# Negotiating the non-negotiable
Part two
By: Valentina, Bismary, Sofia, Annalise, Eli, Oba and Eric

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## Part 1 - Identity & Tribal Effect

* Identity is fluid

| Tribal Mindset | Communal Mindset |
| -------------- | ---------------- |
| Adverserial | Cooperative |
| Self righteous | Compassionate |
| Closed | Open |

## Part 3 - Bridging the gap

### Integrated dynamics

The four step process outlined in the book to diffuse emotionally charged conflicts and potentially find a way forward that benefits both sides.

*(Note: This is in no way a linear process, expect to go back and forth between the steps to seek long term solutions together.)*


The pre requisite for this to happen is to **create a ¨brave¨ space for open dialogue**, where emotionally sensitive issues can be brought up. I can help to agree to a code of confidentiality, share genuine feelings, listen openly, be respectful.

### 3.1. Uncover the mythos of Identity
#### 3.1.1. Identify what is at stake

1. Questions to ask each other:
* *What interests are at stake?*
* *Which core concerns feel personally at stake?*
* *Which pillars of identity feel personally at stake?*
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2. Other questions to put each others identity in perspective:

| Core Identity | Relational Identity |
| ------------------------------- | ---------------------- |
| (Are any of the following threatened?) | (Do you feel any of the follow?) |
| Beliefs | Unappreciation |
| Rituals | Lack of Autonomy |
| Allegiance | Disaffliated |
| Values | Disrespected |
| Emotionally Meaning Experiences | Cast in offensive role |

#### 3.1.2. Uncover your mythos

Mythos are archetypal stories placed in context. It can help to use images or metaphors to describe them. This will enable easier understanding for both parties.

1. I feel like a ___________________(image) because
______________________________________.
2. I see the other side as a ____________ (image) because
______________________________________.
3. Describe how the images interact:
___________________.
4. What metaphor might the other side use to depict how they see their relationship with you?
______________________________________
______________________________________.

### 3.2. Work through the emotional pain

1. Bear Witness to Pain
* Understand that it pains both side that such a conflict happened.
3. Mourn the loss
* Recognise the loss in relationship
4. Contemplate forgiveneness
* Apology vs Apologia
* Apologia is a deflective way of apologising.
* Offering a sincere apology
* Express honest remorse
* Acknowledge the impact of your behavior
* Make a commitment not to repeat the offense
* Communicate that you accept responsibility
* Offer reparation

### 3.3. Build cross cutting relationship

* What are crosscutting connections?
Diverse links between you and another to inspire trust and enable creative problem solving.

* Strategy for proactively building crosscutting connections
1. Evaluate your current level of connection using the REACH Framework
3. Envision what better relations might look like
4. Decide whether to change your relationship
5. Strengthen your relationship

* REACH Framework


*You can use this to analyse your relational tensions.*

### 3.4. Reconfigure the relationship
Steps:
* Clarify how your identity is at stake
* Envisions for harmonious coexistence
* Evaluate which scenario best fosters harmony

**SAS**

* Separation
What would it look like to separate yours identity from theirs?
*(Keeps your identity intact)*

* Assimilation
* What would it look like to assimilate to their identity or vice Versa?
*(Incorporate part of their identity Into yours)*

* Assimilate through another identity through:
1. conformity
*(play by other rules without changing your identity/ internalizing the change)*
2. conversion
*(internalize the aspect of the other core identity)*

* Synthesis
What would it look like to synthesize identities?
*(Redefine relationship with other so both identity can coexist)*