# Relationship styles I've had

* **Swinging** - Here, a couple is pretty much a monogamous couple, but has some pre-planned sexual adventure stuff that they both like and are both comfortable with and they do together. **PROS**: You've got the security of monogamy. No one is ever like crying in a corner while the other one says "fuck you, I do what I want." You still get hot sex. **CONS**: You can't really do this well unless you're already pretty wifed up. Swingers sometimes crave more: the full-on adrenaline of falling in love with someone new.
* **Polyamory** - This was amazing. And brutal. Polyamory takes all the joy and heartbreak you can feel in a normal relationship and multiplies it by a thousand. You will be joyful like you can't imagine. You will want to commit suicide. It is **unstable**, and people who make it in polyamory learn to accept and worship the instability. You will not come out with the same people and the same feelings you came in with. Nothing is permanent. What you thought was impossible will happen. What you thought was safe will be destroyed. **PROS:** Joyful like you can't imagine. **CONS:** wanting to commit suicide.
* **Monogamy** - This works really well for me, but I wasn't ready for it as a young man. I missed the adrenaline and fire and chaos. I cheated, then we became swingers, then poly. I was monogamous later with Ally, and that was nice, except when she was cheating, mostly so she could have a place to drink. **PROS**: extreme depth and stability. **CONS**: if you're not getting your needs met, it can feel like you're already dead and rotting, and stuck.