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Birthday Candles
by Noah Haidle

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Welcome to Northlight Theatre, and Ernestine's birthday.

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As we embark on this journey through time together, one thing is certain.

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It will be best enjoyed without cell phones.

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Please take a moment to silence yours, or turn it all the way off.

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Pictures and recordings are prohibited during the performance,

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and we ask that you refrain from texting during the show.

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On behalf of the cast, and the audience members around you, we thank you in advance for not interrupting the show.

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Birthday Candles is the first production of Northlight's 2023-2024 season.

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There are four more intensely entertaining productions to come,

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and it's not too late to join us as a season subscriber.

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You can find out more from the brochures in the lobby or on our website.

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To those of you who are already subscribers and donors, we are incredibly grateful for your support.

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Thank you all for joining us at Northlight.

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Without further ado, Noah Haidle's Birthday Candles.

---

[wind chimes and bells]

[ticking clock]

---

## ERNESTINE:
Have I wasted my life?

---

## ALICE:
You’re seventeen.

---

## ERNESTINE:
In the career of my soul, how many times have I turned from wonder?

---

## ALICE:
We’d better get started on the cake, goose, the guests will be arriving soon.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Two hundred and fifty babies are born every second.

---

## ALICE:
Unceasing life.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Fifteen thousand every hour.

---

## ALICE:
No rest.

---

## ERNESTINE:
In another week, two and a half million.

---

How am I supposed to reconcile my individual existence against the weight of those numbers?

---

## ALICE:
Now come here and learn how to make this cake. You’re almost out of this house, Ernestine.

---

Soon you’ll have a family and I’d like you to remember something of me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I won’t be having a family.

---

## ALICE:
Let’s have this conversation again in ten years.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I am a rebel against the universe. I will wage war with the everyday. I am going to surprise God!

---

## ALICE:
Eggs, butter, sugar, salt. The humblest ingredients.

---

But when you turn back and look far enough, you see atoms left over from creation.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stardust. The machinery of the cosmos is all here, I get it.

---

Will you help me with my audition?

---

## ALICE:
No high school should perform King Lear, It’s unholy.

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## ERNESTINE:
Queen Lear. A feminist interpretation. From, ‘Madam, do you know me?’

---

## ALICE:
Madam, do you know me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You are a spirit, I know. When did you die?

---

## ALICE:
Still, still, far wide!

---

## ERNESTINE:
‘Where have I been? Where am I?’ Wait. Look! A crown of flowers.

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## ALICE:
Rosemary.

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## ERNESTINE:
And rue.

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## ALICE:
Daffodils.

---

## ERNESTINE:
And chrysanthemums.

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## ALICE:
Gorgeous.

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## ERNESTINE:
Again. From, Madam, do you know me?

---

## ALICE:
Madam, do you know me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You are a spirit, I know. When did you die?

---

## ALICE:
Still, still, far wide!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Where have I been? Where am I? Fair daylight.

---

I am mightily abused. I should even die with pity. To see another thus.

---

I know not what to say. I will not swear these are my hands. Let’s see. I feel this pin prick.

---

Would I were assured of my condition.

---

That’s your line. I’ll give it to you again.

---

I feel this pin prick. Would I were assured of my condition.

---

## ALICE:
I am so proud of you, Ernestine.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Mom!!!

---

## ALICE:
Just let me look at you. Strong and beautiful. Talented beyond.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Do you think I’ll get the part? Because if Donna Kaplan gets the lead in another school play I’ll die.

---

## ALICE:
You were born to play it.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You promise?

---

## ALICE:
Donna Kaplan cry your eyes out. Time for measurements.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not this year.

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## ALICE:
Every year. Shoes.

---

[Alice hums Happy Birthday song]

---

## ALICE:
Straighten up.

---

[Aice continues humming]

---

## ALICE:
Ernestine. Aged seventeen.

---

Seventeen years ago today I got to meet you and I don’t understand the journey from then to here.

---

A second ago I washed you in this sink. In this sink, looking out over the field.

---

Just this view. My whole life. The same trees, grass, flowers, the same angle of the sun.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Mom, what’s wrong?

---

## ALICE:
Hold my hand?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I won’t let go until you do.

---

## ALICE:
Risk your heart. Find your place in the universe. Do that for me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I promise.

---

## ALICE:
I wish you so many beautiful hours.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let’s start the cake, Mom.

---

## ALICE:
You’re right.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The genius of a party is to offer people a rest.

---

## ALICE:
You have been listening.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A rest from the daily human errand to travel morning until night.

---

## ALICE:
That’s right.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A song. A wish. A breath.

---

## ALICE:
And then home.

---

[wind chimes]

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
Ahhhhhh!!!!

---

## KENNETH:
Ahhhhh!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth!

---

## KENNETH:
I’m sorry!

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’ve got to stop doing that!

---

## KENNETH:
I was trying to stop doing that!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
An 18 year old boy and you can’t make an entrance.

---

## KENNETH:
An 18.2917-year old young man and I’ll do better next time, I promise.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The party isn’t for two hours.

---

## KENNETH:
I thought maybe I could help with the cake.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No, you can’t.

---

## KENNETH:
Then I thought maybe I could keep you company.

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## ERNESTINE:
You could, but I don’t want you to.

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## KENNETH:
Ouch.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Two hours, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Hey, did I forget to tell you that your Queen Lear was triumphant?

---

## ERNESTINE:
It was sweet of you to see all eight performances.

---

## KENNETH:
I snuck out of an emergency root canal so I could see the Sunday matinee and passed out for the third act but was able to rally in time for the heath scene.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My Mom only saw one.

---

## KENNETH:
Opening night?

---

## ERNESTINE:
No, she was too sick.

---

## KENNETH:
The Sunday matinee?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Closing night.

---

## KENNETH:
Triumphant. Magisterial. She couldn’t have seen a better performance.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I hate when people pretend it didn’t happen, or say inane things like ‘If there’s anything I can do.’

---

## KENNETH:
Yeah. There is. Bring her back.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Right. Bring her back.

---

## KENNETH:
People say I have terrible timing, but do you want to go to prom with me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
You already told me no twice, so why would I ask again, right?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Insanity.

---

## KENNETH:
Hope.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No. A million, trillion times, I will never go to the prom with you.

---

## KENNETH:
So I should stop asking, is what I’m hearing.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Go home until the party, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
But I have to set up pin the tail on the donkey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Which I don’t want to play.

---

## KENNETH:
But I’ll just be next door sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting to come back.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Then you’ll have something to look forward to.

---

## KENNETH:
Will you open my present before I go?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Solely because I’m a generous person, yes.

---

## KENNETH:
It’s a goldfish.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I see that.

---

## KENNETH:
You did that incredibly well presented and illuminating report on the memory span of a goldfish in school and I thought perhaps you might like to own one yourself.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I said that goldfish have a three second memory span and that without a sense of history life would cease to have meaning.

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## KENNETH:
Whoops. I’ll just take him back to the pet store where he’ll die a horribly painful death.

---

## ERNESTINE:
They’ll kill him?

---

## KENNETH:
Worse. Atman is what those of us in the pet industry know as a feeder fish. Larger carnivorous fish eat him for dinner.

---

Or lunch. Or between meals. Late-night snacks. Food chain. Circle of life, and whatnot.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Atman.

---

## KENNETH:
A Sanskrit word for self. But not a personal self, but as the divinity within yourself.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Hell of a name for a goldfish.

---

## KENNETH:
Go big or go home. The Katha Upanishad is the first to use the concept of Atman as a beginning argument of achieving liberation from human suffering.

---

I quote and please forgive my basic translation: ‘Like fire spreads itself throughout the world and takes the shape of that which it burns,

---

the internal Atman of all living beings, while remaining one fire, takes the form of what He enters and is at the same time outside all forms.’

---

Anywho, I’ll get him out of your way and to his execution.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Atman can stay. For the time being.

---

## KENNETH:
You said goldfish only have a three-second long memory span.

---

Can you imagine that? Three. Two. One. Boom. Then the world begins anew.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I miss her. I don’t understand the world without my Mom. Every day takes me further away from her, from her voice, telling me everything will be okay.

---

## KENNETH:
Just checking in, but you’re still sure you don’t want to go to prom with me?

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## ERNESTINE:
Stop, Kenneth, you’re embarrassing yourself.

---

## KENNETH:
But I don’t feel embarrassed.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Go.

---

## KENNETH:
See you in one hour and fifty six minutes. One hour and fifty five minutes and fifty nine seconds, fifty eight seconds, fifty seven …

---

## ERNESTINE:
Hello, Atman. I’m Ernestine Ashworth, nice to meet you. Or I guess to meet the divinity within myself.

---

It’s my birthday. I’m eighteen. I’m eighteen today and this is my proclamation.

---

I will get out of this town and pilgrimage toward finding my place in the scale of the universe. You are my witness.

---

## MATT:
Hey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Go away!

---

## MATT:
Sorry.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Matt.

---

## MATT:
I’m too early.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No no no. Matt, you’re right on time. I was just starting my cake. My mother made it every year for my birthday.

---

This ritual, these gestures, is one way I can keep her alive.

---

## MATT:
This must be hard. Your first birthday. Without your mom. If there’s anything I can do.

---

## ERNESTINE:
That’s so sweet, Matt.

---

## MATT:
Oh, hey, so I sorta got you this.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You didn’t have to.

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## MATT:
Yes, I did. What asshole goes to a birthday party without a present?

---

A blue ribbon.

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## ERNESTINE:
I see that.

---

## MATT:
Remember when you said you stole a piece of blue ribbon at the drugstore but gave it back immediately out of overwhelming guilt?

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## ERNESTINE:
That was when I was six, I can’t believe you remembered.

---

## MATT:
In keeping with the spirit of the thing, I also stole it from the drugstore.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I think it would look nice in my hair.

---

## MATT:
I think it would look stunning.

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
And?

---

## MATT:
I was right.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You could help me with the cake if you wanted.

---

## MATT:
It would be my honor.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Take this apron. I wore it until I inherited my mom’s.

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## MATT:
Could you help tie it? Sorry.

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## ERNESTINE:
Don’t be.

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## MATT:
My hands. Like porterhouse steaks.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Better for holding what you want to hold.

---

## MATT:
What?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Oh golly. We better get started on the cake.

---

---

## MATT:
Hey, you want to go to prom with me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Like as your date?

---

## MATT:
No, like as my sister, yes as my date.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No.

---

## MATT:
Yeah, I was probably not going to go anyway.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s not personal.

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## MATT:
How is it not personal?

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## ERNESTINE:
I’m not going to prom with you or anybody. We’re about to graduate high school, Matt. Grand Rapids, Michigan?

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The Midwest? No, thanks, there’s the world. I’m not falling in love with you or anyone else.

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## MATT:
I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
We go to the prom. Dance all night.

---

I bury my head in your shoulders and think you are my home.

---

And then the back of some car, liquor on our breath, trying to get in my pants.

---

## MATT:
Not true!

---

## ERNESTINE:
You don’t find me attractive?

---

## MATT:
Incredibly!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Two by two, that’s how we’re meant to travel through this life, right, I’m denying human nature, huh?

---

## MATT:
I’m confused.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Me too.

---

## MATT:
I’m not asking you to travel through this life. I’m asking you to the prom!

---

## ERNESTINE:
No weddings or birthings or dyings not here not me.

---

## MATT:
Okay.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I am a rebel against the universe. I am waging a war with the everyday. I am going to surprise God!

---

## MATT:
Okay.

---

[clock chime]

---

## BILLY:
Mom!?!?!?!

---

## ERNESTINE:
What?!?!?!?!

---

## BILLY:.
Have I wasted my life?????

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re seventeen!!!

---

## BILLY:
In the career of my soul, how many times have I turned from wonder?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I asked the same question when I was your age, goose.

---

## BILLY:
And then you stopped asking because the answers began to terrify you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let’s have this conversation again in ten years.

---

## BILLY:
You’re weak! You fell into the ranks, joined the life of conformity.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Goose.

---

## BILLY:
Just because you gave up doesn’t mean I will.

---

## MATT:
Billy, don’t talk to your mother that way.

---

## BILLY:
No, I’ll talk to you that way instead. You have no original impulse in your entire body. How can you live with that?

---

## MATT:
Somehow I manage.

---

## BILLY:
It’s not too late.

---

## MATT:
To do what?

---

## BILLY:
To breathe one second of authenticity before you die.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Your sister will be home soon. Can we call a truce for today?

---

## MATT:
Your generation should get up off your therapist’s couch, knuckle up, and get to work.

---

We weren’t there for you emotionally? Let’s share a good cry. The world doesn’t owe you free dinner. Grow up.

---

## BILLY:
You’re a shadow in a suit posing as a human, you should be ashamed of yourself.

---

## ERNESTINE:
On my birthday.

---

## MATT:
I’m sorry.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Did we settle?

---

## MATT:
We chose.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Excuses.

---

## MATT:
Responsibilities.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The world is so big.

---

## MATT:
Tuition. The mortgage.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just this view.

---

## MATT:
The business of living.

---

[piano plays offstage]

---

## MATT:
Money well spent on piano lessons.

---

## ERNESTINE:
He’s getting better.

---

## MATT:
Very slowly.

---

[piano keeps playing]

---

[piano stops]

---

## ERNESTINE:
Thirty-nine years old. What have I done with my time?

---

## MATT:
We raised a family, Ernestine. A beautiful family.

---

## MADELINE:
So sorry I’m late.

---

## MATT:
There’s the college senior!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Madeline!

---

[clock chime]

---

## MADELINE:
So sorry I’m late again.

---

## MATT:
There’s the college graduate!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Madeline!

---

[clock chime]

---

## MADELINE:
So sorry I’m late perpetually.

---

## MATT:
There’s the unpaid intern!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Madeline, you made it, your father was getting so worried.

---

## MATT:
No I wasn’t.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just let me look at you. For one second.

---

## MATT:
Maybe a little worried. Come here, Maddy.

---

## MADELINE:
I’m actually going by Athena right now.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Athena?

---

## MADELINE:
The goddess of wisdom? Hello, read a book.

---

## ERNESTINE:
But it sounds nothing like your name.

---

## MADELINE:
And?

---

## MATT:
Nicknames usually sound like people’s names.

---

## MADELINE:
It’s not a nickname it’s an alias. Or a redefinition, more specifically.

---

## ERNESTINE:
We’ll call you whatever you want we’re just so glad you’re home.

---

## BILLY:
I’m going out. Hi, Athena.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Wait, Billy! We don’t see you.

---

## BILLY:
Because I don’t live here.

---

## MATT:
Right. Which is why we’d like to catch up.

---

## BILLY:
School is hard. I drink too much, I worry about what everyone thinks,

---

I generally feel like my light is dying. We good?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Any girls we should know the name of?

---

## MADELINE:
Yeah, Billy, any girls we should know the name of?

---

## ERNESTINE:
What was your prom date’s name?

---

## MADELINE:
Wait, it was something gorgeous.

---

## MATT:
Patricia Tatenhoff.

---

## MADELINE:
Rolls off the tongue!

---

## MATT:
Patty Tatts.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Be nice.

---

## MATT:
Whatever happened to that handsome specimen of a woman?

---

## BILLY:
She drowned her three babies.

---

## ERNESTINE & MADELINE:
Really?

---

## MATT:
I saw it in her eyes.

---

## BILLY:
No. Maybe, I just said that to shut you guys up.

---

She ended up having sex with Rory Brogan in the handicapped bathroom.

---

## MADELINE:
Rory ‘the clap’ Brogan?!

---

## BILLY:
It was one of the worst nights of my life.

---

## MATT:
Sounds like it was worse for Patty Tatts. The clap is forever.

---

## MADELINE:
Ewww.

---

## BILLY:
Joan. I’m dating a girl named Joan.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Oh, goose, why didn’t you say something?

---

## MADELINE:
Joan, that’s such a plebian name.

---

## ERNESTINE:
When do we get to meet her?

---

## MADELINE:
Yeah, Billy, when do we get to meet her?

---

## BILLY:
If you get to meet her.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Are you worried we’re going to embarrass you?

---

## MADELINE:
They will embarrass you.

---

## MATT:
It’s a promise.

---

## BILLY:
I don’t even know if she would call me her boyfriend.

---

## ERNESTINE:
But she might.

---

## BILLY:
She might.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Oh, goose, this is fantastic news.

---

## BILLY:
Are we done with the interrogation now?

---

## ERNESTINE:
We want to catch up with you two, we don’t see you.

---

## MADELINE:
Because we don’t live here.

---

## BILLY:
We’ve established this. I’m going out.

---

## MADELINE:
I’m coming.

## MATT:
Count me in, too.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Wait. For one moment.

---

To pause, to stake a claim. To say we will have this hour, we will notice all we have.

---

[clock chime]

[ticking clock]

---

## JOAN:
I didn’t know what color nail polish would reflect your interior life.

---

## BILLY:
That’s giving away what the present is, Joan.

---

## JOAN:
Damn you, Joan. I apologize, I’m not accustomed to charged social situations and am also a stranger to my own heart!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Nail polish!

---

## JOAN:
My mother and I used to paint our nails every year.

---

And since you adore rituals and because she died suddenly during a parade I thought we could continue the tradition together.

---

## ERNESTINE:
That’s so thoughtful. ‘Gobsmacked.’ ‘Hurlyburly.’

---

‘Finish Me Off.’

---

## JOAN:
Finish Me Off is my favorite, and necessary on occasion.

---

## MADELINE:
Ewww.

---

## JOAN:
And I now realize an awkward thing to say in front of you, I am filled with shame.

---

## BILLY:
Don’t be, honey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You two coming all this way, that’s my real gift. We’re so happy to finally meet you.

---

## JOAN:
I’m so happy to be invited! William has told me so much about what your birthday cake means to you.

---

Made of, ‘Stardust and atoms left over from creation.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
I didn’t know he was listening.

---

## MADELINE:
We pretty much had to memorize the entire speech.

---

## BILLY:
Since we were kids.

---

## MADELINE:
Eggs, butter, sugar, salt.

## BILLY:
The humblest ingredients.

---

## MADELINE, BILLY & MATT:
Look deeper and you’ll find the story of the universe.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m glad I provided you all with some amusement.

---

## JOAN:
And finally I get to meet the legendary At-man.

---

## BILLY:
Atman.

---

## JOAN:
The legendary Atman. ‘The divinity within myself. Within all our selves.’ Namaste.

---

Agggghhhhh!!!! You ruin everything, Joan, They’re all laughing at you.

---

## BILLY:
Nobody’s laughing at you.

---

## MADELINE:
I kind of am.

---

## ERNESTINE:
We are not laughing.

---

## JOAN:
They’re being polite, Joan, stop saying your name, Joan Joan Joan… I think I need a few minutes alone.

---

## MADELINE:
I agree.

---

## BILLY:
Enough!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Take your time, Joan, There’s no rush. We are so happy to finally meet you.

---

## JOAN:
Fare thee well, ma lady.

---

## BILLY:
Second door on the left.

---

## JOAN:
My left or your left?

---

## BILLY:
They’re the same honey.

---

## JOAN:
What is happening????

---

## BILLY:
She’s nervous.

---

## MATT:
No shit.

---

## BILLY:
We’re getting married.

---

## MADELINE:
Wow.

---

## MATT:
Wow.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Wow! We’re so happy!

---

## BILLY:
So if you don’t like her I don’t care, keep it to yourself.

---

## MADELINE:
William, so assertive.

---

## BILLY:
I liked you better when I thought cynicism and a general lack of goodwill were charming.

---

## MADELINE:
Don’t break my heart.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stop. Billy. Our family includes everyone you choose to bring into this house,

---

so please tell Joan she’s a welcome addition to our life. Right?

---

## MATT:
Right. Absolutely. A very welcome addition.

---

## BILLY:
I’m going to go check on her.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Tell her I would love to paint our nails together whenever she’s ready.

---

## MADELINE:
And maybe give her some of my valium.

---

## BILLY:
Go play in traffic.

---

## MADELINE:
They’re in the bottom drawer of the bathroom.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Married.

---

## MATT:
Married.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A second ago I washed him in this sink. In this sink.

---

## MATT:
Five minutes ago we watched him take his first steps right here.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Married.

---

## MATT:
Married.

---

## MADELINE:
Do we have time to shoot some hoops before the party?

---

## MATT:
Ernestine?

---

## ERNESTINE:
A quick game.

---

## MADELINE:
You’re so done.

---

## MATT:
Big talker over here.

---

## MADELINE:
I’m serious, I’ll break your spirit.

---

## MATT:
We’ll see.

---

## ERNESTINE:
So quickly. Like a breath.

---

[clock chime]

---

[baby crying]

---

## JOAN:
Please please please please stop crying.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let me. Hello, beautiful. Let me look at you.

---

[baby stops crying]

---

## JOAN:
You have a gift.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Lots of practice. Thank you for coming all this way on my birthday, Alexandra.

---

You are the greatest present I could possibly imagine.

---

## JOAN:
Some people have children and say, ‘now I understand what life is about.’

---

Me? Not so much.

---

Most of my day is spent praying she’ll go to sleep and the rest is wondering what my life would be like if I hadn’t had her.

---

I have, as you know, remained a stranger to my own heart.

---

I’m so tired.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Sit, Joanie. Rest.

---

[piano plays offstage]

---

## ERNESTINE:
Listen, Alexandra. Your father used to be one of the worst musicians in the world.

---

## MATT:
He got better.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I told you.

---

## MATT:
May I? Hey, Alley. It might be a little early to get into this, but in terms of romance, kites and strings go together.

---

Your grandmother is my kite. And I am her string.

---

## JOAN:
Even he’s more maternal than I am.

---

## MATT:
Happy birthday.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Thank you, Matt.

---

## MATT:
Where are we with the cake?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Still on the batter.

---

## MATT:
I’ll have her back in time for the party.

---

Every year we make the same cake, Alley. Someday you’ll get to do it, too.

---

## ERNESTINE:
What colors do we have this year?

---

## JOAN:
‘Life is a Cabaret’ or ‘Bang the Dream’

---

[clock chime]

---

## JOAN:
‘Plum Seduction’ or ‘Oops Not There, Senator’

---

[clock chime]

---

## JOAN:
Pink or neutral?

---

## ERNESTINE & JOAN:
Neutral.

---

## JOAN:
I thought it was time to embrace simplicity.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Painting our nails has become so special to me, Joanie, I look forward to it every year.

---

I know it’s what you used to do with your own mother.

---

I’m so happy you decided to share it with me.

---

## JOAN:
I tried to make your cake last year for William’s birthday.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How did it go?

---

## JOAN:
Stardust and the machinery of the cosmos? Not so much.

---

A sad mess more unholy than the Jell-O casserole that killed my cousin.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’ve got to be easier on yourself. Breathe.

---

[clock chime]

---

## JOAN:
Alex don’t climb on that!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Breathe, Joanie.

---

## JOAN:
My life is spent crippled by graphic visions in which she gets killed or kidnapped or both or worse. Does the crushing anxiety ever go away?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Never. It becomes part of you.

---

And soon you won’t be able to remember yourself without it.

---

## ERNESTINE AND JOAN:
Bravo, bravo.

---

## JOAN:
A tourist asks a New Yorker, ‘how do I get to Carnegie Hall?’

---

And he says take the R train to 57th and you’ll see it across 7th Avenue, you can’t miss it.

---

## BILLY:
I think the punchline is ‘Practice practice practice.’

---

## JOAN:
Which is much funnier, and inspiring.

---

## BILLY:
Happy birthday.

---

## JOAN:
Do you enjoy champagne? Damn you, Joan.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Champagne! This is a first.

---

## BILLY:
Dad!

---

## MATT:
(Offstage.) What???

---

## BILLY:
Come in here!!

---

## MATT:
(Offstage.) I don’t want to!

---

## BILLY:
Please!

---

## JOAN:
Alex!!! Don’t get killed or kidnapped for five minutes please!!!

---

## MATT:
Where are we with the cake?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I haven’t even put it in yet.

---

## BILLY:
Mom. Dad. We wanted to discuss something with you.

---

## MATT:
I don’t like the sound of this.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Be nice.

---

## BILLY:
An investment.

---

## JOAN:
An opportunity!

---

## MATT:
‘Get in at the ground floor’. ‘You’d be a fool not to jump at the chance.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
Go ahead, Billy.

---

## BILLY:
Two words. Real estate.

---

## MATT:
I agree, those are two words.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let’s hear them out.

---

## BILLY:
Please don’t undermine me.

---

## MATT:
Who’s undermining you?

---

## BILLY:
You always told me to take the initiative. This is me taking the initiative!

---

## MATT:
Begging for money is not taking the initiative.

---

## BILLY:
That is undermining.

---

## JOAN:
Stand back, Joan, You’ve got this. What is paper currency?

---

A promissory note, people think of it as something tangible?

---

Ladies and gentlemen it’s representative. Ground. Earth.

---

Now, that is an asset that doesn’t go away.

---

## MATT:
First an entrepreneur, then a mortgage broker. Now what? A land baron?

---

## BILLY:
This is different!

---

## MATT:
You can’t sustain anything! You don’t understand commitment!

---

## ERNESTINE:
We’re together so little, can we not fight for one day, please?

---

## BILLY:
Tell him, he’s the one attacking me.

---

## MATT:
Attacking? What, we’re in a war all of a sudden?

---

## BILLY:
You told me to take the initiative!

---

## MATT:
Do you think I enjoyed going to work every day?

---

## BILLY:
I know what commitment is.

---

## MATT:
A man provides for his family.

---

## BILLY:
So now you’re a hero, is that it?

---

## MATT:
The world doesn’t owe you free dinner.

---

## BILLY:
What does that even mean???

---

## MATT:
Grow up!

## BILLY:
I am grown up!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stop!!!!!! A rest. Please. To notice what we have left.

---

## MADELINE:
Is it time for the party yet?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Athena, you’re awake.

---

## MADELINE:
I don’t have a name anymore. I’m anonymous.

---

## BILLY:
What? How?

---

## MATT:
A redefinition?

---

## MADELINE:
I don’t have a definition anymore, either. There aren’t any. In me.

---

Or in the world. We can name it whatever we like but it’s all random, there are no patterns anywhere.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Why don’t you get some rest, we’ll come get you when it’s time for the party.

---

## MADELINE:
Rest! Rest! That’s all I do!

---

## MATT:
You need it, Maddy.

---

## MADELINE:
I need to see the pattern!! Who dies, who lives, why? Billy finds a nervous girl, your marriage grows tired, my mind breaks.

---

Why? Where is it written? Was it true before I was born?

---

Fate? Or do I have some agency in the scenes of my life?

---

## MATT:
Slow down Maddy. Slow down.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Did you take your medication today?

---

## MADELINE:
Really? We’re going to do this in front of Joan?

---

## JOAN:
I’m part of this family, too.

---

## MADELINE:
The extraneous part, the part that can be excised without loss.

---

## BILLY:
Don’t talk to my wife that way.

---

## MADELINE:
Like tonsils or wisdom teeth.

---

## JOAN:
I don’t like you. Joan you spoke your truth.

---

## MADELINE:
I’m going out.

---

## ERNESTINE:
But my party.

---

## MADELINE:
Time is a lie, the party already happened, it went great.

---

## MATT:
Maddy, can we ask where you’re going?

---

## MADELINE:
You can ask but there is no answer. There are none. In me, or you or anywhere.

---

## MATT:
Maddy!

---

## BILLY:
She’s 31, living back at home, and you make me feel ashamed to borrow money.

---

## MATT:
She’s sick! You’re a pussy. Big difference.

---

Hey, Maddy, wait up.

---

## BILLY:
Joan. Let’s pack our things, we’re leaving.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t see you.

---

## JOAN:
Alex!!!! Very carefully climb down from there, we’re leaving!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t get any time with my granddaughter. My birthday. It’s the only time we’re all together.

---

## BILLY:
I can’t do this anymore.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stay.

---

[clock chime]

---

## MADELINE:
Is it time for the party yet?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not quite yet, darling.

---

---

## MADELINE:
Hey, what’s up, Atman. Three. Two. One. Boom. The world anew.

---

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

---

If I could erase everything, my name, my facts, and create them again.

---

## ERNESTINE:
That’s what you have here at home, a second chance.

---

## MADELINE:
Maybe this is just a rehearsal.

---

Maybe I am just pretending to be a daughter, a sister, pretending to have opinions, friends, pretending that I’m sick.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re not pretending.

---

## MADELINE:
I’ve always waited for someone to take me into another room and tell me when the real show was going to start.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s now. It’s real.

---

## MADELINE:
Time for measurements.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not this year.

---

## MADELINE:
Every year. Every year.

---

Shoes.

---

Thank you for being my Mom.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stay.

---

## MADELINE:
I can’t.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Please.

---

[wind chimes]

---

[clock chime]

---

---

[clock chime]

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
Aggghhh!

---

## KENNETH:
Agghhhh!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
A fifty year old man and you can’t make an entrance.

---

## KENNETH:
I’m still practicing. Happy birthday. It’s a sweater.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t need a telescope, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Who does?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Astronomers.

---

## KENNETH:
And creepers.

---

## ERNESTINE & KENNETH:
Ewwwwwww.

---

## KENNETH:
You’ve always talked about your pilgrimage toward finding your place in the scale of the universe. This will help. Very literally.

---

## ERNESTINE:
That’s very thoughtful. Thank you, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Those of us that believe in the multiverse think that some radiation in space is leftover starlight from a future universe.

---

Future because in the physical laws of that universe, time flows in the opposite direction.

---

Trippy right? I thought about it all last night until I forgot my name.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Madeline has been dead for almost three years. My mother over thirty.

---

## KENNETH:
I can still see them standing right there.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The pattern keeps getting stranger, Kenneth. Between the living and the dead.

---

## KENNETH:
Exponentially stranger every year.

---

## ERNESTINE:
‘If there’s anything I can do.’

---

## KENNETH:
Yeah, there is. Bring them back.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Bring them all back.

---

## KENNETH:
In addition to the telescope, I bear the gift of pin the tail on the donkey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No.

---

## KENNETH:
Yes.

---

## ERNESTINE:
That is the world’s stupidest game.

---

## KENNETH:
I agree. But it’s fun. You remember what having fun is like?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not lately.

---

## KENNETH:
Allow me to remind you. As I’m attaching this, I’m noticing this year’s donkey has longer eyelashes,

---

and she has more of a ‘come hither’ look.

---

How’s Atman the 43rd?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Atman the 46th.

---

## KENNETH:
Three in one year?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t start.

---

## KENNETH:
You beast.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s been a rough time in the goldfish world.

---

## KENNETH:
Hello, Atman the 46th. I’m Kenneth, no, no, please, don’t get up.

---

You don’t remember me because you are removed from the causal plane of existence and live in a place of stillness,

---

quietly watching the drama of the world unfold.

---

Three, two, one, boom. Best seat in the house.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How’s Doris?

---

## KENNETH:
Gone.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Business?

---

## KENNETH:
Divorce.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Not even a trial separation or regular separation, which I sort of prefer,

---

I’m more of a rip the band aid off fast kinda fella.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Did she tell you why?

---

## KENNETH:
She sure did. Let’s see.

---

‘Hi Ken.’ She still calls me Ken.

---

‘I don’t love you or respect you. Bye. Doris.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth, I’m so sorry.

---

## KENNETH:
Wait for it.

---

‘PS, I never loved you or respected you. I only married you out of an equal measure of obligation and pity.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
Ouch.

---

## KENNETH:
Right? The PS was a bit gauche for my taste.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Completely.

---

## KENNETH:
Like, I get it already.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

---

## KENNETH:
For once in my life I would appreciate a blessing out of disguise.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How are you doing?

---

## KENNETH:
Probably I’m in denial and the full weight of being fifty and abjectly alone forever will sink in,

---

but until then, top of the pops, I feel free.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Free. Oh God, what I wouldn’t give. There are so many places I want to see.

---

The Boulevard St. Germain in Paris. Bora Bora. Do you love the ocean?

---

## KENNETH:
I’m scared of the shower.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How long have we known each other, Kenneth?

---

## KENNETH:
We practiced kissing in your backyard when we were seven but I wasn’t practicing so forty three years.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Have we changed?

---

## KENNETH:
Of course we have. Weariness? Sure. Regrets. More than necessary.

---

Wisdom? Still waiting.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How did those two kids become us?

---

## KENNETH:
‘So we’ll live and pray, and sing, and tell old tales

---

And laugh at gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues talk of court news, and we’ll talk with them, too.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re getting better.

---

## KENNETH:
That means a lot coming from you, I mean, people still talk about your triumphant performance as Queen Lear.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No, they don’t.

---

## KENNETH:
I do. People politely listen. Will you finish it?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Please.

---

## ERNESTINE:
‘So we’ll live and pray, and sing, and tell old tales

---

And laugh at gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues

---

Talk of court news, and we’ll talk with them, too Who loses and who wins

---

Who’s in, who’s out

---

And take upon the mystery of things as if we were God’s spies.’

---

## KENNETH:
Like a fine wine.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Closer to the end than the beginning.

---

## KENNETH:
Way closer for me, I drink too much, I quit smoking like twenty minutes ago,

---

and I’m up most nights wracked with anxiety, regret, and shame.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I went to the department store to pick out a scarf. And I couldn’t.

---

Thirty minutes, staring, walking through the aisles.

---

A clerk actually came up to me and asked if anything was wrong.

---

I’m fifty years old and I can’t pick out a scarf for myself!

---

## KENNETH:
I’m in love with you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
What?

---

## KENNETH:
What?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re in love with me?

---

## KENNETH:
You really didn’t know.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No, how could I?

---

## KENNETH:
How could you not?

---

I come around here like a puppy. Every excuse.

---

The stupidest questions. Is this the proper use of a semicolon? Should I run for congress?

---

## ERNESTINE:
This is a knee jerk reaction. A divorce is a trauma.

---

## KENNETH:
No. Since I could feel, that’s how long I’ve loved you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth...

---

I don’t feel the same way.

---

## KENNETH:
Yet.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Ever.

---

## KENNETH:
Hope.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Insanity.

---

## KENNETH:
Hope.

---

## MATT:
Sorry I’m late.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re right on time honey.

---

## MATT:
Hiya, Kenny.

---

## KENNETH:
Kenneth.

---

## MATT:
Kenny.

---

## KENNETH:
Asshole.

---

## MATT:
Look out, big talker over here.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Okay boys, enough. We’ll see you at the party Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
I’ll see you in forty seven minutes.

---

Forty six minutes and fifty nine seconds, fifty eight seconds, fifty seven…

---

## MATT:
Kenny jumped the gun on the party again, huh?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Doris left him.

---

## MATT:
I’m shocked it took this long.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t be cruel.

---

## MATT:
Cruel? The man lusts after my wife. Regular neighbors ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

---

Kenny asks how to correctly use punctuation.

---

---

## MATT:
Happy birthday.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You didn’t have to.

---

## MATT:
I sorta did. What kind of husband doesn’t give his wife a present on her fiftieth birthday?

---

## ERNESTINE:
A bottle of perfume!

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE:
A bottle of perfume.

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE:
A bottle of perfume...

---

Are you having an affair?

---

## MATT:
What? Why would you ask me that?

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s a condom.

---

## MATT:
I agree. It’s a condom.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Late nights at the office. Sudden business trips.

---

You’re not a spy. Tell me the truth and I won’t be mad.

---

## MATT:
Can we have a nice birthday? Where are we with the cake?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You feel guilt? This is the opportunity to absolve yourself.

---

Say the words and I promise you’ll feel better immediately.

---

## MATT:
I’m having an affair.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re a pig.

---

## MATT:
You said you wouldn’t be mad!

---

## ERNESTINE:
I was lying!

---

With who?

---

## MATT:
Donna Kaplan.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My best friend from high school?

---

## MATT:
She was your best friend, I don’t think you were her best friend.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How long?

---

## MATT:
Three years.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You look me in the eyes for three years and say you love me?

---

## MATT:
Because I do.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Get out of my house!

---

## MATT:
I wanted to tell you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re a coward.

---

## MATT:
Our marriage has become an arrangement. You know this, too. You’re quietly dying, too.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A rebel against the universe and this is what I’ve become.

---

## MATT:
It started after Maddy died.

---

You and I, we weren’t talking. We barely saw each other, let alone slept together.

---

I tried, I just got tired of trying.

---

## ERNESTINE:
So it’s my fault?

---

## MATT:
Maybe this is a good thing. This is me. This is honest.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Honest? How much honesty do I get? I chose you every day.

---

## MATT:
I made a mistake!

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m going to kiss you now and then we’re finished.

---

## MATT:
An affair.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A breaking.

---

## MATT:
Ernestine, honey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I gave you all my best hours.

---

---

## MATT:
Hey. Hey, Ernestine, come on. A thirty-five-year marriage.

---

We are going to break up like this? Talk to me.

---

---

## MATT:
This is on you. You remember that.

---

[clock chime]

[clock ticking]

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just the two of us this year, Atman. It’s a new world for me, too.

---

[clock chime]

---

[piano plays offstage]

---

## ALEX:
(Offstage) Grandma!

---

Have I wasted my life?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re seventeen.

---

## ALEX:
In the career of my soul, how many times have I turned from wonder?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Listen Alexandra. Your father used to be one of the worst musicians in the world.

---

What colors this year?

---

## ALEX:
‘Finish Me Off Again.’ ‘Yes, Right There, Madame Secretary’ ‘Neutral.’

---

## ERNESTINE & ALEX:
Neutral.

---

## ALEX:
My first memory was right here. At your knees, making this cake with you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You never told me.

---

## ALEX:
Tasting the batter before you put it in the oven.

---

‘If you look deeper, Alexandra, you’ll find the story of the universe.’

---

## ERNESTINE:
You were listening.

---

## ALEX:
I tried to look. Maybe other people saw the story. Me? Not so much.

---

No story, no pattern, just chaos.

[piano stops]

---

Is it my fault my parents broke up?

---

## ERNESTINE:
No. Never think that.

---

## ALEX:
I said, okay, Alex, you can keep everyone together if you knuckle up and fight for it.

---

I fought but I wasn’t strong enough.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Stop. No one is. Not you or me or anyone.

---

Despite our greatest hopes, we can’t make anyone stay.

---

Bravo, bravo!

---

## BILLY & ERNESTINE:
Practice, practice, practice.

---

## BILLY:
We’d better be going. Alex, get your things.

---

## ALEX:
Ten minutes.

---

## BILLY:
This is not a negotiation, young lady. Get your things.

---

## ALEX:
You’re a shadow in a suit posing as a human, you should be ashamed of yourself.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t take it personally.

---

## BILLY:
Was I ever so young, so self-involved?

---

## ERNESTINE:
To the letter.

---

## BILLY:
I apologize, retroactively.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Accepted.

---

## BILLY:
Can we talk about Christmas? We’ll fly in on that Thursday.

---

I have a conference in Arizona, so when Alex goes to Joan’s, I’ll fly out the same day.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How are you holding up, goose?

---

## BILLY:
You don’t have to worry about me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’ve put on weight.

---

## BILLY:
Thank you for noticing.

---

## ERNESTINE:
People eat a lot during a divorce. Aunt Lucy looked like she swallowed a buffet.

---

## BILLY:
You never gained any weight during yours.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Thank you for noticing.

---

## BILLY:
How are you?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m amazing.

---

## BILLY:
Because you look amazing.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I do?

---

## BILLY:
You kind of glow.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A personal renaissance.

---

## BILLY:
Any specific reason?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I started a business.

---

## BILLY:
Get out of here.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m serious! Ernestine’s Just Desserts.

---

## BILLY:
Mom.

---

## ERNESTINE:
CEO, founder, lone employee.

---

## BILLY:
This is fantastic.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Small. I sell to three bakeries.

---

## BILLY:
I can’t think of better news.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It keeps me occupied. Important. For the mind. When the house got so empty.

---

I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t taking care of someone. So I decided to find out.

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’ll be gone for ten months.

---

This is a copy of my itinerary if you’d like to keep track of my whereabouts.

---

## BILLY:
You’re sure you’re going to be okay alone?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Okay? I’m going to be ecstatically alone.

---

## BILLY:
Take so many pictures, keep track of every day so when you come home you can tell me the story.

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE:
There I am sauntering down the Boulevard St. Germain in Paris. It’s true, they really are incredibly rude to Americans.

---

There I am with my sherpa at the base camp of Mt. Everest.

---

## BILLY:
Who’s that?

---

## ERNESTINE:
My lascivious tango instructor in Buenos Aires. So forward. I didn’t mind.

---

## BILLY:
I wish I could have gone with you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t. I had to go on this trip alone.

---

## MATT:
Hello Ernestine.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Matt.

---

## BILLY:
Dad?

---

## MATT:
Hello, Billy.

---

## ERNESTINE:
What are you doing here?

---

[Alex plays a kazoo]

---

## ALEX:
Surprise! I invited Grandpa. So we could celebrate your birthday as a family again.

---

## MATT:
Where are we with the cake?

---

## BILLY:
Alex, what were you thinking?

---

## MATT:
I can help.

---

## ALEX:
What?

---

## BILLY:
You know damn well what.

---

## ALEX:
Kites and strings go together.

---

## MATT:
I still know every step.

---

## BILLY:
Sabotaging your grandmother’s birthday like this.

---

## ALEX:
This is our family. Happy? No.

---

But let’s admit that truth and move forward. This is who we are, this is honest.

---

## MATT:
Which is what I’ve saying since the beginning.

---

## BILLY:
Mom’s been herself since you left. And on her birthday you do this, how dare you?

---

## KENNETH:
He he he he he...

---

Holy shit.

---

## MATT:
Have I made mistakes? I’m the first to admit that.

---

## ALEX:
Forgiveness. The heart of most major religions.

---

## BILLY:
You broke this family. Breathe one second of authenticity. Walk away.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Time for measurements.

---

## BILLY:
Not this year.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Every year.

---

Ernestine. Age seventy.

---

The decline has begun. Almost nothing left to notice. That’s honest.

---

## BILLY:
I love you mom. I’ll call you when we land. Alex, we’re leaving.

---

## ALEX:
You okay the rest of the way, Grandpa?

---

## MATT:
Thanks, Alley, I’ll take it from here.

---

## ALEX:
Give him a chance. Forgiveness. The heart of most major religions. Namaste, Atman.

---

[Alex plays Happy Birthday on the kazoo]

---

## ERNESTINE:
On my birthday.

---

## MATT:
You’re the only person who knows me. I’m only asking for company.

---

I should have called, I shouldn’t have made such a dramatic entrance, that’s on me.

---

But it would be a pity for my traveling companion through this life to know nothing of me anymore.

---

I was at the bakery the other day. ‘Ernestine’s Just Desserts.’ It’s everywhere. I couldn’t believe it.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You couldn’t believe I could have my own business, thank you.

---

## MATT:
No, I couldn’t believe how much I missed it. This. The smell. The flour.

---

I had every chance for happiness. Right here. And I’m not asking for it back.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Good, because that would make you an insane person.

---

## MATT:
Only to spend a little time. Every once in a while. You’re my kite. I’m your string.

---

## ERNESTINE:
What would we have done, Matt? If someone could have told us this is how we’d end up?

---

## MATT:
It doesn’t have to be the end.

---

## ERNESTINE:
This kitchen. My eighteenth birthday. A brave speech. You touched my hand.

---

What would we have done?

---

## MATT:
I would ask to do it all over again. We raised a family, Ernestine. A beautiful family.

---

[clock chimes]

[clock ticking]

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
They say we travel childhood to childhood. Who knew it would be so literal?

---

Feeding a broken man baby food. The same food I fed our own children.

---

## MATT:
Happy... birthday.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A blue ribbon.

---

And?

---

## MATT:
Still... stunning.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just a little longer until we’re ready with the cake. Okay?

---

[wind chimes]

---

[baby crying]

---

## ALEX:
Please please please please stop crying.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let me, Alex.

---

Hi, beautiful. Just let me look at you, Ernestine.

---

I still can’t get over that you named her after me.

---

## ALEX:
It’s a beautiful name, I thought it should be put to more use.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Thank you for coming all this way, Ernestine.

---

You are the greatest present I could possibly imagine.

---

## ALEX:
Some people have children and say, ‘Now I understand what life is about.’

---

I am now one of those people.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You met your heart. A blessing out of disguise.

---

[piano plays offstage]

---

## ALEX:
We’re going to try to get pregnant again. If it’s a boy, I’m going to name him after my dad.

---

Do you think he’ll be happy?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I think he’ll be ecstatic.

---

## BILLY:
(Offstage.) Are you two coming?

---

## ALEX:
It’s time for the party, Grandma.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Can I have a second with Ernestine first?

---

## ALEX:
One second, you will not spend half the party cleaning up again, young lady.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I promise I’ll be right behind you.

---

Look, Ernestine. That’s the moon.

---

So much of the world’s asleep, but here. It’s time for my party. Will you come celebrate it with me? I always had a million things to do.

---

And when I looked up? Everyone was already gone.

---

[clock chime]

---

## WILLIAM:
‘Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave
My heart into my mouth. I love your majesty
According to my bond; no more no less’

---

## ERNIE:
‘How, now, Cordello! Mend your speech a little,
Lest it may mar your fortunes.’

---

## WILLIAM:
Are you really going to do it like that?

---

## ERNIE:
No good?

---

## WILLIAM:
You are at a nine when I need you at a two.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The high school is reviving Queen Lear?

---

## WILLIAM:
A third wave feminist interpretation.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I played the tragic queen myself to minor acclaim.

---

## ALEX:
William, Ernestine, come help me set up the piñata.

---

## ERNIE:
Five minutes, mom.

## WILLIAM:
Ten minutes, mom.

---

## ALEX:
This is not a negotiation, come help me set up the piñata.

---

## WILLIAM:
You are a shadow in a suit–

---

## ALEX:
Don’t start with that, I’m serious.

---

## ERNIE:
Oh God where did you find my doll? She was my favorite toy ever.

---

## ERNESTINE:
She was my daughter’s favorite too. It’s been almost forty years since Madeline died and I still miss her so much.

---

I don’t have words to say how much I miss her.

---

## ERNIE:
Wherever Madeline is I know she misses you just as much.

---

## WILLIAM:
Come on, Teney, It’s time.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just let me look at you William. Just for one second, Ernestine, let me look.

---

---

You two go ahead now.

---

## ERNIE:
You will not spend half the party cleaning up again, young lady.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’ll be right behind. I promise.

---

## ERNIE:
I’m totally going to break the piñata before you.

---

## WILLIAM:
Look out, big talker over here.

---

## ERNIE:
I’ll break your spirit.

## WILLIAM:
We’ll see.

---

---

## ERNESTINE:
Aggghhh!

---

## KENNETH:
Agghhhh!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’ve got to stop doing that!!!

---

## KENNETH:
I’m sorry!!!

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s been eight decades, Kenneth, you’ve had more than enough practice!

---

## KENNETH:
I’ll do better next time! I promise.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Hi.

---

## KENNETH:
Hi.

---

Do they know?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not yet.

---

## KENNETH:
You’re ashamed of me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Shut up.

---

## KENNETH:
What will people think?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Who cares? We’re eighty eight years old.

---

## KENNETH:
Happy birthday, sweetheart.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A sweater.

---

## KENNETH:
Nailed it.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A corsage.

---

## KENNETH:
Do you want to go to the prom with me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
You said insanity.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You said hope.

---

## KENNETH:
I hate to say I told you so.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’ve never been happier to be wrong about anything.

---

## KENNETH:
Could you?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Too sharp?

---

## KENNETH:
Hemophilia.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Let’s not tempt fate at this point.

---

## KENNETH:
And since I have to bring the prom to us. I give you the gift of music.

---

[music plays]

---

## KENNETH:
Can you handle this, little girl?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Watch yourself. I move like the sea moves.

---

## KENNETH:
Show me.

---

I’m getting sea sick you’re so beautiful.

---

## BILLY:
No
Fucking
Way.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Billy, we have something to tell you.

---

## BILLY:
You are my hero.

---

## KENNETH:
That’s a first.

---

## BILLY:
How long have you waited for her?

---

## KENNETH:
Since I could feel.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Is it okay if I kiss your mom?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t ask permission.

---

## KENNETH:
Billy, I’m gonna kiss your mom.

---

And now I want you to leave. How was that?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Very assertive.

---

## BILLY:
Can I tell everyone?

---

## KENNETH:
If you don’t, I’ll send up a flare.

---

## BILLY:
Hey everybody, you’re not going to believe this shit!

---

## KENNETH:
In addition to the gift of music and a corsage.

---

Plane tickets.

---

Bora Bora.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’re scared of the shower.

---

## KENNETH:
But it’s one of the world’s top destinations for honeymooners.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Yes.

---

## KENNETH:
Wait. I have to do the knee thing first.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Your back.

---

## KENNETH:
Fuck it. I’ve waited eight decades for this.

---

Probably call Dr. Shahibi tomorrow.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Sweetheart.

## KENNETH:
I have to.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You don’t.

## KENNETH:
I have to.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Okay. You have to.

---

## KENNETH:
Ernestine Ashworth. You told me again and again and again to stop loving you but I didn’t listen because I’m built of heroic patience.

---

You are my best friend, pretty much my only friend, my love, my reason for being, my everything.

---

Will you be my wife?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Yes.

---

You have to kiss me now, sweetheart.

---

## KENNETH:
Could you help me up first?

---

You are my witness, Atman the 71st.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Atman the 72nd.

---

## KENNETH:
When?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Two days ago.

---

## KENNETH:
You beast. It’s genocide by now.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t start.

---

## KENNETH:
You’re a war criminal.

---

## ERNESTINE:
‘You are my witness…’

---

## KENNETH:
You are my witness, Atman the 72nd. Whatever you are, whether it’s the world’s soul, the aspirational peace of existence,

---

or the eternity that waits for each of us, thank you for waiting as long as I have for the love of my life to finally figure out that she loves me, too.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m sorry it took me so long, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
Don’t be. Victory tastes that much sweeter.

---

[kids shouting excitedly]

---

## BILLY:
I told you.

---

## ALEX:
You are my hero.

---

## KENNETH:
That’s a second.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Kenneth asked me to marry him.

---

## ERNIE:
And?

---

## KENNETH:
Seriously? How could anyone turn this action down?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I said yes.

---

[cheers]

---

## ALEX:
Does everyone still enjoy champagne?

---

## WILLIAM:
Can I have some champagne, grandpa?

---

## BILLY:
I think it would be fine.

---

## ALEX:
Dad, he’s thirteen.

---

## BILLY:
I think you should listen to your mother.

---

## ERNIE:
Kenneth, you bought such a beautiful ring.

---

## KENNETH:
Industry standard says three month’s salary, but I decided on half my pension instead.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s perfect, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
You’re perfect, sweetheart.

---

## BILLY:
A toast! To the beautiful couple.

---

## KENNETH:
To the birthday girl. Speech! Speech!

---

## ALEX, ERNIE, WILLIAM, KENNETH & BILLY:
Speech! Speech!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Oh, God, an audience. The genius of a party is to offer us all a rest from the daily human errand to travel morning until night.

---

To stake a claim in an hour and say I will notice this.

---

The house full again, sounds of laughter and music, this hour shared with all of you is my favorite.

---

## ALEX, ERNIE, WILLIAM, KENNETH & BILLY:
Awwwwww.

---

[clock chimes]

[clock ticking]

---

## ALEX, KENNETH & BILLY:
Speech! Speech!

---

## ERNESTINE:
The genius of a party is to offer us all a rest.

---

To stake a claim in an hour and say I will notice this. But this hour shared with you three is my favorite.

---

## KENNETH, BILLY & ALEX:
Awwwww.

---

[clock chimes]

[clock ticking]

---

## KENNETH:
Speech! Speech!

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m not giving a speech, sweetheart, it’s just the two of us.

---

## KENNETH:
Then it’s time for pin the tail on the donkey.

---

## ERNESTINE:
This is the world’s stupidest game.

---

## KENNETH:
You’re right. But it’s fun. You remember what fun is like?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t have to remember. This is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life.

---

## KENNETH:
There are those of us who believe that history is circular and that our every thought, word, and deed will recur eternally.

---

I would gladly suffer the perpetual humiliations that have defined my life for the chance to be here playing pin the tail on the donkey with you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I love you, Kenneth.

---

## KENNETH:
I told you so.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Shut up.

---

## KENNETH:
Now get ’er done!

---

Warm. Warmer.

---

[clock chime]

---

## KENNETH:
Cold. Colder. ‘Iceberg, captain!’

---

[clock chime]

---

## KENNETH:
Warm. Warmest. ‘Come hither, come hither!’ Nail that donkey! Huzzah!

---

## ERNESTINE:
Victory is mine!!

---

There you are, Billy.

---

## BILLY:.
Here I am.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I was getting worried.

---

## BILLY:
I had to get candles. Did I get enough?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Perfect.

---

## BILLY:
What are they for?

---

## ERNESTINE:
We put them on top of the birthday cake.

---

## BILLY:
Why?

---

## KENNETH:
Tradition. You make a wish and blow them out.

---

## BILLY:
Who are you?

---

## KENNETH:
I’m the love of this perfect girl’s life.

---

## BILLY:
Congratulations.

---

## KENNETH:
Thank you. It took awhile for her to figure out I deserved the title.

---

## BILLY:
Do you know what you’re going to wish for?

---

## ERNESTINE:
If I tell you it won’t come true.

---

## BILLY:
That’s stupid.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s just something people say.

---

## KENNETH:
Billy, why don’t you help with the icing for the cake?

---

## BILLY:
Yeah? Because I’d be an asset.

---

## KENNETH:
Take this apron. I’ll leave you two alone.

---

## BILLY:
Could you tie it? Sorry.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t be.

---

## BILLY:
My hands shake.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You and me. Remember? We made this cake together so many times. Every year. These same gestures.

---

---

## BILLY:
Mom.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Hi, goose.

---

## BILLY:
Hold my hand.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I won’t let go until you do.

---

## BILLY:
How long have I been like this?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Awhile.

---

## BILLY:
Will I get better?

---

## ERNESTINE:
No.

---

## BILLY:
I don’t want to be a burden. You don’t have to take care of me.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Of course I do, goose, it’s my job. Forever.

---

## BILLY:
You surprise God every day.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How do you know?

---

## BILLY:
Know what?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I surprise God every day. How? Hey, Billy, don’t go away again. Where are you?

---

## BILLY:
Here I am.

---

I had to get candles. What are they for?

---

## ERNESTINE:
We put them on top of the birthday cake.

---

## BILLY:
Why?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Tradition. You make a wish and blow them out.

---

## BILLY:
Do you know what you’re going to wish for? I promise I won’t tell.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I wish you so many beautiful hours.

---

## BILLY:
Should I play the piano? For your birthday? I’m really good, I took lessons.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I can’t imagine a better present.

---

---

[piano plays offstage]

---

[piano stops playing]

---

[oven dings]

---

---

## KENNETH:
I didn’t scare you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A promise fulfilled.

---

## KENNETH:
Dance with me.

---

## ERNESTINE & KENNETH:
The snow is snowing,
The wind is blowing,
But I can weather the storm...

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE & KENNETH:
What do I care,
How it may storm?

---

[clock chime]

---

## ERNESTINE & KENNETH:
I've got my love,
To keep me warm.

---

## ERNESTINE:
How long have we known each other?

---

## KENNETH:
To me it seems like we just met.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Have I changed?

---

## KENNETH:
No. To me you’re still the girl I first saw through that window.

---

Your seventh birthday, I asked myself, ‘What is that perfect girl with the overwhelmingly cute pigtails going to wish for?’

---

‘If she told me would it still come true?’

---

It came back.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No.

---

## KENNETH:
But we are still going to celebrate your birthday.

---

## ERNESTINE:
We’ll fight it.

---

## KENNETH:
Not again. I’m too tired.

---

## ERNESTINE:
We’ll fight it!

---

## KENNETH:
No, sweetheart, we won’t.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Why didn’t I love you sooner? Why didn’t I say yes when we had more time?

---

## KENNETH:
Since I could feel, that’s how long I’ve loved you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My whole life. ‘Where is my place in the universe?’ Right here. In you. In you.

---

## KENNETH:
‘So we’ll live
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales
And laugh at gilded butterflies’

---

## ERNESTINE:
Practice makes perfect.

---

## KENNETH:
Finish it, sweetheart.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Don’t leave me.

---

## KENNETH:
Please.

---

## ERNESTINE:
‘So we’ll live
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales

---

And laugh at gilded butterflies,
And hear poor rogues talk of court news,
And we’ll talk with them, too

---

Who loses and who wins
Who’s in, who’s out

---

And take upon the mystery of things
As if we were God’s spies’

---

## KENNETH:
You have to let me go now, Ernestine.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not yet.

---

## KENNETH:
Sweetheart.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Not yet.

---

[wind chimes]

---

---

[clock chime]

---

---

## BETH:
Can I help you?

---

## ERNESTINE:
The vanilla, where’s the vanilla?

---

## BETH:
On the shelf behind you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Could you hand it to me, please?

---

Thank you.

---

## BETH:
You’re welcome. What are you doing?

---

## ERNESTINE:
It’s my birthday.

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## BETH:
Congratulations.

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## ERNESTINE:
Every year I make my birthday cake from stardust and atoms leftover from creation.

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## BETH:
That’s profound for three o’clock in the morning.

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## ERNESTINE:
It’s one way I can keep all those I loved alive. These same ingredients, these same gestures.

---

## BETH:
The only problem I can see is that this isn’t your house.

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## ERNESTINE:
I used to live here. For almost one hundred years.

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## BETH:
And now you don’t. My family lives here.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Deeds and signatures? Okay. But this is my rightful place in the cosmos.

---

## BETH:
Is that a goldfish?

---

## ERNESTINE:
And the divinity within myself.

---

## BETH:
You broke into my home and brought your goldfish?

---

## ERNESTINE:
We go everywhere together. We’re best friends.

---

## BETH:
Is that an ID bracelet?

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## ERNESTINE:
A shackle.

---

## BETH:
‘Pine Rest.’ That’s the retirement community by the airport. We moved my grandmother there.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Prison!

---

## BETH:
That wasn’t my experience. We played pinochle and did water aerobics.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Left to die like a dog. A room with fake plants and a view of the highway.

---

## BETH:
Should I go ahead and call them for you?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I won’t let them take me back.

---

## BETH:
I guess that wasn’t a question. I’m going to go ahead and call them for you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Just let me make my cake and I’ll go.

---

## BETH:
Get out of my house!!!!!

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## ERNESTINE:
Get out of my house!

---

## JOHN:
What’s going on?

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## BETH:
This crazy lady broke in and is baking a cake for her birthday.

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## JOHN:
What kind of cake?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Golden Yellow Butter.

---

## JOHN:
Oh my God that’s my favorite.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You can have a piece when it’s finished.

---

## JOHN:
Just a tiny one, I’m getting a little self-conscious about the tummy.

---

## BETH:
The cake isn’t going to be finished, John, I don’t want some crazy lady baking a cake in my kitchen in the middle of the night.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m not crazy. I used to live here. If you let me finish my cake I’ll go.

---

## JOHN:
It sounds reasonable, Beth.

---

## BETH:
No, it does not sound reasonable.

---

## JOHN:
She used to live here. This is her rightful place in the cosmos.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Listen to your husband.

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## JOHN:
We’re not married, we’re domestic partners.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Listen to your domestic partner.

---

## BETH:
This conversation is finished.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m what remains of my generations and I’m going to keep the gestures of those whose light is gone alive by finishing this birthday cake.

---

You want me to leave you’d better come heavy or let me get back to work.

---

## JOHN:
What do you say about that, Beth?

---

## BETH:
I’m going to bed. Hope you two have a fun fucking night.

---

## JOHN:
I apologize for my domestic partner.

---

She’s been in a bad mood since she stopped smoking ten years ago.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Billy?

---

## JOHN:
John.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Where are you now, Billy?

---

## JOHN:
Here I am.

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## ERNESTINE:
Good. We’ve got to get started, no time to waste.

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## JOHN:
To do what?

---

## ERNESTINE:
You’ve got to learn how to make the birthday cake.

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I won’t be here forever. I’d like someone to remember something of me.

---

## JOHN:
Okay, cool, let’s do it.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Preheat the oven to three hundred and fifty degrees.

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## JOHN:
Check.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Eggs, butter, sugar, salt. The humblest ingredients.

---

Atoms left over from creation. Look deeper and you’ll find the story of the universe.

---

## JOHN:
This is so awesome right now.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My mother used less butter than I do, my grandmother preferred less vanilla, a touch extra salt.

---

Me? The more butter, the better. Bad for you? Okay, but I want to taste my cake. You’ll find your own variations as time goes on.

---

Oh, God, what am I doing? Where am I?

---

## JOHN:
This is your rightful place in the cosmos, you’re teaching me to make your birthday cake. So someone can remember something of you.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Where did everyone go?

---

## JOHN:
I’m here.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Bring them back.

---

## JOHN:
You’re okay.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Bring them all back!!

---

## JOHN:
Hey. Hey, hold my hand.

---

## ERNESTINE:
You won’t let go until I do.

---

## JOHN:
I promise.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A rest. A tiny rest.

---

Time for measurements.

---

## JOHN:
Okay, cool, so now that.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Shoes. Skip it.

---

## JOHN:
I always wondered who these names belong to.

---

## ERNESTINE:
They belong to me.

---

## JOHN:
A lot of birthdays.

---

## ERNESTINE:
A lot of life. Straighten up.

---

## JOHN:
Is your name Madeline/Athena/Anonymous?

---

## ERNESTINE:
No. She’s my daughter, the smartest person I know.

---

## JOHN:
Should I call her for you?

---

## ERNESTINE:
No, she’s not alive any longer. But I still know her. In every breath.

---

## JOHN:
Is your name Alice?

---

## ERNESTINE:
My mother. When I was a baby she washed me right here, in this sink.

---

## JOHN:
Halley?

---

## ERNESTINE:
My grandmother. She started this tradition.

---

The cake, the measuring, keeping record of the lives who pass through.

---

## JOHN:
Of course you’re not Matt.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My traveling companion through this life.

---

## JOHN:
Billy.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My son. A beautiful musician. You look almost exactly like him.

---

## JOHN:
No way you’re Kenneth.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Built of heroic patience, the love of my life.

---

## JOHN:
That would make you Ernestine.

---

## ERNESTINE:
The only one left.

---

## JOHN:
Ernestine. Age. How old are you today, Ernestine?

---

## ERNESTINE:
I don’t know, I stopped counting.

---

## JOHN:
Ernestine. Age. Eternity.

---

[baby crying offstage]

---

## ERNESTINE:
Unceasing life.

---

[baby stops crying]

---

## JOHN:
Our son.

---

## ERNESTINE:
No rest.

---

## JOHN:
I never thought I could be this tired.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Wait awhile.

---

## JOHN:
I thought I knew what love was when I met my domestic partner.

---

## ERNESTINE:
But when you met your son you thought your heart would burst out of your chest

---

and you knew you would give your life for his a million times over.

---

## JOHN:
You are my favorite person.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Will you give your son a present from me?

---

## JOHN:
It would be my honor.

---

## ERNESTINE:
My goldfish. This is Atman the 103rd. The first version arrived on my 18th birthday.

---

## JOHN:
Atman?

---

## ERNESTINE:
The divinity within yourself. A witness.

---

The only thing that stays the same in the ever changing tumult of the world.

---

## JOHN:
Hell of a name for a goldfish.

---

## ERNESTINE:
Go big or go home. All the turning we’ve witnessed, old friend. And to you? It only lasted three seconds.

---

## JOHN:
Nice to meet you, Atman. Or should I say, nice to meet the divinity within myself.

---

## ERNESTINE:
I’m ready to go home now, goose.

---

[wind chimes]

---

## ALICE:
Time for measurements.

---

## MATT:
I think it would look stunning.

---

## KENNETH:
It’s a goldfish.

---

## JOAN:
I have, as you know, remained a stranger to my own heart.

---

## MADELINE:
I’m actually going by Athena right now.

---

## BILLY:
And then you stopped asking because the answers began to terrify you.

---

## WILLIAM:
Come on, Teney, it’s time.

---

## KENNETH:
You remember what having fun is like?

---

## BILLY:
How long have you waited for her?

---

## ERNIE:
You will not spend half the party cleaning again young lady.

---

## MATT:
You’re quietly dying, too.

---

## KENNETH:
Since I could feel, that’s how long I’ve loved you.

---

## ALEX:
Forgiveness, the heart of most major religions.

---

## BILLY:
I promise I won’t tell.

---

## MATT:
We raised a family Ernestine.

---

## MADELINE:
Thank you for being my mom.

---

## KENNETH:
Fuck it. People say I have terrible timing, but do you want to go to the prom with me?

---

## ERNESTINE:
Yes. A million trillion times, yes. Forever.

---

## ALICE:
Look, Ernestine. That’s the moon.

---

It’s your first birthday. One year ago I got to meet you, and I can’t believe it, I can’t understand the journey from then to here.

---

I wish you so many beautiful hours. I wish you wonder.

---

And grace. And breath. And music. And mystery.

---

## ERNESTINE:
It all comes true.

---

The End