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#philosophy #transgender 
I asked ChatGPT what it thinks about regret and self love
```ChatGPT
me: is regret incompatible with self love

ChatGPT: Regret and self-love are not necessarily incompatible, but it is important to remember that self-love involves accepting oneself and one's actions, even if they were not ideal or resulted in negative consequences. It is natural to feel regret when we make mistakes or when things do not turn out as we had hoped, but it is important to try to learn from these experiences and move forward in a positive way, rather than dwelling on the past and beating ourselves up.

Self-love involves recognizing that we are human and that we all make mistakes. It involves being kind and compassionate towards ourselves and treating ourselves with the same care and consideration that we would offer to a friend. It is important to recognize that it is okay to feel regret and to take responsibility for our actions, but it is also important to try to let go of the past and focus on the present and the future.

In summary, regret and self-love can coexist, as long as we are able to learn from our mistakes and move forward in a positive and self-compassionate way.
```

Self-love is something I struggle with, so I may not be the top authority on this. However, I have thought a lot about love and what it means. I recently expressed some regrets online about delaying my transition and an online acquaintance replied with concern and reassurance. I did appreciate this support, but I also felt it minimized the expression of emotion I was experiencing. The support was a logical explanation and a justification. It made a lot of sense, and it was kind, but I don't want an emotional world built of justifications - I want an emotional world built of personal truths. 

I want to write a bit about why I think this because I felt I pushed back against the repeated support in a way that may have been confusing, but actually, it represents something important about how I want to live my life. I transitioned so that I could stop drifting through life. I wanted to anchor myself in my body and not feel so disconnected from it all. Most of all, I wanted to be more in touch with my emotions.

Before I go on, I also want to say I agree that it's very possible to feel regret in abusive ways. This can be done to ourselves or others. I appreciate people who want to support others and prevent this experience! It is also true that regret can be experienced in a healthy way free from shame. I am not tucking away my regrets; I am writing about them freely. I want to express them because it feels good to say them. I want to express them so other women can resonate with my experience and think, "yeah, same." I want to express them with the slim hope that someone else can avoid the same mistakes! I think a healthy experience of regret results in motivation and strategies for a better outcome. This starts with acceptance of an imperfect reality. Of course, I can never make the perfect choices! If I keep this in mind, I can explore regret through a range of emotions.

![[Pasted image 20221228120318.png]]

For me, regret generally ranges from scared to peaceful. Scared is most likely to be the least healthy way to experience regret, whereas peaceful is most likely to be the most healthy way. It's more healthy to regret by getting mad than by getting afraid, and more healthy still to regret with sadness than with madness. However, each of these could be a healthy experience of regret in the ideal context within the appropriate boundaries! I want to embrace all emotions in my experience. If my regret leads me to feel weak or insignificant, I think it is actually healthy to embrace these feelings. In the most real sense, I am insignificant, and I think it's very healthy for me to remember that. I don't want to stay here, but I also don't want to dismiss or forget that I felt that way. Even if emotions are fleeting bursts of electrons inside my noggin, they happen for a reason! Even if my wires are a bit crossed because of traumas, the nervous system is an amazing product of millions of years of evolution. The reality is that those same traumas are happening every day; there is wisdom in these emotions that should be respected! 

Regret can also be thoughtful and nurturing. I have been finding ways to be thankful that I've lived the life I have because it brought me to the place I am - which is pretty beautiful! I've also been thinking about how the experiences I've had have made me more able to navigate certain types of dynamics and how those have increased significantly throughout my transition. I'm glad to have moved on from feeling foolish, but I don't want to ignore or forget that I felt that way. The reasons I felt that way are still true and the conclusions drawn about an experience of life for a given time are still valid!

I want all emotions to be compatible with my idea of love, it's how these emotions are expressed that counts. So long as I can express them soulfully and move on from them without causing harm to myself or others, then they are compatible with my idea of love. I can come away from this expression lighter and freer and more able to act. Even if the expression seems like darkness, from the flames I will rise and I will move with a new purpose!