s mid-laugh.

---

The three of you on the see-saw.

---

This one is my favorite.

---

## NICOLE:
Oh, Julie.

---

## JULIE:
So when you come out the other side of this—you and your kids.

---

I just wanted to show you.

---

You got this, mama.

---

## NICOLE:
Based on what, though?

---

## JULIE:
Everything.

---

You’re caring, conscientious, community minded.

---

## NICOLE:
Wait, isn’t how you were described in The Washington Post’s “On Parenting” section—turned pull-quote on the TLC website’s “About” page.

---

## JULIE:
Sure.

---

Maybe that’s where I got it, but you’re doing it.

---

You’re here: Making space for your children to thrive.

---

## NICOLE:
I believe that’s on your brochure.

---

## JULIE:
Yeah.

---

Cause that’s our mission.

---

## NICOLE:
What if I told you that isn’t my mission? That I’m here for all the wrong reasons?

---

## JULIE:
You organized the auction.

---

## NICOLE:
As an excuse to get out of the house.

---

## JULIE:
Which you deserve.

---

There is no shame in needing “you time.

---

”

---

## NICOLE:
Of course there’s no shame.

---

I don’t feel the least bit of shame.

---

I love Emma and Eli infinity.

---

But the work of mothering.

---

The stupid, bullshit, unpaid, unnoticed, million-and-one tasks a day.

---

Nobody talks about this—nobody tells you.

---

## JULIE:
Even if they did, would anyone really get it?

---

## NICOLE:
My whole identity just—

---

## JULIE:
Bled off the page like watercolors in the rain? Nicole, that happens to everyone.

---

Every new mother.

---

It’s earth shattering.

---

And it blows.

---

And the first two years, three years, five years are an identity desert.

---

And then…you regroup.

---

## NICOLE:
Have you regrouped?
Would you still even wanna be friends with me if I wasn’t community minded? If I drop the performative caring?
At parent-teacher conferences.

---

I sat down at that tiny table in the tiny chair and the teacher read her report about Eli.

---

And I couldn’t even hear what she was saying cause my brain was just like,

---

“Wait? I’m the parent at this parent-teacher conference?

---

I’m supposed to expose him to various phonemes—I’ve never heard of a phoneme.”

---

## JULIE:
I have a great app; I’ll text it.

---

## NICOLE:
Of course you do.

---

Even if you didn’t start a preschool, you’d still have that app because you’re one of those moms.

---

## JULIE:
Those moms?

---

## NICOLE:
You know.

---

Your kids are snacking on broccoli and singing in French and all their toys are wooden and their clothes are made of bamboo and they play the violin and also, somehow, chess, even the four year-old.

---

Meanwhile, my kid’s sticking the bishop up his nose.

---

You have a special shelf just for library books so they don’t get mixed up with the non-library books.

---

Your daily planner looks like a freaking illuminated manuscript.

---

You compost.

---

And your hair smells like goddamned apricots.

---

## JULIE:
I mean, it’s JĀSÖN conditioner from Whole Foods.

---

Anyone can smell this way.

---

## NICOLE:
Sure.

---

Anyone could do any one of those singular things.

---

But the full suite? Everything is just flowing for you.

---

I will always lose the library books.

---

I don’t want to know about phonemes.

---

I don’t want to be conscientious.

---

And I definitely don’t want to do all this by myself.

---

## JULIE:
You won’t have to.

---

## NICOLE:
That’s easy for you to say.

---

## JULIE:
It would be.

---

But I’m actually here.

---

## LOGAN:
Hey, beautiful.

---

## NICOLE:
Hey.

---

I feel so rested.

---

## LOGAN:
We’ve been sleeping a long time.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s so quiet up here.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s the snow.

---

It snowed all night.

---

Check it out.

---

All the trees are coated in ice.

---

## NICOLE:
What time is it?

---

## LOGAN:
Umm.

---

Two-fifteen.

---

## NICOLE:
What? Why didn’t you wake me up.

---

## LOGAN:
Cause I was sleeping too.

---

## NICOLE:
Wow.

---

It’s like Elsa switched on her freezing magic.

---

My car is just—buried—it’s practically up to the windows.

---

## LOGAN:
Don’t worry.

---

You’ve got plenty of time to get back.

---

## NICOLE:
The roads will be terrible.

---

## LOGAN:
So you’ll go slow.

---

Get your stuff, I’ll dig you out.

---

## NICOLE:
Save it.

---

Go use your big muscles to dig.

---

## LOGAN:
So the bad news: Our cars are frozen in place.

---

The tires are fully encased.

---

## NICOLE:
Well, do something, cause I gotta get back for the gala.

---

## LOGAN:
It’s on Zoom, right? Zoom in.

---

We have WiFi.

---

[frozen branch cracking]

---

[A crash]

---

[electric sizzling]

---

## NICOLE:
You never pruned that goddamned tree?! I caught that in September, it’s March!

---

## LOGAN:
I was trying to get the house ready for you and the kids.

---

## NICOLE:
It was the one thing I specifically asked you to do.

---

## LOGAN:
On the plus side.

---

This is a golden opportunity to fire up the wood burning stove.

---

Glad I spent all winter chopping.

---

## NICOLE:
Well I spent all winter planning this gala.

---

Which starts in four hours.

---

It’s all on my laptop.

---

## LOGAN:
Julie will manage.

---

To quote the aforementioned queen, “Let it go.”

---

## NICOLE:
Okay, first off: That isn’t the message of Frozen.

---

Opposite.

---

Second, you literally sent an all-school email, as treasurer, on how the co-op relies on the gala to cover year-end expenses.

---

How are you not more concerned?

---

## LOGAN:
Experience.

---

Somebody always steps in.

---

## NICOLE:
And that someone is gonna be me if we can’t close that gap.

---

## LOGAN:
Babe, I cautioned you, “Don’t get roped in.”

---

## NICOLE:
I am participating in a cooperative effort to educate and socialize our children.

---

## LOGAN:
I think you should text your / regrets—

---

## NICOLE:
Damn it got cold in here fast.

---

## LOGAN:
Draw a hot bath.

---

I’ll make Irish coffee and heat up that venison stew.

---

## NICOLE:
Wow.

---

Your whole life is just one fantasy after another.

---

## LOGAN:
And that’s bad cause—?

---

## NICOLE:
We’re the grown-ups.

---

We’re in charge.

---

## LOGAN:
Come to think of it.

---

There may be a gas powered generator out in the shed.

---

With some luck I could get it up and running.

---

## NICOLE:
Goodbye, Logan.

---

We’re all done.

---

## LOGAN:
Done talking or done…done? Nicole, there’s sixteen inches of snow and we’re 3.

---

8 miles from the highway.

---

## NICOLE:
Good thing you taught me to snowshoe.

---

## LOGAN:
Babe, it’s subzero out there.

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah, but the thing is.

---

I’m feeling very committed right now.

---

## JULIE:
Good evening, and welcome to TLC’s first ever virtual gala.

---

My cohost isn’t here.

---

If anyone’s heard from Nicole, please alert me in the chat.
So, I see there are a LOT of you who tuned in tonight.

---

A lot.

---

Awesome.

---

We have so much good stuff to auction off.

---

And we have a heartwarming video, except I don’t have actually have that file so.

---

Mya’s Grandma if you’re watching maybe you can help me with that.

---

You know what.

---

I’m just gonna dive right in.
And the first item is.

---

…Compost.

---

You know what? Actually.

---

Let’s start with a more exciting one.

---

A 4-night golf getaway at Grand Geneva Resort.

---

What a fantastic item.

---

Okay, since I don’t have the nifty auction software why don’t you text your bids to my phone.

---

I’m putting my number in the chat.

---

And.

---

Let’s start the bidding at $750.

---

Remember this includes golfing.

---

Fun.
Wow.

---

So many of you are texting me.

---

But you’re all texting me $750.

---

Maybe bid more.

---

There we go, a thousand dollars.

---

Okay, eleven hundred.

---

Keep going.
Shoot.

---

So your contacts aren’t saved in my phone so—folks who are bidding— please put your names in your texts cause I am getting a lot of texts right now.
Wow.

---

Like three of you are named Brian.

---

And everyone’s bidding the same amount, you have to bid up—there we go, $1800 from Brian with the 630 area code.

---

$2200 from Bryan with a “Y.” Okay I think that’s it.

---

Anyone else? Cool.

---

Just sixteen more items to go.

---

Should we maybe take a little bingo break?
I’ve always wanted to use a bingo wheel.

---

This is fun.

---

And the first clue.

---

Are they called clues? I don’t really know.

---

“Have you ever brought kiwis for snack?” If you’ve ever brought kiwis for snack mark your bingo cards.

---

Actually, you know what? Cindy Torres are you watching?

---

I’m gonna try and make you co-host so you can describe this next item, which is a chance to see fossils with a real life paleontologist.

---

What a cool job.

---

Cindy.

---

## CINDY:
Julie, hi.

---

You’ve got the wrong Cindy, this is Cindy Kim.

---

## JULIE:
Oh, sorry.

---

Maybe this is her in the box that says Izzy’s mom.

---

Cindy?

---

## KRISTEN:
Julie, sorry this is actually Kristen, Izzy P’s mom.

---

Izzy T’s mom is out of town right now; her dad’s having surgery.

---

## CINDY:
Julie, I donated the Mommy Needs a Break Ultimate Self-Care Retreat.

---

I could talk about that.

---

## JULIE:
Yes, please that would be great.

---

## CINDY:
I’m not dressed for Zoom though, I’m watching this from my Peloton.

---

## JULIE:
Hey, I’d be watching this from bed if I wasn’t here hosting.

---

## CINDY:
So unfortunately, The Tranquility Wellness Center is closed because of Omicron.

---

But you can still experience their world class, expert-guided, self-care retreat at home where you’ll learn how to tap into your limitless spiritual aquifer of inner calm.

---

Oops, gotta go.

---

My child just threw up on the cat.

---

## JULIE:
Wow, a Self-Care retreat that comes to you.

---

Pamper yourself and still not skip cleaning-up vomit.

---

And… Good news, folks.

---

It looks like we do have that heartwarming video after all.

---

[Sentimental music]

---

## NICOLE’S VOICE:
*“The Learning Co-Op: Forging Friendships through Collaborative Play.*

---

*In these turbulent times we need our community more than ever.”*

---

[door slams]

---

## RYAN:
Where the fuck is she?

---

## JULIE:
Aww.

---

You’re wearing a tux.

---

## RYAN:
I always dress up for the gala.

---

## JULIE:
Six months of planning and she ghosted me?! I’m humiliated in front of everyone I know.

---

There’s a twenty-person text chain mocking me in real time—to which I was ‘accidentally’ added.

---

There are board members on there!

---

## RYAN:
People are assholes.

---

## JULIE:
I’m done, Ryan.

---

I just wanna to crawl into bed with my husband, stream F-Boy Island, and scarf a whole pyrex of bake-sale brownies—sorry not sorry Cradles to Crayons———I mean, obviously, I’ll write them a check.

---

## RYAN:
Sure.

---

## JULIE:
I’m not heartless.

---

It’s just: why put ourselves through this charade? Can’t we just help each other without the pointless busywork and the endless emails? This whole system is bullshit!

---

## RYAN:
Right? If it’s not the school it’s the church, or the soccer team.

---

And our family is so conspicuous I feel like I have to be a model father at all times.

---

As if the judgement of the world relies on whether I sent those empty egg cartons for the craft project.

---

## JULIE:
And now I’m remembering the dozens of times I asked you for yarn.

---

## RYAN:
Yeah, what’s up with yarn in this place, it’s like the Bermuda Triangle of yarn.

---

## JULIE:
Can we please just go home now?

---

## RYAN:
And let the haters win? Hell no.

---

We’re doing this auction.

---

And it’s gonna be the best year yet.

---

I just need to print out some notes.

---

## RYAN:
Does nobody ever put paper in this thing?

---

## JULIE:
Hurry we have like three minutes.

---

## RYAN:
Of course there’s old spreadsheets stuck in the queue.
Umm.

---

I’m sorry, Jennifer G.

---

is definitely not paying less than 100%.

---

Girl left a Cybex Priam in the Freebox.

---

## JULIE:
She left a WHAT in the Freebox?

---

## RYAN:
And the Morrisons pay 50% not 25.

---

## JULIE:
Honey, what are you talking about?

---

## RYAN:
What the actual—?

---

## JULIE:
What?

---

## RYAN:
Oh my god…

---

I think…Logan may be stealing from us.

---

From the school.

---

## JULIE:
Wait, what? How would he even?

---

## RYAN:
By underreporting tuition revenue and pocketing the difference.

---

See, if someone is paying 100 percent he bumped them down to 75, someone paying 75 he’s saying they only paid 50.

---

Not every family, just like every third row.

---

## JULIE:
No.

---

He wouldn’t do that—maybe he just scrambled the columns?

---

## RYAN:
Honey, this is a thirty, forty grand discrepancy.

---

## JULIE:
So he’s been in here syphoning off cash?! While, I’m going out-of-pocket on teacher payroll.

---

## RYAN:
You are?

---

## JULIE:
We were behind on our rent to the church.

---

Which you’d know if you hadn’t quit the board.

---

I was counting on tonight.

---

The auction makes 20% of our budget.
And he said I was fake.

---

He said I was a phony.

---

## RYAN:
I should’ve never trusted him.

---

Especially cause right before lockdown Andrew was on the verge of firing Logan.

---

## JULIE:
For what?

---

## RYAN:
Taking kickbacks.

---

## JULIE:
And you put him in charge of our bank account?

---

## RYAN:
It felt different.

---

Anyway, he was spared when the shutdown layoffs happened.

---

He never found out he was caught.

---

## JULIE:
The video’s ending.

---

I can’t be on camera.

---

## RYAN:
Yes, we all noticed.

---

## JULIE:
And Ryan, we can’t take their money.

---

## RYAN:
Way ahead of you.
Good evening fellow parents.

---

I’m Ryan, father of Ryder, Jaiden and Violet.

---

And seeing our children at play serves as a powerful reminder of just how important this school has been to my family over these past six years.

---

Normally this is when I’d ask you to write us a check—but after what we’ve collectively been through this year,

---

it feels more appropriate to make this evening about honoring the full breadth of your contributions.

---

All the snacks you’ve brought, all the flowers you’ve arranged, all the stories you’ve read.

---

The swings you’ve pushed, the toys you’ve cleaned—shout out to all my toy cleaners—well, most of you.
We, umm.

---

You mean a lot to us.

---

And, sometimes it may not feel like it, but what you’re doing here folks.

---

It’s pretty extraordinary.

---

And if I had a dollar for every friendship forged at TLC I’d send you all to Grand Geneva.

---

Instead, I’ll wish you a relaxing evening, and a restful, uninterrupted, night’s sleep.

---

## JULIE:
You’re the best partner I never deserved.

---

I’m sorry I put the school ahead of your happiness.

---

I didn’t want to believe you were done.

---

## RYAN:
Done with the school.

---

Not done with you.

---

Who helped eradicate the bedbugs you got from that “romantic” antique headboard? That was like twenty-five loads of laundry.

---

## JULIE:
Twenty-seven.

---

## RYAN:
Who drove you at rush hour to the South Wabash impound lot after you brazenly parked at the Container Store only to be busted crossing the street to Nordstrom Rack?

---

## JULIE:
I had one tiny item to return.

---

## RYAN:
And who, just this past Monday, swooped in with emergency Lunchables for the twins,

---

going so far is to deconstruct the contents into their stainless steel PlanetBoxes so no one need know your highly processed shame?

---

You’ve been so pissed at me for quitting TLC, but I never for one second stopped being your friend.

---

Neither has Andrew by the way.

---

He sent me to rescue you.

---

I was gonna pour a second Manhattan and let you ride it out.

---

## JULIE:
He was counting on me to ignore it and he was right.

---

I ignored.

---

## RYAN:
We could press charges.

---

## JULIE:
And ruin a little girl’s life? Liesel’s my goddaughter.

---

## RYAN:
We could sue.

---

## JULIE:
Bad press and lawyer bills.

---

Every parent in the city gossiping about us.

---

Not him, us.

---

## RYAN:
On the bright side, we wouldn’t be entrusted to so much as guard the juice boxes at any school-sponsored event for the next eighteen years.

---

## JULIE:
Honey, don’t drink that; it’s bubble bath.

---

[door slams]

---

## NICOLE:
Julie? Hello? Are you in here?

---

## JULIE:
Are you kidding me right now?

---

## NICOLE:
Am I too late? I have the auction stuff.

---

Oh Julie, you do look like a princess.

---

Except.

---

A very sad princess.

---

You won’t believe what I went through to get here.

---

I had to snowshoe my way to the gas station.

---

Hitched a ride to the train.

---

I rode into Union Station, transferred to the Metra, and ran the rest of the way.

---

## JULIE:
Where were you? Why didn’t you call?

---

## NICOLE:
My phone was dead.

---

Then the power went out, and I dropped it in the snow.

---

## JULIE:
What power? What snow? It rained here all night.

---

The snow is all melted.

---

## NICOLE:
Have you both been crying?

---

## RYAN:
We just found out Logan’s been….

---

He’s been…

---

## NICOLE:
Did you tell her?

---

## RYAN:
No.

---

Cause I keep my promises.

---

## JULIE:
Wait—so this whole time—

---

## RYAN:
He’s been embezzling tens of thousands dollars from The Learning Co-Op, LLC.

---

## NICOLE:
No.

---

That’s not.

---

Not Logan.

---

He wouldn’t.

---

## JULIE:
When you went to “the woods” for the weekend—when you bailed on the skating party—when you said you were “taking a drive.”

---

## NICOLE:
Trust me, I wanted to tell you, but I knew you wouldn’t approve.

---

## JULIE:
So you thought it’d be better to lie? How do I know you’re not a conspirator?

---

## NICOLE:
Because I ended it.

---

I chose the school.

---

I chose you.

---

## JULIE:
Well, thanks to him there is no more school.

---

## NICOLE:
Fuck that fucking guy.

---

He built toddler beds for my kids.

---

He put gas in my car.

---

And you’re saying that was with….

---

stolen money?

---

## RYAN:
Maybe stop centering yourself.

---

It’s really unseemly.

---

## JULIE:
Is this what you meant about being “here for the wrong reasons?”

---

## NICOLE:

---

## JULIE:, if you could please just consider my situation—

---

## JULIE:
Nicole, I considered your situation the moment we met.

---

At the meet and greet.

---

On the lawn with the cookies.

---

Our boys with their little masks.

---

You broke down.

---

I asked: were you okay? And you said: yeah these are tears of relief.

---

And I told Ryan: see, this is why TLC has to reopen.

---

Parents need us.

---

The schools are staggering along, the daycares that survived cut enrollment.”

---

Six years ago I founded this school at the expense of my own professional advancement, and private priorities,

---

because I identified a need.
And still people make the cruelest assumptions.

---

They judge me for donating time to the very community they benefit from.

---

They judge me for enforcing health and safety standards I’m legally obligated to uphold.

---

But the worst part? Most of the moms here treat me like—like—like I’m their fucking mother.

---

A nagging, bossy mother! Because in trying to support them,

---

I embody everything they hate about themselves.
But with you it’s worse.

---

Cause I thought we were actually friends.

---

## RYAN:
I’d ask you to lock up, but what would be the point.

---

## LOGAN:
You here for the Outback?

---

## RYAN:
I trust it’s all thawed.

---

## LOGAN:
Yeah… And the battery’s new.

---

I put air in the tires.

---

Can you please tell her—

---

## RYAN:
Nope.

---

But I bet you can guess what she said about you.

---

## LOGAN:
I’m glad you came.

---

I’ve been missing our friendship.

---

A lot.

---

I hate it got so.

---

Transactional.

---

So when you texted—

---

## RYAN:
Yeah.

---

This isn’t a friendly visit.

---

We just had to confirm you’d be home.

---

## JULIE:
How could you do this to us?

---

## LOGAN:
Wow.

---

Honestly? I didn’t expect you to notice.

---

And what this divorce is costing.

---

## JULIE:
Katie’s been supporting you, while you were stealing from us to play house with Nicole.

---

Preening like you invented fatherhood.

---

You’re not exceptional.

---

You’re an average millennial dad.

---

Whose entire lifestyle, by the way, is enabled by the women around you: the aunt who gave you this property, the wife working nights to spend days with her daughter.

---

## LOGAN:
First of all.

---

If you add up all those hours I put in for nothing—

---

## RYAN:
You think we gave you nothing? Our work is not nothing.

---

Our community’s not nothing.

---

How dare you reduce us to nothing?

---

## LOGAN:
Whatcha gonna do? Scold me? You’d never let this go public, you’re too obsessed with reputation.

---

## JULIE:
Fortunately I won’t have to.

---

## RYAN:
Andrew has evidence you took kickbacks at the hotel.

---

Confrontation just gives him heartburn.

---

But you know doesn’t hate confrontation? The lawyers for the hotel group.

---

## JULIE:
One of whom happens to be Cindy Kim, TLC’s most generous donor.

---

## RYAN:
Does she like being robbed? Should we ask her?

---

## LOGAN:
Are you gonna tell Katie?
My daughter needs me.

---

I can’t lose her.

---

## JULIE:
You could.

---

But maybe you won’t.

---

## LOGAN:
I don’t have your money.

---

## RYAN:
Yes, you do.

---

I can see it through those giant picture windows.

---

## JULIE:
It’s like a lumberjack moved into West Elm.

---

## RYAN:
Ochre and teak with an accent of plaid.

---

## JULIE:
That walnut sideboard.

---

## LOGAN:
Which I refinished.

---

By hand.

---

You have to understand.

---

My Aunt was a Level 4 hoarder.

---

This place was a trash heap.

---

I spent two years sanding floors and swapping favors.

---

To build a home where my child could thrive.

---

## RYAN:
Ah, so you’re saying: inspired by love for your kid, you took an empty space and some yard sale furniture, and,

---

through countless hours of unpaid labor, your own and your neighbors’, transformed it into a haven for growth and learning?

---

## JULIE:
Katie engaged a listing agent.

---

The contract should be hitting your inbox right about now.

---

[new mail chime on phone]

---

We strongly suggest you comply.

---

## RYAN:
You used our blocks to build your tower.

---

We knock down your tower and take back our blocks.

---

Know what that’s called? Natural consequences.

---

## RYAN:
The babies on the bus cry wha, wha, wha….

---

all through the town.

---

Ooh, vented.

---

## NICOLE:
Thanks for retrieving my vehicle.

---

## RYAN:
Yup.

---

## NICOLE:
I brought you a latte.

---

## RYAN:
I exclusively drink dark roast.

---

## NICOLE:
My mistake.

---

## RYAN:
I’ll add it to the tally.

---

## NICOLE:
How is she?

---

## RYAN:
Not great.

---

## NICOLE:
She left me on unread.

---

## RYAN:
Is there something ambiguous about that?

---

## NICOLE:
Untagged me in all of our photos.

---

## RYAN:
Such careful attention to detail.

---

## NICOLE:
Hey, I’m not expecting forgiveness.

---

## RYAN:
Good, you’re being realistic.

---

## NICOLE:
I’d just like a chance to atone.

---

## RYAN:
So you’d like her to soothe you? With her emotional labor?

---

## NICOLE:
It’s not like that.

---

## RYAN:
Okay.

---

## NICOLE:
It’s not though.

---

## RYAN:
Whatever you say.
Kids! It was five minutes ten minutes ago.

---

It’s 50 degrees and my child’s running around barefoot.
Ryder, honey? What happened to your—?

---

## NICOLE:
Boots?

---

## RYAN:
And yet I continue revealing my secrets.

---

## NICOLE:
While I suffer for withholding mine.

---

## RYAN:
So be honest.

---

## NICOLE:
Okay.

---

Well, for starters, I’ve been a bad friend.

---

## RYAN:
And?

---

## NICOLE:
Julie was there for me at a tremendously difficult time.

---

Not just for me, it was a difficult time for both of us.

---

But I wasn’t sure if it was real or if it was just—

---

## RYAN:
Transactional.

---

## NICOLE:
But I miss her more than I even miss—well.

---

Anyone.

---

All I ask is a chance to reciprocate.

---

And I get why you wouldn’t want to trust me I’m wondering too…after all this…how can we ever trust people again?

---

## RYAN:
We can’t.

---

But must.

---

Cause without trust, we can’t have community.

---

## NICOLE:
So you’ll help me?

---

## RYAN:
Walk me to my truck.

---

## JULIE:
Bitch, go away.

---

## NICOLE:
You’re trashing the train table!

---

## JULIE:
What’s it to you?

---

## NICOLE:
It’s sentimental.

---

It’s where our sons became—
Eli misses Jacob a lot.

---

He keeps asking about his best friend.

---

What can I possibly tell him?

---

## JULIE:
Maybe tell him: Schoolmates pass in and out of our lives.

---

But whether a friendship lasts a school year or a lifetime, there is still value in it.

---

Even if our sons never see each other again their friendship was real.

---

It just sucks they have to pay for our mistakes.

---

## NICOLE:
Maybe they don’t.

---

Maybe we don’t either.
At every turn you offered support, understanding and kindness.

---

But I was too busy trying to escape.

---

## JULIE:
We can’t go over it.

---

We can’t go under it.

---

We have to go though it.

---

## NICOLE:
But not alone.

---

## JULIE:
I thought I could save all the mothers.

---

I thought if we banded together and gave a big middle finger to the system we could make that mythical village.

---

The truth is: our world runs on maternal sacrifice.

---

We’re the hidden fuel of the global economy.

---

And all the store-brand Triscuits in the world can’t fix that shit.

---

## NICOLE:
Yeah.

---

You might need a new strategy.

---

Soda crackers? Cheez-its? Run for office, maybe? Hey, how hard could it be?
I got you something.

---

## JULIE:
I hope it comes with a joint.

---

Or at least a scented candle.

---

## NICOLE:
How ‘bout an eye-popping stash of chrysanthemums, comets, and dragon eggs?

---

## JULIE:
Do I look like a seventeen year-old in a fuchsia Wet Seal minidress sweet-talking the bouncer at Limelight?

---

## NICOLE:
No, but that story sounds awesome.

---

## JULIE:
Holy shit.

---

These are fireworks.

---

## NICOLE:
Yup.

---

And I know how to get on the roof.

---

---

[FIREWORKS]

---