---
tags: communication, peace, philosophy, emotions, NVC
---

- https://hackmd.io/@androclus/nvc-examples
- Jeff Stern \<[e-mail]\>

[Return to my [NVC Main page](https://hackmd.io/@androclus/nvc)]

# NVC: Examples

These are simple starting examples, to show the basic format.

## 1. "You're late"

### Jackal-speak
"You're late: it's always the same with you! You can never really be relied on."

### Giraffe-speak

- "We had an appointment at 8 in the morning. It's now half past ten. (O)
- I feel angry and worried. (F)
- I need to understand what's happening, to be reassured that I can count on you in the future. (N)
- Would you agree to talk to me about that now?" \(R\)

(and)

- So what's going on for you? Can you tell me the situation that's holding you back, and what's going on for you?

*(from [Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real](https://bookscouter.com/book/9781892005212-being-genuine-stop-being-nice-start-being-real?type=buy), p.63)*

## 2. Radio at work

### Jackal-speak
"Why are you are always playing your radio at your desk? Can't you put on headphones or something? We have to work, here, too."

### Giraffe-speak
for ME:
- "I can hear your desk radio from where I am sitting. (O)
- I feel annoyed and angry, because (F)
- I am trying to get my work done. (N)
- Would you be willing to talk with me about some solutions? \(R\)

for YOU:
- Are you feeling anxious (F) because you have that TPS report to get in (N), and the radio helps calm you while you work (N)?

## 3. Grades (parent/child)

### Jackal-speak

"I am very disappointed with you when I see the school results you got this month. If you go on like that, your year is going to be charming indeed! And then you won't be ready to find a job later. Look at your sister; she is much more conscientious."

### Giraffe-speak

for ME (Parent):
- "When I see your school results this month, and especially a D in math and an F in statistics, (O)
- I feel worried and concerned. (F)
- I need to be reassured that you understand how these subjects will be useful to you in the future, and that you feel OK and welcome in your classroom with your teacher, so that if you do run into difficulties, you will feel at ease about saying so. (N)
- Would you agree to tell me how you feel in relation to all that? \(R\)"

for YOU (Child):

- "I noticed your D in math and F in statistics. (O)
- I know you can't be feeling good about those. (F)
- Could you use some help? (N)

(alt)

- Maybe you really feel forced to take these when you'd really rather not be taking them? (N)

(alt)
- Could you use some help? (N)

*(adapted from [Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real](https://bookscouter.com/book/9781892005212-being-genuine-stop-being-nice-start-being-real?type=buy), p.111)*

## 4. Group Participation: Members Who "Dominate"

### Jackal-speak
"Why do those two always monopolize the conversation? Why can't we get the group leader to tell them to pipe down?"

### Giraffe-speak
- Just about every week I see the same two people getting more air time than others. On occasion I have heard them raise their voices and talk louder than someone else who was just beginning to speak. (O)
- I feel disappointed, (F)
- because I want everyone to have equal opportunity to speak and be heard. I want to be learning from everyone.(N)"

Many of us experience situations where certain people speak much more than we enjoy hearing. In our frustration and helplessness, unable to meet our needs for mutuality or connection, we may end up labeling the other person as "domineering," "insensitive," "exhausting," etc. In the chapter on *The Power of Empathy* in the book, there is a section that demonstrates how we might interrupt speakers rather than pretend to be listening to them.

In a practice group we may be uncomfortable with one person taking substantially more airtime even if we enjoy what she is saying, because we so value balanced participation. Since people who are perceived by others as "talking too much" aren't necessarily aware when their behavior falls into that category, they may appreciate some form of explicit feedback: raising a hand, for example, when we begin to feel uncomfortable and want the floor to be passed on. We might also consider structuring in more balance through the use of the Round, or a Talking Object (see Part III, Section I, *Forms of Group Interaction*), or we might even experiment with the game of talking-tokens, in which we all start off with an equal number of tokens and release one every time we take the floor.

*(quoted from [Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook](https://bookscouter.com/book/9781892005045-nonviolent-communication-companion-workbook-a-practical-guid?type=buy), p.33)*