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title: In the "Valley of the Shadow of Death"

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The following two accounts are from the book "Mejda: The Family and Early Life of Paramahansa Yogananda", pp. 160–165. The book is written by by Paramahansa Yogananda's younger brother, Sananda Lal Ghosh. Mejda is a word meaning second eldest brother, and is a name used by Sananda for Paramahansa Yogananda (known by birth as Mukunda Lal Ghosh). These accounts tell of Paramahansa Yogananda's experiences as a youth of sabikalpa samadhi. Samadhi is ecstatic union with Spirit. In sabikalpa samadhi, the consciousness is completely withdrawn from the body and becomes fully absorbed in union with Spirit. The body becomes completely motionless, without breath, the heartbeat or the functioning of any involuntary bodily organs.

# In the "Valley of the Shadow of Death"

For years it had been Mejda's practice to frequently slip away from the house without telling anyone wherehe was going; nor would he even ask Father for a railwaypass, lest he have to disclose his plans. But invariably he invited some of his friends to accompany him. His journeys were undertaken to seek out saints and temples and secluded places to meditate. At first, Mejda's preoccupation with spiritual matters brought strong criticism and resistance from members of the household. They urged Father to do something about it. But after a while, Mejda's independence was accepted as part of the normal family routine. It was not uncommon, either, for Mejda to seclude himself in his room, locked away from the family and all household affairs, for long periods of meditation. After he met his guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar, the length of those periods increased, up to thirty or forty-eight hours at a time.

One day, during our summer vacation, we all sat down to lunch together. Mejda had just come from one of his prolonged meditations; we hadn't seen him for two days. He was withdrawn and silent. As he absentmindedly ate some of the rice on his plate, it was as though he was oblivious of everyone and everything except the presence of God he felt within. Panchudi was silently scrutinizing Mejda's behaviour. After a while, I caught a twinkle in Mejda's eye and thought: "He is planning some fun." 

Suddenly Mejda fell backwards, unconscious. Panchudi shouted: "What happened? Are you not well?" We could see that he was not breathing. Panchudi felt for his pulse. His heart had stopped! 

One of the relatives groaned, "It's due to this yoga he's practicing. I always knew it wasn't good for his health. Surely his head is reeling."

A doctor was called. He had us place Mejda on a bed; then he examined him carefully. At length, finding no signs of life, he shook his head sadly and left the room.

A pall of deep mourning fell over the household. We youngsters cried and called to Mejda, "Get up! Getup!" The elders, too, wept despairingly. They shook Mejda: "Moko, Moko, talk to us!"

Jhima, our maid-mother, who was Mejda's most ardent protagonist, came running into the room. On hearing what had happened, she took the lifeless form of Mejda in her arms. In tears she rocked back and forth, crying: "Where are you, Mukun? O dear God, please don't take him away. I swear I will never scold him or say anything harsh to him ever again. He is such a good boy. Please bring him back."

We had never seen Jhima weeping like this. She was always after Mejda for one reason or another: he spent too much time with his friends; he was wasting his life and would amount to nothing, and squander his father's hard-earned money. She never liked his bringing his friends to eat at the house-which he did all the time and they constantly fought about this.

As suddenly as he had fallen unconscious, Mejda sat straight up, shaking with laughter. "So, Jhima, you will never scold me again?"

Because of old age, Jhima had to use a cane to get about. Infuriated, she raised it as if to strike Mejda. "Naughty boy! I knew you were only playing; I knew it! Do you think you could fool me? I will show you. One day I, too, will sit and consciously leave this body."*

\* This prophecy was fulfilled.

The tussle between Jhima and Mejda brought an immediate feeling of normalcy back to the household. Peals of laughter replaced sorrowful sobs. The ache was gone from our hearts.

Later, Mejda told me that meditation and yoga pranayama enable one to completely control all the natural functions of the body, even for hours at a time. Our doctor was astounded. He could hardly believe what had happened, nor accept the limitation of his learning when faced with such a situation. Mejda received a proper scolding from the elders, but it was obvious that they had enjoyed the charade.

# Mejda Demonstrates the State of Samadhi

I often listened to Mejda and Manomohan discuss samadhi (ecstatic union with Spirit). One day when I was alone with Mejda I asked him what samadhi was, and if I could see him in that state. At first he hesitated, saying, you are too young. You wouldn't understand." Then he paused and said, "All right, come to my room tonight after midnight." I had the lamentable childhood habit of wetting the bed at nignt, so Father used to wake me about that time and send me to the latrine. Mejda told me to be sure that Father had gone back to sleep before I came to his room.

Excited, I had no difficulty in remaining awake that night. (Bishnu, Thamu, and I slept on the floor of our father's room; he slept on a wooden cot. Nalini was married and living with her husband in her father-in-law's house. Mejda slept in the middle bedroom.) Father had sent me to the latrine and was sleeping soundly again when the clock struck twelve. I quietly got up and made my way to Mejda's room. He was sitting on his bed, meditating. A mat had been spread on the floor in front of his bed in readiness. He asked me to sit on it, then told me:

"Samadhi is withdrawing the mind from the body and merging it in God through a method of concentration. Salvation from this world of maya is achieved through samadhi. When the mind of the devotee becomes wholly absorbed in the sound that arises from the anahata chakra, the twelve-petaled lotus of the heart center, the center of feeling,* then buddhi, or the intellect, at the ajna chakra,** becomes pure and fixed upon God. All motion in the body ceases. This state of mind-interiorization and body stillness, and resultant inner awareness of God, is called yoga (union). The devotee realizes that he is not the mortal body; he is the immortal Spirit that became the body. This perception frees him from all sorrow. He realizes that, like Spirit, he is ever-existing, ever-conscious, ever-new Joy.

\* The fourth of seven successively higher cerebrospinal yoga centers of spiritual consciousness. The anahata is in the spine opposite the heart. Each center emits a characteristic sound, an expression of the Cosmic creative Vibration of Aum as it operates in that center to enlivenman's body and mind.

\** The sixth yogic center, at the point between the eyebrows. The advanced yogi's consciousness remains at all times between the anahata and ajna chakras, thus intellect and feeling in their pure, spiritualized state guide all his actions, perceptions, and understanding.

After saying this, Mejda began to sing in Bengali:

Nahi surya, nahi jyoti, nahi shashanka sundara
Bhase byome chhayasama chhabi viswa charachara
Asfuta man-akashe, jagat-sangsar bhase,Othe bhase dobe punoh ahang-srote nirantara.
Dhire dhire chayadal, mahalaye probeshio
Bahe matro "a me" "a me"-ei dhara anukshan
Se dharao baddhwa halo, shunye shunyo milaio
"Abangmanasogocharam," bojhe-pran bojhe jara.

Translated, the words mean:

Lo! The sun is not, nor the comely moon,
All light extinct; in the great void of space
Floats shadow-like the image universe.

In the void of mind involute, there floats
The fleeting universe, rises and floats,
Sinks again ceaseless, in the current "I."

Slowly, slowly, the shadow multitude
Entered the primal womb, and flowed ceaseless,
The only current, the "I am, "I am."

Lo! "Tis stopped, ev'n that current flows no more,
Void merged into void--beyond speech and mind!
Whose heart understands, he verily does.*

\* I had never heard the song before and was sorry I didn't write it down at that time. After diligently searching for the words, I found them written in our eldest sister's diary. ["The Hymn of Samadhi" by Swami Vivekananda. The English translation given here is also by him, as published in The Complete Works of Vivekananda, Volume IV.]

When Mejda finished singing, he sat completely motionless. The clock struck one a.m. When, by two-thirty, he he had not moved, I was becoming alarmed. I touched his body lightly and called his name. But he remained inert. 1 held my hand near his nostrils, but here was no sign of breath. I felt his chest, but there was no movement. Then I shook his shoulders firmly, and called louder to him; still no response. By now I was distraught. Fortunately, Father awoke, as was his custom, at three o'clock. Seeing that I wasn't in bed, he came to Mejda's room. In tears I told him what had happened. 

Father sat beside Mejda and practiced pranayama. Then, touching Mejda's chest with one hand, he chanted "Aum" softly in his ear. He continued this for more than half an hour. Finally Mejda's body moved slightly, and after some time he opened his eyes. But his consciousness remained withdrawn. Father gently massaged Mejda's body for a long time. It was almost dawn before Mejda returned fully to waking consciousness. Father told me to open the windows. Seeing Father beside him, Mejda felt very shy. Nothing was said. Father silently returned to his own room, and I followed. Soon I was fast asleep.