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# Shubham Choudhary Thesis Proofread
- p.4
> which may be attributed to many factors beyond the pandemic
> including evolving technologies associated with metaverse.
> [name=SC]
>> which is driven mainly by decreasing form factor of consumer
>> electronics, advances on software engineering and familiarity
>> of users' with such technologies.
>> [name=kk]
- p.4. Fig. 1: x-axis scale should be fixed. (linear scale?)
- p.4. "as reflected in figure 1" -> can "figure 1" be made into a link
to the figure?
- p.4 "online computer generated environment" -> "online computer generated
environment**s**"
- p.5 "Interoperability is defined as ..." the next statement provides yet
another definition. Maybe rephrase this?
- p.6.:
> An interoperable system allows multiple software components to interact
> irrespective of compatibility of languages and interfaces.
> [name=SC]
>> Does this need to specify that this is in the context of software
>> systems?
>> [name=KK]
- p.5
> These two approaches can be explained using analogy of electrical plug
> and sockets.
>> We explain these approaches ...
>> (Active voice to show your contribution, if not your contribution,
>> cite and say "they explain these approaches ...")
- p.5: Is it adapter or adaptor?
- p.4 Maybe this Section could be titled as "Introduction" and maybe
clearly introduce the problem and highlight the challenges Then have
another section "Related Work" (maybe?) that will take in material
from the second half of the section.
- p.6:
> Non fungible tokens (NFTs) which serve the purpose of trading virtual
> assets in current interpretation of metaverse through platforms like
>> Maybe rewrite as: (?)
>> Decentraland (Nandini et al., 2021). On the same platform,
>> Wang et al (2021) observed 24 hour trading volume reach 34
>> million USD within 5 months of its introduction.
- p.6: If "Theoretical Implications" is meant to be empty, remove
the section title.
- p.7:
> All the existing virtual worlds such as Second Life, Roblox and Fortnite need the users to drop out of their 3D space into a conventional 2D web-based interfaces to access a different virtual world (Havele et al., 2022). Having interoperable standards for metaverse will lead to a truly immersive user experience by authenticating and navigating seamlessly between real, virtual and augmented worlds.
>> Not sure what's being hinted at here. The two sentences seem
>> independent of each other. Maybe add another sentence bridging the two?
- p.7: "and usage per increases". Typo/Incomplete phrase?
- p.7:
> Establishing interoperable metaverse standards will help advertisers segment their audiences using user targets between different virtual or augmented worlds.
>> How come this is the case? Doesn't more interoperability mean
>> less segmentation for the advertisers if the platforms share their
>> UUIDs?
- p.7: "NFT ecosystems..." There seems to be a big jump between this and
its preceding statement, maybe lead as: "Even NFT marketplaces ..." or
"A similar issue is seen in NFT-based ecosystems ..."?
- p.8: "Blockchain". Maybe somewhere earlier motivate the structure of the
story. The jump from "Practical implications" to "Blockchain" seems a bit
erratic.
- p.8: "Eliminating the need of ..." -> "This eliminates the need..."
- p.8: "stored in a distributed way" -> "stored in a distributed manner..."
- p.9: "most widely used defined by NASA" -> typo.
- p.9: "As smart contracts execute on distributed network without involvement
of parties outside the blockchain, it is guaranteed to execute." ??.
Guaranteed to "execute"? provide more context, or, I think this is
missing an adjective.
- Overall make it clearer, if it's not your statment. For example. instead of
"This highlights the trust less aspect of smart contracts, as there is no
expectations of fallback as long as the blockchain is active
(Filippi et al, 2021)", prefer, "Filippi et al[<citation nr>] highlight
the trustless aspect of smart contracts, as there is no
expectations of fallback as long as the blockchain is active."
- In the context of distributed systems, "trust less" -> [trustless](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decentralized_application#:~:text=The-,trustless,-and%20transparent%20nature)?
- p.13: "Argue that the economy of metaverse must be constructed in a
decentralized manner due to high transaction volumes in virtual worlds created in a public, self-organized way.". The same thing can be achieved with
centralized systems as well. Maybe rephrase?
- p.13:
> Using deep learning models for DTs is significant to sustain metaverse as it
generates vast amount of structured and unstructured data
>> Nice! Draws a connection between the previous sections!
- p.15: "Standards and Interoperability of Metaverse" is a section and "VRML" is its subsection,
however, the typesetting doesn't highlight that well.
- p.15: "they’re model standards" -> "they are model standards" (avoid contractions)
- p.15: After saying that they are model standards, probably add a line or two if it is irrelevant
to the topic being explored, why is it still important to know about them?
- p.18: "Hyperledger Fabric blockchain is estimated to transact at 50,000 transactions per second".
How should one make sense of this throuhput? Maybe say how far along they have come wrt centralized
systems on the same set of hardware?
- :warning: p.32 says "All the 22 participants". Earlier it was noted that the experiment had 23 participants. :warning: