# No-Drama Discipline Summary/Key Points
## by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

### First, Connect
#### Why Connect First?
- _Short-term benefit_: It moves a child from reactivity to
receptivity.
- _Long-term benefit_: It builds a child’s brain.
Relational benefit: It deepens your relationship with your
child.

#### No-Drama Connection principles
- _Turn down the “shark music”_: Let go of the background
noise caused by past experiences and future fears.
- _Chase the why_: Instead of focusing only on behavior, look
for what’s behind the actions: “Why is my child acting this
way? What is my child communicating?”
- _Think about the how_: What you say is important. But just
as important, if not more important, is how you say it.

#### The No-Drama connection cycle:
##### Help your child feel felt
- _Communicate comfort_: By getting below your child’s eye level,
then giving a loving touch, a nod of the head, or an empathic
look, you can often quickly defuse a heated situation.
- _Validate_: Even when you don’t like the behavior,
acknowledge and even embrace feelings.
- _Stop talking and listen_: When your child’s emotions are
exploding, don’t explain, lecture, or try to talk her out of
her feelings. Just listen, looking for the meaning and
emotions your child is communicating.
- _Reflect what you hear_: Once you’ve listened, reflect back
what you’ve heard, letting your kids know you’ve heard
them. That leads back to communicating comfort, and
the cycle repeats.

### Then, Redirect
#### 1- 2-3 discipline, the No-Drama way
- One definition: **Discipline is teaching**. Ask the three
questions:

1. Why did my child act this way? (What was happening
internally/emotionally?)
2. What lesson do I want to teach?
3. How can I best teach it?

- Two principles:
1. Wait until your child is ready (and you are, too).
2. Be consistent but not rigid.

- Three mindsight outcomes:
1. _Insight_: Help kids understand their own feelings and
their responses to difficult situations.
2. _Empathy_: Give kids practice reflecting on how their
actions impact others.
3. _Repair_: Ask kids what they can do to make things
right.

#### No-Drama redirection strategies
**R**educe words
**E**mbrace emotions
**D**escribe, don’t preach
**I**nvolve your child in the discipline
**R**eframe a no into a yes with conditions
**E**mphasize the positive
**C**reatively approach the situation
**T**each mindsight tools