# How I Spent my Summer Vacation on the Moon

# Prelude: One Angsty Winter Night

A single blood-red leaf detached itself from the gnarled, skeletal finger of a tree and drifted slowly downwards, the last clinging ember of autumn burning itself out at last. Pale and ghostly moonlight drifted across a murky sky, illuminating a unicorn's face as he gazed mournfully into the reflecting pool before him. Haunting strains of [i]Disintegration[/i] by The Cure bled from the cone of a nearby record player, drifting off into the night like a lost, sad spirit in search of a hug.

The unicorn continued to gaze at his image in the pool; at his worn and haggard features; at his dark and lonely mascara-lined eyes. Eyes that had lived so long; seen so much horror, and so much pain.

"Sadness," whispered the unicorn into the darkness. "Infinite sadness."

His horn aglow, he quickly levitated the quill pen down to the parchment spread out on the rock before him, and scrawled out the final line of his poem.

He brushed the mascara-tears from his eyes, and gave his work an appraising glance.

"Oh yeah," he whispered to himself, smiling. "That's good. That's the shit right there. The ponies in my writing circle are going to eat this up."

"Um, sir?"

The unicorn turned, ready to rebuke his assistant for interrupting his poetry-writing. Then, he remembered why they were out here in the woods in the first place.

"Yes, what is it?" he demanded, perhaps a little too harshly.

His acolyte, well accustomed to his master's moods, was unruffled.

"The preparations are complete."

Evening Musk smiled, and his horn lit up with a violet aura as he quickly gathered up the papers spread out before him. He stuffed them into his nearby saddlebag and switched off the record player.

Musk was a tall, handsome, well-proportioned stallion in his middle years. Ordinarily, his coat was the bluish slate-grey of fading dusk, but tonight he had dyed it black; as black as his very soul. His lavender mane, streaked with silver, was now midnight blue. He had enchanted his eyes into a turquoise color, the pupils resembling those of a kitty-cat or a reptile; a reptokitty, perhaps. He pulled up the hood of his black cloak and rose to his hooves.

"Then let us begin."

His acolyte, ordinarily a rusty brown earth pony by the name of Night Soil, had dyed and clad himself similarly, as had all the members of their order for the evening. The two ponies walked a short distance through the woods until they came to a clearing, where about thirty black-and-blue ponies, cloaked and hooded, were gathered in a semicircle around an altar.

"Brothers and sisters," proclaimed Evening Musk as he ascended the small mound of earth on which the altar stood. "Tonight, we shall reap the result of all of our months of effort and research! Tonight, Equestria shall bear witness to horrors and wonders beyond all comprehension! Tonight, we shall see...the resurrection of our Queen!"

There was a small but enthusiastic 'huzzah' from the gathered crowd.

Evening Musk glanced at the altar, pleased to see that the objects had been arranged as he'd asked. The fragments of armor were piled in the center, flanked on either side by a ceremonial dagger and an empty chalice. Directly above the pile, facing due East, was a small brazier in which incense crackled and burnt, causing an otherworldly aroma to waft out and mingle with the crisp night air. In the nearby village of Ponyville, the wrap-up had concluded and tomorrow Spring was here, but in the Everfree Forest Winter still held dominion.

Frowning, Musk suddenly noticed that somepony had also left a rubber chicken on the altar, presumably as a joke. He brushed it aside in irritation, and it fell to the ground with a light squeak. Someone in the crowd stifled a giggle.

He cleared his throat.

"Now then. Bring forth the sacrifice!"

Two more hooded ponies approached the altar from behind, dragging between them a pony-sized burlap sack, a sack that was shaking and struggling. A cold smile spread across Musk's face as it was tossed to the ground before him.

His horn glowed violet, and the rope that bound the top of the sack unwound itself. He peered inside, but immediately drew back as a thick odor of sour wine and B.O. assaulted his nostrils.

"Yecch, she smells like an old wino!" he grumbled. "Are you sure you grabbed the right unicorn?"

One of the hooded stallions, a muscular earth pony whose name Musk couldn't place, looked offended.

"We're not stupid!" he said defensively. "It was Celestia's star pupil you wanted, right? The one who lives in the tree?"

"Yeah, that's her, but...well, whatever; dump her out. Let's have a look at what we've got."

The two stallions each grabbed a corner of the sack in their mouths, roughly upending its contents onto the frozen ground. A purple unicorn tumbled out, sweating profusely and covered in mud and grime. In addition to being hog-tied at the fetlocks, a blindfold of the same rough material as the sack had been tied over her eyes, and a silver magic-blocking collar was fastened securely about her neck. Her lavender-blue mane and tail looked as if they hadn't been washed in days, but Musk observed that the distinctive magenta stripe was present. A glance at her star-shaped cutie mark provided the final confirmation: it was her.

"So," the burly stallion spoke again. "Did we grab the right one?"

Evening Musk nodded.

"Yes, this is her." His nose once again wrinkled with distaste. "But ugh, the smell! What did you do, marinate her in a vat of wine first?"

The stallion shrugged indifferently.

"She was like this when we found her."

The other stallion nodded in confirmation.

"Well, it's no matter," said Evening Musk, "This will all be over soon enough."

He drew up to his full height, smiling imperiously at his captive. He had waited months for this moment.

"So, Miss Sparkle," he said with an aristocratic leer. "How are we feeling this evening?"

The unicorn on the ground before him began to thrash around and groan.

"W-where am I?" she mewled, in a pitiful voice. "Who are all of you big, powerful, scary stallions? Are you going to rape me? Are you going to hold me down and have your way with me? Are you going to violate me, passing me back and forth like a helpless little--"

The stallion to her left rolled his eyes and gave her a sharp kick.

"Oh, shut up!" he growled. "For the last time, nopony is going to rape you. Stop asking!"

"Are you sure?" cried Twilight. "Because I [i]really[/i] couldn't do anything about it if you did! And I certainly wouldn't say anything about it to the Princess! I mean, how could I even face her after something like that? To look her in the eye and tell her that a pack of hulking, muscular stallions had flung me to the ground and violated me over and over with their big, thick, veiny--"

"Can we gag her or something?" demanded the other stallion, the one who had spoken first. "Seriously; it's been all bloody night with this."

Evening Musk hesitated, but then nodded. The stallion quickly stuffed a cloth rag into the captive's mouth, temporarily stemming the torrent of vulgarity.

He cleared his throat again, once again turning to address the semicircle of hooded ponies who were still gathered patiently in front of the altar.

"And now," he proclaimed in a booming, theatrical voice. "I offer unto you this sacrifice! Drink of this unicorn's blood, My Queen, the blood of the very unicorn who hath cast thou into darkness!"

"Cast [i]thee[/i] into darkness," corrected someone in the crowd. This was immediately followed by a muffled cry of pain as he was kicked in the shin by the pony standing next to him.

Evening Musk went on as if he hadn't heard.

"I offer you this sacrifice, O My Queen!" he cried, craning his neck upward towards the full moon. The ceremonial dagger began to levitate off of the altar. "Drink of this pony's blood, and BE REBORN!!!"

The deadly object turned suddenly, moonlight glinting off the blade, and then it flew towards the helpless mare. Instinctively, Twilight began to thrash on the ground once more, but the two stallions held her down. A muffled, pitiful shriek of terror pushed its way through the gag.

The crowd gasped as the floating dagger drew to a sudden stop at Twilight's flank, made a single, shallow cut, and then drifted neatly back to the altar.

"There we go," said Musk. "That wasn't so bad, now was it, Miss Sparkle?"

Musk now levitated the chalice and held it underneath the small cut, gathering a few drops of the unicorn's blood.

The two stallions, still holding Twilight, looked at each other and then back at Musk.

"Seriously?" said the large, burly one. "That was it? That's what you needed us to drag this mare all the way out here for?"

Musk, the chalice still floating in his horn aura, raised an eyebrow at them.

"Is there a problem?"

The stallion coughed.

"Yeah, well, it's just..."

"...it's just that we had to carry her all the way through town!" the other stallion finished.

"Yeah!" added his partner. "I mean, I don't think anypony saw us, but..."

"But what?" demanded Musk, thoroughly annoyed now.

"Well, I mean, it's just that...I thought this was like...you know. A sacrifice."

"It [i]is[/i] a sacrifice. We are collecting her blood to resurrect our Queen."

The two stallions looked at each other again.

"Yeah, but..."

"But [i]what?[/i]"

"Well, this wasn't an easy job, you know? Sneaking into Ponyville, kidnapping Celestia's little pet, carrying her around in a bag without anypony noticing...this was a pretty high-effort project."

"And?"

"...and...it feels kind of anticlimactic, you know? All that work, and you're just going to cut her leg a little and then let her go? That's...well, it's just kind of lame, is all."

Musk glanced at the moon. The window would be closing soon; he didn't have time to stand here and banter with these fools much longer.

"What would you prefer I do?" he demanded sharply.

The two stallions looked at each other again for a moment or two, while Musk ground his teeth in frustration. Finally, the smaller one spoke up:

"I don't know, maybe something a little more...sacrificey?"

"'Sacrificey'?"

"Yeah," said the bigger one. "We don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but...you could probably stand to zazz this whole thing up a bit, you know?"

"'Zazz it up'?"

"Yeah, you know; add some zazz. Some flair; some showmanship. Some panache. Maybe tie her to the altar, chant some spooky incantations, maybe...I don't know...maybe cut out her heart and eat it or something?"

"Yeah," the other stallion concurred, nodding. "I mean, it's like he said, we don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but..."

"...it just lacks zazz."

"Yeah, definitely. Zazz this whole thing up, is what we're saying."

There was a faint gurgling sound as Twilight finally managed to spit out her gag.

"Are you guys going to rape me or just talk all night?" she demanded.

"Oh, shut up!" snapped Evening Musk, aiming a kick a kick at her, which she dodged. Scowling, he returned his attention to his two accomplices.

"Listen, you nitwits," he snarled. "Do either of you know anything about the secrets of arcane black magic?"

The two stallions shook their heads.

"Oh, so you mean the two of you [i]didn't[/i] spend the last six months delving into ancient, forbidden texts, studying the position of the heavens, scrying into crystals and mirrors and consorting with the foulest of spirits, in order to determine the most portentous time and method for accomplishing our Order's dark purpose?"

They hesitated, and shook their heads again.

"Oh, well; I guess it was [i]me[/i] who did all of that, then. So, if there's nothing further, why don't you two idiots go and take your seats, and let me FINISH THE BLASTED RITUAL WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME!!!"

Meanwhile, Twilight rolled over and groaned.

"Hey, if you're not going to do anything, could you untie my front legs at least? I'm starting to get a cramp..."

"AND TAKE THIS INFURIATING STRUMPET WITH YOU!!" Musk bellowed.

The two stallions turned sulkily away and did as he asked, dragging Twilight Sparkle behind them.

"This is the lamest murder cult I've ever been in," grumbled the larger stallion under his breath. His companion nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, Evening Musk returned his attention to the altar. Still levitating the chalice, he emptied its contents onto the pile of armor fragments gathered at the center. As soon as the drops of Twilight's blood touched the metal, an eerie, dark aura began to take shape around the fragments. Evening Musk smiled. His efforts had not been in vain after all.

"And now, O My Queen," he proclaimed, once more craning his neck upward towards the moon, "I bid you...ARISE!!"

There was a sudden puff of smoke as the armor fragments ignited. A brilliant green flame erupted from the center of the altar, momentarily bathing the entire clearing in otherworldly light.

"Oooooh...." exclaimed the gathered ponies in unison.

The flame collected itself into a ball, floating into the air like a Will o' the Wisp.

"Aaaaah...." exclaimed the ponies. A few of them applauded politely.

Evening Musk's horn glowed, his brow furrowed in concentration. Now was the most crucial moment. He had to direct the dark energies in just such a way, or else who knew what might accidentally be pulled through the portal....

"FREEZE!! YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!!"

His concentration broken by the sudden outburst, Musk looked up. He instantly lost control of the spell, and the glowing green ball suddenly zipped off into the surrounding forest and disappeared. In dismay, he saw that the entire clearing was now surrounded by pegasus guards, clad in the armor of the Royal Palace. Scowling, he turned in the direction from which the order had come. Sure enough, it was she who had spoken. Celestia. That bitch.

"Oooh, I hate her so much..." he muttered to himself, his hooves trembling with rage. All that planning, all that work...

A sudden yell from a member of his congregation broke Musk out of his reverie.

"IT'S THE FUZZ!! CHEESE IT!!!"

The hooded ponies began to scramble every which way, tossing their cloaks aside and breaking for the forest as Celestia's guards moved to intercept them. He saw a pair of grim pegasi gliding towards him, their spears brandished menacingly. Regaining his composure, he smiled.

"Not today, gentlecolts," he said.

He gave a low bow, his horn sparked, and in a sudden flash he teleported away. The two guards crashed into each other in the space where he'd been, and tumbled to the earth cursing.

"Your highness!" barked one of the guards, gliding in next to Celestia's chariot. The Princess turned and regarded him calmly. "We've managed to round up a few of them, but the others got away!"

Celestia smiled grimly.

"They were likely prepared for this. Don't trouble yourself; we'll track them down later. The important thing is that we stopped..."

She glanced around her, taking in the sight of the altar and its ceremonial instruments, as well as her student lying trussed-up on the ground nearby. Twilight was now snoring loudly, lost in a wine-induced bliss.

"...that we stopped whatever this was exactly," the Princess finished, a bit lamely.

She glanced around her once more. Two or three hooded cult members had been captured, and were now shuffling sullenly towards a nearby caged wagon, shackled at the hooves. However, it appeared that most of the group had indeed escaped.

Twilight suddenly snorted and rolled over.

"...oh no, get off me, I'm so helpless right now..." she mumbled.

Celestia rolled her eyes.

"If somepony will please load my student onto my chariot, I will escort her home," she said. "The rest of you, gather up these...items...and take the prisoners back to my dungeon. I shall wish to interrogate them later."

"Highness."

The captain of the guard gave a brief salute, and the order was swiftly carried out. The snoring Twilight was placed in the passenger seat next to her, and Celestia's chariot rose into the night.

Twilight smelled like Pone's Farm and sexual frustration. Celestia felt as though she probably ought to be at least a little bit cross with her, but then again, she had been a student once herself. Making friends could be tough. She wanted to just write this whole incident off as some kind of weird, geeky frat party gone awry, but some nagging instinct told her that there might be something darker at work here. Something about the way those ponies had been dressed...

- - -

Meanwhile, back in the clearing, the two remaining guards were cleaning up the last traces of the cult's presence.

"Man, we always get stuck with the shit jobs," grumbled Guard #1, stooping to pick up yet another discarded cloak with his teeth. He tossed it into the nearby wagon.

"Yeah, tell me about it," said Guard #2. "Look at all this junk. Cloaks, mascara, reptokitty contact lenses, more mascara...what kind of a freaky goth party did we break up, anyway?"

"Hey, speaking of goths, get a load of this!" Guard #1 called out.

Guard #2 trotted over to where his friend had opened a pair of saddlebags that lay discarded in the mud. A few sheets of parchment, covered with over-elaborate horn-writing, were spread out on the ground.

"What did you find?" he asked.

Guard #1 chuckled.

"Heh, check it out. Turns out one of these freaks was a poet. Listen to this:

[i]"'Dark'ness consumes my immortal soul,
"'In my heart is only pain.
"'Infinite pain. (Infinite)

"'In the space betwixt light and shadow,
"'My soul cries out (cries out).
"'Tears of blood stream from my fetlock,
"'I know naught but the abyss.

"'My icy blue eyes like limpid tears,
"'Deep inside my soul cries out (cries out):

"'Sadness.
"'Infinite sadness. (Infinite)'"[/i]

The two of them burst out laughing.

"Wow, what a loser!" said Guard #2. "No wonder he was hanging out in the woods with a bunch of geeks dressed up like Nightmare Moon!"

"Is that what they were doing?"

Guard #2 shrugged.

"I assume so. Didn't you notice how they were all dressed up like Nightmare Moon?"

"I figured they were just furries or something," said #1. "I wasn't really paying that much attention."

#2 shook his head.

"See, this is why you'll never get promoted to detective. You have to learn how to notice these things. Here, look at all this stuff we found: black dye #4 (Nightmare Moon shade), black cloaks with Nightmare Moon's emblem on them, Nightmare Moon wigs, official Hot-Topic-exclusive Nightmare Moon reptokitty contacts, a framed photo of Nightmare Moon, this limited-edition cassette bootleg copy of Nightmare Moon's demo album from when she was trying to become a folk singer, Princess Luna's memoir 'To The Moon and Back'..."

Guard #1 grunted, and began stuffing the papers back into the saddlebag. He seized it in his teeth and flung it into the wagon with the rest of the 'evidence' they'd collected.

"So, basically what you're saying is that these guys were some kind of Nightmare Moon fan club?"

"Seems that way."

"Should we tell the Princess?"

"I already put it in my report. Anyway, hell; I'm beat. I think we pretty much collected everything. What do you say we head down to the Rusty Horseshoe and tie one on?"

Guard #1 grinned broadly.

"Now you're talkin'. Hey, what's that over there?"

His outstretched hoof pointed toward a patch of thicket at the edge of the clearing, from which an eerie green glow was emanating.

Guard #2 squinted at it for a few seconds, and then shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "Probably nothing. Somepony dropped a glowstick I guess."

"A glowstick?"

"Yeah. All these raver-types like to wave glowsticks around when they dance. It's part of their religion or something."

Guard #1 frowned.

"Ravers? I thought you said they were goths."

#2 shrugged disdainfully.

"Goths, ravers, furries; same damn difference. It's all a bunch of [i]bmm-tss, bmm-tss[/i] techno-crap as far as I'm concerned. Me? I likes me some good old-fashioned rockabilly."

"Amen to that."

Guard #1 stepped into the wagon's harness. The two guardponies spread their wings and glided off into the night. Meanwhile, in the thicket, the eerie green light continued to pulse and glow.

# Chapter One: Twilight Sparkle Drinks Too Much

"TWIIIIIILIIIIIIGHT!!!"

Twilight Sparkle peeled her face off of the pillow. Her head was pounding, and it felt like somepony had run piano wire through her entire body from her hooves to her horn and pulled it taut. She was suddenly aware of how sweaty and gross she felt, and she wanted nothing more than to drift back into the cold abyss of sleep. Groping about on the bedside table with her aura, she finally caught hold of what she was looking for: a large metal cup about a quarter full of Pone's Farm. She took a long, greedy swallow and plopped her head back on the pillow. If only she could fall back to sleep...

"TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLIIIIIIIIIGGGHTTTT!!!!!"

Finally, the shrill voice of her baby dragon succeeded in peeling her head off the pillow once more. She shouted in annoyance:

"What, Spike?!?"

"Rarity is here!"

Twilight sighed heavily, downed the last bit of wine in one gulp, and clambered out of bed.

"Tell her I'll be down in a minute," she said.

Exactly one minute later, Twilight trotted down the stairs and into the library. Her friend Rarity was seated at the large table in the center, looking elegant and refined as usual. Her purple mane was done up in some kind of elaborate pile that looked like it probably took half the morning to arrange. She wore a silk scarf around her shimmering white neck and a pair of chic sunglasses. Spike was seated in an armchair on the other side of the room, staring a little too obviously, with an open book spread conspicuously across his lap.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight took a seat at the table and called out:

"Spike! Why don't you bring us some mimosas or something?"

He shot her a dirty look.

"Do you really think you need more alcohol, Twilight?"

"'Need' doesn't even begin to cover it, Spike. Or did you forget what almost happened to me last night?"

"'Almost' being the operative word there," muttered Spike, but he stood up and edged his way into the kitchen, still holding the book across his lap.

Rarity looked politely away from him and cleared her throat.

"Now then, darling, I'm terribly sorry to burst in on you unannounced, but when I heard what happened I simply [i]had[/i] to come and see you!"

"Oh, well, thank you, Rarity, but honestly I'm fine," said Twilight.

"Fine? [i]Fine?!?[/i] Oh, but darling, I can't even [i]imagine[/i] what it must have been like, being tied up, and dragged away in the middle of the night by those [i]ruffians...[/i]"

Every time Rarity said the word 'darling' Twilight felt like a nail was being driven a little farther into her skull. Where the hell was Spike with those mimosas?

"...oh, and the things they must have [i]done[/i] to you, darling! It must have been absolutely [i]terrifying[/i], being [i]blindfolded[/i], and [i]gagged[/i], and carried off [i]helpless[/i] into the woods...those huge, hulking, muscular [i]brutes[/i] surrounding you, subjecting you to the [i]ravages[/i] of their wanton, unbridled--"

"Here are your mimosas, ladies!" said Spike as he burst into the room, carrying a tray with two fluted glasses on it.

"Oh, thank Celestia," muttered Twilight softly. She grabbed hers and took a long gulp. "Oh, and Spike? You might want to just go ahead and get another round of these going."

"Yeah, watch how fast I go," muttered Spike, as he stomped back into the kitchen.

"And put your apron on! We have company!"

Spike muttered something unintelligible and made a rude gesture at Twilight as the kitchen door closed behind him.

Rarity cocked an eyebrow.

"You...make him wear an apron?"

Twilight giggled.

"Yeah, a pink frilly one. He looks ridiculous in it. It's important to show dominance with dragons, you know?"

She'd downed about half of her mimosa by now and was starting to feel a little better.

"I...see." Rarity cleared her throat. "Anyway, Twilight darling, about what happened last night--"

Twilight cut her off.

"It's okay, Rarity, really. Nothing happened."

Rarity cocked an eyebrow again.

"Nothing...happened?"

"Nope. Nothing happened."

"...nothing at [i]all?[/i]"

"Nope. Zilch. Nada. They didn't do a thing. Didn't even try."

Twilight beamed at her with an almost manic-looking grin. Rarity took an uncomfortable sip of her mimosa.

"I...see. So what exactly..."

"They tied me up, dragged me out to the woods, cut me on the leg with a knife, and that was it."

Rarity looked alarmed.

"They [i]cut[/i] you?!?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds. Here, look."

Twilight stood up and showed Rarity her flank. The faint outline of a scratch was still visible just above her cutie mark, but it didn't look serious.

"Does it...hurt?"

"Not really."

"So...that's all they did?"

"Yep."

"...that's [i]all[/i] they did?"

"Yep."

"I...see. Were they..." she leaned forward and whispered: "...[i]inexperienced?[/i]"

"Well, they like to dress up in hoods and capes and romp around in the forest doing bad Nightmare Moon cosplay, so I'm going to say that yes, they probably are, and probably always will be."

There was that manic smile again.

[i]Poor Twilight,[/i] thought Rarity. [i]Perhaps a makeover would help. Or at least a shower...[/i]

"Round two, ladies!" said Spike, as he burst into the room with his tray again.

Rarity stifled a giggle when she saw the frilly pink apron he was now wearing. Spike's cheeks reddened, and he glared daggers at Twilight, who smiled innocently. Rarity coughed.

"Thank you very much, Spike, but I'm afraid I have to be going. Twilight, dear, I'm [i]ever[/i] so glad to hear that you weren't...ahem...[i]manhandled[/i] last night. If there's ever anything I can do for you, please just let me know."

"Thank you, Rarity, but I think I'll be fine."

"No, darling, I insist. If there is [i]anything[/i] I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. As far as I'm concerned, I owe you a favor."

"It's okay, Rarity, really--"

"No, Twilight, I [i]insist[/i]. I now owe you a favor. Anything you need, please don't hesitate to come to me."

"Uh...alright. I will probably take you up on that, then."

"Good. And now, I'm afraid I must be going. [i]Ta-taa, darling~! Ta-taa, Spikey-Wikey~![/i]"

And with that she vanished out the door in her usual posh manner.

'Spikey-Wikey' turned to face his captor.

"So, should I take these back to the kitchen?" he asked, indicating the two full glasses which still sat on his tray.

"Nope, leave 'em both here!" beamed Twilight.

- - -

Later that afternoon, a more cheerful but considerably less steady Twilight was trotting down the road that led out of Ponyville. At the edge of the Everfree Forest stood a small cottage, outside of which a pink-maned yellow pegasus was peering into her mailbox.

"Oh, hi Twilight," she said in a soft voice. She nudged the mailbox shut with her nose.

"Hi, Fluttershy."

"I'm, um, sorry to hear about what happened last night."

Twilight waved a hoof nonchalantly.

"Oh, don't even worry about it! Nothing even happened; I'm fine."

Fluttershy was a bit troubled by the mania in her friend's expression, and turned her eyes towards the ground.

"Um, well, if you ever want to talk about it..."

"Thanks, Fluttershy, but it's really not necessary. Nothing happened."

Fluttershy looked up.

"Nothing happened?"

"Nope. Nothing happened."

"Really?"

"Yep. Nothing at all."

"Oh. Um............I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

There was a rather longish bit of awkward silence between them. Then Fluttershy looked up, a little excitedly.

"Um, are you here for an emotional support animal? If so, I have a wide variety for you to choose from--"

"No, that's okay, Fluttershy," said Twilight quickly. "I'm actually on my way to the Everfree Forest."

"You're going [i]back[/i] into the forest?"

"Yeah, turns out I left my bookbag out there. I had some rare books I borrowed from Princess Celestia, and it would be a [i]huge[/i] problem if they got lost..."

"Are you sure you can't just leave them? I'm sure the Princess would understand."

"No, I really think it's better if I go grab them."

"Oh. Um, okay; if that's what you want." She hesitated, pawing at the ground. "Um, would you like me to go with you?"

"Thanks, but I think I can handle it on my own."

"Oh, okay. If you want, you could take one of my emotional support animals with you. As I said, I have a wide variety for you to choose from--"

"Uh, thanks Fluttershy, but I'm pretty well-stocked on support animals at the moment. I've got Owlowiscious, a bird named Peewee I think, and then of course there's Spike..."

"Oh, well, if that's what you want. But, um, if you change your mind..."

"I know, Fluttershy. If I ever need an emotional support animal, you'll be the first pony I talk to!"

There was that manic expression again.

"Anyway, I'm off! I'll talk to you later, Fluttershy!"

"Okay, um, goodbye."

And with that, Twilight trotted off. Fluttershy watched her disappear into the woods, a worried expression on her face.

- - -

Thanks to the locator spell she'd keyed to her bookbag, Twilight was able to find the clearing easily enough. The gnarled trees looked a lot less menacing in the daylight, and it seemed like Celestia's guards had cleaned up all signs of the cult's presence. However, the stone altar was still there, and Twilight felt a chill run up her spine as she looked at the place where she was almost...almost...

Twilight sighed. It just wasn't working. Even standing right here, looking at that stupid altar, she couldn't force herself to feel even the least bit terrified. This whole experience had just been one huge, embarrassing (and immensely frustrating) waste of her time. And to make matters worse, [i]everypony[/i] knew what had happened. Or, more accurately, what [i]hadn't[/i] happened.

"Do I smell or something?!?" she shouted out loud. As if in response, a light breeze stirred and blew a whiff of her own mane into her nostrils. "Ugh! Grrrrrr..."

She kicked at a nearby pebble.

"Seriously, if I ever get a hold of that weirdo who grabbed me, I'll--"

The pebble she'd kicked flew into a thicket, and suddenly there came a rustling from somewhere inside the brush.

"Who's there?" she cried out.

She spun around to face the source of the rustling. That thicket at the edge of the clearing was rustling slightly. She took a tentative step forward, in the direction of the rustling. Yep, it was definitely rustling.

[i]Rustle.

Rustle rustle.

Rustle rustle rustle rustle.

Rustle.

Rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle rustle.

R U S T L E
U
S
T
L
E
R U S T L E
U
S
T
L
E.[/i]

[i]Rustle rustle. Rustle.[/i]

"Wow, that bush sure is doing a lot of rustling," said Twilight to herself. "Usually they don't rustle this much. I wonder what could be causing it?"

She took a step forward. And then another. And another. She was close enough to peer inside the thicket now. She leaned forward. And then--

"AAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Unfortunately, Twilight's scream turned out to be a bit premature. As she pulled aside the branches of the thicket, what she saw before her was not the wild animal or the rapacious tentacle monster she had envisioned. Rather, it was a small filly, looking inquisitively up at her.

The filly's coat was coal-black, her long, unkempt mane a bright green that almost assaulted the eye. A black and white racing stripe ran down the length of her mane and tail, giving Twilight the impression that she could probably go really, really fast.

However, it was the filly's eyes that arrested her attention. They were not the eyes of a normal pony. The irises were a brilliant, deep turquoise color, and the pupils were vertical slits, like the eyes of a reptile, or a kitty-cat.

"What...are you?" said Twilight, half to herself. "Some kind of reptokitty?"

The filly cocked its head to the side, continuing to stare curiously at Twilight. There was a little black horn protruding from the center of her head. The filly was a unicorn, like her! Wait, no, she also had...[i]wings?!?[/i]

"Oh, I get it!" exclaimed Twilight, when she finally got it. "You're an alicorn. Wait a minute--an [i]alicorn?!?[/i]"

The filly cocked its head to the side, and smiled brightly.

"Pyx!" it said.

"Pyx?"

"Pyx!" agreed the alicorn.

Twilight continued to stare at the alicorn filly. She seemed harmless enough, kind of cute even, but still, there was something about her appearance that bothered her. Something vaguely Nightmare Moonish that she couldn't quite put her hoof on.

"Pyx!" the filly said once more.

"Is that all you can say?" asked Twilight.

"Pyx!" responded the filly. "Pyx pyx pyx pyx pyx!"

[i]Oh no, it's retarded![/i] Twilight thought. [i]I should probably just leave it here. The timber wolves will put it out of its misery.[/i]

Still, though, the thought of leaving the poor, defenseless filly to be eaten alive by timber wolves filled her with unease for some reason.

"You poor little thing," said Twilight finally. "You don't have anypony to take care of you, do you?"

"Pyx!" said the filly agreeably.

"Why don't you come home with me? I'll fix you a big dinner, and give you a nice hot bath..."

As she levitated the filly out of the thicket, a breeze rose up around her and she caught a whiff of her unwashed mane again.

"Whew!" she said. "I guess I could use a bath too. Come on, filly; let's go home."

"Pyx!" responded the filly.

Unfortunately, Twilight had forgotten all about her bookbag.

# Chapter Two: Pyx is Worst OC

Storm clouds were beginning to gather as Twilight left the clearing, and by the time she made it back as far as Fluttershy's cottage the rain was falling steadily. There was a sudden crack of thunder, and an instant later the heavens erupted in a downpour.

Twilight galloped along the road as fast as she could, the filly riding on her back. She had tucked it underneath her mane to give it some shelter from the storm, but by now it had to be as soaked as she was.

She threw open the door to her tree library.

"SPIKE!!" she yelled.

The baby dragon was seated in his favorite easy chair in the corner, wrapped in a maroon dressing gown. The door hit the wall with a loud crack, startling him so badly that the bubble pipe he was smoking fell out of his mouth and clattered to the floor.

"Oh, hey Twilight," he said, recovering his nerves. "What happened? You get caught in the rain?"

She glared at him and rolled her eyes.

"No, Spike, I just figured that since it was such a nice afternoon, I'd go for a quick splash in the pond while I was out."

"Did you find your bookbag?" he asked, ignoring her sarcasm.

Twilight came to a dead halt.

"Oh, for Celestia's sake--"

She wheeled around and was halfway out the door again when Spike's voice called her to a halt.

"Twilight, stop! You can't go look for it now, it's raining cats and dogs out there! Besides, those books are probably ruined."

He bent down to pick up his bubble pipe off the floor.

"What happened, couldn't you find it out there?" he asked.

"No, Spike, I forgot to even look for it."

"You forgot? How could you forget? That was the whole reason you went out."

"Well, I got kind of distracted by--"

She started to turn her head towards the wet, shivering lump under her mane, but she stopped. She wasn't quite sure she wanted Spike to know about the filly just yet.

Spike's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Got distracted by what? You head on down to the 'Canterlot Royal Library' to do a little 'afternoon research'?" He cocked his head back and pantomimed drinking from a bottle.

[i]Phew![/i] thought Twilight. [i]He doesn't think I'm a foal-napper; he just thinks I'm a lush. And I'm not; I can stop any time I want to.[/i].

"Can it, Spike, I'm not in the mood for a lecture," she said. "And anyway, I'm soaked, and I need a bath. Why don't you go make us some daffodil sandwiches or something?"

"Yes, Miss Daisy," muttered Spike as he tossed his half-finished pipe onto a nearby end table and trotted off toward the kitchen.

"And put your apron on!" Twilight shouted after him.

- - -

Upstairs, Twilight locked the door to the bathroom and drew a nice, hot bath for herself and the filly. The steam rising from the top of the water filled the room with a comfortable heat, a nice contrast from the storm that was now raging just outside the window.

Gently, she levitated the wet little lump from underneath her mane. The filly appeared to have fallen asleep at some point during the ride over here. Either that or it had died of hypothermia. A broken neck was also a possibility, as it had fallen off of her back at least nine times on the road. Twilight levitated it a bit closer and examined it. Neck intact; still breathing. Good, it was just sleeping.

Still holding it in the faint pinkish glow of her horn aura, she examined the filly a little more closely.

"You really do look an awful lot like Nightmare Moon," she said to herself, lifting up one of the filly's eyelids slightly for a closer look at those weird reptilian eyes. "Hmm, and that cult that abducted me were all dressed up like Nightmare Moon as well. I wonder if that spell they cast was to try and summon Nightmare Moon? It would certainly explain all of the Nightmare Moon costumes they were wearing, and all of that chanting about Nightmare Moon."

She let go of the filly's eyelid. It yawned slightly, and continued to sleep.

"It would be awfully bad for Equestria if Nightmare Moon came back," mused Twilight aloud, "But it certainly would explain why this weird Nightmare Moon-looking filly suddenly appeared in the place where the Nightmare Moon spell was cast by the Nightmare Moon cult. Still, I wonder what Celestia would say if I told her that I'd found a filly Nightmare Moon in the woods where a Nightmare Moon cult had been trying to summon Nightmare Moon? Would she be all like, 'oh, it's just a coincidence that this filly looks like Nightmare Moon'? Or would she be all like, 'Nightmare Moon! We can't have another Nightmare Moon running around Equestria being all Nightmare Moony, just Nightmare Mooning it up all over the place! She might even send her to the Moon, like she did with the original Nightmare Moon, who may or may not be reincarnated as this filly who is suspiciously Nightmare Moonish in her appearance! Would I really want to be responsible for getting some innocent filly sent to the moon just because she resembles Nightmare Moon, even though she might not actually [i]be[/i] Nightmare Moon?"

There came a knock at the door.

"Twilight?" Spike's voice called out. "You're saying Nightmare Moon an awful lot in there. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, Spike!" said Twilight. "Hey, why don't you go and whip up some celery soup to go with those sandwiches? I could sure go for some right about now!"

There was a pause, followed by a heavy sigh. She could hear Spike muttering angrily under his breath as he tromped back down the stairs. Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.

She returned her attention to the filly, which appeared to be still asleep. No matter how hard she tried to put the thought of Nightmare Moon out of her mind, her thoughts continued drifting in a Nightmare Moonwardly direction. Sure, this filly had a lime-green mane with a racing stripe in it, and the stripe sure did make her look like she could go fast, but if you covered that up...well; she was a dead ringer for Nightmare Moon.

"I'd better keep you a secret from the Princess for now," said Twilight out loud again. "After all, we don't really know what you are, now do we? In the meantime, I'll do a little research and we'll see if we can't just figure out where you came from."

[i]Speaking of 'research...'[/i]

Still holding the filly, Twilight opened the door to the bathroom cabinet. Sure enough, the bottle she'd planted as a decoy was gone. As she'd suspected, however, Spike hadn't thought to rummage any further back; the second bottle was still there. She pulled it out and uncorked it, and took a celebratory swig. Once again, she had outwitted her [-]slave[/-] [-]pet[/-] friend.

"Now then, filly," she said, "Let's have us a nice, hot bath, what do you say?"

The filly continued to slumber contentedly. Twilight frowned.

"Hey, wake up, filly!" she said. "It's bathtime now."

Silence.

She levitated it up and down a few times to try and shake it awake. No response. She cast a furtive glance to either side to make sure nopony was watching.

"Whoops!"

Her horn aura suddenly evaporated, and the filly fell onto the bathmat with a soft plop. This seemed to do the trick: she yawned, shook her head, and looked up at Twilight with those Nightmare Mooninite eyes.

"Pyx?" she asked.

"Pyx," agreed Twilight.

Then, she levitated the filly once again, holding it out over the bathwater.

"Pyx!!" cried the filly in alarm. She looked down at the bathwater and then back at Twilight. She began to struggle.

"Now now," said Twilight, struggling to hold on to the squirming filly, "Don't you want to get nice and clean? You were out in the woods all night, and you're all covered with mud, and brambles, and--"

"PYX!!"

As Twilight lowered her into the water, the filly suddenly cried out in panic. There was a bright flash as her horn ignited.

"Hey, wait a minute--"

Suddenly, Twilight found that her aura had been dissipated and there was nothing in the space where the filly had been. Her eyes darted around the room in confusion for half a second. Then there was a second flash, and the filly reappeared on top of the sink.

"Teleportation?!?" exclaimed Twilight. "Now how in Equestria did you manage something like that? I had to study for years to master that spell..."

She took a step towards the filly again, but the filly was on guard. There was another flash, and she was gone. Twilight whirled around to find her seated atop the lid of the toilet.

"Pyx!" she said accusingly.

Twilight took a deep breath to calm herself down. She decided it would be a good idea not to make any more sudden movements.

"Now now, filly," she said, in as soothing a voice as she could muster. "There's nothing to be scared of! I'm not going to hurt you, I'm just trying to give you a bath."

"Pyx?"

The filly cocked her head to one side, still looking rather suspiciously at Twilight.

Twilight smiled patronizingly. She moved over to the bathtub and splashed her front hooves gently in the water.

"See?" she said, "Nothing to be afraid of. It's just bathwater. Now let's just hold still, and we'll go to the tub, and we'll both get nice and clean!"

Twilight flashed a big, toothy grin. The filly raised an eyebrow, seemed to consider the situation for a moment, and then smiled and gave a quick nod.

"Pyx!" she said.

"Great!" said Twilight, taking a step forward. Her horn flared up, and she once again enveloped the filly in her aura. The filly began to levitate upward, moving slowly toward the bath--

Then there was a bright flash, and suddenly Twilight lost all sense of space and coordination. She had the uncomfortable sensation that she was floating in midair. She flailed her limbs about in a panic, trying to find terra firma, as her eyes darted frantically about the room, looking for something with which she could orient herself.

She realized that she was hovering above the bath about a fraction of a second before gravity caught up with her, and then suddenly she was underwater. She splashed around for several seconds, until finally she was able to find the edge of the tub with her forelegs and pull herself up over the rim. Spitting out bathwater, she spied the filly sitting on its haunches in front of the door. As soon as it saw that she was looking, it flashed her a triumphant grin.

"Pyx!" she said. Her horn began to glow again; the aura was the same bright green as her mane. Twilight heard the tumbler turning in the lock, and then the bathroom door swung open.

The filly raised her hoof in a kind of salute, and then she turned and darted out the door.

"HEY!!" cried Twilight, and once again began splashing around in the tub, struggling to find a hoofhold to pull herself out. After several seconds of this, she remembered to her embarrassment that she knew how to teleport as well.

Her horn flashed, and she disappeared and re-materialized on the bathmat, dripping wet. There was a clunk to her left, and to her extreme annoyance she realized she had miscalculated her landing. Her bottle of secret bathroom wine was now lying on its side, spilling its precious contents out onto the floor.

"Okay, that's it!" she cried. "You get back here right now, you little--"

She took off at a gallop.

- - -

Downstairs, Spike was standing on a footstool in front of the stove, sullenly stirring a pot full of celery soup. He was once again clad in the pink frilly apron, as well as a white chef's hat that he wore because...because... Hey, wait a minute; why [i]was[/i] he wearing the chef's hat? He took it off and tossed it angrily to the side.

"Put on your apron, Spike," he muttered, still stirring the soup. "Bring me a mimosa, Spike! Stop ogling my friends, Spike! Make me a sandwich, Spike! How about some soup, Spike? [i]Where has that claw been, Spike?!?[/i]"

Owlowicious, Twilight's pet owl, was perched on the counter nearby, watching him. He cocked his head inquisitively to the side.

"WHO?" he inquired.

Spike turned his head, as if he'd forgotten the owl was there. He sighed.

"Huh?" he asked. "Oh, just Twilight. Sometimes, she just--sometimes I just wanna--"

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from somewhere outside the kitchen.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU!!" Twilight sounded angry. There was a scurry of hooves on the floor just outside, and then suddenly the kitchen door burst open.

A young foal with a lime green mane and a really boss-looking racing stripe came barreling into the room.

"PYYYYYYYYYX!!!" it screamed.

It darted under Spike's footstool, knocking against one of the legs and throwing him off balance.

"WHOA..." cried Spike, struggling to right himself. The stool was teetering dangerously to one side, but he wouldn't fall, so long as he just...

"GET BACK HERE!!!"

Before Spike could even blink, Twilight burst into the room, puffs of steam spouting from her nostrils.

"Twilight, help--"

But it was as if she didn't even see Spike. She scanned the room, and her eyes narrowed when she spotted what she was looking for, crouching against the shelf at the end of the room.

"Twilight, I can't hold on, I'm about to fall--"

Ignoring him, Twilight snorted again and pawed at the ground with her hoof.

"Looks like you're cornered," she said. "End of the line for you, missy. Now for the [i]last[/i] time, let's say we [i]turn[/i] around, you get your little [i]rump[/i] upstairs, and you can take your ba--"

The filly stuck out her tongue.

"Pyx!" she said defiantly.

That was the final straw. Twilight charged, passing within a hair's breadth of Spike, who was still trying desperately to maintain balance on top of the teetering footstool. In the last instant before she would have caught her, the filly teleported again.

Twilight tried to stop herself, but she was moving too fast. She crashed headlong into a tall shelf laden with pots and pans and jars of spices and herbs. The shelf wobbled back and forth for a few perfunctory seconds, and then fell to the floor with a loud crash.

"WHOA!!!!" cried Spike, as the vibrations caused the stool to shift in the other direction, and tilt dangerously towards the bubbling pot of soup.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash.

"WAAHH!! WHAT THE HELL?!?" Spike cried out in alarm as a filly suddenly appeared in the air, just inches from his face.

The filly had about an eighth of a second to enjoy her moment of triumph. Then, she came to the realization that she had miscalculated her landing point: she had re-materialized directly over a boiling pot of celery soup.

"PYYYYYYX!!!" she screamed, trying to teleport again, but it was too late. She fell into the pot with a splash.

"PYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYX!!!"

The filly blasted out of the pot like a rocket, and a green blur with a black and white racing stripe whizzed past Spike and sent him teetering in the other direction. The pot had been knocked off the stove during the filly's escape, and it fell to the floor with a crash, spilling its contents all over the place.

The rolling pot grazed the leg of Spike's footstool. The small amount of force was enough to once again send it tilting back in the other direction.

"WAAAAAH!!" Spike finally lost his balance, and went tumbling head over heels in a somersault, crashing into a cupboard on the opposite side of the room. A flurry of pots and pans overhead came loose from their hooks, and went crashing down all around him.

Meanwhile, the green blur rocketed about the room, screaming atonally and dislodging any remaining pots and pans. Eventually, it found the door and went racing back up the stairs. They both heard the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut.

Spike sat up slowly, trying to shake the ringing out of his ears. A saucepan that he had somehow wound up wearing as a hat slid to one side and hit the ground with a clatter.

"What the--what [i]was[/i] that?!?" he demanded.

Something was scuffling around underneath the overturned shelf. A purple aura surrounded it, and then it suddenly righted itself. A unicorn, her damp purple coat now powdered with eleven original herbs and spices, sat up and grunted.

Owlowiscious swooped down and alighted on top of her horn.

"WHO?" he demanded.

# Chapter Three: Twilight Sparkle Really Wants a Baby

"So...you just found some lost filly in the woods and decided to bring her home with you?"

Spike and Twilight stood together at the edge of Twilight's bed, watching the little filly slumber.

"Shhhh," admonished Twilight in a whisper. "Don't wake her up."

Spike scowled at her, and rubbed some more ointment on his celery-soup burns.

"I oughta wake her up and strangle her," he grumbled. "And besides, she could probably sleep through just about anything now. She drank like half a bottle of wine."

"That wasn't my fault, Spike," said Twilight.

"I never said that it was."

"Well, good. Because it wasn't."

"You did leave it out, though."

"It got knocked over. I didn't think there was anything left in the bottle."

"Well, obviously there was."

The two of them stood in silence for a few moments, watching the sleeping filly.

"She is going to have a mighty big headache tomorrow, though," said Twilight.

"Yeah, you would know," Spike retorted. Then, after a moment: "So, what are you going to call her?"

"I was thinking of calling her 'Pyx'. On account of how that's all she seems to be able to say."

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, real original."

"Well, do you have any better suggestions?"

"How about Trebuchet? On account of how I plan on using one to send her back to the Everfree Forest where she belongs."

"Not on your life, buster!" admonished Twilight.

Spike sighed heavily.

"Oh, come on, Twilight. What are you planning to do with her? Just keep her locked up in here like a pet?"

"Why not? That's what I do with you."

"Yeah, but--"

"But what?"

"But you can't just decide to adopt some random foal you found in the woods! What about her parents?"

"Look at her, Spike. She's an alicorn! Who could her parents possibly be?"

"That just makes it worse! Who even [i]knows[/i] where she came from?"

"All the more reason she needs somepony to take care of her."

"All the more reason we shouldn't get involved!"

"She needs a mother, Spike."

"She probably has one already!"

Twilight scoffed.

"What kind of mother lets her filly go wandering around in the Everfree Forest unprotected?" she demanded.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe the same kind of mother that gives her filly half a bottle of wine before bedtime?"

"I didn't [i]give[/i] it to her, Spike, she just drank it on her own!"

"Are you seriously going to split hairs on that?"

Twilight sighed.

"Come on, Spike. Look at her! Look at how helpless and adorable she is! All alone, with nopony to look after her..."

Twilight gazed lovingly at the sleeping filly, who suddenly belched. Spike wrinkled his nose at the aroma of half-digested wine wafting up at them.

"You honestly think the Princess will sign off on this?" he demanded.

Twilight smiled mischievously.

"She won't have to if she doesn't know about it."

Spike's jaw dropped.

"Now you're just being crazy!" he blustered. "There are [i]rules[/i] for this kind of thing, Twilight! Do you have any idea what could happen to you if you get labeled a foal-napper? Remember what happened to Rainbow Dash when she tried to 'adopt' Scootaloo?"

Twilight waved her hoof dismissively.

"Slap on the fetlock," she said. "They made her take some classes and put her name on a registry, that was it."

"Twilight...this is serious. You've pulled some stunts before, but this...you could get sent to the moon for this!"

"Spike, can't you see that [i]anypony[/i] being sent to the moon is exactly the scenario I'm trying to [i]prevent?!?[/i]"

Spike just stared at her blankly.

[i]It finally happened,[/i] he thought. [i]She finally cracked.[/i]

In his mind, he was already composing the letter. "Dear Princess Celestia," it went, "After a long, grueling battle, Twilight's sanity has finally passed on into the next world. Please send a couple of strong muscular stallions in white coats to pick her up and take her back to Canterlot. Give her a nice padded room, with lots of sunlight and fresh air, where she can finally get the professional help she so desperately needs. Signed: your faithful student's long-suffering dragon assistant, Spike."

Twilight, seeing that Spike was not comprehending her, grunted in exasperation and pointed at the sleeping filly.

"Look at her!" she cried.

The filly stirred a little in her sleep.

"Look at her," said Twilight again, in a softer voice.

Spike looked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you see?"

"Um...yes?"

"So you understand why we can't tell the Princess about her?"

Spike looked at the filly, then back at Twilight, then back at the filly again.

"Uh...because you gave her half a bottle of wine?"

Twilight snorted.

"LOOK AT HER!" she insisted. "Look at those wings! That horn! Those eyes! Doesn't she remind you of anypony?"

Spike looked again.

"Uh..."

"Look, Spike!"

Spike kept looking.

"Who does she remind you of?"

"Uh........Flurry Heart?" he said finally.

[i]"Who?!?"[/i]

Spike shrugged.

"I'm sorry, Twilight. I have no idea what you're talking about, so I just made up the silliest name I could think of."

In frustration, Twilight grabbed Spike's head between her hooves and turned it to look at Pyx.

"It's Nightmare Moon!" she hissed.

Spike was alarmed.

"What? Where?"

"No, I mean Pyx!" said Twilight, again turning his head around to face the filly. "Look at her! She's a dead ringer for Nightmare Moon!"

Spike stared.

"Um, did Nightmare Moon always have a racing stripe in her hair?"

"Forget the racing stripe, Spike!"

She let go of Spike's head and placed her front legs over Pyx's mane.

"Ignore her mane. Doesn't she look an awful lot like Nightmare Moon?"

Spike shrugged.

"Sorry, Twilight. Honestly, without manes, all of you ponies kind of look the same to me."

Twilight's aura glowed, and gently lifted up one of Pyx's eyelids. The reptilian eye squinted at them.

"How about now?"

"Uh, sorry. Still not seeing it."

Twilight grunted. Her aura faded and Pyx's eyelid closed again. Pyx yawned, belched, and rolled over.

"Look Spike, you're just going to have to take my word on this one. This pony is the reincarnation of Nightmare Moon!"

In his mind, Spike made a postscript to his letter to Celestia: "PS: Please send help as quickly as possible. I fear for my safety and for the safety of everypony around me."

"Uh, if you say so, Twilight," was all he said out loud. "But, uh, if she's...uh...Nightmare Moon, isn't that all the more reason we should tell the Princess about her?"

"NO!! Because we don't [i]know[/i] that she's Nightmare Moon! But if she [i]is[/i] Nightmare Moon, the Princess will [i]send[/i] her to the moon! And she might send [i]me[/i] to the moon as well! After all, if I'm harboring Nightmare Moon, that means I'm aiding and abetting Nightmare Moon! And that's almost as bad as [i]being[/i] Nightmare Moon! You don't know the Princess, Spike! You don't know what she's really like! She sends ponies to the moon all the time, Spike! Ponies who aren't even Nightmare Moon at all! Look at poor little Pyx, Spike! Would you really want that to happen to her?!? Would you want her to be sent off to the moon?!? With the freezing cold, and the lack of oxygen, and the incredibly low gravity, and the mysterious dark side that Ponk Floyd sang about?!? Oh, sweet Celestia, I couldn't live with that on my conscience--"

As Twilight continued her manic babble, Spike was edging slowly towards the pen and parchment on the bureau.

- - -

In the end, Spike decided not to send his letter. It wasn't because Twilight had ordered him, or even that she'd begged him not to send it. At the time, she was so focused on Pyx that she didn't even realize he'd written a letter; he could have easily sent it off to the Princess without arousing the slightest suspicion. But for some reason, he didn't send it.

To the end of his days, he was never quite certain what had stayed his claw that night. It may have been that he felt sorry for young Pyx, all alone in the world with nopony to take care of her. Or perhaps he was afraid of what the Princess might do to her, in the event that she really was Nightmare Moon, or Nightmare Moon's reincarnation, or something something Nightmare Moon, or whatever Twilight thought she was exactly.

However, although these things may have played a part, it was most likely Twilight herself that made up his mind for him. As he stood there at the bureau, holding his claw behind his back and frantically scribbling his missive to the Princess, there was something in his oldest friend's behavior that gave him pause. Something about the way she was standing at her own bedside, foregoing sleep and holding vigil while little Pyx slept. Something about the way she sang softly to her, one of those old Ponish songs she used to sing to him when he was younger. Something about the way she attended to Pyx when she suddenly started to cough up winey vomit. Something about the way she rolled Pyx over on her side so she wouldn't end up like Poni Hendrix. Something about the way she mopped the puke off of the pillow so Pyx wouldn't have to sleep in it. Yes, there was something...something almost motherly about all of it.

Or...maybe not. Maybe it was something even simpler that moved him. Maybe it was just pity. Pity for the both of them. Or, maybe he realized that Twilight just needed this. Maybe these two idiots...needed each other.

Whatever it was, his scribbling began to slow, and then finally stop. He watched them for a moment or two longer, and then he coughed.

Twilight turned to look at him.

"Something the matter, Spike?"

"Oh no, I've just got something in my throat is all," he said.

He coughed again, and a third time. Each time he did, he crumpled the letter a little more, until finally it was just a tiny little ball he could hide in his claw.

"I think I'm going to head to bed, Twilight," he said. "It's getting late. You need anything before I go?"

Twilight smiled.

"No, I'm okay, Spike. Thanks for asking."

He headed downstairs, tossing the wadded-up letter into the fireplace on the way to the kitchen.

Twilight had more or less put the kitchen to right, but things were still a little out of order. Spike set about rearranging the pots and jars and things on the shelves, until everything was back the way it was supposed to be. He sighed. [i]What would Twilight ever do without me?[/i] he wondered.

When he was finished, he put a kettle on the stove, and set about making his evening cup of cocoa. While the water slowly heated up, he went to his sleeping corner and changed back into his dressing gown.

[i]Maybe this will be good for Twilight,[/i] he thought to himself, as he refilled his pipe with bubble-liquid. [i]It might even teach her some responsibility, like having a pet or something. She might even get a letter to the Princess out of it:

'Dear Princess Celestia: today I learned that foal-napping is okay sometimes......because something something, Friendship is Magic.'[/i]

The kettle began to whistle, and he hurried back to the kitchen to take it off the burner.

"On the other claw," he said out loud. "Maybe that's not such a good idea. Maybe I should just hope she doesn't end up getting thrown in a dungeon or sent to the gallows or something."

He thought about it a moment longer, and then he shrugged. It was a sticky situation to be sure, but sometimes...sometimes you just had to listen to your heart.

[i]If nothing else,[/i] he thought, [i]maybe she'll at least lay off the sauce a little from now on.[/i]

Unfortunately for Spike, he would soon discover that he had been wrong, on literally all counts. Soon he would learn that there are indeed times when it's best to listen to your heart. However, there are also times when it's best to realize that your heart has no idea what it's talking about.

# Chapter Four: Rarity Actually has Terrible Fashion Sense

The following morning, Spike woke up early so he could get breakfast ready. However, to his surprise, Twilight was already seated at the kitchen table. Her eyes had heavy bags underneath them; she didn't look like she'd slept at all.

"Oh, hey Spike," said Twilight. "I was just about to wake you up. Could you fix me some oats?"

Spike grunted.

"I live to serve you, my liege," he said dryly.

"Please, Spike, don't get cute. I'm not in the mood for it."

"When I'm being cute I'll tell you. Anyway, you look awful. Didn't you get any sleep at all?"

Twilight yawned.

"I think I nodded off a little around four or five."

"Well, that's something at least. Want some coffee?"

"Yes please."

Spike filled the kettle and put it on the stove, alongside a pot of water for the oats.

"So, uh, any sign yet of 'she who shall not be named?'" he asked.

As if on cue, there came a sound of tiny hooves clip-clopping down the staircase. Twilight's expression brightened.

"Well hay there, little miss sunshine!" she said.

Pyx stared blankly from Twilight to Spike and back again. Her green mane was a complete mess, and bright red streaks of bloodshot ran through the whites of her eyes.

"M-my head hurts..." she said.

"Well, that's because you got into Mommy's happy-juice last night, you naughty little filly!" chirped Twilight. "Hey, wait a minute, did you just talk?"

Pyx blinked.

"Uh...yeah? Should I not have?"

Spike walked over to the kitchen table, holding a jug full of cream for Twilight's coffee.

"Oh, good morning Trebuchet!" he said.

"Tre-trebuchet?"

The little filly looked confused.

"Spike!" Twilight glared daggers at her dragon, who smirked. "I told you not to call her that! And why don't you have your apron on?"

Spike grunted, dropped the jug on the table, and stalked out of the kitchen.

"My name is Trebuchet?" the filly was looking inquisitively at Twilight. Twilight shook her head.

"Don't be silly," she said, "Your name is Pyx, isn't it?"

"Pyx?"

"Isn't that your name?"

"My name?"

The filly looked confused again.

"Don't you have a name?"

"Of course she has a name," said Spike, reentering the room with his apron on. "She just can't remember it, can she? She's just a cute wittle filly-willy with a bad case of amnesia-wesia, isn't she?"

He rumpled the filly's already-rumpled mane as he walked past her, pushing into her scalp hard enough to make her grimace. Twilight shot him a dirty look.

"Tell you what," he went on, smirking back at Twilight. "We'll give you three tries to guess what your name is, and if you can't guess it, you have to go back to the Everfree Forest forever!"

"SPIKE!!" Twilight was exasperated.

However, the filly looked at Spike with a completely serious expression.

"Hmm...I get three guesses?"

Spike nodded brightly.

"Absolutely!"

"What happens if I guess right on the first try?"

Her confidence threw him off balance a little.

"Uh, well, you get--"

"I'll tell you what you get," Twilight cut in. "If you guess right on the first try, I'll make Spike put on that full-body teddy bear costume I got him for last year's Hearth's Warming that he never wears for some reason."

"What?!?"

"And he has to wear it all day!"

"Hey, wait a minute..."

The filly considered this for a second, and then nodded enthusiastically.

"All right!" she said.

Her brow furrowed in concentration.

"My name is......" her furrow deepend. "My name is..."

Her expression suddenly brightened again.

"Pyx Trebuchet!" she beamed.

[i]"WHAT?!?"[/i] bellowed Spike.

Twilight grinned at him.

"You heard her, Spike! Her name is Pyx Trebuchet!"

"Oh, come on--"

"Nope, rules are rules!"

"But--she just--"

"Can you prove that her name [i]isn't[/i] Pyx Trebuchet?"

"Uh......no."

Spike looked back and forth between Twilight and the filly, realizing too late that the jaws of the trap had already closed around him.

"Well, then that settles it!" said Twilight. She turned to the filly. "Your name is Pyx Trebuchet, and from now on we will just call you Pyx for short!"

"Pyx!" agreed Pyx, smiling happily.

Spike glared at her.

"I already hate you more than words can describe," he muttered.

"What was that, Spike?" asked Twilight. "It sure didn't sound like a dragon heading off to put on his full-body teddy bear costume!"

Spike stomped out of the room, grumbling as he went, wearing the expression of a condemned man on his way to the gallows.

- - -

An hour later, Twilight was trotting gaily down Ponyville's main thoroughfare, in the direction of Carousel Boutique. Her horn was aglow, and in its aura floated the handle of a long leash, the other end of which was attached to a collar. The collar was fastened securely around the neck of a teddy bear with the face of a baby dragon, who plodded dully alongside her.

"Twilight, this is humiliating!" whispered Spike.

"For the last time, Spike, you lost a bet!" said Twilight cheerily. "Be a dragon and take your punishment!"

"Yeah, I know, but..." he trailed off. The mares on the street kept looking at him, whispering and giggling to each other. His cheeks burned, and he stared at the ground.

"Why did I have to come?" he demanded suddenly. "I thought the whole point was to [i]not[/i] draw attention!"

"The point was to not draw attention to [i]Pyx,[/i]" said Twilight. "That's why we're using [i]you[/i] as a distraction. You're doing an excellent job, by the way!"

Spike muttered something unintelligible but murderous-sounding.

"Oh, cheer up, Spike!" continued Twilight pleasantly. "Besides, I thought you'd be excited about going to see Rarity!"

"Well, that depends," said Spike.

"Depends on what?"

"On whether you're willing to kill me and dump my body in the river before she sees me in this thing."

"No such luck, Spikey-Wikey!" chirped Twilight.

Pyx, who was more or less following Twilight's instruction to stay hidden under her mane, poked her head out once again to take a quick, curious look at the town. She noticed Spike watching her, and smiled happily at him. Spike glared at her in response.

"Just you wait," he muttered. "One of these nights, I'm going to throttle you in your your sleep."

Pyx stuck out her tongue, and ducked back inside Twilight's mane.

- - -

"Oh, Spikey-Wikey, you look simply [i]adorable!![/i]" Rarity cried as she opened the door.

Twilight trotted calmly into the shop while her unicorn friend fussed and fretted over Spike, who looked like he wanted to take a flying leap off the Manehattan Bridge. She glanced around; good, there were no other customers around.

"Rarity, are you busy right now?" she asked.

Rarity turned her attention away from Teddy-Spike.

"Not just at the moment, darling," she said.

"Would you mind closing up your shop for a bit?"

"For how long?"

"Oh, not too long. Maybe half an hour or so."

"Well, I suppose it's possible," mused Rarity, "I don't usually get busy until after lunchtime anyway. But what is this about, darling?"

"I have a request for you, and it's a bit...delicate."

"Oh, I see," said Rarity. She leaned forward and whispered. "Have you finally decided to do something about your mane?"

"What? My mane?" Twilight looked confused. "No, that's not it at all. What's wrong with my mane?"

"Er...nothing, darling. Forget I said anything." Her horn glowed, and the lock to the door slid into place. She flipped the sign hanging in the window from 'Open' to 'Closed.' "Now, tell me what I can do for you."

"Well..." said Twilight.

Her horn lit up, and she levitated out a little black bundle that had been tucked underneath her mane. Rarity frowned, and took a couple of tentative steps closer. Then, suddenly, there was a bright flash, and Pyx appeared in the air in front of her.

"NIPAAAAH~~!" she beamed.

"WAAAH!!" cried Rarity, taking several surprised steps backward. There was a yowl and a hiss as she accidentally stepped on the tail of Opalescence, her pet cat.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Opal dear," she said. The cat hissed again in response, and darted into a pile of fabrics in the corner, where it continued to watch all of them suspiciously.

Meanwhile, Pyx had fallen to the floor with a plop, and was seated on her haunches, looking curiously around at Rarity's store. Rarity appraised her with interest.

"Why, Twilight," she said. "You have...a filly? Is she...er...yours?"

"Not...exactly..." admitted Twilight.

"Oh, so you adopted her! How absolutely smashing!"

"Well...not quite. It's not exactly..." she trailed off, searching for the right word.

"...legal?" offered Spike.

"Oh, be quiet Spike!" said Twilight. "No; well, I mean [i]yes[/i], it's not exactly [i]legal,[/i] but it's not exactly [i]illegal[/i] either, I just--"

"--abducted a strange foal you found lost in the woods, without bothering to alert the proper authorities?" finished Spike.

"Oh......go put your apron on!" Twilight cried, exasperated.

"It's all the way back at the tree," said Spike. "And besides, it won't fit over the teddy bear costume."

"I'll [i]make[/i] it fit!" snapped Twilight.

"Twilight, darling," interjected Rarity. "You really [i]mustn't[/i] get so worked up!"

She glanced at Pyx, who was still smiling brightly and looking around the store, then pulled her friend aside confidentially.

"Is she...hot?" she whispered.

"Hot?" asked Twilight, confused.

"Yes, dear; hot. You know: stolen, foal-napped, abducted, that sort of thing. Somepony the [i]gendarmerie[/i] might be looking for?"

"What? No! At least, I don't think so. I just found her in the woods. She was all alone...with nopony to take care of her..."

Twilight had that wistful, motherly look in her eye again. Spike rolled his eyes.

"Oh, well, then there's nothing to be concerned about, is there?" said Rarity pleasantly.

"Umm...really?"

Twilight stared at Pyx, then back at Rarity, then at Spike, then back at Rarity.

"Really...?" she asked again.

"Why of course, darling. Whatever did you think the matter was?"

"Well, it's just that you seem to be taking this awfully well."

"How else should I take it, darling?"

"I don't know...I mean, I appreciate your being so calm about it, but..."

Rarity sighed.

"Look, darling," she said. "There's really nothing to worry about; trust me. We all have that...impulse...at times."

"Impulse?"

"Yes, dear, it's your biological clock."

"My biological clock?"

"Why, of course! That natural impulse that all mares have to...you know. Multiply, fructify, procreate. To experience the joys of motherhood."

"Oh, well, I mean..."

"Don't be embarrassed, darling; as I said, it happens to all of us. Don't you remember what Rainbow Dash tried to do with Scootaloo?"

"The whole [i]town[/i] remembers that, Rarity."

"Of course! And nothing serious happened to her, did it? A quick fine, a few therapy sessions, a restraining order, and the whole matter was swept cleanly under the rug. Absolutely nothing to worry about, darling. You see? We all do silly things from time to time; Celestia is quite understanding about it..."

"Um, well, actually, I know Princess Celestia, and she's really not that understanding; she can actually be pretty crazy sometimes..."

Rarity continued talking; she was completely ignoring her now.

"...oh, and I can certainly understand how it must be for you, all cooped up in that library, studying all the time..."

"I like studying."

"...and you've simply [i]no[/i] hope of finding a stallion, not in your current state..."

"Wait, what? A stallion?!? Hey, what do you mean, 'in my current state'?"

Rarity blinked, as if she'd forgotten Twilight was even in the room. She cleared her throat.

"Oh. Well, yes dear. There's your mane, and the constant drinking, and then, well...how do I put this delicately..."

She leaned forward and whispered:

"You've put on a bit of weight, darling."

"Wait, [i]what?!?[/i]" demanded Twilight. "What's wrong with my--"

She shook her head angrily. She didn't have time for this.

"Look, can you help me or not?!?"

Rarity looked a bit confused.

"Help you? Oh, well, darling, all you really need to do is exercise a little and cut back on the sweets--"

"Not with my weight!" shouted Twilight. "With...you know. Her!"

She pointed with her hoof. Pyx was in the corner, tentatively poking at Opalescence. The fat, fluffy cat growled and took an angry swipe at her nose with a claw. Pyx teleported a few feet back in alarm.

Rarity glanced at the foal and then back at Twilight.

"What exactly is the matter with her, darling?"

"RRRRRRRGH!" cried Twilight. "LOOK at her! I can't exactly walk around town with her, looking like that, can I?"

Rarity shrugged.

"I suppose the racing stripe is a bit much, but honestly you could cover that up with some dye--"

"I'm not talking about her racing stripe!" cried Twilight. "I like the racing stripe!! It makes her go faster!!"

"She does look like she could go pretty fast," admitted Rarity.

"I'm talking about......RRRRGH!!" cried Twilight again. "Just LOOK! Look at her [i]wings![/i] Look at her [i]horn![/i] She's an [i]alicorn[/i] for crying out loud!!"

Rarity laughed.

"Oh, darling, is that all you're worried about? Why, alicorn foals are all the rage this season! If anything, the other ponies will be absolutely [i]green[/i] with envy that you've managed to find one, and an [i]authentic[/i] one at that! I must admit I'm a little jealous myself; I would [i]love[/i] to have a little alicorn filly to show off around town! Why, just the other night, I got into the most [i]awful[/i] row with Sweetie Belle! I designed the [i]cutest[/i] little set of wings for her, and she [i]refused[/i] to put them on, so I had to chastise her quite severely--"

"Look, never mind about all that!" Twilight interjected quickly. "It's not [i]just[/i] that she's an alicorn! Look at her [i]eyes![/i] Doesn't she...you know? [i]Remind[/i] you of anypony?"

Rarity looked. She didn't see anything. She trotted over to where Pyx was now pushing some rolls of fabric around on the carpet.

"Please leave that alone, darling, I've only just organized it," she said. "Now look up here, I need to see your eyes."

Pyx looked up in surprise as the older unicorn seized her chin lightly in a magic aura and turned her head back and forth to examine her. Rarity studied the eyes for a few moments and let her go.

Twilight was watching her expectantly.

"Well......?" she asked.

"Well......" said Rarity.

The silence endured for a few seconds.

"......does she remind you of anypony...?" Twilight finished.

"Er, well, she does sort of look like...a reptokitty?"

"RRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!" shouted Twilight. "SHE LOOKS LIKE--"

She suddenly caught herself, realizing that Spike and Pyx were staring at her. She covered her mouth, wrapped a foreleg around Rarity, and pulled her aside.

[i]"SHE LOOKS LIKE NIGHTMARE MOON!!"[/i] she hissed.

Rarity glanced over her shoulder, studied the foal for a moment, and then looked back at Twilight.

"I'm afraid I don't see it, darling."

Twilight was beside herself.

[i]"How could you not see it?!?"[/i] she hissed. [i]"I mean, LOOK AT HER!! She's the spitting image of Nightmare Moon!!!"[/i]

Rarity glanced at the filly again, shrugged, and then cleared her throat.

"Erm, Twilight if it's not a delicate question, how much wine have you had to drink this morning?"

Twilight waved a hoof dismissively.

"Oh, like three...maybe four glasses at the most. I'm not hallucinating, Rarity! Do you honestly not see it?"

Rarity smiled apologetically.

"I'm afraid I don't, darling. But, I [i]am[/i] happy for you that you've found such a wonderful and...unique foal for yourself. And I [i]do[/i] hope Celestia doesn't try to take her away from you. However, I really must get the shop back open--"

"Hold on!" cried Twilight. "Look, the reason I came over here today is...I wanted to call in that favor."

"Favor?"

Rarity's expression was blank.

"Yeah. Remember? Yesterday, you said you owed me a favor."

"I did?" Rarity blinked. "Oh wait, yes; I remember that now. But darling, I didn't expect you to take me so literally--"

"I take [i]everything[/i] literally!" proclaimed Twilight. "Now then, here is what I want you to do: Rig up some kind of vest or something for Pyx to hide her wings, and find her a pair of glasses she can wear. I'll enchant the glasses, and that should hide her eyes. Also, if anypony asks: she's my cousin and she's visiting from Detrot!"

"Err...okay, darling. I'll go in the back and see what I have in stock that would fit her."

About ten minutes later, Rarity, Twilight and Spike stood in a small circle around Pyx, examining Rarity's latest...creation. The small filly was clad in a slightly ill-fitting leopard-print vest, her mane swept backwards behind a cheap leopard-print headband. A pair of glasses with thick black frames sat on her nose. The glasses had been enchanted by Twilight, and her eyes, while still the same shade of turquoise, now looked like those of an ordinary filly.

Twilight rubbed a hoof under her muzzle, appraising her friend's work.

"Well, she looks pretty much normal," she admitted finally. "The vest hides her wings, and as long as she keeps her glasses on her eyes shouldn't be a problem. Um...do you really think that leopard print is the best choice for her though?"

"Of course, darling," assured Rarity. "Leopard print is just one of those things that [i]never[/i] goes out of style, like cargo shorts or baseball caps. And just [i]look[/i] at her! Doesn't she look simply [i]adorable?[/i]"

Pyx had her chest puffed out and was looking perfectly thrilled with herself, strutting back and forth in front of the mirror.

"Well, I guess if she's happy with it..." mused Twilight. "How do you like your new clothes, Pyx?"

Pyx smiled brightly.

"Nipah~~!" she beamed.

Rarity looked confused.

"Nee-pah?" she whispered.

Twilight shrugged.

"Don't ask me; she just started doing that. Anyway, thanks for your help."

"Don't mention it, darling! Anything to help one of my dear, dear friends!"

"How much for the clothes? I'm not sure how much I have on me, but--"

"Oh, I wouldn't [i]think[/i] of charging you, Twilight! It's as you said, I owed you a favor; and I [i]am[/i] the Element of Generosity after all. Just be sure that if anypony asks you where your...er, cousin...got her [i]fabulous[/i] outfit, you tell them to head for Rarity's Carousel Boutique! And if you like, you can also put in a good word for me to the line of customers that have been waiting patiently outside my door while I helped you attire your stolen filly free of charge."

"Err...yeah. I'll be sure to do that," said Twilight. "Thanks again, Rarity."

"Certainly, darling! I'll see you later. Goodbye, Pyx~! Goodbye, Spikey-Wikey~!"

Rarity unlocked the door and switched her 'Closed' sign back to 'Open'. Twilight, Spike and Pyx stepped out into the sunshine. About seven or eight mares were lined up outside, tapping their hooves impatiently. Several of them gave Twilight a dirty look as she walked by.

# Chapter Five: Pyx Receives her Perfunctory Introduction to the Remaining Canon Characters

Twilight walked a little unsteadily. The sun was now close to its zenith, and the Spring day was already growing uncomfortably warm. The three...maybe four (five) glasses of wine she'd had that morning were beginning to wear off, and she'd begun to feel that familiar taut-piano-wire sensation taking hold of her body again. However, before she could go home and refresh herself, there was something important she had to take care of.

Behind her, Pyx was strutting confidently down the road, her chest puffed out. She kept glancing around to see if anypony was looking at her new outfit. Spike, still in his teddy bear costume and now sweating profusely in the late morning heat, watched her and rolled his eyes.

"You know she just gave you a bunch of stuff off the bargain rack, right?"

"You're just jealous because [i]you[/i] don't look [i]fabulous![/i]" said Pyx, a little snippily, and in fairly good imitation of Rarity's trans-Equestrian accent. "Nipah~~!"

"Yeah, whatever," muttered Spike.

Suddenly, Twilight drew them to an abrupt halt.

"Hey there, Twilight!" came a mysterious, drawling voice from somewhere ahead. Pyx poked her head curiously around Twilight's body.

The speaker was an orange-colored earth pony with a blonde mane, wearing a cowboy hat. Next to her was a sky blue pegasus with a rainbow mane, and on the other side was a pink earth pony whose mane resembled cotton candy.

"Hey, Twi," the rainbow-maned pegasus said casually. Then, when she noticed Spike, she burst out laughing. The pink pony also noticed and joined in, the two of them rolling around on the ground in a fit of hysterics.

"Heh, that's a mighty nice outfit ya got there, Spike!" said the orange one. She was doing a better job of restraining herself than her two companions, but she was still clearly amused. Spike ground his teeth and stared at the road. "You, uh, get that at Rarity's?"

"Nope, that's just his Hearth's Warming gift!" Twilight interjected before Spike could say something unpleasant. "He's just been itching for a chance to show it off. Isn't that right, Spike?"

"Itching doesn't even begin to describe it," said Spike. He cleared his throat and dusted his teddy bear paws. "Welp, I think I've had enough public humiliation for one day, so if there's nothing else, I think I'd like to go home and hang myself now."

He began to stomp off down the road in the direction of Twilight's library.

"Don't forget to put dinner on the stove!" called out Twilight.

Meanwhile, the three ponies had gotten most of the laughter out of their systems, although the blue one was still snickering a little.

"Anyway," said Twilight, "I'm glad I bumped into you three. It saves me the trouble of visiting all of you individually. I wanted to introduce you to somepony very important."

She stepped aside and gestured for Pyx to come forward.

"This is my cousin," said Twilight. "Her name is--"

"OOOH!! Don't tell me!!" the pink one blurted excitedly. "Let me guess: umm...Black Snooty? No? How about...um...Night Ranger? Nighthawk? Night Crawler? Dark Magus? Blackjack? Mary Sue?"

She darted back and forth, examining Pyx from all angles. Pyx was a little uncomfortable; it felt like this pony's gaze could somehow penetrate into her innermost being. She also noticed that Twilight was holding her breath for some reason.

"Oh, wait! I've got it!! Your name is Nightmare Moo--"

"Her name is Pyx, and she's my cousin!" cut in Twilight quickly. "She's visiting from Detrot!"

"Your cousin?" the orange pony said skeptically.

"Detrot?" said the blue pony, also skeptically.

"Yep!" said Twilight. "Pyx, why don't you step forward and say hello to my friends. This is Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash."

She extended a hoof, indicating the orange earth pony, the pink earth pony, and the blue pegasus in turn.

"Umm, I'm here too," said a soft voice. A yellow pegasus with a pink mane stepped shyly into the foreground.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Twilight. "Pyx, this one is called Fluttershy."

"It's nice to meet you all!" said Pyx. "Nipah~~!"

"Apples!" said Applejack.

"20% cooler!" said Rainbow Dash.

"Yay!" said Fluttershy.

"Cupcakes!" said Pinkie Pie.

"And that's all you need to know about any of these ponies!" said Twilight. "Welp, it was nice running into you all, but I'm afraid we need to be getting home now."

"Yeah, I should probably get going myself," said Rainbow Dash. "Technically I shouldn't even be here right now. I need to complete another fifteen hours of community service before I'm legally allowed to be around foals again."

With a mighty flap of her wings, she vanished into the wild blue yonder, leaving a rainbow-colored trail in her wake.

"An' I should probably be gettin' on back to the farm," said Applejack. "Them apples ain't gonna buck themselves. Apples!"

She turned and trotted off down the road.

"For no reason, I also need to leave!" said Pinkie Pie. She began to hop gaily away in a completely random direction, singing nonsensical jibberish to herself.

Fluttershy, for her part, seemed to have melted into the scenery at some point, and there was no further sign of her. It was just Pyx and Twilight alone on the road now.

"Well, Pyx," said Twilight cheerfully. "I think that went pretty well! Nopony even had a clue about who you really are!"

"Uh...who am I really again?" asked Pyx.

"You are Pyx Trebuchet! And don't ever let anypony tell you different!"

"Oh, okay. Is there some reason we need to keep that a secret?"

"Nope, not at all! You just go on being yourself! But don't forget, you also have to keep your vest and glasses on at all times from now on!"

"Oh...........okay. Nipah~~!"

"Nipah, indeed! Now let's you and me go home and get Mommy some happy juice!"

And the two of them headed off down the road.

- - -

Time passed. Days became weeks, Spring journeyed onward towards Summer, and soon the town of Ponyville had grown accustomed to occasionally seeing a mysterious bespectacled filly peeking out of the window at Twilight's library. Local buzz had it that the filly was actually Twilight's cousin, and that she had come to Ponyville to study and help out at the library. However, library patrons seemed to find it passing strange that this mystery cousin was always out of sight when they came by, and whispers began to circulate amongst the townsponies regarding the filly's unexplained absence from school.

As the rumors piled up they became weirder and weirder, and soon Twilight realized that she could not keep little Pyx locked up inside the library forever. Also, the ever-curious filly was beginning to ask her some uncomfortable questions, such as: "Why do I always have to wear these glasses, Mommy?" and "Why do I always have to hide in the basement, Mommy?" and "Why do I have to say I'm your cousin but also call you Mommy, Mommy?" and of course: "Why are you always pacing around and muttering to yourself about somepony named 'Nightmare Moon', Mommy?"

And so it came about that on a warm, sunny morning, Twilight Sparkle and her enigmatic cousin or daughter or whatever finally ventured forth from the confines of their arboresque abode.

"Don't worry, Pyx!" said Twilight to the filly as they walked. "Everypony at Cheerilee's school is going to just [i]love[/i] you! You have [i]nothing[/i] to be nervous about!"

"I'm not nervous!" chirped Pyx. "I'm just happy I don't have to stay locked up in the basement anymore! Tutturu~~!"

"Tutturu~~!" replied Twilight. She hiccupped. "Whoops, better not let Miss Cheerilee smell Mommy's breath! Anyway, here we are!"

They had arrived at the front of a cheerful red and white schoolhouse, decorated all over with hearts. The bell had just begun to ring, and all the little colts and fillies gathered in the schoolyard were beginning to march inside.

A maroon-colored earth pony took notice of the duo's approach, and walked out to meet them.

"Hello, Twilight," she said. "Is this the cousin I've heard so much about?"

Pyx regarded her curiously. She had a light pink striped mane, and her cutie mark was a bunch of smiling flowers. She seemed friendly enough.

"Yep!" said Twilight. "This is Pyx Trebuchet, my cousin from Detrot!"

The maroon pony looked at Pyx and smiled brightly.

"Why, hello there, Pyx Trebuchet! It's nice to meet you! My name is Miss Cheerilee, and I'm going to be your teacher from now on!"

"Good morning, Miss Cheerilee!" said Pyx, responding as Twilight had instructed her. "It's nice to meet you, too! Tutturu~~!"

Miss Cheerilee looked back at Twilight with a puzzled expression.

"Toot-a-roo?" she asked.

Twilight shrugged.

"I'm sorry, it's just something she does."

"Oh, I see." Cheerilee leaned in closer and whispered: "She's not...er...'special', is she?"

"What? Oh, no, no!" Twilight assured her. "It's just...well...how much do you know about the Detrot public school system?"

"Oh. Oh, I see," said Miss Cheerilee. "Well, I suppose that means I've got my work cut out for me..."

She regarded the filly, taking note of her gaudy, shabby-looking vest and hand-me-down glasses.

"No, no, there's no need to worry," Twilight said. "I've been tutoring her! Yessirree, that, and only that, is the reason that nopony in town has seen her for the last month and a half!"

"Oh, well, that changes things, then!" said Cheerilee. "Thank you, Twilight, for that succinct explanation of Pyx's whereabouts up until now, and thank you for enrolling her in school in a somewhat timely fashion. I always hate dealing with Equestrian Social Services. You've saved me a looooot of paperwork~~!"

"Noooooo problem~~!"

The two ponies beamed at each other.

"Anyway, thanks for seeing her to school," said Cheerilee. "She should be home shortly after lunchtime!"

"Sounds super!"

"Oh, and Twilight?" Cheerilee leaned forward and whispered again: "You might want to...er...pop a breath mint."

"Nooooo problem~~!" said Twilight again. And with that, she wheeled around and trotted back to the library.

Cheerilee turned her attention to the foal.

"Now then, Pyx. Are you ready to come inside and learn?"

Pyx gave her brightest little smile.

"Tutturu~~!" she said.

- - -

"Let's all take our seats, everypony," said Cheerilee as she strode to the front of the classroom. The bustle and chatter in the room gradually died down as the foals sat down and turned their attention to the teacher.

When the room was finally quiet, Cheerilee gestured to Pyx, who had been standing in the corner, uncertain of what to do.

"Now class, we have somepony new joining us today," said Cheerilee. "I'd like you all to give a warm Ponyville Elementary welcome to our newest student, Pyx! Pyx, would you like to come up here and introduce yourself?"

Pyx trotted to the front of the classroom. Everypony's eyes were on her, and it made her a little uncomfortable, but the teacher gave her a reassuring nod. She put on her biggest, brightest smile and began to speak:

"Uh, hi everypony," she began, and waved. "My name is Pyx Trebuchet! Tutturu~~!"

Dead silence.

[i]"Trebuchet?"[/i] whispered somepony.

[i]"Tutturu?"[/i] whispered somepony else.

Pyx swallowed and looked at Miss Cheerilee. The teacher gave her a reassuring smile.

"Would you like to tell us a little more about yourself?" she asked.

"Um, well..." Pyx took a deep breath and smiled bigly again.

"Well, like I said, my name is Pyx Trebuchet, but you can just call me Pyx because everypony else does! I'm Twilight Sparkle's cousin from Detrot, only she makes me call her Mommy for some reason. Also, I don't really remember anything about living in Detrot and I don't know why, so please don't ask me about it because it stresses me out!

"I've been living in Ponyville for a month and a half, but this is the first time I've been let outside the library! Usually, I have to stay inside with Spike and the owl, and I think there might be another bird in there named Peewee, but I don't remember where he came from or why he's there.

"Whenever anypony comes to the library to check out a book or something, Mommy Twilight sends me to the basement. She says it's because baaaaad ponies might try to take me away from her! After that, she usually hugs me a lot and cries, and then she drinks lots and lots of happy-juice until she falls asleep! One time, I was locked in the basement for a whoooole day, because Mommy forgot to let me out. It was okay though, because she has a freezer full of Otto-Pops down there, and she didn't even get mad that I ate a bunch of them! Also, I wasn't supposed to tell you any of that, so please forget I said all of it! Tutturu~~!"

The dead silence somehow became even deadder. Somepony coughed. Miss Cheerilee's smile was looking a bit strained.

"Was.........there anything else, dear?" she asked.

Pyx thought about the question seriously for a moment. Then she nodded and smiled.

"Yes! I'm supposed to tell you that this [i]fabulous[/i] vest and headband combination I'm wearing was purchased at Rarity's Carousel Boutique, located in the heart of Downtown Ponyville in the garment district! Come on down for hot new styles at unbeatable prices!! Nipaaaaah~~!"

"..........Um, all right then!" said Miss Cheerilee. "Thank you dear; your vest is quite lovely. Now then......did......anypony have any questions for Pyx?"

Silence.

".......Well......okay then! Pyx, why don't you take a seat over there next to Diamond Tiara."

She indicated an empty seat in the back row.

"Now then, class," she continued as Pyx trotted down the aisle, "If you would all get your books out, we can continue from yesterday's lesson. Now, I'm sure we all remember that in Celestial Year One Hundred and Nine, a bloody civil war broke out between the earth ponies and the pegasi, in which untold thousands of ponies were killed. The origin of the conflict was a cryptic message written on a cupcake, which Grand Pegasus Chancellor Fluffy Dumpling interpreted as a grievous insult. She responded with force, ordering the immediate massacre of over nine thousand earth ponies..."

Pyx found her seat and sat down. The pony to her right was staring at her. Pyx stared back. She was pretty. Pyx immediately liked her. Her coat was a light pink, and her mane was white with purple stripes. She wore a silver tiara on her head, identical to the cutie mark of a tiara on her flank. Pyx smiled brightly at her. The foal simply continued to stare.

Twilight's words from breakfast that morning suddenly echoed in Pyx's mind:

[i]"Don't forget, Pyx, you're not just in school to learn. You're there to make friends!"

"Is making friends really that important?"[/i] Pyx had asked.

[i]"Oh, yes!"[/i] Twilight had assured her. [i]"Making friends is the best thing ever!"[/i]

Pyx continued to smile pleasantly. The pink and white foal continued to stare. She decided to try an ice breaker.

"I like your tiara!" she said, pointing to the headgear in question. "Hey, if you take that off, does your cutie mark disappear?"

The filly continued to stare at her for several seconds longer. Then, she began to lean slowly forward, until eventually their noses were almost touching.

[i]"Everypony already hates you!"[/i] she whispered.