# Mon's last (hopefully) message to tulpa.info

There has been a [Moderation Report](https://community.tulpa.info/topic/1428-moderator-reports/?do=findComment&comment=374939) made by Ranger about us supposedly abusing another person (They used a few names in the community, I'm going to consistently call them An in this document) in the server for months. I'd like to share with you my perspective on what was happening.

## Narration from our point of view

There have been a lot of "evidence" in form of screenshots that were supposed to prove narration of the moderation report. **Ranger's report didn't take chronological order of events into account**, which in my opinion made a lot absurd accusations looking legit. Let's analyze those screenshots chronologically, starting from August 2021.

__IMPORTANT#1__, __FRIEND-REQUEST#1__
Here Kanade indeed headpatted An without consent and I believe it was a first instance of her doing that. There is also a friend request case we will go back to and Kanade joking about ignoring it being equal to blocking.

__SOUP#1__
Here Kanade touched An without consent again but they didn't seem to mind as well.

__SOUP#2__
Here another person was targeted with headpats.

__STOP#1__
Here Kanade asked for consent and eventually didn't do the thing.

__STOP#2__
Here Kanade replied to a joke with a joke. Many instances like that involve Kanade not being serious but without context it isn't obvious.

Summing up August, Kanade had indeed displayed physical affection without consent to An. It's arguable how abusive it really was though and instances were more scarce than we expected. Also, An didn't seem to react to them negatively back then. Let's move on to September 2021:

__IMPORTANT#2__, __INCONSISTENCY#1__
Here there are two important things.
- An says first time that Kanade's headpats are bothering them.
- __Before__ that Kanade says thatshe likes patting people without consent and particularly An. It was before she got to know that An is bothered by it.

The next screenshot is continuation of the previous one:

__STOP#3__

She was joking with "no" meaning "I secretly want your headpat", obviously, but she didn't believe An that they were feeling violated and disrespected by her headpats before. So far nothing indicated that. Soon after that:

__SOUP#3__
Kanade asked An how to show them affection in other ways as she liked An back then.

On the same day later we have reached part from this screenshot:

__DM-LEAK#2__

Here Kanade references talk from __IMPORTANT#1__, I see nothing wrong here. An is mentioning something quite important: people in the chat are often playing silly and playful on public channel. So is Kanade. Taking screenshots like __STOP#2__ or __GASLIGHT#1__ as example of Kanade's malicious intent seem to ignore that fact. Or this one right after the current one:

__SOUP#4__
Kanade wasn't aware about An aversion to any kind of physical touching back then and we thought it was regarding physical affection only. She becomes aware of that right before the next one:

__SOUP#5__
And soon after that:

__SOUP#6__
It was a genuine question Kanade asked after learning from An about attachment styles.

All screenshots from __IMPORTANT#2__ to here were part of one long talk. Except the joke with secretly wanting headpats, Kanade did nothing wrong during that. She didn't really believe how her headpats in the past made An feel though and it was a mistake of her that is going to backfire in next parts.

__SOUP#7__
Kanade is not a native speaker and was quite unclear here. She meant that "no cat videos for you" for her is like "no headpats for you" for An. As I said earlier, Kanade indeed ignored that headpats genuinely make An feel bad and aren't just meaningless.

__GASLIGHT#1__

Here we were joking around with An. I don't understand what I or Kanade did wrong here.

And we reached the end of September. To sum up:
- there are no reported instances of Kanade giving An hugs or headpats in this month
- Kanade's mistake is to not believe in An's reported feeling about headpats as it didn't make sense for her that one could feel like that about being patted and An didn't seem to mind it in August.

Let's move on to the next month.

__SOUP#8__
Here Kanade was being mean to An, replying "No headpats for you!" during the play with another user. It was rude to An but I don't believe it was abusive.

__SOUP#9__
Here we were (jokingly) discussing if to "hug back" means literally hugging one's back or to hug someone who have just hugged you. Both I and Kanade encouraged An to demonstrate hugging someone in the marked parts, I think. I can see nothing wrong with that given our knowledge back then.

__IMPORTANT#3__, __SOUP#10__
Here Kanade is rude to An again in the latter part with "no headpats for you again". But I don't understand what's wrong with marked part. Kanade replied normally to An after being asked why she is doing the headpats all the time and I'm not doing it instead.

__STOP#4__
Later in the same talk, Kanade continues to pester An with not giving her headpats again. The part about perverts finding headpats sexual is directed to another person.

Here An first time says that they have been harassed by us for months. Counting period from 20th August to 13th October it's less than two months, technically. And they have given first signals of Kanade bothering them on 9th September. Assuming Kanade has still been pestering them with headpats etc. without consent, it lasted one month.

Here headpats end for this month. But there is one more documented argument between us, this time featuring Aki:

__DM-LEAK#1__

Here we were accused of publishing stuff they told us in DM. We don't agree with this. An cut off our contact in DM and we didn't push it in public places for obvious reasons. I believe there were 2 cases of them accusing us of that, including one here. In the case of their problem with trust, I can prove they were venting about those problems in the server before:
__NEW#1__
Both examples are very recent relatively to our argument.

I think it was the last thing documented in the report from October. And from 2021 in general. In November Kanade wasn't mentioning headpats to An at all. In December An left the server for a few months, so it wasn't even possible as we didn't share other server with her. She came back in February, first under alt account. And that interaction between her And Kanade happened back then:

__NEW#2__
After that Kanade assumed that An might not be angry on her anymore and their headpat (general, not relating to them) aversion became questionable too from our perspective. Anyway, it was the reason Kanade's brakes loosened a bit. To talking to An about headpats in general only though, Kanade haven't bothered An with headpatting them since October of last year up to the very end.

__SOUP#11__
Here Kanade casually asked if the made up tulpa like headpats. After seeing previous interaction, she didn't feel wrong to ask An about headpats that aren't related to An themself. It caused argument that fragments of were documented by screenshots:

__GASLIGHT#2__


During that argument we were insulted first and Luna insulted An back. What she said might have been very harsh but it was her (and ours overall) genuine feelings. We're not feeling solely guilty for that argument.

And finally, the interaction that lead An to leave the server again and never come back:

__SOUP#12__

It was an answer to this:
__NEW#3__

Kanade asked how much is 500 btc in worm hugs. She didn't offer An a hug, she didn't expect to be hugged, just thrown a silly question about hug to bitcoin conversion rate.

And later asked what exactly An's problem is. Since so far An has given us contradictory signals about it.

Here the argument continues:
__SOUP#13__

An claims that she asked us before to not talk to them about headpats multiple times.

__STOP#5__
Kanade is accussed of harassment by An.

__SOUP#14__
Here Kanade tries to explain that she didn't mean to target An with hugs. They say that Kanade shouldn't have said anything hug-related to them. It's been the last screenshot in the report before An left.

__GASLIGHT#3__
Luna pushes blame on An here, being angry on her attacking Kanade who didn't mean to do anything wrong. An already left but our discord client haven't noticed it yet.

__NEW#3__
__GASLIGHT#4__
Here is my comment after An left. I felt partially guilty and have been thinking if I could have prevented Kanade and An hurting each other. But I had chosen not to limit Kanade's freedom of interaction with people. Also, in my eyes An wasn't entirely clear about her boundaries. I was also disappointed in her claiming a server as her safe space as she said above. She came back for a while to say that and left again.

In the end, Kanade's headpats were truly hurting her and for the same reason she was unable to elaborate on that.

__STOP#6__
The last documented screenshot in chronological order is a comment of Az. It's a bit too late to be relevant in the case as An has already permanently left.

TL;DR of the history from our point of view:
- At the beginning Kanade have given An a few headpats without consent (__FRIEND-REQUEST#1__)
- An asked Kanade to stop, she complied with that and stopped doing things without consent (__STOP#2__)
- Kanade is told that An don't like headpats and to stop asking for them. She complies with that too. While she gets mean with "no headpats for you" stuff, it doesn't violate boundaries set up then. (__SOUP#3__)
- An is upset by this stuff too and asks Kanade to just stop mentioning headpats to them at all. Kanade complies to that too. (__STOP#4__)
- An has left a server for a few months and gets back incognito ~~recognized by everyone~~ and during their interaction with Kanade, they headpat her, giving her contradictory signal. They return to their original account soon. (__NEW#2__)
- Kanade thinks that she can talk to An about headpats again. She does it a few times without proposing headpats to An though. (__SOUP#11__)
- An gets really angry at the end and eventually reveals that headpats were her trigger, then leaves the server permanently. (__SOUP#12__)

From our point of view, Kanade was consistently correcting her behavior and comply to boundaries set. But she didn't react properly to contradictory signals, interpreting her in her favor without asking for clarification and that was her big mistake.

I think it makes a narration about abuse lasting for months and people not reacting completely fall apart though.

## Response to accusations

### Various things unrelated to headpats

> In addition to non-consensual roleplay touching, Kanade and others in their system participated in boundary violating behavior. They __shamed the target for threatening to draw boundaries__, __threatened to send unsolicited friend requests__, were called out by the targeted user that they were untrustworthy as they __violated their DMs__, and they __explicitly threatened to leak DM content__.

In __FRIEND-REQUEST#1__ Kanade didn't threaten to send a friend request and from what I know sending a friend request isn't a crime. And considering the fact that we were talking in DM with An back then, I don't think it was unsolicited at all.

Regarding __DM-LEAK#1__ we proved in __NEW#1__ that information we supposedly taken from DM was available in the server as she had been recently talking about it.

I can't see anything that would support accusing us of threatening to share content of our DM with them or shaming her for having boundaries. __DM-LEAK#2__ mentioned in this section doesn't seem to contain anything useful either.

**All of this part of moderation report is an utter bullshit.** And honestly, I can't help but think it has been made up on purpose to defame us as a form of revenge.

### Amount of abuse

>Kanade and other's main form of abuse was through non-consensual roleplay touching. They would repeatedly direct, mention, ping/tag, or bring up roleplay touching around the targeted user. Here is a collection of several screenshots of Kanade and others in their system targeting the other member with roleplay touching. Keep in mind this is likely not every instance of this abuse occurring.

This point is related to screenshots tagged with __SOUP#_N___. #1 is an actual headpat but it happened before Kanade knew that An didn't want it. #2 is not targeting An. #3 was a genuine question in its context. #4 was like #1 but with any kind of touch, #5-6 like #3. #7-8 were examples of Kanade being mean to An. In #9 neither of us did anything wrong given the context, in #10 Kanade was being mean again. #11 comes after Kanade has been encouraged to talk about headpats with An again, it still wasn't related to headpatting them though. And in #12 her mentioning hugs wasn't directed at An either. The rest is a discussion coming up from #12.

In the soup at the start of the report there have been 3 cases of Kanade being truly mean to An with this "no headpats for you" nonsense. Other cases weren't examples of harassment. To me it looks like Ranger is spamming a weak evidence to support apriori defined goal.

Ranger mentioned that the soup didn't contain all examples of Kanade harassing An but it would be expected of strong examples to be published first and foremost. And here weak examples are already in strong majority.

### Being told to stop

> Kanade and others in their system have been told to stop publicly by the targeted member, other members, and both publicly and privately by staff members. Despite this, their behavior continued and persisted for months. The following screenshots are public examples of both the targeted member, another member, and a staff member telling Kanade and others in their system to stop.

Indeed, An and others asked Kanade to stop pestering An multiple times. But in our point of view, we complied each time, taking into account chronological order of events.

In __STOP#1__ Kanade asks for consent and abstains not being given. __STOP#2__ mentioned lack of consent for hugs. Kanade haven't hugged or headpatted An without (or with) consent after that.

In __STOP#3__ Kanade doesn't read a mood and makes a joke. She later continues her "no headpats for you" nonsense which is mean but doesn't seem to violate boundaries that An wanted to set up.

In __STOP#4__ Kanade is being asked to stop bringing up headpats to An. She complies and doesn't talk to An about headpats until they come back and give her a headpat themselves in __NEW#2__. And even after that, Kanade haven't targeted An with headpats or any other form of touch anymore.

__STOP#5-6__ were said after it was already over.

Overall, without contradictory signals, Kanade has been correcting her behavior consistently given a feedback. The narration about it persisting for months is false.

### Gaslighting (WTF?)

> Kanade and others in their system performed emotional and cyber harassment towards the targeted member that mostly consisted of non-consensual roleplay touching and boundary violating behavior. However, in addition to this, Kanade and others in their system also gaslighting tactics to manipulate the targeted member.

>Kanade and others in their system used gaslighting techniques towards the target. According to Very Well, gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the abuser paints a false narrative though lying and deceit. Gaslighting is carried out through several tactics including lying, discrediting, minimizing, shifting blame, denying wrongdoing, saying nice things with ill intent, and rewriting history. Kanade and others in their system exhibit several examples of this behavior, as the following screenshots show:

>Lying about not giving the target headpats and their intentions, putting forward a false narrative that the target is the abuser, denying any wrong doing when called out for their abusive behavior, and saying they "like" the target after insulting or demeaning them are the most common tactics used. Keep in mind that this is only revealing publicly available evidence and not all public displays of gaslighting behavior may have been found. Given the repetitive behavior observed and the context of the other abusive behavior, it has been concluded that Kanade and other are responsible for gaslighting the targeted member.

Finally the gaslighting part, the most unfair bullshit in this fucking report. Let's start with analyzing supposed evidence:

Starting with __GASLIGHT#1__, as I said earlier, I'm not even sure what we did in that part. It was a part of silly talk about timeline being fucked up, like plenty of talks like that. You think that me accusing An of fucking up the timeline was serious? Or Kanade being deredere and telling them that even if they fucked it up, she is still going to like them was toxic of her?

In __GASLIGHT#2__ Luna has a serious argument with An and says harsh words to her after being insulted herself. What Luna said how we genuinely felt. How is it a form of gaslighting?

IN __GASLIGHT#3__ Luna was trying to push blame on An. We are angry at her because Kanade had been feeling attacked by them as she was convinced that she hasn't targeted An with "worm hugs".

In __GASLIGHT#4__ I am commenting on my feelings about the case. I'm not happy to have contributed to her suffering but I don't feel particularly responsible for it either. It's not my responsibility to be careful about triggers that I wasn't even aware of. And no, An wasn't clear about hugs and headpats being her triggers, DID doesn't cause people to being unable to talk about them either. Actually, people affected with DID often list their triggers. And the case with An shows why they are doing it.

I don't know what kind of inconsistency are __INCONSISTENCY#1-2__ supposed to show. In #1 Kanade wasn't aware of An minding her headpats until that exact moment. In #2 she has mixed feelings. She is feeling guilty for hurting An but she also has right to feel attacked by her and made into a scapegoat. If there is inconsistency between her behavior in #1 and #2, well, it's been half a year between those moments.

You are abusing the term "gaslighting" here. A narrative that is different from yours is not necessarily false from perspective of other people. We have been honest with our feelings during and after the case.

Kanade hasn't given An headpats since September 2021 and has always complied to An's pleas until given contradictory signals. We have never been trying to make An look like an abuser and Kanade had right to feel attacked when accused of things that from her point of view were utterly absurd and defend herself. We don't feel good with contributing to hurt An regardless of our intentions, we truly used to like them and don't really hate them even now regardless of their agency in that bullshit report. Arguing with someone and saying harsh words doesn't mean we don't like them anymore, you know?

Also, why those things are referred as "tactics"? Tactics for what exactly? Is it supposed to mean we have been actively thinking about ways to hurt An? I don't know what to say more about that. Ranger, just go to hell, you fucker.

### Summary

- Accusations that don't regard headpats etc. are utter bullshit and I have proven it to you.
- Evidence for Kanade abusing An is overall very weak. There are a few instances of Kanade being just mean to An in the soup of screenshots at the start of the report, before the finale. It honestly surprised us how scarce instances of Kanade pestering An really were, before analyzing it, we have been convinced that Kanade have been acting much worse.
- Kanade has been consistently correcting her behavior when asked to stop, her wrong reactions to contradictory signals were the real problem, not her behavior unchanging.
- Part about gaslighting is a fucking farce, fuck you, Ranger.

## We have tried to contact Ranger before...

It's all what Kanade's older sister told Ranger while she tried to reach her and talk about it in a civil way with her, before getting blocked. We don't need permission to public our own part of DM, do we?

We haven't analyzed this stuff deeply back then, just wanted to talk.

It's the reason while we are making this thing public to everyone and not contacting Ranger first again. We have lost all of our trust and respect to that person already.

## Our apologizes

I am aware that we are not saints in this case. Regardless of our intentions, our ignorance about An's circumstances have caused her to suffer. They never said straight about hugs, headpats etc. being their triggers but I could have deducted it from our interactions myself. Kanade could have left An alone too and abstain from acknowledging contradictory signals as permissions. Or just ask An to be sure **before** changing her approach and making her angry already.

So yeah, we are really sorry for our contribution to her getting hurt.

## Our pleas

- I **demand** the post containing moderation report to be updated in a way that says that the former accusations about gaslighting, unsolicited friend requests, violating DMs, threatening to violate DMs, shaming target for having boundaries, aren't true.
- I'd like to be officially apologized for accusations from the previous point in the new post in the same tread by Ranger who made this bullshit report and by Pleeb who endorsed it in the chat.
- I'd like the core case of this report to be reviewed too. While we aren't saints, our faults are not as big as the spam of weak evidence is suggesting.
- I don't care if you lift the ban or not, you can ban whoever you want from your server. But you don't have a right to defame people for things they didn't do, so look at the first point once again. If you comply to the first point, you probably won't hear about Mon, Kanade, Nao, Luna, Aki and our tulpas unrelated to this case anymore.