# Values & Boundaries
## Values
Personal values are deeply held beliefs and principles that guide an individual's behavior, decision-making, and overall perspective on life. They form the core of a person’s identity and influence their actions, goals, and relationships. Personal values are shaped by various factors including culture, family, experiences, education, and personal reflection.
Although core values may be fairly stable, they can change and evolve as an individual learns, grows and gathers different life experiences.
Values are not just abstract concepts; they are the foundation of our personal and collective identity. They shape our character, influence our relationships, guide our choices, and ultimately define the kind of world we create. Recognizing the importance of human values empowers individuals and communities to lead more meaningful, ethical, and purpose-driven lives.
### Tips for defining your own core values
Here’s how you can start identifying values in your own life. Open a document or pull out a notebook and try the following exercises to find what matters to you.
1. **Think of the most meaningful moments in your life**
What made those important moments meaningful to you? Who did you share them with? You can define “meaningful” however you like, but it usually encompasses moments where you were at peace and filled with purpose. As you list your meaningful moments, a theme should emerge. Connect the dots to reveal your core values.
2. **Think of the moments you felt the least satisfied**
This is similar to the first exercise. But this time, try to imagine the opposite. What were some of your worst life experiences? Why do they weigh so heavily on you? How were other people behaving toward you? You might feel unfulfilled at work or lack a sense of purpose. It’s the same story when spotting red flags in a relationship. Mismatched values might leave you feeling unsatisfied, and they don’t necessarily have to be “bad values” like dishonesty or vanity. You'll feel stifled if your boss prefers routine but you enjoy innovation.
3. **Pay attention to what inspires you**
When you read the news or browse your library, see if any articles or books catch your attention. Look for people whose behavior you admire or respect. Consider why their stories speak to you and what that says about your sense of self.
4. **Figure out what makes you *[emotion]***
You can learn a lot about your values by paying attention to what effects strong emotion from you. Maybe a colleague rubs you the wrong way, or you found a task frustrating/happy. Your feelings might be rooted in a contradiction of or alignment to your values. If communication matters to you, a lack of it can make you upset.
5. **Imagine your ideal environment**
Think about your environment. If you could reshape the culture, what would it look like? Think of the benefits you’d provide (or not), how people would treat each other, and how people might spend their time. Chances are, your choices will reflect the values you want to see in all areas of your life.
6. **Review the accomplishments you’re most proud of**
You’ve done a lot of things in your life. Think of the ones that fill you with pride. What did you do? What was the impact? Why those accomplishments and not others? You might see some overlap with your most meaningful moments here. Was an important promotion one of the best days of your life? Is that more important than a great day with your friends? What does that tell you?
### Common Types of Values
**Moral Values**
Concerned with principles of right and wrong, justice, and ethics (e.g., honesty, integrity).
**Social Values**
Focus on relationships and social harmony (e.g., kindness, empathy, respect).
**Aesthetic Values**
Related to beauty, art, and creativity (e.g., appreciation for art, nature).
**Pragmatic Values**
Practical and utilitarian beliefs (e.g., efficiency, practicality).
**Personal Development Values**
Emphasize self-growth and fulfillment (e.g., ambition, self-discipline).
**Economic Values**
Relate to financial and material success (e.g., wealth, security).
**Spiritual Values**
Connected to religious or spiritual beliefs, guiding one's sense of purpose and connection (e.g., faith, transcendence).
**Intellectual Values**
Concerned with the pursuit of knowledge and the importance of thinking critically (e.g., curiosity, open-mindedness).
**Political Values**
Related to beliefs about governance, justice, and civic responsibility (e.g., freedom, equality).
**Health Values**
Prioritize physical and mental well-being (e.g., fitness, self-care).
**Familial Values**
Emphasize the importance of family relationships and responsibilities (e.g., loyalty, support).
**Environmental Values**
Concerned with the protection and preservation of the natural world (e.g., sustainability, conservation).
**Cultural Values**
Related to the customs, traditions, and practices of a particular group or society (e.g., heritage, cultural pride).
**Hedonistic Values**
Focus on the pursuit of pleasure and enjoyment (e.g., happiness, fun).
**Altruistic Values**
Emphasize selflessness and the welfare of others (e.g., generosity, compassion).
**Educational Values**
Prioritize learning, education, and the dissemination of knowledge (e.g., scholarship, intellectual growth).
**Professional Values**
Relate to work ethics, professionalism, and career success (e.g., dedication, competence).
**Legal Values**
Focus on the importance of laws, rules, and justice (e.g., fairness, lawfulness).
**Technological Values**
Concerned with innovation, efficiency, and the impact of technology on society (e.g., progress, adaptability).
**Recreational Values**
Emphasize the importance of leisure, hobbies, and recreational activities (e.g., relaxation, adventure).
**Independence Values**
Prioritize autonomy and self-reliance (e.g., freedom, self-sufficiency).
**Community Values**
Focus on the importance of community engagement and social responsibility (e.g., civic duty, cooperation).
**Achievement Values**
Related to personal success, accomplishments, and recognition (e.g., excellence, ambition).
**Resilience Values**
Emphasize the ability to overcome challenges and adversity (e.g., perseverance, determination).
**Equality Values**
Concerned with fairness and equal treatment for all individuals (e.g., justice, equity).
**Loyalty Values**
Focus on faithfulness and allegiance to others or causes (e.g., devotion, fidelity).
**Responsibility Values**
Emphasize accountability and the fulfillment of obligations (e.g., reliability, dependability).
**Peace Values**
Concerned with tranquility, conflict resolution, and non-violence (e.g., harmony, diplomacy).
**Adventure Values**
Prioritize excitement, exploration, and new experiences (e.g., daring, curiosity).
**Stability Values**
Focus on security, consistency, and predictability (e.g., safety, reliability).
**Creativity Values**
Emphasize innovation, originality, and the creation of new ideas (e.g., imagination, inventiveness).

## Boundaries
Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships to protect our well-being and ensure respectful interactions. These boundaries help define our personal space, needs, and preferences, and they allow us to interact with others in a way that feels safe and comfortable.
### Characteristics of Personal Boundaries
**Defining Personal Space**: Personal boundaries delineate the physical, emotional, and mental space that individuals need to feel secure and respected.
**Guiding Interactions**: They guide how we interact with others and how we allow others to interact with us.
**Promoting Self-Respect**: Establishing boundaries is an act of self-respect, helping individuals protect their values, feelings, and needs.
**Balancing Relationships**: Healthy boundaries help balance personal autonomy with closeness in relationships.
### Importance of Personal Boundaries
**Self-Care**: Boundaries protect individuals from physical and emotional harm, allowing them to take care of their own needs first.
**Healthy Relationships**: They ensure mutual respect and understanding in relationships, preventing over dependence and resentment.
**Personal Autonomy**: Boundaries affirm personal agency and the right to make independent decisions.
**Stress Reduction**: By setting clear limits, individuals can reduce stress and avoid burnout, particularly in demanding environments.
### Implementing Healthy Boundaries
**Self-Awareness**: Recognize your own needs, values, and limits.
**Communication**: Clearly express your boundaries to others.
**Consistency**: Enforce your boundaries consistently, even when challenged.
**Flexibility**: Adapt boundaries as necessary to accommodate different situations and relationships.
### Examples
A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.

A person who always keeps others at a distance (whether emotionally, physically, or
otherwise) is said to have rigid boundaries. Alternatively, someone who tends to get too
involved with others has porous boundaries.

### Common traits of rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries

|Rigid Boundaries | Porous Boundaries | Healthy Boundaries|
|-----------------|-------------------|-------------------|
|Avoids intimacy and close relationships|Overshares personal information|Values own opinions|
|Unlikely to ask for help|Difficulty saying “no” to the requests of others|Doesn’t compromise values for others|
|Has few close relationships|Over-involved with other’s problems|Shares personal information in an appropriate way (does not over or under share)|
|Very protective of personal information|Dependent on the opinions of others|Knows personal wants and needs, and can communicate them|
|May seem detached, even with romantic partners|Accepting of abuse or disrespect|Healthy attachment styles|
|Keeps others at a distance to avoid the possibility of rejection|Fears rejection if they do not comply with others|Accepting when others say “no” to them|

Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example, someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in romantic relationships, and a mix of all three types with their family. The appropriateness of boundaries depends heavily on setting/context. What’s appropriate to say when you’re out with friends might not be appropriate when you’re at work. Some cultures have very different expectations when it comes to boundaries. For example, in some cultures it’s considered wildly inappropriate to express emotions publicly. In other cultures, emotional expression is encouraged.
### Common Types of Boundaries
**Physical Boundaries** are boundaries we set for ourselves to ensure physical safety and proximity, including boundaries surrounding sexuality, where and when we go places, and what we are comfortable with physically from others.
**Time Boundaries** are what we set to create a healthy mindset and schedule for ourselves. This can include setting limits on how much time we spend with someone or doing a certain activity and setting time boundaries for work/school and home life balance.
**Conversational Boundaries** are setting limits about what topics we are open to discussing and what topics we do not feel comfortable talking about. This can include many different topics, such as politics, religion, sexual content, and many more.
**Relationship Boundaries** are limits that are discussed and agreed upon with your partner, family, coworkers, and close friends.
**Personal Boundaries** are guidelines and rules we set for ourselves to ensure we are being aware of our needs and being aware of how we can respect and meet those needs in a healthy way.
### Communicate with clarity
Practice saying no when you don’t want to do something. You don’t have to explain yourself or offer an excuse. The following phrases are complete answers:
:::info
“No, thank you.”
:::
:::info
“Thanks, but I can’t.”
:::

If someone you care about has violated your boundaries, you may want to give them more information. Here’s a helpful template to express your frustration:
:::info
When you ___________, I felt ______________.

Please don’t ___________.

_____________ is important to me.
:::
For example:
:::info
“When you told our friends about what’s been going on with my family, I felt hurt and embarrassed. Please don’t share things about me without my consent. My privacy is important to me.“
:::