# Why You Need Validations Of Others Before Doing Something

***People-pleasers always suffer in the end***.

We are social beings. From birth, our survival depended on others — approval was literally life-or-death in ancient times. Today, though we no longer live in tribes fighting for survival, that same psychological wiring still drives us to seek approval, reassurance, and validation from others before we act. When validation becomes a crutch, it not only weakens our autonomy but ultimately leaves us empty, unfulfilled, and prone to anxiety and low self-esteem.

## What Psychology Says About Validation

Psychologists define validation as affirming that our thoughts, feelings, or choices are understood and accepted by others. This isn’t the same as praise — validation is being seen rather than being applauded for performance.

Research shows that seeking validation is deeply rooted in human social psychology — part of our need to belong and feel accepted. According to the “Social Verification Theory,” human beings are motivated by a desire to have their subjective reality confirmed by others; when this need isn’t met, we experience stress and a sense of social disconnection.

## The Difference Between Healthy Validation and External Approval Dependence

Seeking some validation is natural. It helps us feel connected, improves communication, and builds trust. But the problem arises when validation becomes conditional — when you begin to depend on others’ acceptance before you act or make decisions.

A 2005 study published in Personality and Social Psychology found that when self-worth becomes contingent on others’ approval, people experience higher stress and lower overall psychological well-being than those whose self-worth is internally based. This pattern is known as external contingency of self-worth.

## When your self-esteem depends on external validation:

Self-worth becomes fragile and fluctuates with every reaction you receive.

You may shy away from authentic expression to fit others’ expectations. If you get bore don't worry rather then asking others what to do you can [watch movies online free](https://myflixer.life/), to spare your time.

Your decision-making becomes approval-driven rather than value-driven.

## Why People-Pleasers Suffer

People-pleasing isn’t just being kind — it’s acting out of fear of rejection, disapproval, or conflict. When your choices depend on others’ reactions:

You lose sight of your own values and desires.

You constantly adjust your behavior to avoid negative judgments.

You build your identity around others’ perceptions, not your own worth.

Studies show that people who rely on others’ validation often have:

* Lower self-esteem
* Higher anxiety
* Difficulty making independent decisions
* A greater tendency to conform to social groups

In fact, research on social comparison theory reveals that we tend to measure ourselves against others’ opinions when we are uncertain about ourselves. This drives us toward validation, even if it means suppressing our own authentic voice.

## Social Media Has Made Things Worse

Modern society — especially social media — has supercharged the validation loop.

Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok reward attention with likes, comments, and shares — which act like reinforcement triggers in the brain. This mechanism releases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter, reinforcing the behaviour and driving us to seek more approval.

But this cycle is deceptive and fleeting:

A positive comment creates a temporary high

The next post demands even more approval

The more validation you seek, the deeper the dependency becomes

Studies show that excessive social media use can even lower self-esteem and increase anxiety — the opposite of what people hope to achieve by seeking approval.

# The Hidden Cost of Validation Seeking

When you depend on others for assurance:

**1. You Lose Your Authenticity**

People-pleasing leads to inauthentic behaviour — saying what others want to hear rather than what you genuinely think.

**2. You Become Emotionally Dependent**

Your emotional state becomes tied to others’ reactions instead of internal confidence.

**3. You Sacrifice Personal Growth**

When fear of disapproval dictates your actions, you stop taking risks, avoid creative leaps, and shy away from bold goals — all essential for growth.

## Validation Isn’t the Enemy — Dependency Is

It’s important to differentiate between:

Healthy reassurance — feedback from trusted people to gain clarity

Dependency on validation — needing approval before you dare act

Healthy reassurance can help guide decisions without compromising your core sense of self. Dependency, however, erodes it.

## How to Break the Validation Trap

Here are evidence-based strategies supported by psychology studies and expert insights:

**1. Build Internal Validation**

Start by recognising that your value isn’t determined by external reactions. Internal validation comes from acknowledging your effort, resilience, and progress rather than applause.

**2. Practice Self-Compassion**

Adopting self-affirming thoughts reduces the compulsive need for external approval. Research shows that self-compassion improves resilience and psychological health.

3. Limit Social Media Use

A study showed that limiting social media reduces feelings of depression and loneliness — clear indicators of reduced validation dependency.

**4. Reflect on Your “Why” Before You Act**

Ask yourself: Is this action rooted in my values or in others’ approval? Honest reflection breaks the automatic validation loop.

## Conclusion

Seeking validation is a natural part of being human — we all want to feel seen and understood. However, when validation becomes a requirement for action, it slowly eats away at autonomy, authenticity, and happiness.

People-pleasers may think approval shields them from pain, but in the end, it leads to psychological vulnerability and self-neglect.

True confidence comes not from how many people nod their heads in approval — but from how deeply you believe in your own worth, regardless of applause or rejection.

## References & Further Reading
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). [The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits:](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01) Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry.

Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of Self-Worth. Psychological Review.

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin.

[Asch, S. E. (1951)](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1952-00803-001). Effects of Group Pressure Upon the Modification and Distortion of Judgments. Carnegie Press.

Kohut, H. (1977). The Restoration of the Self. International Universities Press.