still trying to feel better. --- hey. it's kinda late, no? but I'm up anyways. playing games with friends and whatnot. my mom has been tending to the sick dog. he won't really eat anything so my mom just made some milk with powdered milk and fed it to him. we're guessing it's probably heart-related issues or something else. he's a small dog after all. small, old and frail. he's been rather slow. earlier she was just saying to the dog: "you gotta get well soon, okay? we don't got that kind of money to spend on you..." and honestly that sounded harsh, but at the same time...animal treatment is something else, man. the amount of money that neighbour of ours spend on her dogs is an unholy amount. my mom would sometimes tell me "there's not even enough money to spend on ourselves and we have to spend it on dogs..." she's always been rather sensitive with money, I guess. after all, it's what she's worried about the most. worried that I'd not have enough money to keep myself alive after she's gone. but still, I wish the dog would pass away peacefully instead of painfully, if there's really no way to help him. the other dog would be lonely then. he'd have lost his brother. and he's blind and kind of deaf. I would have one less dog trying to occupy my cushion where I rest my feet when I'm playing games on my computer. just that, of all the things that could've happened, why this and why now? idk anymore, man. well, that aside... I've been feeling slightly better. talking to friends a little. even picked up my drawing tablet to draw a really simple protogen head despite my mood being kinda meh. that's something. hanging out with a friend (his name goes really well with cheese i think, although I've never had the thing myself before), we played some fisch and rpg. and I'm sleepy again now. honestly I'm just really unsure where to go from here all of a sudden. I have to do my hobbies more to get good at them, at the same time there seems to be bigger things to worry about. I'll need some time to arrange my thoughts. I hope I'll draw more. --- hoot feb 9 5:19 am. sometimes I'm fearful.