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# System prepended metadata

title: wake up (feb 9)

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still not feeling much about it, somehow.

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and that line was wrote before I came back from the local market.

it's funny how I unconsciously looked towards the floor expecting a maltese to greet me. I guess you can't kill habits that quick.
I'm still not feeling much about it, but I could feel my heart sink a little when my mom asked if I missed him.
I said, "a little".

but other than that...
I've been, feeling rather incompetent.
I wanted to be as good as other people when it came to stuff.
but I'm too reluctant to make mistakes.

I've been shaped like this, but I want to get out this cage of mine.
I wanted to see more of the world instead of, being trapped in a cage like this.

I'm not good at computers. everyone seems to know a lot about them. I have no idea what they are saying.
I'm not good at drawing, although I've been improving a bit over the years. only recently have I found a path to get better. the simplest way.

I wanted to be good at something.
yet it seems as if I'm rooted to the ground.
I can't fly.

sometimes I'm not really sure what to do. part of me wants to rot but I can feel the bigger part of me wants to, get out of here.

it almost feels as if everyone's too good at what they do, and I'm just good at not being good at anything.

it's never truly over, my rational part knows that well.
yet a lot of the time I just feel like there's nothing left for me to do.

I'm not going to fold that easily...
sigh.

but, yes. I'm still going.

also to dodge discord's status change notifs, I've been changing my online status to "offline", change my status, then change back.
I have no idea if that works or not, but hey.
maybe it does.
people aren't asking me about it too much.

and something about dogs before I end this post...
my mom, has witnessed 3 of her dogs pass so far.

the first one, let's call him...Chip. is a maltese.
that was my mom's first dog, and she used to tell me she thinks I was her dog but reborn to be her kid, or something like that.

he lasted for a few days, and someone else was taking care of the dog at the time. called my mom, said she should come back and see him one last time.

my mom went back, and talked to him, pet him. he passed away the next day.

the second and third (tea) were also both malteses.

I'm feeling alright about the passing.
my mom said it was a fortunate thing that he went fast and painless.
it'll still take a little bit to feel completely fine.
but that's okay, too.

well, I better get to choose my classes soon.
and drawing.

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hoot
feb 9
7:00 pm.

new hopes sprout in my heart every now and then.

I'm going to be okay.