# Blinking, or rather the lack thereof, in Fall of Light

### Alternately known as "u/Loleeeee trying not to talk about Renarr for five minutes"

I know, I know, that's certainly a bizarre way to frame an opening question. And if you somehow haven't noticed this, you'll never *unsee* it - and for that, I'm ~~not~~ sorry. Steve loves this metaphor, and I'm not terribly sure how I should feel about it. No matter.

As for the motivation for this post, I must admit to a somewhat venal ambition. If you're yet unaware, u/kashmora & I have been compiling summaries of the Kharkanas trilogy (for a purpose as yet undisclosed but I'm sure eagle-eyed readers among you would know what that purpose is), and as the summaries have ballooned in length, we've somewhat shifted gears to a more analytical perspective of the book rather than simple summary.

If any of you have kept up with the read-along in the sub, you may know that as the read-along went on, the footnotes found within the summaries increased exponentially. Our (or, at least, my) summaries are very similar; our latest summary is 16 (WiP) with Chapter 15 having an **astounding** twenty separate footnotes (a lot of them being unrelated to the text itself, and others somewhat trying to connect Kharkanas & the MBotF).

In any case, this here post is a similar endeavour, and something of a question to the community at large - since, you may note, the notes we're taking are very, uhm, subjective and fed by one's experiences (hence why Chapter 15 has two pages' worth of notes on metallurgy, yes really) - to help with "universalizing" the experience of this particular aspect of the books, since, as will be made apparent very soon, I have *opinions* on the matter.

To achieve this, I am exploring a certain pattern - I use the word "motif" a lot - and how it tackles greater questions throughout Fall of Light & Kharkanas as a whole. Namely, characters blinking - or, rather, not doing so. It'll make sense soon, I promise.

Thus, without any further ado.

## "I Will Not Blink"

This motif - of "not blinking" signifying courage, or the (forced) recognition and/or acceptance of circumstances - comes up in a few critical points in Fall of Light (and in particular, with the two Tiste deities of Kharkanas). More specifically, Endest's stigmata/Mother Dark's eyes & their inability to close, and Renarr courageous acceptance of the inevitable.

We'll start by providing a few other quotes, before coming back to those passages this post is concerned with and - eventually - expanding a bit on them.

#### Anomander & History

One of the more interesting quotes that "feed" into this theme, in my opinion, is Anomander's assessment of the "unblinking regard of history" (Chapter 20):

> ‘Are we observed?’
>
> ‘A curious question. In the immediate, no, none look out from yonder wood.’
>
> ‘And in the other?’
>
> ‘First Son, if we sense unblinking regard settled upon us, in each of our moments, beginning to end, what then might we do differently?’
>
> Anomander frowned. ‘Best we comport ourselves with such an audience in mind, whether it exists or not.’
>
> ‘Why?’
>
> ‘I hold that such witnessing does indeed exist, unflinching and beyond the mechanisms of deceit, and that in our eagerness to dissemble, we yield it little respect.’
>
> ‘And what witness might this be?’
>
> ‘Nothing other than history, High Mason.’
>
> ‘You name an indifferent arbiter, subject to maleficence in its wake.’

Which is indeed a curious assertion, but to be discussed at a later time.

#### Endest looks for decency

More to the point, the quote from Endest I mentioned earlier (Chapter 18):

> Mother Dark watched as he strode through the chaos, as he unravelled the market, stole away food, denied to all the press of hunger. She watched, because she could do nothing else, for her eyes were inside wounds in his hands, and wounds did not blink.
>
> [...]
>
> He struggled to find his voice. Looking down, he saw that he held his hands upturned, the palms with their weeping wounds facing the dragon. She was witness. She was present.
>
> *‘You gave her the same peace, mortal. The same curse, and, with all those behind you, she now suffers its loss.’ The huge head tilted slightly. ‘But this did not occur to you, did it? The gift’s … other side. In your wake, mortal, a thousand Tiste now lie stricken with despair. I was drawn here – your effulgence was a beacon, your sorcery a terrible flowering in a dark, and dangerous, forest.*
>
> *‘You were lost in it, mortal. You would not have stopped. You would have taken the entire city, and indeed, perhaps your entire land.’*
>
> ‘What if I had?’ Endest voiced the question quietly, in no way defiant, but honest with wonder and horror.
>
> *‘Your gift of peace, mortal, was not what you imagined it to be. Their moment of bliss was not bliss. An end to life’s torment has but one name and that name is death. An end to torment and, alas, also an end to joy, and love, and the sweet taste of being.’*
>
> [...]
>
> He would have fallen to his knees, but somehow Mother Dark prevented the gesture. Instead, he stood facing skyward, watching the dragon vanish into the low clouds as his crowd of followers rushed to join him, their questions a deafening chorus he ignored. Limbs shaking, he closed his eyes. Blood streamed from his hands, as Mother Dark wept within him, like a woman with a broken heart.

#### Rise purports condemnation

And in Chapter 24, we get this:

> '... As prophet, Endest Silann walked among the commonfolk. He opened his hands so that she could not turn away, could not blink. You think by this act did he condemn the faithless, the misguided, the banal selfishness of each person who suffered that regard. But I think, now, the one he sought to condemn was her.’

And in Renarr's case, well, Hood knows, she's got a lot of those.

#### Renarr being the main culprit of this motif

Chapter One (yes, the book *opens* with this motif):

> STEPPING OUT FROM THE TENT, RENARR FACED THE BRIGHT morning light, and did not blink.
>
> [...]
>
> She caught sight of the girl whose killing had started the day. She walked with followers now, regal as a queen among the dead.
>
> Renarr studied her, and did not blink.

#### Renarr resolves to, well, "not blink" when all is said & done

Chapter Eleven:

> *Oh, Sagander. Old man, mediocre scholar, an historian rocking on crutches from one scene to the next. Even the blessing of Light but underscores your flaws. Such clarity of vision, as promised by this burgeoning faith, yields no shades to truth, or justice.*
>
> *Do you grasp that, Urusander?*
>
> *Your High Priestess fears your Mortal Sword. Your historian is maimed by his own bigotry, and feeds fires of hatred behind his eyes. Your first captain dreams of his bloodline restored. And your adopted daughter must turn away from this dance no matter how honest its meaning, or how honourable its desire.*
>
> *I see this light, Father, in all that comes. But I will not blink.*
>
> [...]
>
> *‘The strongest thing I’ve ever seen.’ Beneath it, the colour of slate.*
>
> The High Priestess had been too quick in her dismissal of this girl, and that was fortunate, as far as Renarr was concerned. *Secrets are what they are. Is it fear that makes one keep them? Not always. No, for me, there is no fear. For me, there is only patience.*
>
> *The sky at dusk. Waiting for the night to come.*

#### Renarr makes good on her promise

And, ultimately, the book ends in much the same way that it opens:

> ‘Vatha Urusander,’ said Renarr, ‘there will be justice.’
>
> She saw him nod again, in the instant before her knife sank deep beneath his left shoulder blade, stilling the beat of his heart. Unblinking, she stepped back, leaving the dagger in his back. He tilted forward, forehead striking the leaded window, before his legs gave out and he fell to the floor at her feet.
>
> Looking down, she saw the smile on his face. Peaceful, content, lifeless.

Thus, with the exhibits in place, let us ask ourselves - well, more specifically, I'm asking you - what it all means, and what information can be discerned from this motif.

## Exultation or Excoriation?

We're going to piggy-back off Rise Herat's comments about Endest's actions earlier, and how he wanted to "condemn (Mother Dark)" and ask ourselves to what extent that is true - and if it *is* true, what it means for both characters.

Endest has been driven by visions for quite some time now, since the ending of Forge of Darkness, whereupon he finds himself on a pilgrimage to the home of Andarist (following the visions he has, which he confides to Herat). Endest's status seems to be a result of both his faith, and of the meddling of Azathanai (namely, Grizzin & Draconus). His faith is unassailable enough to allow Mother Dark to see through him consistently (contrast to "High Priestess" Emral Lanear, or Hood forbid, Syntara) & his ostensible job - to "deliver the sanctity of blood" - comes courtesy of Draconus' Terondai, and partly Grizzin's interference when Draconus first arrives *with* said Terondai.

Throughout Fall of Light (and the last chapter of Forge of Darkness) Endest consistently seems to rail against this, as it is indeed not something he "chose." When Endest at last sets off - in search of decency - with Mother Dark his witness, he has some rather peculiar thoughts about his faith & his deity:

#### Endest in the market delivering "release"

> *‘Turn me away from the unsightly!’ the optimists cry. ‘Yield this dream to joy, to revelry and laughter. Enough confabulation and noise to drown the distant cries of the suffering, to blind me to the world’s woes! What care I for tragedies not of my own making? Such things are beyond my control, anyway, and indeed beyond my ability to change.’*
>
> In many ways, Endest had no argument with such views. The heart’s capacity was finite. So people explained, again and again, to justify all that had grown cold and lifeless within them. If imagination had no limits, surely the soul did.
>
> *And yet, what thing of certain limit can in turn create something limitless? This seems a breaking of some fundamental law. The unbound from the bound, the infinite from the finite. How can such things be?*
>
> [...]
>
> ‘Mother Dark has no power – we all know as much! And your soldiers – Urusander will deal with them soon enough!’
>
> ‘You don’t understand,’ said Endest Silann, and as he said this, he realized that Mother Dark did not understand either. ‘I set out today, into this city, looking for decency. But I could not find it. It was all hidden away, behind walls, perhaps, withdrawn into intimate moments and the like.’ He shook his head. ‘In any case, I was mistaken in my search. The decency I was seeking was not the kind a mortal can see, but only feel.’
>
> [...]
>
> *Cages for our lives. Just another prison of necessity, wildly walled with every justification imaginable – these bars truncating what we believe to be possible. So many traps of thought.*
>
> *Mother Dark, is this not what we all ask of you? Where is your promise of relief? For the joys we cling to are but islands in a sea of torment, and every moment of contentment is becalmed peace, edged with exhaustion.*
>
> *Watch then, Mother Dark, as I deliver a day of release.*

And one would think that, indeed, what Endest sought was to "condemn" Mother Dark, as she failed to deliver on the promises requested by her believers, chief among them the promise of "decency." However, as quoted above, Endest is stopped by Silanah & comes to realise that the "release" he's been granting people has been the release of death - i.e., Endest, in his zeal & desire to bring "peace" and "decency" unto the Tiste, ended up, well, killing a lot of them (a more cynical individual may claim that's all that they deserve, but I digress).

Silanah explains that the same "peace" was delivered unto Mother Dark; in delivering what Endest perceives to be his gift, he granted unto them the peace of death (which, admittedly, achieved Endest's claimed goals, just not in the manner he wished), and Mother Dark's response culminates in what Endest describes, "weeping like a woman with a broken heart."

So what are we to make of Endest's actions, and his intent with regards to Mother Dark - the "unblinking" nature of wounds, the forced recognition, as it were? Is he, as Rise Herat purports, trying to condemn his goddess, by exploiting her inability to look away? Is he a zealous seer spreading the gift of "bliss" in the name of Mother Dark?

In other words, are Endest's actions an **exultation** of Mother Dark, or an **excoriation** of the same (or, at least, her ideals)?

#### What other characters say, and what I think of Endest

While I think that, with regards to Endest, the answer is "none of the above," both of those notions have been explored somewhat by other characters. On some level, Anomander confesses that he seeks to rebel against Mother Dark's wishes for her lack of conforming to *his* wishes (Chapter 9):

> ‘She has turned from me, the one she would call her First Son. She has made darkness her wall, her unrelieved keep. Where, then, is her focus? Upon her children? Evidently not. Let her indulge as she will in her lover’s arms – I will not step between them. But when she dares ask me to bring this conflict to an end, yet refuses the call to arms, what is a warrior to do with that charge?’ He swung round, resumed marching. ‘For now, I will serve my own needs, if only to match her reflection.’

And as for the latter, while "seer" may be a strong word, Cedorpul seems to fit that mold fairly well. And, perhaps in their minds, so do Herat & Lanear, albeit I think they at least have enough self-awareness to know the inherent lie in that assessment.

## The question of this post, and Mother Dark's Commandments

Ultimately, this preamble brings me to my question. If you've kept up with our adventures through Kharkanas, you'd know that I accord Mother Dark (and, to an extent, Vatha Urusander) a lot more lenience and nuance than - indeed - a lot of the characters in the book, do. Mother Dark gets something of a pass by the diegesis (story for another time) but my experience with community interaction as a whole tells a different story.

In the end, the only thing that stirs Mother Dark is when Urusander is rather literally *at the gates,* and she delivers her, hm, "commandments" to Emral Lanear (Chapter 26):

> ‘I offered you all an empty vessel, or so you imagined it. I was witness, then, to your varied ways of filling it. Yet what was hidden within, which none of you chose to see, is now displaced, and now, perhaps, must be considered dead.’ She raised a thin hand. ‘Are you eager for a list of prohibitions? For prescribed positions and holy ordinances? Am I to tell you the way to live your life? Am I to lock doors, draw close shutters? Am I to guide you like children, with all the maternal needs of a mother upon whose tit you will all feed, until your dying day? What words do you wish from me, Emral Lanear? A list of all the deeds that will earn the slap of my hand, or my eternal condemnation? What crimes are acceptable in the eyes of your goddess? Whose murder is justified by your faith in me? Whose suffering shall be considered righteously earned, by virtue of what you judge a failing of faith, or indeed sacrilege? Describe to me the apostate, the infidel, the blasphemer – for surely such accusations come not from me, but from you, High Priestess, you and all who will follow you, in your appointed role of speaking for me, deciding for me, acting in my name, and justifying all that you would do in your worship of your goddess.’
>
> ‘From faith,’ replied Emral Lanear, ‘do we not seek guidance?’
>
> ‘Guidance, or the organized assembly and reification of all the prejudices you collectively hold dear?’
>
> ‘You would not speak to us!’
>
> ‘I grew to fear the power of words – their power, and their powerlessness. No matter how profound or perceptive, no matter how deafening their truth, they are helpless to defend themselves. I could have given you a list. I could have stated, in the simplest terms, that this is how I want you to behave, and this must be the nature of your belief, and your service, and your sacrifice. But how long, I wonder, before that list twisted in interpretation? How long before deviation yielded condemnation, torture, death?’ She slowly leaned forward. ‘How long, before my simple rules to a proper life become a call to war? To the slaughter of unbelievers? How long, Emral Lanear, before you begin killing *in my name?*’

One might say that she delivers these words without blinking. But I digress.

The point is, it has been two books - two *very large* books - before Mother Dark made her wishes crystal clear. Before she herself forced unto others the recognition of their downfall. What are we to make of that? What are we to make of a woman that's more interested in speaking in riddles, naming her worshippers her "children," and exploring the breadth of her gifts over actually leading her chosen people?

If you're interested in my answer to those questions, stick around - we're on Chapter Ten right now. It'll take some time.

## Something in Me is Broken

Let's talk about the main culprit of this motif. Yes, I *know* I've spoken about this particular scene at length [before,](https://www.reddit.com/r/Malazan/comments/128w8pu/on_the_historicity_of_characters_in_the_kharkanas/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) you don't have to remind me.

As shown before, Renarr has quite the habit of *not* blinking, and she's by far & away the character in which we can correlate courage/acceptance with that action. Now, I think this is important for a handful of reasons - unrelated to Father Light, which we'll get to in a moment - and that has to do with our narrator (i.e., *Blind* Gallan). Quote from Chapter 21 of Dust of Dreams:

#### The Tiste's peculiar habits of "permanently blinking"

> 'I can almost see the blind poet's face. I can almost see him nodding. When grief was too much, Withal, we were in the habit of tearing out our own eyes. What kind of people would do such a thing?'

This is Sandalath speaking, and if you know me, you know what quote is coming next. Chapter 14 of Forge of Darkness gives us this:

#### Kadaspala finds his promise of peace

> His fingers reached up, as he stared at the forlorn figure sprawled on the hearthstone, and the invisible brushes stabbed.
>
> Deep into his eyes.
>
> Pain was a shock, rocking his head back, but the artist would not let go – the brushes dipped deeper, soaked in red paint. The cry was now shrieking in a chorus of voices, bursting from his mouth again and again. He felt his fingers grasp hold of his eyes, felt them clench tight, crushing everything.
>
> And then he tore them away.
>
> And darkness offered its perfect blessing, and he shuddered as if in ecstasy.

Great. What does that have anything to do with Renarr?

### Renarr, and the implicit courage of viewing something "unblinkingly"

As Sandalath describes, when the Tiste were in grief, they had the habit of "tearing out their own eyes." While this is somewhat true (for Gallan & Kadaspala), the more generalized form would simply be to seek refuge, to embrace darkness, to close one's eyes - in other words, to "blink" (metaphorically, mind you). And because - as aforementioned - Steve *loves* this metaphor, there's even a quote from Nappet (one of the Wanderers in Dust of Dreams) about this exact thing (Chapter 13):

> *You blink, you lose that time for ever. You can’t even be sure how long that blink lasted. A moment, a thousand years. You can’t even know for sure that what you see now is the same as what you saw before. You can’t. You think it is. You tell yourself that, convince yourself of that. Just a continuation of everything you knew before. What you see is still there. That’s what you tell yourself. That’s the game of reassurance your mind plays. To keep things sane.*
>
> *But think on that one blink—you’ve all known it—when all that you thought was real suddenly changes. From one side of the blink to the other side. It comes with bad news. It comes with soul-plummeting horror and grief. How long was that blink?*
>
> *Gods below, it was fucking eternity.*

So how can one be sure that they'll never miss that time? That they'll be witness to all events, stubbornly refusing to give in to the world & its horrors?

Why, you don't blink.

And so, on to Renarr.

As shown above, Renarr holds a secret - "the colour of slate" - which seems to at least imply (if not explicitly state) that Renarr is well aware of the fact that she'll eventually have to put an end to Urusander. You can view this a myriad ways - from her functioning like the chorus of a tragedy & thus being privy to information the other characters wouldn't have, to her being a "Fury"-akin character & "needing" to punish Urusander for broken promises (for what it's worth: that's almost certainly *not* the case), and so on - but what's important is that, arguably, she knows, and has perhaps known for quite some time (possibly since the battle with the Wardens, or before then), that this is the only way this story ends.

### The discarded agency of Vatha Urusander, its implicit presence, and the morality of choice (or lack thereof)

Her resolution to face her fate despite the consequences has led yours truly to claim that Renarr is one of two characters that respect Vatha Urusander's agency as a character, with the other being Mother Dark (Chapter 26):

> '... I know Vatha Urusander. I admire him, and respect him. Syntara’s present freedom shall not last. If I can give Urusander very little, I will at least awaken him to his newfound power. Beyond that, let there be justice.’
>
> [...]
>
> ‘Mother Dark. On behalf of my soldiers, I once petitioned the highborn – and you – in the name of justice.’ He waved dismissively. ‘This was not a challenge to my faith in you.’
>
> ‘No,’ she said, ‘that challenge came from elsewhere. Tell me then, will you now deny the title of Father Light?’
>
> ‘It seems that I cannot.’
>
> ‘No,’ she agreed. ‘It seems that you cannot.’
>
> ‘But this was not what I asked for.’
>
> ‘Nor is this my answer to your request for justice.’
>
> ‘Then, Mother Dark, we are understood?’
>
> ‘We are, Vatha, as best we can be.’
>
> He nodded then, and Renarr saw how the tension left his body.

Make with that what you will. The point is, then, what are we to make more generally, about the actions of Father Light, when those who purportedly respect him - or, at least, indulge him - view him as, for lack of a better word, beyond saving?

As a thought exercise, allow me to quote - at length - K'ell Hunter Sag'Churok from Dust of Dreams:

> '... Do not misunderstand me. Choose to live within one god as you like, but in so doing be certain to acknowledge that there is an "other", an existence beyond your god. And if your god has a face, then so too does that other. In such comprehension, Destriant, will you come to grasp the freedom that lies at the heart of all life; that choice is the singular moral act and all one chooses can only be considered in a moral context if that choice is free.'

Which then begs the question: How free are the choices Vatha Urusander is able to make? And, more to the point, how free are the choices *Renarr* is able to make?

Chapter 26:

> *A single ember remains, and surely it shall burn me, and my name, for ever more.* ***But some things we do not choose. Some things are chosen for us.***

I won't be the one to answer that, but I do eagerly await *your* answers.

## Conclusion - or the lack thereof

Sure does seem like I like the words "lack thereof," doesn't it? Have a nice ring to them.

I wish to wrap this post by reiterating the questions I made above. In effect, what this post aims to be is an exploration of a certain motif that recurs throughout the books, and viewing some themes through the lens of said pattern (and what that means).

I don't have a conclusion to give you, because it is not my aim to conclude this in some convincing manner. I do not seek to make a point, here. Instead, what I seek is your *opinion*, so that I can cruelly - and callously! - vivisect it when the time arrives, so as to further my own understanding.

Or, in less supervillain speak, I want to broaden my horizons & universalise the notes I've been taking, on account of potentially appealing to more people, because my opinions are very subjective (no shit) and do not necessarily accurately reflect the experience of most readers.

So, in short:

* When all is said and done, through the multiple different perspectives we get - from the Azathanai (Draconus, T'riss, Grizzin, Olar), to the Andii (Rake, Galar, Kellaras, Toras), Liosan, and even the Deniers - what is your view of the actions of Mother Dark throughout the Kharkanas trilogy (thus far)? Do you consider her to be a virtuous idealist, an ideal deity, or a stumbling, bumbling fool that doomed her own people, and therefore has no right to claim that *they* are in the wrong?
* Similarly, what think you of Vatha Urusander (I expect a very one-note response to this, oh dear) as a deity? We get a lot closer to Vatha as a reflection of Mother Dark (see what I did there?), and we also find him at the beginning of his godlike journey, rather literally stumbling through. When even those who purportedly "respect" him seem to villify him, and those that *really do* respect him treat him with a measure of necessary distance, a required lack of empathy, lest "pity stings them awake." When Gallan even purports that - perhaps - he is to be the sacrifice that advances a "people's suicide." When the game is rigged from the start, can we view a character like this as villainous - or, at least, criminally neglectful?

Thank you so very much for reading this post, and I sincerely hope to see your takes in the comments.