super sleepy.

----
so work's been pretty fine so far, just sorting papers.

although i do have a dumb training to go to this friday, guh.

people are pretty chill, said i could sleep if i finish my stuff, and slack off as long as i get my share of my work done.
and it's done.

still got two hours.

my mind's wandering to somewhere else.
oh, by the way, i actually checked my old livejournal website today.

i think my last entries up there were quite depressing.
it was about uh, well.
the process of me confessing to mu old crush.
it scared me a bit when i checked it lmao

but nothing too bad.
life's okay, for now i don't have to deal with having a crush either :P

hopefully this summer is better than whatever my last summer was.
hopefully.

(and then i forgot about this post until i finished work.)

and i'm home, just chilling on my seat, waiting for my homie to wake up.
today's been tiring, actually.
due to me sleeping less than usual and waking up early.

longing is a weird emotion.
be it missing a friend, or thinking about a future you where you might actually have someone special.
i feel like people being themselves and then just, boom, suddenly they're in a relationship.
i'm perhaps too tired to care or just not really bothered by it at the moment.
maybe it's more complicated than that? i've no idea, really.

missing friends...well.
i dunno, i just really miss people i enjoy talking to.
maybe it's the fact that i know we've got each other's back now.
and that i kinda wanna spend time with him.
play games, talk about stuff.
i've been, making more friends here and there, which is actually pretty nice.
though the majority of them i most likely won't be talking to too much, anyway.
just trying to focus on the people i vibe with and such.
i mean i do have agency in how i interact with people, but...
i'm just not sure if it's the best way of doing it.
getting so many friend requests is fine and all, but i can't be everyone's friend for sure.
nor can i talk to everyone, or please everyone, or reply to them as soon as they send something.
i guess i'll only have a very few close friends.
yeah.
and maybe that's...
maybe that's fine.
i guess i just really wanted someone to be able to keep me company at any time, and it's a bit unreasonable.

longing is a weird emotion, or perhaps all emotions are equally as weird.
or maybe i'm saying weird because it makes me feel vulnerable.
do i wanna find out? dunno, maybe not right now.

but, i sometimes do think about a future in which perhaps i am really happy.
maybe i'm good at art and people like what i do.
or maybe i got a really lovely guy to spend my time with.
or maybe both, or maybe even more.
and i hope they do come true, and i become the kind of person i really want to be.

awh, i'm tired.
maybe this is it for today.

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hoots
july 1
7:54 pm.
brain's kinda, like a puddle right now.
but i wanna do some stuff before i actually faint.