# 🧠 On talking about ideas

## 🤔 I think a lot
- I think a lot.
- I like to think, it's fun for me.
- I'm often "lost in thought" in a pleasant way.
- At this period in my life I have plenty of time to think.

## 💡 My ideas matter to me
- Right now my day-to-day routine is intaking a lot of new information and thinking creatively.
- This would be different if I was product managing a product, where my time would be spent in more repetitive tasks.
- Right now, they are the only *real* work product that I am producing.
- The only thing that I can get feedback on.

## 🎙️I also love to talk
- I love talking about ideas I find interesting
- There have been 6 hour periods in the car where we've talked the whole time and I don't fatigue of it.
- Because [[#I think a lot]] I have a lot to talk about.

## 😵‍💫 Perfect storm
1. Me with a ton of free time
2. So I have a ton of ideas
3. Which matter a lot to me
4. And I don't have anyone to talk about them with except you

## ♻️ The conversational pattern
Note: This is not how this always goes. But tonight, this is how this went. And I decoded it in myself.

##### Step 1
I am in an awesome mood. I'm in my office thinking and writing. My brain is on fire. It feels like I have really connected some meaningful dots.

##### Step 2
I come out to our living room and start to relay whatever I have just thought of to you.

##### Step 3
For whatever reason (you're in the middle of work, cooking, you're in thought, you're tired, you're sick, etc.) you aren't as impressed / interested in my idea as I thought you would be.

##### Step 4
I get offended. In my mind, the entire audience (of one, you) was yawning at my lecture.

Now, my pride is hurt. The really brilliant thinker who was in his office, decoding the intricacies of the next generation of tech has been reduced down to an annoying boyfriend who is ranting about.. something..

I don't think you intend to make me feel like this. I think this is created in my head. Its interpreted, just as the lecturer interprets a yawn from the front row as a sign their lecture has missed the mark. The yawning student may have been up all night taking care of their sick pet. They might love the lecturers ideas most of the time, but today is just not the day. Its not a comment on the professors intelligence or value as a person.

##### Step 5
You can tell that I am hurt. So you start to ask questions like: What are you working on?

##### Step 6
I get offended again. Because the questions you are asking make me feel like you are just asking a question to appear interested. It feels like the trope of the parent who picks their kid from school and says, "Well how was school today?"

And now I shut down. In my head, I just stood up and tried to deliver my best ideas. Then was shot down (again, interpreted by me, not intended by you). And now I'm being asked to give my ideas again.

##### Step 7
My energy and self-worth is all thrown off. In my head I am telling myself:
- Amanda doesn't really care about you.
- Amanda never is interested in your ideas.
- You actually have good ideas, and are a smart man.
- Someday other people will value you and your ideas, stay positive.

## ✋ How do we prevent this?

### 🙊 I don't need to tell you about my ideas so often.
I'm sure a lot of creative / intellectual people over the course of time had partner who wasn't interested in their ideas *all the time*.
That is fine.
This way, I can just stay in that space of [[#Step 1]], where my ideas are flowing and my confidence is high.
And I can come to the kitchen, and I can see you. And I can know that this isn't the time to relay my ideas.
Just as a comedian doesn't need to be trying to deliver his jokes all the time, I don't need to try to tell you my ideas every evening.

### 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 I need to find others to relay my ideas to.
I am close to publishing this.
And I am about to put my foot to the gas to complete.
Once I've done this, I think I will have a meaningful piece of work which I can use to connect me to whatever is next.
I also think I will look into finding some type of yoga, archipelago, etc. to start going to.
But if you are the only outlet for my ideas, then I am setting us both up for failure.

### 😊 Things we can do, which will help both of us
1. I am going to start to be more selective about when I choose to expose my ideas.
2. If you believe you are actually asking me low-value questions to make yourself appear interested, you can stop doing that, because it is making me feel worse.
3. Hopefully, by choosing to share my ideas less, I will sort through my ideas more effectively. Finding the ones which are most interesting and completely formed to share. I think both of us would rather you read 1 final draft sincerely, than 5 rough drafts.
4. I will figure out a place where I can go 1 night per week to do something which doesn't require your attention. Archipelago, or yoga, or mediation club, or go get in my car and drive to take astro-photography somewhere in Denver. I will find a place next week.