How to Support Someone with an Eating Disorder

Eating disorders can be isolating, and those who struggle with them often feel misunderstood. If someone close to you is [dealing with an eating disorder](https://www.hannahmyall.com/family-support), you might feel unsure of what to say or do. You want to help, but you're scared of saying the wrong thing or pushing them further away. This is common. Supporting a loved one through this kind of struggle takes patience, empathy, and a steady presence. The more you understand what they're going through, the more helpful you can be. This article breaks it down in a clear, practical way—so you can offer real support that makes a difference.

Understand the Basics of Eating Disorders
Before you try to support someone, it helps to understand what they’re facing. Eating disorders aren’t just about food. They often stem from deep emotional struggles, low self-esteem, anxiety, trauma, or the need for control. Conditions like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder each come with unique behaviors, but all of them involve a complex relationship with food and body image.

You don’t need to be an expert, but having a general understanding of what eating disorders are—and what they aren’t—helps you respond with compassion rather than confusion or frustration.

Some common myths can make things worse. For instance, eating disorders aren't a choice. They’re not just about vanity, and they don't always show up as someone being underweight. Many people with eating disorders look physically “normal” on the outside.

Learn to Listen Without Fixing
Your first instinct might be to jump in with solutions. You may want to encourage them to just eat more, or try a specific diet, or exercise a certain way. But that kind of approach usually backfires. Eating disorders are not logical, and trying to apply logic can feel dismissive to someone who’s struggling.

What helps more is listening. Let them talk, even if it’s messy or hard to hear. Don’t try to correct their thoughts right away. Just be there. Say things like:

"I’m here if you want to talk."

"That sounds really difficult."

"You don’t have to go through this alone."

Being heard without judgment can build trust, and that trust is the foundation for deeper healing.

Avoid Making Comments About Food or Appearance
Even well-meaning comments can land the wrong way. Telling someone they “look healthy” might seem like a compliment, but to someone with an eating disorder, it can be a trigger. Comments about weight—gained or lost—can also reinforce harmful thoughts.

It’s better to shift the focus away from food and body image. Instead, talk about things unrelated to appearance. Bring up hobbies, interests, or just everyday life. This helps your loved one feel like more than their disorder.

Support, But Don’t Control
Supporting someone doesn’t mean trying to manage their recovery for them. It’s tempting to watch their every move, monitor what they eat, or push them toward treatment. But this can feel overwhelming and even make things worse.

Offer encouragement, not pressure. Let them know you care and that you’ll support them when they’re ready. If they’re open to help, you can offer to go with them to a doctor or therapist. But don’t force it.

People heal at their own pace. Recovery isn’t a straight line, and setbacks are common. Your role isn’t to control the process, but to walk alongside them while they go through it.

Educate Yourself Without Oversharing
Reading up on eating disorders can be helpful, but avoid becoming the “expert” in your loved one’s life. Every experience is different. What you read online might not fully apply to them, and constantly quoting statistics or treatment options can feel cold or overwhelming.

Instead, let your learning guide your empathy. Understand the emotional side, not just the facts. Use what you learn to better support, not to lecture or correct.

Be Patient and Consistent
Supporting someone with an eating disorder is a long game. There will be good days and hard days. Your loved one might seem fine one week and then struggle the next. It’s part of the journey.

Patience is key. Keep showing up, even if they pull away. Consistency helps build safety and trust, which they need more than anything. They might test that trust or push back—especially if they’re scared of change—but staying steady tells them you’re not going anywhere.

Take Care of Yourself Too
Helping someone through an eating disorder can be emotionally heavy. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or even resentful at times. These feelings are normal. That’s why it’s just as important to take care of your own mental health.

Talk to someone you trust, like a friend, counselor, or support group. Set boundaries when you need to. You can’t pour from an empty cup. The stronger you are emotionally, the better you can support someone else.

Remember, it’s not your job to “fix” them. Your job is to love them, to support their healing, and to protect your own wellbeing in the process.

Encourage Professional Help
While your support is valuable, eating disorders often require treatment from trained professionals. This might include therapy, medical care, and nutritional support. Encouraging your loved one to get help is one of the most powerful things you can do—if it’s done gently.

You might say, “Have you thought about talking to someone who really understands this?” or “I can help you find a therapist if you’d like.” Let them lead the pace, but remind them that support is out there.

If they’re under 18 or their health is in serious danger, you may need to involve a parent, school counselor, or healthcare provider, even if they resist. Safety comes first.

Keep Showing Up
Even if your loved one says they’re fine, don’t disappear. Keep checking in. Keep making space for real conversations. Keep inviting them to things. Don’t let the eating disorder isolate them from the people who care.

They may not always say it, but your support matters. Just knowing that someone sees them—beyond the illness—can be a lifeline.