---
# System prepended metadata

title: Writing Practice 20240703
tags: [language training, activity]

---

> Resource: [I spent my house deposit on freezing my eggs](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4nn5y4j0z4o)
> [time=03rd Jul. 2024]

[toc]

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## Archie
```!
    We all know that females over 35 will be called Advanced maternal age, and over that age, the risks of fertility are higher, and also the energy of eggs will be lower, I think the common reason why the fertility is lower is because the costs of having a child are higher than before.
    The government is trying to solve the problem, I expect the experts will find a solution.

```

:::info
**Member Comment**
- Too fregmentary within a single sentence. [name=Vincent]
    - Yup, remember this is not chinese. In english, most of the time ppl are using "." to end their stence insted of using "," to extend those stentence. [name=Gary]
    - Thanks a lot. The modified essay is below [name=Archie]
        ```! 
            We all know that females over 35 will be called Advanced maternal age, and over that age, the risks of fertility are higher, and also the energy of eggs will be lower.
            I think the common reason why the fertility is lower is because the costs of having a child are higher than before.
            The government is trying to solve the problem, I expect the experts will find a solution.
        ```
:::

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## Azura
```!
I think the knowledge of fertitlity is necessary to be mandatory in school course. Because the success rate of freezing eggs for young wonman is higher than elder woman, so if the sooner we know these informations, then we have more time to think and decide whether to freeze eggs.
```

:::info
**Member Comment**
- "fertility" instead of "fertitlity". [name=Vincent]
:::

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## Bessy
```!
<Personal Leave>
```

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**Member Comment**
- One sentence comment. [name=someone]
:::

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## Gary
```!
This article seems half-baked. I’m not sure which topic the reporter is trying to focus, criticizing the NHS do not keep up with trends of citizen needs or trying to promote freezing eggs.
The area of assisted reproductive technology is really new. Those technology is not that mature to have a cost performance and reliable performance for people. It is good to see these keep developing but I don’t think it will become a civilianization in short time.
```

:::info
**Member Comment**
- One sentence comment. [name=someone]
:::

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## Janice
```!
     The article highlights the importance of reproductive health education and the impact of uterine disease on women's fertility, and calls for better support for those at risk.
```

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**Member Comment**
- Too short... [name=Vincent]
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## Karen
```!
<Personal Leave>
```

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**Member Comment**
- One sentence comment. [name=someone]
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## Vincent
```!
     In this modern society, various types of information explodes human traditional concepts, which makes gender awareness (n. 性別意識) growing up and becoming a common sense in new era. Male and female are not just blindly following stereotype (n. 刻板印象) of social role, but trying to explore more possibility. Social egg freezing (n. 凍卵) mentioned in the article is the best evidence.
```

:::info
**Member Comment**
- One sentence comment. [name=someone]
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