# Episode 59

## Eclipse roundup

### [Tzitzimitl gon give it to ya](https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Tzitzimimeh)
- "In Aztec mythology, a Tzitzimitl [t͡siˈt͡simit͡ɬ] (plural Tzitzimimeh [t͡sit͡siˈmimeʔ]) is a monstrous deity associated with stars."
- "The Tzitzimimeh were also associated with the stars and especially the stars that can be seen around the Sun during a solar eclipse. This was interpreted as the Tzitzimimeh attacking the Sun, thus causing the belief that during a solar eclipse, the tzitzimime would descend to the earth and possess men. It was said that if the Tzitzimimeh could not start a bow fire in the empty chest cavity of a sacrificed human at the end of a 52-year calendar round, the fifth sun would end and they would descend to devour the last of men."

### [God told me to act like a retard](https://nypost.com/2024/04/08/us-news/woman-shoots-random-drivers-on-florida-interstate-because-god-told-her-to-via-the-solar-eclipse/)
- "Crazed woman shoots random drivers on Florida interstate because ‘God’ told her to via the solar eclipse"
- "Taylon Nichelle Celestine, 22, left her Holmes County motel Monday and told motel staffers that she was directed by “God” to go on a shooting spree in relation to the total solar eclipse — even though the Sunshine State was not anywhere near the path of the astronomical phenomenon."
- Shot two rando drivers, one in the hand, the other in the neck.
- "she was booked on charges of attempted murder, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, and improper discharge of a firearm."
*aw hail nah*

### Schizos get APEP in their step
- [NASA mission to study the atmosphere during the eclipse named for APEP](https://cedarscience.org/sites/default/files/workshops/2023/ApophisWideScreenVerMissionConcept_CEDAR.pdf), ancient Egyptian chaos serpent deity claimed to be in eternal struggle with Ra the sun god, whom he attempts to swallow when Ra is in darkness.
- Egypt enjoyers/med disrespecters beleived that NASA was using the experiment and the eclipse to help APEP devour Ra, ushering in an age of darkness or even the end of the world via natural disasters.

### [Rep. Sheeeeeeeeeeitla Jackson Lee gots a science lesson fo yo azz](https://archive.is/e4Y6a) (clip)

- "Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee tells students the moon is a 'planet' and 'made up mostly of gases'"
- "You’ve heard the word ‘full moon,’" Jackson Lee told the students who were with her on a sports field before the eclipse. "Sometimes, you need to take the opportunity just to come out and see a full moon is that complete-rounded circle, which is **made up mostly of gases**. And that’s why the question is: Why or how could we as humans live on the moon? **Are the gases such that we could do that**?"
- Jackson Lee continued making several statements that were questionable. In one statement, she told students the moon not only reflects the sun’s light but also emits "unique light and energy."
- "In the clip, Jackson Lee is seen struggling to put the eclipse glasses on her face as students move toward the sports field to watch the celestial event."
- "I don’t know about you, I want to be first in line to know how to live and to be able to survive on the moon," Jackson Lee added. "That’s another **planet** which we’re going to see shortly."
*ah dindu nuffin! ah jus beez not knowing da difference between da sun and da moon, niykkah!*

#### Turns out, this dopey sheboon is no stranger to idiotic statements of the like
- "This is not the first time Jackson Lee has made questionable statements regarding science, let alone turned the misstep into a political issue. In 1997, Jackson Lee visited NASA and *demanded to see the flag that astronauts planted on Mars*. She was gently advised that no human being had ever been to Mars because it was so far away. She then went into a rage and accused the space agency of racism."
- "Jackson Lee also claimed during a floor speech in March 2014 that the U.S. Constitution was 400 years old."
*did someone say banan??*

#### WHAT IS THE KICKER HERE, YOU ASK? THIS DOPEY COON WAS ON THE HOUSE SCIENCE COMMITTEE'S ***SPACE SCIENCE*** SUBCOMMITTEE LMAOOOO
*honk honk!*

#### Bonus: [do moon trains run on time?](https://newatlas.com/space/northrop-grumman-moon-railway/) (clip)
- "In preparation for a permanent human colony on the Moon, DARPA has awarded a contract to Northrop Grumman to develop a lunar railway concept, as part of the 10-year Lunar Architecture (LunA-10) Capability Study."

## [Cannibals, copes, and kush](https://afru.com/dear-racists-cannibals-are-people-too/#top)
- Gigacuck white author  pens an extended cope in the wake of the Haitian cannibals attacks, all about how it's dey culcha.
- "You might have noticed. Alt-right circles are buzzing with anti-cannibal fervor" *You there! Stop being.... fervent!*
- "Cannibal culture is wide and varied, and has accompanied our species since the dawn of time. Cannibalism is often a deeply spiritual practice, or a desperate act undertaken in times of famine or war, or a sacred act meant to honor a revered dead (endocannibalism)." *Didn't you hear? If a great many people do something stupid, disgusting, and dangerous for a long time, it's totally valid!*
*Everyone's been doing it, bro. The science is in, bro*
- "The Aztecs, for instance, utilized cannibalism in rituals. They believed that their sun god, Huitzilopochtli, was waging a war against darkness. Sacrifices were necessary (*according to chief Unga Bunga*) to aid Huitzilopochtli in this war."
- "most evidence suggests that these people were willing participants" (***doesn't list any, surprise surprise***)
- Rambles on with a number of arguments which amount to "if do before, why can't do now?"
- "Public executions were seen as social events from the Middle Ages up until the mid-1800s, and the blood of the executed was sometimes considered to have medicinal healing powers (especially if the person executed was of notable status or had been convicted of a particularly heinous crime). People would gather at executions with cups or cloths to collect the blood directly as it flowed from the scaffold. This practice was rooted in the belief that the vitality of the executed person’s blood could cure ailments or diseases when consumed." (**doesn't cite any source for any part of this claim. Curious.**)
- "More recently, Haiti was called a “shithole country” by one Donald Trump — who at the same time praised countries like North Korea and Russia. What do those people and countries have that Haiti does not? The answer, of course, is **whiteness**. And there you have it." (You can tell this cuck just blew his load)
- "The dark rise of anti-cannibal canards is simply the latest in a long line of attempts by the right to demonize black bodies. The people of Haiti are living their lives the way they want to." (You heard him. They *want* to eat mud pies and dead bodies.)
- Ends with a ramble about how movies like Hannibal are western anti cannibal propaganda LOL.

#### Note:

Inb4 muh satire tho. Have a look at the site, and you tell me. It's either completely serious, or satire so prolifically commited to the act, that calling it such is a distinction without a difference. https://afru.com

### Cannibalism: old and busted. New hotness: kush

- No, not the dude weed version
- A west african concoction of:
- Cannabis
- Fentanyl
- Tramadol
- Formaldehyde
- ***[GROUND DOWN HUMAN BONES](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-68742694)***
- "Sierra Leone declares emergency over drug kush - made from human bones"
- "One of the drug's many ingredients is human bones - security has been tightened in cemeteries to stop addicts digging up skeletons from graves. Groups of mostly young men sitting on street corners with limbs swollen by kush abuse is a common sight in Sierra Leone."
- "There is no official death toll, but one doctor told the BBC that "in recent months" hundreds of young men had died from organ failure caused by kush in the capital, Freetown."

## Amazon, where the memes write themselves, and become real!

- Wagie cage from ep 58 notes

### [Actually Indian](https://gizmodo.com/amazon-reportedly-ditches-just-walk-out-grocery-stores-1851381116)  (clip)

- "Amazon is phasing out its checkout-less grocery stores with “Just Walk Out” technology, which relied on cameras and sensors to track what people were leaving the store with." *allegedly*
- "Though it seemed completely automated, Just Walk Out relied on more than 1,000 people in India watching and labeling videos to ensure accurate checkouts. The cashiers were simply moved off-site, and they watched you as you shopped."
- "The technology seemed incredible, but there were some stumbles. It often took hours for customers to receive receipts after leaving the store, largely because offshore cashiers were rewatching videos and assigning items to different customers."
- *Serious troubles began when customers bought items completely alien to the Indian staff, such as deodorant, soap, and foods without way too much cumin seasoning.*

## Pile o misc

### Quit rambling and get to the point, sinners!
- Isn't the why of it.... fairly important? Can a catholic explain?
- Speaking of catholics, lol @ that video going around of pope Francis washing and kissing the feet of female prisoners. A simp + a footfag, does it get any worse?
- I bet he doesn't even know about Da Jesus Book

### Transformers vs decepticons (clip)

### Lemme get a cold one

### [Kike media pretzel of the week: "Society of Magical Negroes" film bombs because it doesn't hate whitey ENOUGH!](https://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/news/new-filmfcalling-white-people-most-dangerous-animal-on-planet-bombs-at-box-office/ar-BB1keXa9)
- Kike coping begins again:
- "The film did poorly with reviewers, earning just 31% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes."
- "Film critic Carlos Aguilar panned the film as "too timid to land any satirical blows.""
- "bloodless satire that's too eager to please."
- the much more obvious take:

### Cancer to OJ: GG EZ NO RE

### That absolutely fucking horrific "Pajeet" movie
https://twitter.com/ExposedPajeets/status/1774395561489092611
- take every meme about jeets being disgusting you've ever seen and dial it up to tank you, come again
**"pajeet movie" clip. maybe. it's long**
**Bonus: "india gutter hair ghetto wigs" clip**

### Patrolled! (clip)

### [Biden confronted about tranny visibility day, claims he dindu nuffin!](https://www.zerohedge.com/political/i-didnt-do-biden-reportedly-has-no-idea-he-issued-trans-day-visibility-proclamation)
- After which he promptly forgot that he didn't know about it.
**"Biden can't take the heat" clip**
**"gaytheism grant" clip**

### [U.S. Gavy gun demo](https://notthebee.com/article/the-us-navy-posted-this-picture-then-deleted-it-lets-look-at-the-comments-shall-we)
- "It amazes me: This is the commanding officer of the USS McCain."
- "He does not know how to hold a gun. He does not know how to shoulder the stock. He does not know how to properly use the scope to acquire a sight picture ... and even worse the OPTIC IS ON BACKWARD AND THE COVERS LOOK TO BE ON!!"
- "He also does not know that the vertical foregrip placement makes zero sense. He does not know to keep his elbow down while shooting."

*hmmmmmmm....*