英文添削 9/16 == ###### tags: `LearnFit` ## Original It is considered that Japan has a communitarian culture, and its people are devoted to work for their own group’s prosperities. Although this might be the case for the people above a certain age, I personally feel that more and more young people in Japan have become individualistic because of their diversities in the sense of values. Actually, it applies to me and I have always tried to put a priority on my career over the company’s mission or the team’s goal, which I think might be a totally different way of behavior from superiors in my company. For example, the line manager of mine was very unsupportive when I negotiated with him on how long I can take vacation before leaving. The reaction was so unexpected that I couldn’t understand why he was so, but I have come to think this is exactly what I think is the dissonance between us on how much value is put emphasis on a personal right. ## Correction with Comments It is considered that Japan has a communitarian culture, and ~~its~~ people are devoted to work**ing** for their own groups prosperi~~es~~**ty**. :::info ⭐️Itsは不要 ::: Although this might be the case for ~~the~~ people above a certain age ~~,~~ I personally feel that more and more young people in Japan have become individualistic because of ~~their~~ **the** diversit~~ies~~**y** in ~~the~~ **their** sense of values. Actually ~~,~~ it applies to me and I have always tried to put a priority on my **own** career over the compan~~y’s~~**ies** mission or the team ~~'~~**s** goal ~~,~~ which I think might be a totally different way of behav~~ior~~**ing** ~~from superiors in my company~~ **compared to the senior executives**. For example ~~,~~ ~~the~~ **my** line manager ~~of mine~~ was very unsupportive when I negotiated with him ~~on~~ **as to** how long I can take vacation before leaving. :::info ⭐️managerの説明短くしました ::: The reaction was so unexpected that I couldn’t understand why he ~~was so~~ **behaved this way**, but I have come to ~~think~~ **realise that** this is exactly what I think is the dissonance between us ~~on~~ **and** how much value is put **on** emphasi~~s~~**zing** ~~on a~~ personal right**s**. :::info ⭐️put on emphasizing ::: ## After Correction It is considered that Japan has a communitarian culture, and its people are devoted to working for their own groups prosperity. Although this might be the case for people above a certain age I personally feel that more and more young people in Japan have become individualistic because of the diversity in their sense of values. Actually it applies to me and I have always tried to put a priority on my own career over the companies mission or the teams goal which I think might be a totally different way of behaving compared to the senior executives. For example my line manager was very unsupportive when I negotiated with him as to how long I can take vacation for before leaving. The reaction was so unexpected that I couldn’t understand why he behaved this way, but I have come to realise that this is exactly what I think is the dissonance between us and how much value is put on emphasizing personal rights.